selftalkpage

The underlying premise of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is that our self-talk or automatic thoughts (or our thoughts on what has happened to us determine how we feel about, and react to, certain situations. An offshoot of this is the idea that if we have negative or irrational ideas, rather than more rational or realistic ones, we become depressed or anxious and we react in a less appropriate manner. The goal of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is to change our irrational beliefs into more rational ones and thus choose more constructive behaviour.

WHY SELF-TALK?

Most of the time, thoughout our lives, but especially during our waking moments, we 'talk to ourselves' about our own experiences. While we are unaware of this 'self-talk', it can influence our lives in a very powerful and profound way.

Self-talk can be either rational or irrational. By talking to ourselves rationally, we can see things as they really are, and behave appropriately. In contrast, if we talk to ourselves less rationally about how things 'should' or 'ought to' be, then we feel very uncomfortable and upset and thus behave less rationally.

If we can transform irrational self-talk into something more rational, we can feel more comfortable about what has happened and about ourselves and thus choose to do something more appropriate.

IRRATIONAL SELF-TALK CONSISTS OF TWO PARTS:-

1. The unrealistic expectation, eg. 'I should...', 'He must not...' and;
2. The implied terrible result, eg, 'Because if I don't then I am not worthwhile'.

Take the example of an employee who experiences being bossed about by her supervisor. Her thoughts may be like this:
'She should not boss me around, because if she does then I must be inferior'.
Had she been able to connect part one with part two, then her thoughts may be along these lines:
'I would prefer her not to boss me around, but even if she does, it does not mean I am inferior'.
So, instead of feeling angry and upset, the person in this example can feel alot calmer, better about herself and thus handle the situation more easily.

HOW TO CHANGE SELF-TALK.

You can change your self-talk by doing the following tasks:-
1. Write down the upset or disturbed feeling which you felt recently;
2. Consider what happened 'out there' just before you had this feeling;
3. Think about what your self-talk was when the event occurred;
4. Examine your self-talk more closely and ask yourself:
    a. What was your 'should' sentence?
    b. Are you blaming yourself?
    c. Are you blaming someone else?
    d. Are you expecting too much?
5. Argue with your self-talk:
    a. Why should it be so?
    b. Is it the end of the world?
    c. Does it really prove anything about me?
6. Change you self-talk into something fair and reasonable, so that you are not using those demanding words like, 'should', 'ought', 'need to', 'must', 'always' or 'never' or anything else with those meainings.
7. Consider what feelings you have due to this changed self-talk;
8. Think about whether or not this new feeling would have helped you handle what happened 'outside' more easily;
9. Do this exercise for each time you are upset, so you can get the practise.

EXAMPLES OF HOW 'NEGATIVES CAN BE TURNED INTO POSTIVES:

A. Change 'I SHOULD HAVE...' to 'I CHOOSE TO...';
B. Change 'IF ONLY...' to 'NEXT TIME...';
C. Change 'IT'S TOO HARD...' to 'I AM WILLING TO LEARN AND GROW'
D. Change 'YOU MAKE ME...' to 'WHEN YOU...I FEEL...' (eg. angry, hurt, sad, happy).