Their new room turned out to be two, one of those double rooms connected by a door which had, miraculously, been left open. The furnishings weren�t half so nice as the ones in the room they�d just been forced to vacate, but there were two mattresses now and that more than made up for the shabby linens and uncomfortable chairs. Judging by the debris left behind, the rooms had been occupied by a family. Father, mother, one or two kids. It didn�t really matter much, but Izzy was getting more in the habit of observing inconsequential things. There was no telling when they�d turn out to be very, very important.
Currently, though, most of his attention was focused on the shattered window. He and Axl had cleaned up the shards as best they could while Duff hauled a mattress off of one of the beds and got Slash settled. He�d passed out immediately, wan and drenched in sweat, but with a surprisingly content smile on his face. His expression actually gave Izzy a modicum of hope. Maybe things weren�t really as bad as they seemed. Now if he could only figure out what to do with the window�
�You can stare at it all you like, Izzy my friend, but I don�t think even your Jedi mind powers can create glass out of thin air.� An arm clapped around his shoulders, and he glanced over with a little smile. Axl had been in a violently good mood since their escape and Izzy�s subsequent mini-breakdown.
�How about yours, then, Billy?� he murmured, tilting his head to rest a cheek against Axl�s bright hair. They both smelled awful, but Izzy honestly didn�t mind. There was enough of a breeze coming in that it stirred the air a little and besides, the initial funk had mellowed somewhat. Izzy was fairly certain that was only because he was getting used to the smell of unwashed humanity, but that didn�t stop him from appreciating the reprieve.
�My Jedi mind powers say that there�s probably some shampoo in the bathroom,� Axl answered promptly, squirming out of the embrace like an impatient kitten. He�d never really endured cuddling very well, so Izzy wasn�t insulted. Maybe a little upset, sure. But never insulted.
�Billy�� He didn�t really want to bring up the whole Cutting Of The Hair issue again, not so soon after their triumph, but it was the perfect opening. �You know we�re gonna have to lose the hair here soon.�
�Yeah.� Izzy was slightly shocked by the lack of an outburst and caught himself wondering if Axl had actually matured or if he was just too full of piss and vinegar to give a flying fuck. He leaned towards the latter, but held out hope for the former. Yanking Axl out of his self-centeredness a little would be a remarkably positive side effect of this entire nasty business. �But it can be clean when I hack it all off, right?�
�Seems like kind of a waste,� Izzy said, cautious. He still wasn�t entirely sure that Axl wouldn�t blow up at him. Anyway, it was a waste. They didn�t know when the water would be cut off; it was ridiculous to leap into the shower and wash their hair when they could be filling the tubs up with water and saving it to drink. �There are more important things to-�
He trailed off as two slim hands cupped his face and tilted it down. �Jeff. Dude.� He whimpered audibly, all thoughts of waste and practicality deserting his mind in the face of big green eyes and a too-thin face. �Listen to yourself. You need to chill. The fuck. Out.�
�Yeah�� Dammit, that wasn�t what he meant to say! But since when had he ever said what he meant to say around Axl? Words always came out garbled and confused when Axl fixed him with that pouty, pleading gaze. �Yeah, all right. Go wash your fucking hair.� He smiled fondly, taking some of the sting out of his words, and Axl whooped.
�Come on with me!� he demanded, gripping Izzy by the wrist and hauling him in the direction of the bathroom. Izzy started to protest; they had barricades to put up and a window to fix and someone had to take stock of things. But Axl�s grip was surprisingly strong and Izzy�s willpower was predictably weak. He allowed himself to be led, feet dragging a little, hating himself for being such a fucking pushover.
�I�m not washing your hair,� he said, glancing over his shoulder once to make sure Duff and Slash were settled. Duff, still awake, flashed him a sweet little smile and a thumbs-up. It was slightly reassuring. Slightly.
