So Valentine's day just passed... yeah, i dunno, it's given me a few things to think about. Boring things, the details of which I won't go into here at present. I've been a busy man. A lot busier than I should have been really. It's not that there hasn't been enough time. Hell, now and then it even seems like I have too much time on my hands. ... And then i get bored. And aim to get distracted. Which i usually succeed in doing. Escaping from obligations at least temporarily.  Which is all one ever really needs anyways. Leisure, an end to which all action is aimed? ... Good times? Good friends. ... I'm not the best friend I could be. I'm a slacker; with relationships as with all other things in life apparently. It's the most evident and in a way the most hopeful conclusion i've contemplated in light of events (mostly recent, but then some). If it weren't for all this time in non-activity I might not have been led to recognize and reflect upon all that time I spend with not net productivity. Being rather scatter-brained, easily distracted and just plain forgetful doesn't help either. I am happy the Family Guy is back on (Teletoon Sun. - Thurs. nights 9 pm, 1 am). It's one of those rare things which still provide me with just pure unalduterated joy. Ahh, such precious 22 minute time blocks.

Undergrads currently distracts me. Silly brain. So sorry i've slowed down on the killing you with alcohol. Wow, talk about brain going off. Okay, hold on.

'You know they're made with real cheese/ even though they look like fishies/ the smack that smiles back - Goldfish :-)
Some of my most memorable moments have involved cheese. Cheesy dogs, cheesy poofs, wine and cheese, cheese cake, BBQ chicken pizza. I like my cheese.

[2.16.2003]
So, shorrtly after I went to my room, and once more i fell asleep. A seemingly growing habit as I seem to just lack that gusto for ... well, we won't say life, but whatever it is that use to keep me up through the night. That which  kept me up not by gnawing at my conscious mind and bombardment of trivialities that must be dealt with on a daily basis, but kept me up by offering me something to stay  up for. There was always this promise of some gain from staying up and doing whatever it is I decided to leave to those last few hours before each deadline. But now.... i grow weary... not at the prospect of fulfilling any obligations i might have taken on, but just from a lack of rest it seems. And it frustrates me some more.

[4.19.2003]
I've been meaning to write quite a few times over the last few days... maybe longer... again... maybe i'm just a busier man than i thought... some days i wonder if sleep is more a necessity, a luxury, a vice, maybe an evolutionary remnant waiting to be phased out... sometimes i'm silly and just run on and on with my sentences with no regard for proper syntax. So, last few days have been hectic. This is the first somewhat extended period of free-time I've had in at least 4 days, and much welcomed. Slept in today... so wasn't in the library until almost noonish. Got home like 20 minutes again, so it was still an0ther 14 hour day, gotta give oneself at least an A in the books just for effort, at least considering the days immediately prior to it. So, wait, it's the 19th now. I slept last night. Thesis was due 14th, I handed that in on the 15th. Oh, yeah, ugh, was at school from about 8 in the morning til 7 the next morning, only to go home to shower and get back at school by no later than 9... so that covered the 13th to the 15th... How many days did I sleep away?!... oh, no wait, it's only the 17th... just checked silly computer clock.... I know where I went amiss, last time i checked the date was on my phone, but that only shows beginning and the end of the week. So, End of this week is 19th.

So, I apologize for those of youses who have more important things to do then reading this rather verbose message. But hey, I guess this is my way of abusing my internet privileges. There's my vice... so that'd be # ?... meh... sometimes I'm glad there's only seven... somedays I swear there must be more, but hey, i'm not gonna argue. Anyways, heaven's only big enough for so many of us anyways, right?... If not, don't you think it's just cruel for the big guy not to let everyone in?... though i wouldn't be surprised... but c'mon, yadda yadda, he gave us free will.... So, despite his omniscience he couldn't see we were gonna be dumbasses and fuck everything up and screw ourselves over?... oi, yeah, if someone's religious and can give me an accurate account of what our Almighty was planning or how we got to this point, fill me in on some of the details, honestly, I just know the story as well as i'd like....

