Dearest John,

 

As I hold our newborn son to my breast, I am filled with many emotions, love, hate, and most of jealousy.

 

You may well ask whom do I have to be jealous of, and I would say to you my dearest husband, Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

 

Even in death he seeks to rob me of your company, and your affections. 

 

In his death he has become far more to you than he ever could have been in life, a martyr to his cause.

 

It has taken many months for me to come to understand that your sorrow runs deeper than that of a dear friend passing.  I see you ever morning rise slowly from our bed, and glance down at me, is it regret I see upon you handsome features?

 

In Holmes death I fear you mourn the loss of unexplored possibilities, and harbour the regret of what you gave up to become MY husband.

 

Even at the joy of the birth of a new life, a life WE created, you sit and wallow in despair and grief over the loss of your friend or is it your love?

 

I love you John, more than you will ever know. Have you held the baby since he was born, have you once looked at him, and smiled?

 

Our son deserves a life with a father who can love him unconditionally, not one that looks upon him with deep sorrow and regret. 

 

I have tried to understand, and I know it has been difficult for you, but I am your wife, your son and I need you.   John a wife should not have to beg her husband to love their child or even her self.  I do not know if you ever loved me, I only know that I love you deeply and it tears me apart to see you like this.

 

I beg you, love me, love our son, do not let your grief over the death of your friend destroy your family.  Will my pleas fall on deaf ears?

 

I will be going away for a while and taking the baby. Please understand I need to clear my own thoughts, I cannot bear the thought that I am the cause of so many regrets or that I have only been a substitute for someone you cannot have.

 

I hope my absence will give us both the time we need to sort out our feelings and that our parting will only be temporary. No matter what happens, I will always love you my beloved John.

 

Faithfully yours,

Mary