�You don�t have to,� Axl answered cheerfully, stripping off his shirt and tossing it onto the floor. The skin of his back was stark white, almost deathly pale, and Izzy�s breath caught in his throat. Of all the horrible, unfair things to have to endure, this was the worst. He would have rather lost both feet and a hand to the monsters. �I wonder if the water still runs hot��
It didn�t, which didn�t particularly surprise Izzy. He was a little shocked that the water still ran at all, but when Axl turned the tap on, it gurgled and spurted clear, and there were indeed little complimentary shampoos nestled in a basket on the shelf. Moaning happily, Axl dropped to his knees on the floor and thrust his head into the bathtub.
Izzy was tempted to laugh at the shocked little gasp that burst from Axl�s mouth; the water was probably painfully cold, but after a moment of soft whimpering, Axl seemed fully over it. His slender little body wriggled in pleasure, and Izzy choked back another sigh. Unfair. Of all the times for all this shit to come rushing back�
It made sense, though. Here they were, in a life or death situation, pressed into close living quarters and forced to spend almost intolerable amounts of time with one another. And here he was, somehow entrusted with the well being of three of his closest friends, with the fourth out in the wilderness of the abandoned city somewhere. It was totally reasonable, then, for him to focus sexually on Axl again. He was stressed and Duff and Slash were deeply involved in one another, which left him no choice, really. He�d kicked his dependency on Axl around the same time he�d sobered up, but old habits had a tendency to come back and bite you in the ass.
�Dude, can you� fuck!� Izzy snapped out of his reverie and focused on Axl. He was still bent over the edge of the tub - such a perfect position - but he seemed to be struggling with something. �Fucking shampoo!!� The tiny bottle ricocheted around the tub as Axl flung it, and Izzy burst out laughing. How could he help it? It seemed Axl�s temper, at least, remained undaunted by the atrocities around them.
�Chill, man,� he murmured, leaning over and grabbing the bottle. He twisted the cap and grunted, arching an eyebrow. Fucker was stuck on there pretty good, but Axl had loosened it a bit. He got it open on the second try, the little top squirting out of his fingers like a greased pig and rolling across the bathroom.
Axl continued to grumble as Izzy handed the shampoo back, but Izzy suspected that was mostly because his pride was wounded. God forbid Axl Rose not be able to do something himself! Even back when he�d been little Bill Bailey, he�d had a complex about asking for help. Izzy supposed that was why he was always just kinda quietly ready in the background. Axl might not ask, but he was always there to give.
�You gonna wash up too?� Axl�s voice startled him a little, and Izzy arched a dark eyebrow. He�d figured that Axl would be lost in the spiritual experience that was Washing One�s Hair, so the question took him by surprise.
�Um, no. Probably not.� It hadn�t even occurred to him, really. His scalp did itch a little, yeah, and he didn�t much like to touch his hair lately, but he didn�t really see the point of washing it. He was only going to shave it all off in a day or so. Anyway, Slash needed the shampoo more than he did. He remembered how it had felt that first semi-coherent day after the real withdrawal was over. It was a little like being coated in slime and then dipped in filthy cotton. Maybe that was only him, but he�d rather err on the side of kindness. �I�ll let Slash have it.�
Axl twisted around to stare at him, soapy red hair dangling comically into the tub. �Izzy. What the fuck is wrong with you today?� he demanded. �It�s a double fucking bedroom. There�s another bathroom and more little shampoos on the other side. Christ.� Izzy blinked and shook his head slowly. What the fuck was wrong with him today? Was he finally going into shock over this whole thing?
�I� guess I will then,� he said numbly, staring at the bathtub drain as the suds from Axl�s hair swirled down it. That must be it. Shock. It happened to everyone, didn�t it? Well, not Slash because he had more important things to worry about, and not Axl because� well, because he was Axl and that, really, was an excuse for any number of things. Duff had been in shock but Slash�s condition ended that. They all had other things to worry about, except for him. Initially, he�d been in charge, sure, but it seemed that wasn�t really required anymore.
