Hmm [April 29 05] 9:01 PM
If I drink too much will I die? lolz sike drinking is only fun every other weekend. Let's see T.M. tonite again! well be4 that we gotta drink :P. Pay check weeeeee. I need 2 jobs that are freakin workable around my schedule .. freaken Sbarro is a cool job but why does the schedule have to change every week ? :( sucky.. All them females at the mall ;). Gosh Maybe if she gave me like 50 hours a week I wont complain :P. Then that's two jobs! Omg I got referred to American Ambulance as a EMT. How sick is that???? Saving people and helping those endangered, just thinking of it makes me scurred, so I gotta think twice and talk to my hook ups :P.. and theeee pay, if it's 11 an hour, full time. IM DOWN! But all theee purty girls at the mall, so many choices, only 1 to really keep if it happens :D. uhhhh Wow the paycheck i got this week wowzors i made more then expected in a month and a half of full work :P. Like wow'zees I got 1/30 enuff for a payment to the attorney or car. Frisco was fun as usual. Reporting for 1 min on a three hour drive to I.C.E. Baby branch SUCKS ASS HOLE HAIR. WTF IS THAT SHIT?!?!? owell, my time will come soon where I can take that deep breath of relief from suffering. I been practicing, it will be a deep breath of like 2 mins straight without breathing ... LoL! Let's see great week mom is crazy. Life is fun as shit now. I want any crappy car. Then my BMW or new RSX WOw in like 2 or 3 years, after lots of hard work. Considering to take a giant loan to go to Fresno State or UC Berkeley if I can get in and if possible UCLA, acting career here I come! or become a photographer for porn stars! Sike i like models better :P hahahhaha. Or graphic design.
Chillen At Table Mountain [April 26 05] 5:04 AM
My mom was right, 3 are going home 'happy' and one is going home sad and depressed. 200 bucks in less than 2 mins WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Thanx Leny your lucky phone call and good luck was worth it :P I ow you lunch some time :D. Freaken Son and Binh. Fun times. Gamblin for fun. Haha... James :( .. Owell The tri-tip sandwich was good wasn't it? Finally my license!!!!!!! I drive everywhere :P I don't care! as long as everything gets done. :D Nite everyone.
Am I Right This Time? [April 24 05] 2:13 AM
What do you carE? I'm right weeeeeee... When your drunk you show your true face! Ok, I drank a bit too much hahahahahahahha :D. People are scandalous. I'm worth $500,000. Wow I loved that. Actually let's go over that word Love .. " Love " is only a fucken word a guy or girl uses in a relationship to fucken put that person in check. Love is honestly a meaningless word. I honestly believed it once but, I won't fall for some stupid shit like that, it's only a god tham fucken lie. Right on. Yup, ask me about it. Watch " Along Came Polly" .. quote quote " what kind of heartless bitch cheats on the one they love? " wahahahahaha. Heartless eh ? IM HEARTLESS, I'll Laugh at you if your dumb :D. Don't ever say you care about me or who I know or anything, everyone is full of freaken lies NO DOUBT. Ok I'm spinning too much Sleepy time.
Kon is a Conformists :D [April 20 05] 1:23 AM
He states the obvious read his post on his site. Whack whack whack attack. Yes im hating :D
Hmm... this Thursday I am deciding to quit one job and focus on one. Turns out the manager misheard or disregarded what I said about my immigration status and my current job. Fudge...! I need a car... I want a ps2 mini.. cant afford any Need to hit up a gym I hate my work out stuff. ... I wanna stop smoking, started for no reason.. well there was a reason, now I find none to stop again. O well, I can make an excuse and say I enjoy them, but I need to stop them cuz it's sin towards myself.. Let's see. I should chill on drinking too, but both are so fun ..! I'm almost at 145... almost :D freaken havent been 145 since I was 15 ... and being from 171 - 187 all the time was gay ... well 159 was nice LoLz. Wtfudge am I still up? Nite everyone.
Linkin Park - P5hng Me A*wy (Mike Shinoda feat. Stephen Richards [April 19 05] 12:07 PM
I've lied
To you
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwhind)
For sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
I've tried
Like you
To do everything you wanted to
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you
(Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end, you'll soon find, we're outta time, left to watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Reverse psychology's failing miserably
It's so hard to be, left all alone
Telling you is the only chance for me
There's nothing left but, to turn and face you
When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me
Asking why...
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie (why)
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Why I stayed with you
Just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Sigh [April 18 05] 11:03 PM
Sometimes, I just wanna say fuck it.
Read This [April 17 05] 1:07 AM
When those drink and those are faded, I your real faces. Period. I knew my face. I knew your face. I'm spinning, but I'm not stupid. The only fact is what your brother is telling you. Craziest nite ever. Don't ask. I can;t efven type lo...
