Willow rubbed furiously at her skin, her actions ruining the supposedly relaxing effects of the bubble bath that Spike had insisted she take while he cooked her dinner. [Cooking me dinner!] The witch was well aware that things had gone horribly wrong, but somehow - she couldn't put her finger on exactly how. [Gee, maybe getting a robot boyfriend in the first place? How desperate am I?] But even as she posed the question she couldn't really bring herself to regret her actions; she now had a Spike of her very own, one who hated Slayers and star-crazed brunette vampires, one who loved just her.

[Right, cos he's programmed to.] [Shut up!] Willow firmly told her mental voice. She had only had her new [toy] friend for a few hours, Warren having arranged for him to be delivered once he was safely in Tokyo, and Willow decided she just needed some time to get used to this new situation.

[Just think, a happy, safe, non-threatening Spike,] she mused. [Why not just seduce Xander if you want a sap?] her niggling mental voice asked. Willow frowned, but her thoughts were interrupted by a brisk knock on the door, as Spike entered to declare "Dinner's ready, pet. Let's get you dried up."

And the redhead could hardly find it in her to argue as he grabbed a fluffy towel and held it out for her, wrapping it around her as he helped her out of the tub. Spike's hands patted her through the soft towel until he was satisfied that she was dry, and he grinned when she tried to resist his hands as he pulled the towel from her.

"Now don't be shy pet," he said as he held her wriggling form firm in his embrace. Willow felt a moment of horror [oh no, I mean, a robot!] but looking into those blue, blue eyes, she felt her resistance melting, and she told herself, [oh well, what can it hurt?].

So Willow meekly allowed Spike to place her robe around her, and lead her downstairs to the carefully laid table and wonderfully smelling dinner he had prepared.

But even as she sat across the table from him, chewing the food which he had cooked, she couldn't relax. It was just ... wrong. It wasn't exactly the robot thing that was the problem, although that was a major weirdness factor. It was more - well, this Spike just wasn't .... Spike-y enough. [Cos, I can really imagine Spike cooking me dinner and pouring me wine,] she mused bitterly. [Bet he'd do it for Buffy] [Hey, didn't I tell you to shut up?] Willow asked her annoying thoughts, and to punish them she leaned across the table and took Spike's hand. Well, OK, it was cool, but for a vampire that was normal. And it didn't feel like plastic...[Stop it!]

"I've had enough to eat," Willow declared firmly, drawing a worried frown from Spike.

"But you've hardly eaten anything, didn't you like it?" he asked sadly. [Bit too much of that Aprilbot programming there, Warren,] Willow decided, but she had made a decision and she was determined not to get distracted by the small stuff.

"It was absolutely fine, wonderful, delicious, you know, but maybe we could, ah, go upstairs?"

"For sex!" said Spike with a relieved smile.

[Great, now he reminds me of Anya,] decided the redhead as she struggled to maintain the mood. [Look at that face, those cheekbones, his hands ... OK, mood is back!]

"Maybe it would be better if you didn't talk much?" Willow suggested helpfully.

Spike nodded his agreement and mimed zipping his mouth shut, and Willow sighed, deciding she was going to have to stop being so picky [I mean, it's a walking vibrator, it's doing the best it can.]

So she took the bull by the horns - so to speak - and leant forward to brush her mouth against Spike's. He leaned forward as she drew slightly back, keeping their mouths in contact, and Willow couldn't help a little shiver as his tongue started to trace the outline of her mouth, slowly coaxing her lips open and moving inside to play with her tongue.

[Now this is more like it!] she decided, as she disengaged momentarily, got out of her seat and moved around to Spike, sitting on his lap and locking their mouths together once more. Spike slowly moved his mouth away from hers to lick at her neck, drawing an appreciative groan from Willow. She had had this fantasy so many times, Spike holding her and running his lips up and down her throat, then vamping out and biting her, placing his mark on her for everyone to see. In her dreams, of course, Spike had realised he loved her, and wanted her not Buffy - or anyone else, for that matter.

Willow let her fantasy fill her mind, and as Spike's hand moved to caress her breast through her shirt, and his mouth remained sucking lightly on her neck, she murmured, "Spike, Spike, bite me, please!"

Spike drew back quickly, his face showing concern. "Willow, I would never hurt you," he said mournfully, as though horrified that she would ever suspect him of such an act.

Willow froze. [Well, now the mood is really ruined!] She got off Spike's lap, looking at him, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do now. [Maybe I can FedEx him back to Warren?]

"I don't think this is really going to work out," she began slowly, wondering if there was a specific etiquette for breaking up with your robotic sex toy.

