Xander sighed loudly, dropping the heavy tome on the dull library table, sending a cloud of dust into the air. Cordelia sneezed, glaring at her boyfriend who sat next to her. She gave him one more annoyed look before returning her attention back to the nail she was filing. Xander's gaze wandered over the library. Stopping at Buffy�s sleeping form, he noticed a tiny bit of drool falling onto the page she was reading. The slayer looked so peaceful in her sleep that Xander almost didn�t want to wake her. He knew she was taking this Angelus thing the hardest of them all. Earlier tonight she had brought in another drawing Angelus had made of her while she slept. Poor Buffy had the weight of the world on her shoulders, and she was only 17; it seemed so unfair.

Xander let his gaze slip over to Willow�s sleeping form, which was curled up in Oz�s lap. Xander smiled fondly at the pair so content to sleep in each other�s arms. Amidst this terrible situation Oz and Willow�s love was blossoming. Xander knew his friend�s feelings for the werewolf ran deep. Cocking his head to the side, Xander watched Oz bring a hand up to caresses her head while she slept, his green eyes watching Willow lovingly. He knew Oz thought she was the world, and even thought her tendency to ramble was cute. When Oz�s green eyes suddenly looked up at Xander, he turned his head away, glancing back at Buffy once more before yawning.

�G-man it�s almost 1am�. we�re all tired�and we�re not going to find anything about Acathla tonight. Let�s just call it a night and then meet back here at lunch tomorrow?� Giles looked up at the haggard young man in front of him and then back to the other teenagers sleeping. Xander was obviously tired if he was willing to give up his favorite period of the day to study.

�Well I Sup-�

�Thanks G-Man!� Xander called out happily as he grabbed Cordelia�s arm and dragged her out of the Library. Buffy jolted awake when she heard the Library door slam shut, her blue eyes hazy with sleep. Running her fingers through her hair once before closing her book she nudged Willow�s foot, bringing her back into reality.

�We calling it a night Giles?� Buffy looked up expectantly to him, already gathering her things and weapons for patrol. Researching was not really her thing anyway. Her part was to kill the things, not study them to death.

�Yes�go on Buffy and patrol but be sure to check in with me every so��

�Sure thing Giles, bye Wills.� Waving her good byes, the slayer was gone in a flourish of colors. Shaking his head slightly, Giles returned his attention back to the ageing books in front of him. Willow smiled slightly as Giles took his glasses off his face polished them, put them on, and then took them off again. Sighing, Willow picked up another book flipping absently though it, not really paying attention. Letting the pages fall though her nimble fingers, Willow thoughts drifted to Spike. Something last night had been bothering him but he never did say. Willow knew him well enough not to push the subject; he�d come to her when he was ready. Yelping in pain, Willow dropped the book to the floor sucking on her thumb where she�d received a paper cut. Oz was instantly over by her side his worried green eyes searching her own emerald ones. �Are you ok?�

�Yea I�m fine I-� Willow stopped in mid sentence glancing down at the open book, her eyes widening suddenly. �I found it! I FOUND IT!� Jumping excitedly, she rushed over to Giles, her hurt finger and Oz forgotten. Giles reached out grabbing the book, his lips moving by their own accord. His smile faded as he realized just what Angelus was planning. �Dear Lord��

The room was completely void of light, save a single flame. Heavy satin curtains were draped over the large bay windows, giving no hint to the time of day. Hundreds of unlit candles littered the room, the wall, floor, mantel and the fireplace. The stony silence was beginning to agitate the young man who was ushered in hours ago. The stillness and darkness of the room would make anyone believe they were alone. The young man knew what evils the room held and what greater evil it held behind its rocky walls. He closed his eyes for a moment when he felt the power shift in the room. The other occupants pulled back with hesitation and fear. The man could not control his own reaction, his heart rate picked up and he began to sweat. Angelus sat in front of the single candle. The flame dancing around his face, toying with his stoic features.