Kali said I don't seem like I'm drunk and im pretty coherent? lolz... and Leny said i seemed normal... Wtf I announced I was drunk... hey that means im only a jibba jabber drunk lolz... spin spin away. WEeeeeeeEee
In "THEE" Past [April 14 05] 1:58 AM
Just writing to write. Seriously considering of joining the US National Guard since I financially can't go to college. Looking back in the past I only see lotsa stupid bad stuff and thing's that should have never been there. Having the status of an "immigrant" blows. Let's see... I just realized only one person in the world hates me for being honest 'kinda strange.' That's the only person that hates me. < That person was my love, still is, but she.. I guess she can be understanding to a certain extent, not fully. Basically she told me that she hates me, and asked me to be mute towards her , so I'm not talking to her ever again. Impossible to talk to someone who hates me and will ask their pet to eat me (I probably will die 'if that happens'). I know I'm not a liar, not trying to brag, but I have to say I'm not lying to prove a point. I've said I do lie sometimes (example: 'Loc: Hey, Christina (Loc's little sister age 9.) Christina: What happened to Meryl? (Meryl is our cat.) Loc: Oh, that girl from the Grudge stole Meryl. See good example !!?? On a side note I wanted to go into acting also. You gotta pretend or act out as someone else. I don't 'lie,' here is the definition for 'lie or lying'
Lie -
am I ignorant or something? I'm not decieving to clarify. Oh well I won't understand certain things or people. All I can say is I can only keep my own head up and not look down on this dilemma in my feelings. I can only be the best and good I can be, and at times I mess up, yes I'm not perfect. At times I'm not myself until I realized it. Forgive and forget? Understand my point of view for me. Don't be ignorant... pfff. That's why I'm usually quiet about bad things I hear and I'm usually a yak attack when I'm bored and say something silly (or try to make it seem funny) :P. Being happy makes me feel good, like buying a Ferrari for a 16 year (still ridiculous) LoL. Hmmm.. my cousin Shaun likes to tell stories :D. I wish I can go to college. Uhmmm... sometimes my mind drifts back into the past when I don't want it to. Everyone loves to be a commy and conformy. All wrong is looked before right doings. Stupid people do exist. < 'Yes ask me about it I'll tell you a event (story) that happened recently.' I hope all these cuts on my right hand heals becuz it stings 'stupid dish washing scrubby' at work suks. My main website doesn't want to update 'stupid p.o.s.' Hmm.... Kon is weird, but doesn't mean he can not make my comment box ;). Sigh.. a lot of things are confusing about me. I'm stuck where I don't want to be. A year back.. I wish that incident didn't occur. Now I'm mentally jacked up cuz of it sleep cycle went back to theee old days and my mind wonders to past goods, yet badsssss bleh . I'm cosidered a cook now. Vicky is funny she tried to argue with me about her shutting me up which 'she still CAN'T'. She's also open minded about there being one type of 'Love' in her opinion and everyone other person that believes that. To me there is only one type of Love and one type of hate. Don't ask me ask God. Yea I speak about God cuz I believe in him. Yea don't speak religion to me cuz I'm not religious, nor am I Buddisht. My freaken opinion and belief. Don't argue with me about it cause I don't really don't wanna argue with you. Vicky was just like blah blah and I didn't really want to hear about the topic "Love." Yea yea shoosh be4 i stick a Penis in your ear. I noticed a lot of those who have backstabbed me, a lot that step on me like I'm crap on the floor and ignore most of it most of the time. I don't detest being humble, it's just how I am, but I'm not stupid to let it happen it again. It's just to troublesome to deal with, secondly, really 'fuk it.' Meeting new people is cool as long as they're not stuck up, if you don't want to talk to me just say 'no' or 'fuck off' either one is understandable. Hmmmm I keep adding to this entry cuz I like reading over it. Ok now I'm tired from typing, did too much of it . I need and want some cheesecake (I haven't had any forever.) uhmmmm I guess it's time to get some sleep since it is 3:15 AM now. ^^ mission accomplished. "My pillow is my love, I go lay my head down on it for comfort." - Loc :D
Kon make my comment box CLICK CLICK >>> [ No comments ] 'someone posts a comment' [ one comment ] yes it doesn't work !!! KON MAKE IT. :D If I ever hit a jackpot I won't forget Kon ;). Tham face, fob :(.
"POSSIBLY the longest Reflection entry in history." :P
4:11 AM.... so the sequel continues. HOLY FREAKING SNAPS. I am mad tired and I can't sleep, serious... wtfudge... San Francisco about 5:30 AM... gotta call my manager at my work place @ 9:30... work the following day at Synovate... Omg ... I want to sleep. I need sleep. Jeez sometimes it's hard not to feel down, but at times it's hard not to be keeping my chin up.
Working 2 Jobs Now. [April 11 05] 11:25 PM
Hella physical work, no joke at Sbarro's in Fashion Fair. Loving it, but I gotta become faster and more leet so I can get paid more. Coordination and my endurance will be nice :p. Synovate is a cool job too but I can't work there no more :(, and they complemented us as really good newbies :(. I want a car I want a car I want a car I want an Ipod.. I really want an Ipod tho or some tight mp3 player close to it :P with 20 gigs. Hmm... I need to get some sleep and I need someone (females ;) <-- to chill with on the weekend :P . ok I need sleep.