"I did something wrong, didn't I?" said Spike, looking upset. "I can fix it! If you tell me, I can adjust my programming, please just tell me what I did wrong."

"You're just not, not Spike!" Willow wailed, not knowing how she could express it any better than that. "Look, I need some time to think about what I'm going to do, I'm going upstairs and I don't want to be disturbed, OK?"

"Sure pet," said Spike as he watched his mistress run up the stairs. He frowned, wondering what had gone wrong. He had followed all of his programming requirements. [What did she mean, I'm not Spike? How can I become Spike if I'm not him already?] Clearly this was the key to pleasing his mistress. Relieved to have solved the problem, Spike quickly cleared the table and washed the dishes, before heading out into the night to find out how he could be more Spike, and thus please his mistress.

As he walked through the night, Spikebot reviewed the events of the evening and came up with two theories. Willow had said he was "not Spike". Clearly there was a flaw in either his appearance or his personality, which was upsetting his mistress. Preventing Willow from being upset was the over-riding priority for Spike, so he was determined to find the source of the problem and fix it.

He had in his memory the original images taken of real Spike with the digital camera, and he scanned these and found no noticeable variation between them and his appearance. His clothing was identical to that worn by the vampire in the pictures, so that couldn't be the problem. Spike was a vampire, so the lack of body heat should not be an issue. His memory files indicated that real vampires could change their face into an alternate shape, that of a demon. Perhaps this was the trouble, that Willow wanted him to be able to change his face? This was not an insurmountable problem, and as he walked Spike considered ways of having an alternate face designed and made, which he could wear when it pleased his mistress.

His calculations halted as he approached a figure standing still on the path in front of him, looking at him nervously. His internal files identified her as Tara, Willow's former girlfriend, and his behavioural response indicator suggested some minor level of aggression or antagonism would be appropriate.

"What do you want?" asked Spike, intending to be vaguely menacing but actually sounding more sulky.

"N-n-n-nothing. I'm going over to see Willow." Tara shifted nervously, torn between barely controlled terror at being alone with Spike and curiosity over why the vampire was coming from the direction of Willow's house.

"What are you going to see her for?" asked Spike.

"I just wanted to make sure she's, ah, OK," said Tara as she considered the possibilities of edging past the blonde.

"Willow's not your girlfriend anymore, she's mine. Just leave her alone." And with that Spike produced a very convincing snarl.

Tara blanched, and looked quickly around, as if expecting someone to jump out from behind the bushes and yell - "You're on candid camera!!"

"Um, what? What did you say? Because, ah, well, it s-s-sounded like you said that Willow, ummmm," Tara's voice trailed off as her mind tried to understand what was going on. Because it sounded like he had said-

"You heard me, witch. Willow is mine now, and I don't want you hanging around her anymore. Just leave her alone."

"Ahh." Tara blinked slowly, looking at Spike carefully. "Umm, aren't you in love with Buffy?"

"Yes, I was in love with Buffy, but then I realised that Willow is the only creature in the world for me, and now I am having sex with her. we belong together."

Tara stood silently absorbing this information, as Spike looked back at her, his face impassive.

"Well," said Tara. "Huh. I always thought Willow had kind of a thing for you."

Spike smiled happily. "Yes, Willow certainly loves me very much. I cooked her dinner earlier, and she said it was excellent. And later tonight we will have sex, which will also be excellent. But now I have to go. You are not going to disturb Willow, are you? She's getting ready for tonight."

Tara backed away from Spike. "No-o-o, I'm just going to go, ah, go home now."

"Great," said Spike as he turned to leave.

"Are you feeling alright?" Tara asked hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" asked Spike

"Well, it's just that you seem kind of, um, chatty and non-threatening. Not very Spike-like. Has Willow been doing any spells?"

"Ahhh," said Spike, smiling as though something had just occurred to him. "I am too nice!"

And with that he strode into the darkness, leaving a very puzzled Tara behind.

As soon as Spike's form had vanished Tara changed direction, racing towards the Magic Box where she knew the others were meeting. She walked inside, trying to decide what exactly she was going to say. She was still trying to get it straight in her mind when Buffy looked up from the book she was flicking through, smiling at the witch and saying, "Hey Tara, what's up? Where's Willow?"

Tara's brain froze, and her mouth switched into automatic. "Willow and I broke up a couple of days ago, and now she's having sex with Spike. They're in love."

Tara then had the singular experience of seeing Buffy struck speechless, but the instant of silence was broken by the sound of glass breaking. A visibly shaken Giles walked over, brushing shards of shattered incense burner from his trousers. "Ah, Tara, sorry, but I thought I just heard you say..."