�Darien,� the rich voice beckoned forth. A young boy about the age of 18 slowly walked to Angelus. His jerky movements betrayed his calm face and voice, �Yes Angelus�?�

The younger man began explaining to Angelus about his failure. �So the slayer�s lackeys were able to keep you from getting into the Library and retrieving my book?� Angelus asked, barely controlling his anger. �They were well prepared; one was werewolf, the other a witch� the other mortals knew how to fight as well,� the British accent was soft as Darien spoke his words; the words that told of his failure sealed his death. Angelus was a blur in the man�s vision. He held Darien above the ground, his feet dangling. �You won�t fail me again!�

�No I won�t n-never again.� As soon as the last word left his mouth Angelus� demon surfaced, 'viciously ripping out the young man's throat. He wiped the dust off his hands on the nearest minion and looked to the pile. �Clean this up,� he growled. When no one moved, he roared, �NOW!� Angelus quickly vanished, leaving only the lingering trail of power behind.

�He wishes to see you now,� the child like voice called out from behind. The lower-class English accent held no room for argument. After what he had just witnessed, the man dutifully followed her out of the darkened room.

He trailed behind the beautiful raven-haired woman though dark-twisting hallways; the heavy stench of death saturated the corridor. The room she led him to was lit brightly and decoratively, compared to the other gloomy and drab room. In the corner sat a blonde vampire in a wheel chair, a scowl distorting his handsome features.

The brunette woman regarded him sorrowfully, �Poor little Spikey�can�t walk his wings are broken, nasty little slayer played a trick on him�but the red flame makes him better.� She sighed heavily before perking up and smiling brightly at him, �But you�re going to put that out�hmmm?� Drusilla's movements and actions told the man that she�d lost a few of her marbles along the way of her turning, but then again, Angelus had always been a bit eccentric.

�Drusilla, stop rambling and go play with your dolls�� Angelus demanded with a frown. �Miss Edith is in time out, no tea and crumpets� a nasty whisper from her about the little flame stealing away our family.� Spike could tell Angelus was getting impatient with Dru, and he didn�t think he could bear to watch Angelus hurt Drusilla again and stay seated in the chair. Over the years, he had been forced to watch Angelus beat her sadistically while he could do nothing but take her in his arms and nurse her back to health: only to watch her return to his deadly embrace as soon as she was well. As the time wore on, Spike found himself liking the souled version of his Sire better, and he knew Willow was working hard to find a soul restoration spell.

�Dru, come here pet,� He called to her, wanting to know more about the premonition she�d mentioned to Angelus. The stupid pillock didn�t even realize an omen if it smacked him the face. �Tell me ducks what did the stars whisper to you?�

�Shhhh�. you�re not to know William-mine. The little fishes are singing to me about lovely death�.� Swaying slightly she left the room to play with her �other� dolls.

�I�m told you can be of some service to me,� Angelus stated to the man sitting in front of him.

�Yes, I have the knowledge you seek to awaken Acathla. The demon can only open the portal with your blood. You must do it during the first night of the full moon; at midnight.�

Angelus looked up sharply, �That only gives me three days to prepare��

�You only need the statue and sword Mr. Angelus.� Angelus regarded the man before answering; �I need time to�let�s just say I have some unfinished business to attend to.� Angelus laughed thinking of the fun he was going to have killing each one of Buffy�s friends. He wanted time to enjoy their torture and deaths, all except for his Willow. He had special plans for that little redheaded witch. She was going to complete his family, replace the gaping hole Darla left. He wouldn�t make the same mistake he�d made with Drusilla. He�d take their courtship slow; making sure this one was perfectly sane. He could see the potential floating beneath the fluffy exterior; even his souled counterpart could feel it. Yet he was too busy with that damn slayer. What Angel had seen in that blonde bimbo was beyond Angelus.

