The Good: Scott Rolen in the 9th, Mike Pelfry in the 19th, Francisco Cordero in the 20th, Corey Hart in the 25th.
The Bad: Todd Helton in the 6th, Carlos Guillen in the 8th.
The Ugly: Smith himself.
The Martial Monkeys should be court-marshalled for this pitiful effort. Mary Ballard has put better teams together in the past and when I looked at this lineup I asked myself 'What the hell was she thinking?' It all got off to a bad start when Ballard reached for Jose Reyes with the 2nd overall pick of the draft. Her argument was that Reyes wouldn't be available to her at the #21 pick, but who cares? When you are playing to not be in last place, maybe you should pick like you don't want to be there. The pain grew when she chose the brittle Ben Sheets in the 2nd round, and then reached early for Jon Papelbon (6th round), Robinson Cano (7th), Kelvim Escobar (9th), Greg Maddux (10th), Adam Loewen (12th), John Maine (14th), and Edwin Encarnmacion (15th). I only needed to look at the first half of this draft to realize that I hadn't been this sick since I ate the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle and then woke up the next morning with Roseanne in bed with me.
The Good: Was there any? Actually I like the Grady Sizemore and David Ross picks.
The Bad: Weren't you paying attention to the list I rattled off earlier?
The Ugly: This team's point totals at the end of the season.
Kyle Waring came up with a new team name and decided to use one of Ronald McDonald's friends as his new mascot. I guess the Fry Guys were taken, so he settled for the Hamburglars. Since his team sucked as the Razorbacks, Playas, Stunnas, Sig Eps, Playalistics, and Goodfellas, why not try something like the Hamburglars? At least he didn't pick the blobby, purple Grimace (what the hell was that anyway?). As for his team, he was doing well after four rounds. He grabbed Ryan Howard, C.C. Sabathia, Manny Ramirez, and Mike Mussina and was looking good. Then the RazPlayStunSigPlayaFellas days came back to haunt him. Kyle ran off 11 out 12 straight picks that were picked at least 3 rounds too early (Carlos Delgado was his one bright moment other than the freezes). The good news for this kid is that he has Dr. Ballard to compete with this season.
The Good: Howard, Sabathia, ManRam, Moose, and Delgado.
The Bad: Where do I start?
The Ugly: That mascot.
Jonathan Wetherington seems to be confused about what to put on his team logo. His team is the Georgia Cyborg and Clones, in honor of his beautiful daughters (they must take after their mother), but his team logo has three clones on it (twin daughters and one of the Star Wars clones) and no cyborgs. At least he wasn't confused when he drafted his team. This here is some good pickin'! I haven't been this happy since I took my last dose of penicillin after my trip to Bangkok. The young Dr. Wetherington started it off with the class of the 2B crop, Chase Utley. No other second sacker could carry this guy's jock strap. Then he acquired some top pitchers and even added the sexy Derek Jeter to satisfy his man-crush. A few gems were found in Mariano Rivera and Hank Blalock and a potential boon in Pedro Martinez. Ace didn't care for the John Patterson reach or think the Ian Kinsler pickup would work out well, but the rest of this draft was well run.
The Good: Where do I begin? Rivera stands out as the best and Pedro could be quite the freeze.
The Bad: Not much to mention other than Patterson, Kinsler, the frail Khalil Greene.
The Ugly: The logo. Also, the rest of the league after Dr. Wetherington pulls away in May.
We now get to the Las Vegas Strippers and their debacle. This guy Irv Culpepper has a soft spot for guys with speed, multiple-position eligibility, and unusual growth patterns. He reached about 10 rounds too early for utility guys Nick Punto and Ty Wigginton, snared one speedster in Ichiro Suzuki, and grabbed the Balco Brothers: Barry and Jason (where's McGwire when you need him?). His offensive starters are solid, but the backups are weaker than my urine stream. The outfielders could be good, but that would require Milton Bradley to stay sane and Barry Bonds to stay healthy. The pitching staff is a bunch of grey-beards, head cases, walking wounded, has-beens and never-will-be's. I've been told that Irv Culpepper is the nicest guy in the league, but we all know where nice guys finish.
The Good: Barry Bonds in the 10th and Casey Blake in the 26th.
The Bad: Punto, Wigginton, Posada, Benitez.
The Ugly: The love child of Irv Culpepper and Diana Ross (I heard Irv likes older women who were hot and famous one day).
That's all for today, my little Ace-keteers!