�Go on, space cadet,� Axl said, and Izzy was mildly surprised that there was no sharpness in his tone. Axl generally didn�t tolerate idiocy very well, and Izzy knew he was being a complete ass. �You�ll feel a million times better, I swear.� He rose and grabbed a towel to dry off with, and Izzy took his place. His shirt joined Axl�s on the floor after a moment�s hesitation. He was the only one here with unresolved sexual tension issues, so what did it matter if Axl saw him shirtless?
The chill of the water stole his breath at first, and he made a little protesting noise. He probably would have jerked back, but a soft hand pressed against the nape of his neck and held his head under the water gently. It took a moment for him to realize it was Axl, and a tingle shot down his spine. �Billy, what-?�
�Dude, you�re starting to freak out,� Axl said gently. His hands shifted to work through Izzy�s thick hair, fingers massaging his scalp expertly. �It�s a lot to cope with. I mean, hell, we just did the amazing fucking tightrope walk along a two foot ledge from six stories up!� Izzy shuddered at the memory. The actual walk hadn�t been so bad, but that one moment where Axl had teetered wildly, mouth open like he wanted to scream and just couldn�t find his voice� That would fucking haunt him for the rest of his life.
�I�m okay,� Izzy protested, knowing that Axl wouldn�t believe him and knowing too that it was expected of him. Wasn�t he supposed to be the strong, sane one? What a fucking laugh that was turning out to be. Axl�s fingers dug into his scalp one last time, then detangled from his hair. There was a brief scuffle behind him and then the hands returned, slick with shampoo.
�You�re not, and that�s okay,� Axl said. Since when was he the voice of reason? It was all too fucking weird for Izzy, so he just shut up and let Axl talk. �Dude, you�ve been fucking holding us together for the past week. It�s your turn to freak out a little. Don�t feel bad about it; we�re all big boys here and we know you�re not perfect.� Izzy laughed softly.
�You�re freaking me out, Billy. What�s up with the psychiatrist routine all of a sudden?� The fingers in his hair tightened playfully, tugging, and there was an answering tightness in his groin. Stupid Axl.
�Shut up, man,� Axl laughed. �I almost died on that fucking ledge. I think I�m entitled to a moment of maturity, don�t you?� Izzy shook his head, grinning impishly, and Axl shoved his head under the faucet again. �Shut up! God, you�re such a dick! See if I ever try to be an understanding friend again!�
The sound of Axl�s laughter was mostly lost in the roar of the water, but Izzy could imagine it well enough anyway. He�d always loved the way Axl laughed, like there was something brilliantly funny going on and only he was privy to it. He wanted to pull away from Axl�s hands, tug his head out from under the water and twist around to watch. Axl was beautiful when he smiled. Axl was always beautiful�
�And you�re done!� Axl crowed, releasing Izzy. A towel thumped down across his head and, smiling, Izzy scrubbed his hair into a state of dampness. Axl was right, he did feel a lot better, almost like he�d washed the past few days away and could start all over again. Sighing, he twisted around, towel draped over his shoulders, back pressing against the cold porcelain of the tub.
�So� how come you never went crazy?� he asked. A puzzled look flitted across Axl�s face and then he laughed.
�You mean how come I never turned into a twitching ball of nerves?� Izzy nodded, grinning sheepishly. Of course that�s what he�d meant. They�d all had their moments of craziness, but Axl had remained relatively together throughout the ordeal. �Well� I guess because I knew you�d take care of us.�
There was a long silence between them, Izzy astonished into muteness and Axl flushing in embarrassment. He never would have said something like that two weeks ago, and both of them knew it, but something had changed. It wasn�t that they were fighting for their lives, or even that they�d been deprived of all other company. It was something more fundamental, something Izzy couldn�t quite put his finger on yet. Still, he didn�t have to know what it was called to recognize it, and a slow smile crept across his face.
