This is my Story.
On March 11th, 2002, I was raped. Even now, several months later, those words are hard for me to say out loud. I was raped. It's such a defining term. I am no longer a girl, a woman, a person... I am a rape victim. I am catagorized. Locked away as "one of those."
I was a virgin before then. Saving myself until I was married. Couldn't wait to tell my husband someday that I was clean and pure, saved just for him. My story will have to be different now... something along the lines of "Well, I meant to wait for you but..." How romantic...
The weirdest thing is that I knew the guy. Knew he was a bad boyfriend. He was abusive to one of my dearest friends. I knew I should never date him, and I never planned to. But to him, dating and having sex didn't necesarily go together.
We were just going to my house to pick up some props. Our school was doing "Fiddler On The Roof". I was playing Chava. It was a hard role, the hardest I'd ever played, and I was so proud of the job I was doing. I had some things at my house that needed to be transported with a truck. He had a truck.
A few things he said and did on the way to my home made me feel a little weird, but I did nothing about them. Nothing really clicked until we were in my dining room. He whipped "it" out and started jerking off. I was appalled and shocked. I didn't know what to do. I turned my back to him, not wanting to see what he was doing. I tried to think what I should do, but seconds later he grabbed my arm from behind.
He raped me then. I hardly fought him at all. I begged him to stop, told him he was hurting me... But I didn't actually struggle to get away. I was too much in shock. I couldn't believe what was happening. I WOULDN'T believe it.
When it was over, I went into the bathroom. It was there that the reality set in. I had been raped. I felt something on my leg and looked down to see semen running down my thigh. I almost vomitted. I decided then that I had to act like nothing happened until I knew I could get to safety. I got back in the truck and rode to school with him. As soon as we were there I told my friend Durae what happened. She took me to the emergency room. Durae saved me that day. If it weren't for her I may have killed myself. I certainly wanted to. But I knew that somehow, she would take care of me. She did. I am forever grateful to her for that.
So thats my story. That's how I became a statistic. A rape victim. Court proceedings are still going on, and feel like they will forever. But it doesn't matter. Because of friends like Durae, Laura, and Eric... and because of my family who loves me, I am slowly becoming a different statistic, and different label. I am a rape survivor.
Please email me if you have questions or comments. I would love to talk this stuff out with anyone who wants to.
Unfortunate update: the grand jury decided that there wasn't enough evidence to proceed with a trial. Now there is a new statistic. Another rapist that got off scott free. Now I have not only the rape to deal with, but also the fact that the rapist will never be punished for what he did. It's a strange world. I did nothing wrong, and I suffer. He did EVERYTHING wrong, and he is fine. Pray for me