"Willow is having sex with Spike? Finally!" said Anya from her seat nearby, tapping at her calculator as she tried to tally the day's takings.

Giles looked at Anya and Tara, as if trying to decide who to question first. But Buffy, recovered from her shock, beat him to it.

"First of all - no way. No way is Spike having sex with Willow. Cos first of all he's in love with me. And second Willow is gay. And third even if she wasn't gay she is no way having sex with an evil vampire. And what do you mean, finally?" asked the Slayer as she turned to Anya, who was paying very little attention to the conversation, her brow creased as she tried to find out why her Amex figures were $25 short.

"It's obvious Willow wants to have sex with him. She's always watching him when she thinks no-one is watching, and she has been very upset over him having a crush on you, and the other night at the party when he was injured she wanted to go and help him," replied Anya absently as she finally found the missing slip, smiling as she stapled the bundle together and ticked the total.

The other occupants of the room remained silent as they considered her words, all looking shocked, until the silence was broken by the door opening and a man entered.

"Hey guys," said Xander, "what did I miss?"

Spike paused outside the door to the Magic Box, taking an unnecessary breath and trying to recreate the confidence that had always been an integral part of the Big Bad. It was not enough that he had to live with the frigging chip, oh no. Not even enough that he had to fall for his mortal enemy, a Slayer, who was still besotted with his poof of a grand-sire. No, even that didn't make his unlife enough of a penance to please the fates. Now he had to get thrown through a window by a girl in front of the entire Scooby gang. And OK, she was a robot, but still. It was the principle of the thing.

He had been laying low since his outing with Willow, thinking over what she had said and finding that he agreed with most of it. He knew it was ridiculous, this thing he had for Buffy, but he couldn't seem to shake free of it. Maybe Willow would be inside; that thought brightened his mood, he knew she wouldn't let the others make too much fun of him over the robot incident. [Bloody Hell, has it really come to this? Needing the protection of a pathetic human so the Slayer doesn't hurt my feelings?]

His irritation with himself and his circumstances rising, Spike turned to leave when he heard his name being yelled from inside. Intrigued, he walked up to the door again, letting his vampiric hearing work its wonders as he tuned his attention in to the conversation that was taking place inside.

"I can't do it! I can't just sit by and be supportive guy while Willow and Spike - oh my God!" moaned a voice that sounded like the moron.

Spike was definitely interested now. What was the witch up to this time?

"Look, it's reverse psychology," Buffy explained in what even Spike had to admit was an annoying whine. "She's always going on about how we're not supportive enough, so this time we'll be absolutely supportive, say sure, suck face with the evil undead, you go girl, and then when it all ends in tears in, like, two days we have the moral high ground and Willow is Spike-less."

"No way! You are all insane!" That had to be the moron again. "Anyway I can't believe Willow would do it. I mean - Spike!" The vampire in question held down a growl with some difficulty as his mind flashed with images of ripping off the whelp's head, and he winced as the chip sent warning flashes of white-hot pain through his head. By the time he recovered his equilibrium, the yelling had died down, but the conversation inside continued.

"Well, while I don't exactly agree with Buffy's logic, I can see no harm in simply allowing this, ah, this thing to run its course. Spike is chipped so he can't physically hurt her, and some lessons need to be learned through experience, it appears. Besides, at least it will keep Spike occupied and away from Buffy while we try to find a solution to the Glory problem. And, let's be honest, Spike is a very useful member of the team at times."

That was the voice of the Watcher, which destroyed Spike's first thought, that the Scoobys were whacked out on some kind of drug. Him and Willow? What was going on?

"So what, we're going to give him Willow? We're supplying vampire snack food now?!!" Xander's voice was nudging hysteria, and Spike had heard enough, so he turned away from the door and started to walk as he tried to make sense of what he had heard.

Why would they think he and Red had a thing going? It certainly couldn't be anything he had said or done. Unless they had found out that the pair had been together the other night in his crypt? It seemed a bit of a stretch from spending half an hour in a conversation to being the witch's new toyboy.

[Hmmm, the witch. Seems like maybe another new spell has gone awry, or maybe she's finally sick of that moaning bint of a girlfriend and is making claims she had no right to make. Well, I'm always happy to oblige. If she's interested in getting naked with a vampire - hey, I've slept with Harmony, I'm not that choosy. Cute redhead might be just what I need to get those nasty Slayer thoughts out of my head.]

Images of naked redhead moaning his name filled Spike's head, and he adjusted his trousers as he felt his mind and body reach agreement that this was exactly what was needed to get him back on track. With a grin that was almost back to the full-powered evil sneer he had sported in his halcyon pre-chip days, Spike headed off with a bounce in his step to find his soon-to-be-playmate.