She was pretty, he�d give her that, but then again all slayers were. It probably made up for the fact all slayers died young. Shoving his thoughts away, Angelus dismissed the man sitting in front of him, it was time to pay Buffy a visit and then peak in on his redhead. Both the girls had performed uninvite spells but Buffy�s Mom had re-invented him after the ceremony was done. He could still sit in her room and watch her sleep, drawing pictures to leave her. However, he had no such luck with Willow and was forced to watch her sleep in the security of her room from her balcony. Soon, he told himself, very soon.

Willow�s dark emerald eyes darted around the gloomy streets like butterflies too scared to stay in one place to long. She was suddenly sorry she offered to stay and help Giles while sending Oz off. She stopped suddenly when she heard a branch snap behind her and then a cold hand suddenly descend on her bare shoulder. Her fear melted away and her heart slowed down as she slowly turned around. �Damn it Spike, why can�t you walk louder? Xander was right we need to put a bell on you like Ang-� The words fell from Willow�s pink lips as she turned to see a vampire that was defiantly not Spike. The heavyset boy with red hair and pudgy cheeks vamped out, grabbing her throat.

Sucking in a deep breath, Willow�s heart began to beat like a jackhammer. Stuttering, her mind went blank with fear and the smell of death overwhelmed her sense. She didn�t want to die this way, not killed by some pimply, overweight teenage fledgling. Her desperate eyes glanced around suddenly spying a branch lying on the shadowy ground and she smiled triumphantly.

Spike watched from the shadows of the trees near by as the fledging attacked Willow. He had to fight his immediate impulse to run over and beat the crap out of the vampire stupid enough to touch his Willow. He was able stop himself though, wanting to give Willow a chance to protect herself first. He could smell the delicious aroma of Willow�s fear wayfaring over to his hiding spot, calling to his demon, and he was ashamed to admit the smell of her fear intoxicated him. He watched her jerky movements and heard her rapidly beating heart. Spike was growing impatient and was about to charge out there when he saw her smile. But as quickly as it appeared, it was gone, her heart rate soared and she began to babble, tears streaming down her face.

Willow cried out silently in victory as the vampire before her fell right into her trap. She kept him busy, carrying on and sobbing like any rationally minded human would while she concentrated on floating the fallen branch in their direction.

Spike almost laughed out loud as he saw the tree branch begin to fly through the air at the pair. Willow was doing one hell of an acting job; the chit deserved a bloody Oscar. �Shut up!� the vampire screamed at her while forcing her head to the side.

�Ok,� Willow said as the branch pierced his heart and he turned to dust right in front of her very eyes. Willow looked around for a moment before she jumped up and down like a little child crying out happily, �Oh yea! Go ME!� Spike stood still for a few more minutes watching in silent amusement as Willow proceeded to do the snoopy dance.

Willow suddenly stopped dancing as clapping could be heard from the shadowy trees that surrounded her. Her breath caught for just a moment until Spike�s figure melded out from the shadows. �Nice little show you got going ducks!�

�William!� Willow shouted happily. �William,� she said his name again, suddenly realizing that he�d been there the whole time and didn�t help her.

�Willow�now that we know each other�s names we can move on, eh?� In a big huff, Willow bent to pick up her bag, hurriedly waking away from the blond vampire �Ah, come off it, Red, I got you a prezzie�.� He smiled as Willow halted in her tracks, but still didn�t face him. �Ah come on luv, it�s really nice��

Standing in the middle of the haunted street Willow sighed, her long red hair whipping around her slim figure. She never could stay mad at Spike long, especially when there was a present involved. �Fine, come on but I�ll warn you ahead of time we�re out of ice cream, Mister.�

Spike jogged to catch up with Willows pulling his duster tighter around his lanky frame. �Don�t fret, pet I bought some earlier tonight, it�s already in your freezer.�

Willow smiled at Spike�s kind gesture and pulled out her keys to open the door. Frowning she turned to him, �but don�t you think you get off that easily Mister.�

�Damn, ice cream always works, isn�t that a girl thing or something�� Spike muttered under his breath as he followed her into the house.