[7.13.2003]
Yeah, so i haven't updated this in awhile. No real reason.... Naw, that's a lie, two main reasons. i) My computer's shit. ii) I'm just lazy. Though I've actually written oodles in my little notepad(/memory auxiliary), I just haven't bothered putting any of it up. Legibility problems did contribute to this decision. Anyways, I have all these bookmarks of stuff i don't really visit anymore and figured i'd delete, but I do still find them interesting/amusing enough when i do visit so i thought i'd leave them here for now. (keep in mind i don't believe everything i read but merely bookmark things that pique my interest, even if only momentarily so, and a lot of the time, the most amusing thing is just seeing what other people are willing to believe in)

Beer + Games = a winning combination
the Time Cube
What Les Mìs would have been if Eponine were a hungry hungry hippo
The Burning Man Project
The Centre for Applied Linguistics - Ebonics Information Page
the "Church" of Scientology
Evolution of the Soul
the Fishman Affidavit (Church of Scientology International v. Fishman and Geertz)
Answers in Genesis - Creation, Evolution, Christian Apologetics
The Memory Hole [rescuing knowledge, freeing information]

[7.22.2003]
So, with nothing else to do at the current moment, i've decided to put up of some of the notes of jotted down over the past month in my memo book - in no particular order. Keep in mind everything that follows (unless otherwise indicated) was written not while i was sitting in front of a computer but while i was out and about in the world (most likely in an unsober state). I'm not going to say where i was or what state of mind i was in when i wrote any of the following, for the time being at least, just because i don't know exactly how much of such details I"ll be able to remember anyways...

oh yeah, and if you think any of this doesn't make sense, just retarded, or even worst, just plain boring, well, meh. Once again, i only aim to amuse myself.

[7.16.2003]
Now that's a full moon. And such a clear night too. Not too many stars in the sky. But still a sight i could stare at for hoursor certainly at least until sobriety returns. Certainly a view that doesn't require a state of intoxication to be enjoyed (but definitely is enhanced by). My, even the street lamps seem so much brighter.
And at last the geese have stopped their honking. Or did.
Vision - a most marvellous thing. Even one who could imagine himself managing a successful life without the gift of sight certainly could not deny all that splendours that vision does grant us privy to.
i thought for a moment i was digressing... but can't think of what it was I would have been digressing from.
editor: hee hee, i love referring to myself as an editor. But okay, so then what happened was i was thinking of Alice in Wonderland, and Lewis Carroll, then Jabberwocky (sp?). Then i thought it'd be so much more fun to just make up words and try to write a story/poem or what have you with said words. So i tried but couldn't come up with any really good sounding fun original words so i gave up on that. I also really like cockney slang too. The idea of using words that rhyme with what you actually mean as slang. But i don't really know much cockney outside of say what i learned from Lock Stock.... so then i just decided to write, but instead of writing what i was thinking, i decided to just start writing stuff that rhymed with what i was thinking. I think my first such attempt is what immediately follows.

prellodree with a half to mix. Central Park is 7 knocks from where I chit hearing honks from meese as I was biding my mime. Of, I could get someone to fake a bartune of me. To appear in a lineup with Blunder Lads and Catholic Dad. In an unfinished Rome having some blokes, we watched pain from the rye, Otto across the creek.

[8.20.2003]
So, obviously that last attempt to put more of the contents of my little book into electronic form didn't work out too well. But really, you should be happy for me. I've actually been out and about doing stuff. Anyways, part of the reason I've taken so long to get back on here is because i've been working on starting another site (this one). Now, if you're reading this, you've probably noticed that sometimes i write a lot of gibberish and just pure nonsense. But here's the deal. I simply don't like leaving anything around that could incriminate me. Even if it is only in electronic form floating around in cyberspace. That is the reason why i write things that make absolutely no sense at times. The thing though is that it's not nonsense to me though. No, no. Rather just keywords and such that lead me into certain memories. Again, recall that was one of the primary reasons why I started a website. Cuz my memory was getting worst and worst, and i need help remembering stuff. If people actually find some of it worth reading, then hey, cheers to me, and cheers to them.

Ah, I digressed again. Now, I've decided basically to try to limit my more esoteric writings to this site, and put any coherent thoughts that I may actually have from time to time onto the other site. Anyways, when i have more to write, you know i will.

[9.04.2003]
Someimes i just think i'm too damn good at hiding things. Some days i think i'm gonna give myself a heart attack. Somedays i feel like my heart is going to go. And not back into the arms of a loving and caring individual but rather just leave me. And i think that's sad. Some days i just don't know which would be harder to go without, caring associates or my heart. I have nothing else reall. Honestly, I think if i had no heart to give from, i'd have nothing to offer - anyone.

I love...
and i hate
as from one comes the other
then i think... and i wonder what... which would be harder to live without, the brain or the heart... for from the mind comes recognition, differentiation, and appreciation... yet it is thru the lungs that we gain that breath of life which thru the heart enliven the body all inclusive.

i admit i do go on foolishly at times. Stupid actions irritate me, no matter what the source. I do irritate myself at times.

i like being pleasant.

some days i just feel like a hedonistic automaton. Knowing nothing but the pursuit of pleasure

sometimes i don't feel like i'm anything anyone would (have) bargain(ed) for. (Bartering is an art)

sometimes i feel like life is just too sad not to laugh