The redhead writhed on the bed, her agony palpable. Her body cried out for the seductive feel of the magic. She needed to feel it rushing through her veins. The tip of her tongue swept over her cracked lips. She could fix this with one tiny spell. Just one incantation and her pain would be gone. A few murmured words and the burning ache would be satisfied.

The witch opened her dry mouth, prepared to speak the words that would end the inhuman craving that wracked her fragile body. As her nerve endings burned with the need for sensation, she saw . . .

Rack standing before her with his confidence, his almost superhuman strength when it came to magic. The lovely colors she'd seen, as his spells wrapped around her, transporting her to the stars, she'd always longed to be a part of. She could remember being above, beneath and among the glowing spheres of light she'd adored from childhood. The power that coursed through her veins, that empowered her to be more than just herself. The ultimate joy that came with the knowledge that she, netgirl, research girl could affect the very cosmos. The power that drew her inexorably towards her destiny.

There was a beauty in the moments when she prepped for a spell, and the feelings of power that swept over her when she succeeded. Of course there were also the rather monumental failures she'd created. Of course those really didn't count. They were learning experiences, so what if there was a little turmoil when went slightly wrong. After all, she had given Angel his soul back. Hell, she'd brought Buffy back from the dead, what did the occasional spell gone wrong really matter? After all, she'd never really done real damage. Then she forced herself to remember ...

Spike cuddled up with Buffy, while Giles sat by, helpless, sightless. Xander bruised and battered because he was literally a demon magnet. Spike's desire to gargle with bleach to get the taste of slayer out of his mouth. Okay, so there had been a bit of hurt there, but ...

The moments spent wondering, questioning, why if they had, she had, gotten Buffy out of Hell, why had she not thanked her? Why'd she look like someone who'd had her life interrupted? She'd looked like the world had ended and there was nothing she could do. Well, said the little voice deep in Willow's soul, you understand that now. After all, there is a major difference between Hell dimension and Heaven. And you yanked her out of Heaven. Deal with it.

Willow say Tara's beautiful face, disappointment etched on every delicate feature, when the massively gone wrong amnesia spell had been broken. Her memory flashed forward to the terrible minutes and hours she'd spent watching Tara pack her things. The agony she felt now, was nothing compared to what she'd felt when Tara walked out that door for the last time.

Her mind leapt forward once more to the night just passed. One small hand brushed across the bruise on her pale check. Dawn's screams of fear and pain resonated through her own pain. The redhead remembered the look of distrust and fear on the teenagers pretty face. The disgust that colored her voice, as she had told Willow to stay away from her.

Willow firmly pressed her lips together, refusing to give into the pain. Somehow, she knew this pain was transitory. The pain she would inflict on the people she loved if she surrendered to the desire for sensation ... that pain would never end. The family she'd created, they were worth the pain that raced across her mind and soul. For them, Willow could refuse to end her agony and she would.

Willow slowly looked around the shop; Giles was really gone. What was she supposed to do now? She'd driven Tara away with her addiction to magic, an addiction she really wasn't handling very well, though she was only willing to admit that to herself. If the gang, oh Goddess, if Buffy had any idea how tempted she was ... well that was another subject - or slaying - altogether. The redhead knew that if Buffy had a clue to the very real danger the hunger for magic caused her and how easy it would be to use that power, the danger to Dawn and the other Scoobies would make her crazy. Rightfully so, but that didn't make the witch any more eager to admit the whole story to the slayer.

Goddess, she needed Giles. He'd understand: he'd been there himself. She thought back to the whole Egyhon episode. Yes, Ripper would know what it felt like to have this incredible power yet not be able to use it. He'd remember what it was to have a gift that would (not could but would) destroy everything and everyone in the long run.

She sat down in front of her laptop, studiously ignoring the magic texts and components around her. The tastes and scents of the herbs teased her nose and beckoned her to use them. With a slight, hardly noticeable tremor in her hand, she booted up her old friend, the computer, and ran a standard search protocol - first stop, Sunnydale P.D. She printed out the list of unexplained disappearances before moving on to the morgue's system. There were several deaths which warranted a look into or, more aptly, a graveside stake-out, pun intended, thought the hacker with a small giggle. Deft fingers typed a command into the computer, seemingly without guidance. In moments, Willow heard ringing from her speakers, followed by a groggy voice, slightly muffled as if by a pillow.

"Giles Residence."

"Giles, I miss you and I . . . I need you."

"Willow, is that you?"

�Yes, Giles, it's me. I need your help. I . . . I have to stop using magic before I get someone killed. I've never done anything harder in my life, and I don't know how to get through this alone. Can you help me?"

"Willow, what's happened?"

�You already know about my glorious amnesia spell. That one nearly got everyone killed, and Tara left me because of it. Giles, I nearly got Dawnie killed. I did get her hurt, because of my lack of control. I got addicted to the power and I don't know how to stop. I only know one person who ever stopped, who let the power go. That's you." Her voice broke as she added, "Giles, will you help me?"

"Willow, when I turned my back on the dark arts, it was, indeed, the hardest thing I'd ever done. It felt like the fire was consuming my every nerve. It was extremely painful and I'm still not sure how or why I survived the experience. But if you are serious about your desire to give up your magic, then of course, I'll help you."