�That�s� really sweet, man.� Axl�s face darkened immediately, and Izzy held up his hands, palms out. �No, I wasn�t making fun, I swear! It�s just� I don�t know.� There must have been something in his voice, because Axl relaxed into a sheepish smile.
�Sorry. Shit�s weird, you know?� Izzy nodded, strands of dark hair sticking to his face whenever he moved. He couldn�t keep focusing on Axl�s face, more open and vulnerable now than he�d seen it in years. It brought up too many old feelings and set his stomach to churning and cramping uncomfortably. �I guess that was my lame way of saying thanks.�
�Don�t thank me now, Billy,� Izzy answered softly, eyes still on his clasped hands. �It�s not over yet.� There was an impatient snort from Axl and Izzy almost smiled. He knew exactly what Axl was thinking. God, Jeff, why do you always have to be such a fucking downer? He�d never thought of himself as a downer, just a realist, and he fully understood that realism had no place in Axl�s world.
�Oh for fuck�s sake,� Axl said, exasperated and fond. �Jeff, if it wasn�t for you we�d all be toast already. Maybe it isn�t over yet, but it�s a lot farther than we would have gotten on our own, so quit selling yourself short.� There was a short pause, and then Axl�s slender hand was cupping his cheek, guiding his head up. �C�mon, man, look at me. You�ve done good.�
Izzy resisted at first, knowing that when he looked up he�d be totally helpless against the inevitable. He didn�t want to ruin this fragile, tender moment between the two of them, but Axl kept pushing and goddamnit why not now? He might never get another chance again, and if he was going to get devoured alive by crazed cannibal monsters he wanted to die knowing that he�d fulfilled a childhood dream.
It all happened so fast he barely had time to register the individual movements, much less their culmination. He lifted his face. He leaned closer. Axl�s lips parted, either to speak again or somehow anticipating what Izzy wanted. He liked the latter explanation best, but there was no time to dwell on it. His mouth met Axl�s, tongue slipping past his lips, tasting shallowly. It would all be over in a second, he knew, but god�
There was no thunderclap, no fireworks, not even a little trumpet fanfare to announce his triumph. Somehow, in his imagination, this first kiss was always intensely special. It was amazing, passionate, everything that a kiss was supposed to be. It was like the fucking Princess Bride, leaving all other kisses in the dust with the purity of its need. The actual act was nothing like that, of course. It was tentative and hesitant, neither of them sure what was going on but both unwilling to stop. The only purity involved was in the semi-chaste fumbling of their tongues, and the only sound was Axl�s breathless little sigh.
It was perfect.
�Sorry,� Izzy murmured, pulling back a little, every inch of his skin tingling with fear and arousal. Slowly, Axl�s vivid eyes opened, and slowly, he shook his head.
�Don�t you fucking say a word,� he warned. Izzy started to shrink back, disappointment growing like a boulder in his stomach, and then Axl was in his lap, cupping his face and kissing him again. They were short, sharp little kisses, all teeth and desperation, and Izzy responded in kind, cock growing achingly hard inside his dirty jeans.
He breathed Axl�s name between kisses, his real name. Billy, as his hands tangled in Axl�s damp hair. Billy, as their bare chests pressed tight together. Billy and Billy and Billy, rising in pitch till he was keening desperately, lost in the wave of heated, confused motion. Part of him understood that it was a horrible idea, but after so many years�
And before he could get a hold of himself, before he could fully register what was happening, finally, it was all over. A sharp knock on the door, Axl falling back, and Izzy�s little living dream crumbled like a sandcastle. Axl�s eyes were wide and frightened and confused and Izzy knew that it wouldn�t happen again, not any time soon. He�d had the moment and lost it, lost it to a rapping at the door and a soft, terrified voice from outside the bathroom.
�Guys? Izzy? I think you should come out here, man. There�s something in the closet��
