| Forget and Remember He forgets, sometimes, that she�s married. He�s starting to think maybe she does too. ** It�s hard to be around T�Pol the first couple of months after their aborted vacation to Vulcan; every time he sees her � or even thinks about her, which seems to be every few minutes unless he�s in the middle of keeping the warp core from breaching � the thought, the constant reminder, that she is now a married woman floats in the back of Trip�s mind, lingering like a bad smell. The easy feelings of warmth and familiarity he�d come to expect in T�Pol�s presence during their mission in the Expanse are now counter-balanced by a free-floating anxiety and an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. And so, he does his best to avoid her. As is inevitable, however, given their positions and the relatively small size of Enterprise they are thrown together to work on various projects. Captain Archer seems oblivious to the tension between them. And, gradually, Trip realizes that a half-hour, an hour, an entire shift can go by and he doesn�t once dwell on the fact that the woman he has fallen in love with is married to another man. He can work with her, argue with her, joke with her, and be content with their deepening friendship. The first day he reaches this conclusion is the first time since her marriage that he invites T�Pol to join him for dinner. The slight rise of one eyebrow discloses her surprise and curiosity but he can see the pleasure in her eyes when she accepts. ** After that it becomes easier to be around her, less awkward, and although late at night when he has trouble sleeping Trip sometimes indulges in self-pity for what might have been, during the day he is only ever happy to see her. It makes him complacent. Complacency ends up leading them to dangerous situations. ** The first time it happens, they are sitting alone in the Mess Hall late at night. It�s been a very long day � Archer is even now in Sickbay in serious (though stable) condition � and Trip is exhausted. He�s slumped forward in his chair, forehead resting in the space created by his arms crossed on the table. Though he can hear T�Pol murmuring something from the seat next to his, his brain is too tired to make sense of her words and he lets the comforting sound of her voice lull him toward sleep. He only vaguely becomes aware that T�Pol has fallen silent in the second before her hand comes to rest atop his and his fingers close around hers instinctively, their hands clasped on top of the table. It�s enough to make him sit up and stare at her, because this is the first time she has touched him since she kissed his cheek just before the ceremony so many months ago. They sit and stare and hold hands for Trip doesn�t know how long; he isn�t sure he knows anything right now except that he has a nearly overwhelming urge to take her back to his quarters and just hold her and try to forget today ever happened. And he�s tired and worried about the captain and just vulnerable enough that he�s about to ask her if she�ll do just that when the Mess Hall doors slide open and Hoshi and Travis enter, presumably just finished their shift and looking for a late-night snack before going to bed. Trip and T�Pol both pull back their hands and the moment passes. ** The next time it happens he�s escorting her back to her quarters after Movie Night. It�s only logical, after all, since they live on the same deck and only a few feet away from each other. They pause at her door as their conversation draws to a close and Trip smiles and says his goodnights and turns to go when he is stopped by T�Pol not only saying good night but calling him by his name � only the third time she has ever done so � and brushing the first two fingers of her right hand down his cheek. He has learned a great deal about Vulcan customs recently and knows that this is significant, though he�s unsure exactly what it means. Before he can say anything, before his brain is even capable of forming a coherent thought, she is disappearing into her room, her door sliding shut behind her with a soft hiss. Trip raises his hand toward the chime but instead lets his arm drop, slowly, back to his side before turning and making his way to his bed, sure he is about to spend a restless and sleepless night. ** The third time it happens, they are crammed together in a Jeffries tube. T�Pol has a lock of hair that has been standing almost straight out from her head for the last ten minutes and it�s driving him nuts, so he reaches to smooth it down. It might have been okay if T�Pol hadn�t leaned infinitesimally in to his touch, her eyes slipping shut for the briefest of moments. But she does do these things and Trip freezes, his hand sliding down just slightly to cup the side of her face before he comes to his senses and yanks his hand away, turning his back to T�Pol and breathing heavily with the effort it takes not to touch her, to kiss her, to run his hands over her... He is almost, but not quite, surprised to realize he is shaking. Behind him he hears T�Pol draw a suspiciously unsteady breath but he is too afraid to turn around to see if she�s okay. Or, to be honest, he�s terrified that she�ll be as affected by this as he is and he knows, knows, he doesn�t have the self-control to resist her, them, right now. So he listens as she makes some excuse about having forgotten a tool and moves away, leaving him to press his flushed face against the cool metal wall, his body still faintly trembling. ** Trip forgets, sometimes, that she�s married. He�s starting to think maybe T�Pol does too. And he�s afraid � wishing, scared, hopeful, terrified � that one of these days they will both forget at the same moment, at which point there will be hell to pay. But until then, he will take these amazing, agonizing, forbidden moments of theirs and on the days he can�t forget, he�ll remember. --end-- return to Dynamite return to Lone Pyramid |