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| 6. Accept Yourself As You Are
Easier said than done, of course, but if we take on self-acceptance as an ongoing practice, rather than seek it as some sort of done deal, then that�s something we can actually succeed at. � Remember that there is nothing shameful about whatever arises unbidden in your mind: accepting it is not the same as acting on it. � Tell yourself several times a day: �I accept myself just the way I am.� Or: �May I accept myself as I am.� 7. Build Up Positive Emotional Memories We�ve evolved with a brain that instantly registers negative experiences � because that�s how to survive in the wild � but hardly notes positive moments; for instance, one scary experience with a dog is more memorable than a thousand good ones. Unfortunately, the result is a growing residue of negative experiences in our emotional memory banks that shade and tinge our sense of who we are. Therefore, we have to be active in recording positive feelings so they become a lasting resource inside and increase our sense of well-being. Here�s how: � Look for things to feel good about throughout the day. � Let the positive event register as a positive experience (not just seen merely intellectually as a nice thing). � Take a few extra seconds or even minutes to savor the experience, feeling it fill your awareness and your body. � Imagine/sense that this rich experience is sinking deeply into your being, becoming a part of you, lodging deeply in emotional memory. � For a bonus, you can imagine/sense that the positive experience is sinking down into the places inside where you have felt hurt or let down as a child, and dislodging and replacing those old and painful experiences; simply have the new, positive experience be in the foreground of your awareness and the old, negative one be softer and in the background � fading away . . . 8. Be Proactive Overall, be active in your own mind, ultimately in charge of it, like the skillful rider of a high-spirited horse. � Adopt the attitude that stress is your adversary � a pernicious influence that is bad for your health, your mood, your children, and your marriage � and that you are not going to let it get the best of you! � Identify the stress factors in your life that happen again and again � like trying to get too much done in the morning so you�re always rushing � and make a plan with your partner or a friend to really change those factors that you can, one by one over time. � Actively argue against the thoughts and beliefs that make you more stressed, such as �I�ve got to make sure that this trip to the lake goes really well.� |