| Trip Notes and Observations... |
| We�ve been back from China for eight months now�we often reflect on what our expectations were before going to China to pick-up our daughter, verses the reality of our trip. We want to make a few points for families still waiting to go to China, and maybe hear from some of you that have returned. Day 1. Sleep deprivation: The trip over was exhilarating! The anticipation, the unknown, the sleep deprivation, it�s all very exciting. Although you hope to be well-rested and 100% prepared when you meet you baby for the first time, you likely won�t be�don�t worry, the adrenalin will keep you going the first few days. (We met our child within the first 24 hours of arriving and we were beat). Day 2. The first meeting: You�ve read the literature about bonding, anticipated holding the new love-of-your-life in your arms for the first time, the joy! Right? When the orphanage director handed her to us, our child did not want anything to do with us. She cried uncontrollably for the first 4-6 hours; hitting us with her little hands, banging her head on our chests, sobbing all the while. She was inconsolable�I was inconsolable. We did not put her down, kept touching her and tried to comfort her as best we could. There we were, in our room on the 21st floor of the Wuhan Asia Hotel, alone with this child who wanted to be somewhere else, with someone else�not us. If it were not for my husband reminding me this is something she needed to go through, I�m sure I would have been incapacitated by the whole thing. I wish someone could have told me how heart-wrenching the grieving could be--for your baby, for the life and the people she lost. Day 3. The next morning: With our child, everyday seemed to be a little better for her emotionally. After the first day of crying, she was just quiet, reserved; she seemed to be taking it all in. Everything was different for her, and us. We were lucky. She was eating/drinking, having regular diapers and healthy. (Even though we were exhausted physically and emotionally, I can remember crying tears of joy, one afternoon when we were all trying to catch-up on sleep, telling my husband how happy I was to finally be a family). Some families on our trip were not as lucky; their daughters were sick or not eating, or inconsolable for much longer than our daughter. Day 4, and beyond. The stay in China is a whirlwind of activity. Our daughter took it all in stride�her personality came out a little more each day. She smiled. She laughed. Within a few days, she did not want to be separated from us (it�s amazing how quickly that happened�I guess she started to realize we were OK). At separate times during the trip, my husband or I was sick for a day or so; although unfortunate, it gave the healthy spouse a chance to be with our daughter alone for many hours at a time�our daughter felt comfortable being with either one of us (although some other couples experienced the child bonding with one spouse/family member over the other). Observations. Group travel: We specifically chose CCAI because they had so much experience with China adoptions and travel to China. We highly recommend group travel because of the support a group offers, but have these observations to share with you: International travel is difficult. My husband and I are seasoned international travelers, but throw a new baby into the mix and it�s a completely unique experience. Believe your agency when they tell you this trip may not for grandparents, or children under 5 (or so). It�s a tough trip. Reserve your energies for your new child; take along your spouse or one other adult. Lastly, this is not a sight-seeing trip for your travel companions�it�s hard work! Observations. Lists of what to bring: I was like you, looking at all the lists of what to bring, going over it again and again, sacrificing my suitcase room (I ended up not bring enough clothes for myself�laundry service was very expensive, and it took two days for clothes to dry on a line). My #1 item, metal-lined thermos; also, baby snacks, snacks for yourself, diapers, some baby clothes (our child was much smaller that we thought and we bought smaller clothes for her there). I was amazed at the availability of all goods in China�they have everything, reasonably priced, easily accessible. We found we brought way too much stuff. (This observation has been challenged via email by some families who traveled to China pre-1995; good were not readily available then. When you're surfing for list of what to bring, note the date the list was posted, or better yet, look for lists by region. I.e. families traveling to Mongolia may have to bring more stuff than families going to Guangzhou). While the trip was difficult, it was the most memorable experience of our lives. We�ll never forget the moment our daughter was handed to us, the first time she smiled, or when she sucked up an 8� noodle like a pro (we thought she�d choke). She has enriched our lives immeasurably. We would not trade our memories of trip: smells, tastes, kindness of the Chinese people, for anything. We plan to go back when our daughter is old enough to understand and appreciate her incredible birth country. |
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