My Personal Dedication to the Man I Love
He has shown me that I am a worthwhile, wonderful person. I was learning it on my own, but to have someone as spectacular as him confirm it just makes my life complete. I told my sisters that if I saw my family and just got to hold him one more time, I would die the happiest woman on earth. Even more, though, I refuse to die, because that would mean giving up this feeling. And that is something I would not do for anything. He makes me feel so alive, so wonderful, so extraordinary. I feel like he sees me for who I truly am, deep down in the core of my soul, and we've only known each other a relatively short time. I even pushed him away in the beginning because the pull to him was too strong. Thank the Goddess he didn't let me. He was willing to wait for me to be ready, and in doing that, he showed me just how ready I was. Something in his soul reaches out and speaks to mine, and I knew I couldn't let him get away. I don't mean to brag, I don't need to. The sound of his name makes me smile and blush. Isn't that testament enough? "My love must be a kind of blind love...I can't see anyone but you..." the Flamingos sing. My love is blind, and loyal, but it's also the kind that deserves to be shouted from the rooftops. At the same time, I don't need to shout it. One look at my face, at my smile, says all you need to know. If there is one thing I could wish for everyone, it's to find a love like this. Don't let fear or doubt get in the way -- follow your heart. Only those who dare to risk are free.
~~ With You ~~

And so I start again
trying to find the one that will truly appreciate
me
my heart.
And I find him.
And every day he shows me more and more
how right my heart is
to choose him.
To love him.

It's amazing
and almost frightening.
My feelings have never been this strong,
this fast.
And I don't fear it.

I crave it.

He sees me as I truly am.
There are no pretenses.
No false starts,
no manipulation,
no depression ?
only when it comes time to let him go.
And even then,
he tells me and shows me
we will be together again.
Not soon enough, my heart sighs.
Of course not.
But we will.
And that thought keeps me living...

But not that thought alone.
My heart is stronger
for the love and loss.
My will is greater
for the struggle.
My heart, my will,
both will keep me alive, no matter what life brings.
But somehow, life seems so much better

With You.

I Always Knew It Was Like This

There's a sizzle when I see you.
A crackle, and a glow.
It warms every part of me.

I don't jump into your arms.
I don't have to.
The peace flows through me first,
like a sigh.
I feel all tension drain away at the mere sight of you.
And I fall a little bit deeper in love.

A smile breaks across my face,
And to myself I sigh and shake my head.
We are so new, relatively,
but my feelings prove something I've always felt.

Time is a fluke,
heart is the master.

Age is a state of mind,
time has nothing to do with feeling.
My heart knows you.
Something about you reaches me.
Something in your eyes, in your heart
speaks to something in my soul.
And I am suddenly at my ease.

I don't care what the books say.
They'll tell me this feeling is temporary,
that this glow will fade.

I don't believe it.

Not because I'm stubborn,
but because I know that I have never felt this way before.
I have never met a man like you.
We connect,
we relate.
You are all that I was looking for.
And that is the only truth that I need know.

The Trap

I find myself paranoid.
I worry that I will lose this too.
And I realize that this means so much more to me.
So much more of my heart is invested somehow.
And I tread lightly to keep from making the same mistakes.
And somehow I manage to make things worse.
But it's only because I love him so much.
What a wonderful paradox.
So I fight the fears, and it takes some effort,
but I do succeed.
Eventually...

So I ask of you time and understanding.
Better still,
I know I don't have to even ask.

A Surprise for Me

I let you go.
I let you leave to enjoy yourself.
I told you to have fun, even though it hurt.
And you did.

And it made me happy.
And it sounds so strange.
It was.
But the truth is that I never want to bring you down.

I know you say you're there for me.
And you are, even when you're not there.

I feel for the first time my own worth.
and with each new old challenge, I feel my confidence thrive.
The same things that once laid me low strike again.
And I must admit, I fall to my knees.
You know I do.

You offer your hand.
But I know the other is already occupied, that you're torn.
I know I want to take your hand,
snatch you away.

But my head overrules my heart,
and I push your hand back towards you.
You don't fight me.

And it's startling.
But I know that you care.
And I come to a conclusion --
You don't fight me because you have faith in me.
And I realize something else:
I have faith in me too.

In A Sigh

I can sum it up in a sigh.
Just one dreamy, contented sigh can say it all.
I have never felt this way at all.
There have been moments where I glimpsed life could be like this.

I saw it in the green lush hills I used to live in.
In the waves crashing along the shore.
In the pure white glow of the full moon.
In the roar and rush of Niagara Falls.

In the face of such immense natural beauty,
deep inside I knew there had to be more to life.
But I had contented myself to the knowledge it would never touch me.

I was wrong.

I feel the doors and the walls within me crumble.
Every facet of myself is suddenly revealed.
I stare in wonder as I see who I truly am,
how all the pieces fit.
And I find a greater peace than I have ever known.
With this fledgling confidence,
I open the door to the world.

See me as I am, I say.
Judge me if you must.
But I will change for no one but myself.

As I watch the world assimilate this knowledge,
I hear an echo of my own words.
I feel the presence of someone else who knows, understands.
You, my love.
"And there was much rejoicing."
This time...there really is.
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