"Will you come back to Sunnydale?"

"No, that isn't possible at the moment, not to mention I feel it would be better for you to come to London."

"But, Giles, they need me here. I really don't think . . . "

"I believe that you stand a much greater chance of succeeding away from the hellmouth. The mystical energies are so much stronger there and would push you to the limits of your endurance."

"But, Buffy and the others, what if they need me?"

�I'm sure that they shall need you, and I'm equally as sure that they will survive well enough, without you. If you stay, you'll use your power. It will be for a good reason, but you'll still have lost the war."

"But . . ."

"No buts, Willow, this is to help you and to save those persons that you love. The people most likely to be harmed when, not if, you lose control. Because, if you stay, you will lose control and you will hurt someone. That I can promise you. Now, when can you come?"

"I guess I can leave anytime. I can transfer to a school there, I was recruited by Oxford, so I doubt I'll have a problem there."

"Then I shall call the airline and make the arrangements. I truly feel that distance from the hellmouth will greatly increase your chances of winning this battle. Are you at home?"

"No, I'm at the Magic Box. I'll stay here until I hear back from you. Thank you, Giles, I don't know how long I could go on like this."

"You're not alone any longer, Willow, and you shan't be alone in this battle again. I shall be here. I'll call directly back with the arrangements."

Willow sat back in relief as she tapped the keys that allowed her to end the phone call from her end and then began to delve into the fruitless search for Buffy's diamond eating, people freezing demon. The Scoobies gathered around the table as she worked, and the table slowly became loaded down with books as the research continued. Willow typed industriously away before she looked up to see the faces of three of the people she loved most in the world (and also Anya and Spike). She didn't want to do this, but there was really no choice: it had to be done.

"Buffy, Xander, everyone, I need to say something and it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to say so I would appreciate it if you would just let me get it out before you say anything." She paused for breath. "I talked to Giles today about my problem, you know 'cause of Ripper and all. He's agreed to help me, but he feels and I agree, that if I stay here, I'll use magic again. It may be safe for me to use magic sometime, but that time is nowhere near." She smiled sweetly at her friends, her family, before she continued. "My plane leaves tomorrow. I'm going to London, to Giles for awhile. I will miss all of you very much, but this is something I have to do. It is the only way I can survive this addiction."

She clutched her best friends' hands as she waited expectantly for the storm. She wasn't disappointed. Nor was she surprised when the people who supported her trip were Anya, Spike, and Dawn. She'd known that Buffy and Xander would take this hard, but Giles was right. The only way, she could ever beat this addiction was to leave the hellmouth.

"But, Willow, you can't go. You won't know anyone but Giles, and he's old, so he doesn't really count. You need to be with us right now." The slayer looked aghast at the thought of the witch's loss.

"Yeah, Will, I guess G-Man could help you 'cause of the whole Ripper thing, but why can't he help you here? I mean, London is in another country and everything."

"Yes, London is in another country. A country Giles needs to stay in. You will love England, Willow, and you'll keep Giles away from my shop." Anya smiled brightly at the witch. "I'll help you pack."

"An! We don't want Willow to leave Sunnydale. We want her to stay with us."

"But, Xander, Giles is right. Willow stands a better chance of beating this away from the hellmouth."

"How can you say that Anya?" The slayer looked at the ex-demon, perplexed. "We are her friends and we support her. She'd be practically alone in London, except for Giles, and he's old." Her answer came from the vampire.

"Don't you get it? If you silly sots keep the witch here, she'll use magic again. She'll do it for all of you and her motives will be the best in the world. She'll save one of you lot and lose herself in the process." The blond threw up his hands. "If you want to lose the silly bint to the dark side, than keep her here." He leered at the small redhead, then added, "Of course, she would be a delicious addition to the forces of darkness. Stay if you want to Red."

"Now wait just a minute, Fangless, you can't talk about Will that way!" The brunette menaced the black clad demon.

Buffy put herself between the combatants, "Back off, you two. Spike has a point. Xander, if Will stays, she'll use magic again. Willow has to go to England." The slayer shot a glance at her best friend. "I know she wouldn't mean to, but she would. If it came down to losing us versus using magic, we'd win everytime. She loves us, like we love her, so she'd do what she had to do. She'd save us, no matter what it cost her. And eventually, we'd all pay for it."

Spike leaned against the bookcase, a wicked smirk firmly on his sharp features. The brunette sat between his fiancee and his best friend. Anya stroked his cheek, soothingly. Buffy seemed to fold in on herself at this new loss. She squared her shoulders, resolved to face her sorrow.

The redhead looked at her friends, emerald eyes glistening with unshed tears. With the exceptions of Tara and Giles, the people she loved most in the world were gathered around her. They were right: if she stayed, she would use her powers. If she used magic at all, everything would be lost, and that was too large a price to pay. "My plane leaves tomorrow morning. I love you all." She stood and hugged everyone, with special attention to Xander, Buffy, and Dawn, and held back tears as she walked out the door. With just one more night to get through, the worst was nearly over.