My (Abbreviated) Story

After years of therapy for borderline personality disorder, an eating disorder, self-injury, dissociation, depression, suicidal ideation, anxiety, etc., I was finally very scared. I wasn't myself. I didn't know who I was, but I wasn't myself. It took leaving home and going off to college for my body to start remembering... but it did. I was suddenly overwhelmed with body memories, flashbacks, and "feeling memories" that I had no idea where they'd come from. I was still in therapy, and I told my therapist, saying I didn't know if I believed them, and that I might be making this up, but.... I knew what flashbacks were, but I didn't know what these meant. I didn't remember....

I'm beginning to find my past and am finding some terrible things.... I found out I was a victim of child sexual abuse in some form or another. And I'm scared. I began to feel that I had lost my whole history and needed to form a whole new point of view. And I had to grieve.

My journey has taken me in various directions. More than anything, I wanted to hear from a medical doctor who had gone through what I had. She still has not shown up, at least not that I know of, but I guess with the rates of abuse, I must have known someone in this time.

I am a college student. I am a Biology and Psychology double major, with a Pre-Medicine focus. I have gotten this far, and I'm going to make it through to the M.D. degree, thanks to all my friends and therapists who have believed in me, but mostly thanks to the strength of the little girl inside me, Rosa, who has been amazingly brave in the face of adversity.

I created this website as a form of my grieving. I needed it, and I thought that others might, too. I hope this can help in some way or another. I hope to empower the powerless victims who are too often blamed by society.
I hope to empower the 5-year-old girl, so lonely and scared, that I have found.


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