Reminder that my life is fucked up, but I can only complain about it. I can't go and get mental help from anyone because no one wants to be there. Enough said. Oh well finding a way to be coo and happy.
Wow Nite. [April 10 05] 7:59 PM
Lets see... did some shit for james birthday.. i passed out, went to a kickback.. drank some, bounced.. went to a ghetto party drank hella more... did some shit i thought was never in me ended up with a happy nite :) ... came back to my house drank hella more so now im like spinning ... chillen with son, james, tri, susan, litha, sammy shawn, me.. jesse... tightest day ever, drank, everyone smoked a bit and man we were all wasted ... but its all good .. best day ever. MORE TO THIS STORY. Wow is all I got to say. More available details for this story period. Not available on 'Reflection' due to mature unsuitable content "VIEWER Discretion advised." ;)
Last Night [April 9 05] 2:51 AM
Good day, bad night.
Sarcasm [April 7 05] 2:19 AM
I love all the shit talkers behind my back, I love how people talk about all the bad things I've done (that you assume), I love how people lie in my face and get caught. Yup, if you really wanna tell me something don't be scared to tell me in my face. I won't judge you, cause the obvious is "your face is already sideways." Don't ever speak about deceit to me, "your full of it."
Hmmmm..... [April 4 05] 12:37 AM
Ok, when I really want to sleep I can't and that really heats me. I got a interview in the morning at 11:00 bEHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I'll work on some graphics until I get tired. The rain rocks... especially in the Spring time. Rain rain rain. I love the sound of each drop of rain. :D
Displayed Grief [April 2 05] 11:00 AM
Imagine that headline? I just thought to myself it will be 10 months or maybe a year and so until all my paper work is done with immigration. FREEDOM, wow seriously. Well I woke up to some disasters. My mom is a person in denial, she denies all her wrongs, when I ask or suggest anything to be done, while I work she creates infinite numerous problems with me. Yelling, talking smack to my face, basically just mentally bashing me, and using all of the past things her ex husband said. Basically it was all communists things he said and she uses it and believes it. Seriously she listens and uses everything he's said against us. And he's the one who's seriously psychotic and crazy. I mean I do hell's load of chores when I get back from work or when I have an open day or time off work (don't even want to mention them) and I just ask everyone to help out. I never even pride of what I do, nor ask much. I speak of it but not in a sense that I get big headed over the things I do like work. She says I never do shit, I pride over everything and I talk hella shit and I am a piece of shit. I mean I asked her am I shit to you? several times, she replied your worse then shit I step on. Imagine how I felt and reacted ? Nothing I took it and replied all the thing's she did, but once again denial. I told her when these papers are done I'm moving away and imma send you and the kids money. Before all that she said don't even ask for anything or talk to me, nothing. I always thought to myself, I never really learned what Love in a family is, because my family doesn't understand it. To them it's just a word used to describe survival with money and eating. If one person fucks up they are just nothing and the next one as siblings is in line to have a future. Son and I are coo as brothers. I see him as a great friend and brother. Even tho we don't have many things in common,but enjoyment of movies, games, life, relationships, talking about future dreams or goals, and etc.. There is so much more to all this and there is always more to every story I tell now days. Oh well I can only keep my head up, because I don't wanna feel depressed (everything's been good to me besides BS). On top of that I've had only bad Karma throughout my life. I just hope everything goes well for me cuz I can't wait any longer for these papers. Imma try to get 1 full time job and 1 part time job so I can pull at least 50 hours + of work, so I can bunk a place with a friend and get my own car. I guess my BMW car dream can wait. Dreams of going to college can wait. Becoming a graphic designer can wait, go to school for acting can wait, professional photography can wait, and if ever 'dj'ing in the euros can wait.' I still look forward to all that. Everything needs to come out, I just can't hold it in or else I will get negative results with myself. Yea I whine and complain to myself. So, how do I feel now? I feel hurt inside, but you know what? who's with me? really no one , I have friend's, but I can't really count as it as being with me. You all are there for me :). Feeling alone sucks, but freak it right? I always thought I can just pick one person to be with me but I guess that can wait to. 'Happy face, sad face' No tears.
Hmmm.. [April 1 05] 1:41 PM
Weeee, so 2 places wanna hire me in Fresno. Sbarro in Manchester and Sbarro in Fashion Fair, I got interviewed by the manager in Fashion Fair, and well look's like she needs a steam person. I was suppose to go to the interview in Manchester but my ride lagged hard on me. Hmm, last nite was tight haha never felt good for awhile. I worked on some websites currently doing like 6 sites: 2 professional templates, Vicky's site, a clan sponsorship (not yet decided), Kon's. The Anbu site is currently delayed or in coding process and the JUNOERICH site is being flashed and coded. Uhhh... I think there is one more site... OH YEA I.S.D. Intricate Structure Designs (our web design comapny, or it's name currently. Still in progress. Well other then that... after work tonite, time to chill!!! Loc OUT.