Dropping her things on the counter, Willow headed upstairs, calling back down to Spike, �I finally got that bench for the balcony. Just bring up the ice cream and stuff we can eat it up here.� Willow lit a few of the candles sitting out on the balcony and quickly put away the glass of holy water and cross she had out before Spike came up. Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes for a moment and she felt herself drift off until Spike dropped the huge, cold tub of ice cream in her lap. �Ophhh�Will�� He chuckled at her, handing a spoon to her before digging in. �Ewwww�go get some bowls, Spike.�

�Bloody hell�women! All with your feminist acts but when it really comes down to the nitty gritty you squeal and make a man do it. Go get �em yourself Willow, its� not like I got any bloody disease anyway.�

Raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow, Willow questioned him, �aren�t you in enough trouble tonight mister?� Waving his spoon at her, he dug into the ice cream and Willow followed suit. Digging into the soft sugary concoction she smiled. �He told me, he loved me tonight�� Willow began shoving another mouthful of the cold cream down her throat.

�See, told you he would Luv, Spike�s always right!�

Rolling her eyes she continued, �Oh Goddess it felt so good to hear him say it. I really think I may be falling for him, William.� Spike stopped eating to watch Willow carefully with dark blue eyes as she looked dreamily up to the moon. She looked so happy, so content, Spike realized. When he�d first met the shy little hacker, she�d been pining away for the loser, Xander. Although he was happy for her, something inside of him was sad, making him feel he was losing her in some small way.

Pushing those thoughts away, Spike looked at her carefully before he began. �Willow, I�m happy for you, but be careful. If he hurts you, I swear��

�Spike, save the gore details for someone else.� She smiled at him, knowing he meant well. She shivered slightly and curled up, laying her head in his lap. They sat this way for nearly an hour of silence the only sound was Willow�s slow rhythmic breathing and the rustling of the leaves. Willow was drifting off to sleep the feeling of Spike�s fingers running though her hair, relaxing her.

Spike spoke suddenly and so quietly that Willow almost thought she�d imagined it. �Drusilla and I used to do this on nights Angelus and Darla went out to hunt. She was my Sire, you know.� The statement came out of nowhere, leaving Willow slightly bewildered and Spike regretful. He was getting too attached to her, forgetful that she was human; that was not good.

�I thought Angelus was�.� Willow asked, her sentence dangling like all the unanswered questions that plagued the innocent in the demon�s lap.

�Drusilla was my maker,� Spike paused, reflecting on all the wonderful emotions his dark goddess could bring out in him. His thoughts turned darker as his mind danced towards the secrets that he promised himself he would keep locked away forever. They were part of him that died the day Angelus was so cruelly taken by Darla, ages before the gypsy girl. Shaking his head clear he forced himself to return to the present, dwelling on the past only brought hurt.

�She wasn�t fit to teach me how to truly hunt then. She was teetering on the edges of insanity still.� Closing his eyes Spike savored the taste of his first true kill in his mouth. Angelus had told him his first true hunt would be special, stay with him forever. Her name was Cecelia; she had tormented William, the human, the poet, endlessly. He was so angry with her that night, he rushed off into the darkness to weep in private. But his dark goddess came and changed his world forever. When he was turned he had never known such desire. His sorrow faded and his rage grew. He wanted her to hurt like he did, to scream out in eternal anguish. Never before had he known the lust for retaliation. This vindictive feeling was new to him-overwhelming. The maliciousness left a bitter taste in his mouth, yet� satisfying. He would wait; he could wait forever. That �someday� would come eventually and when it did he was ready. Ready to vindicate his revenge with ferocity he�d never imagined. His demon crowed in triumph and that was the first day Angelus had spoken a kind word. Dripping in blood, Angelus laid a hand on Williams�s shoulder; his eyes glittered as he spoke. �Well William my boy, perhaps you won�t disappoint me after all.� His rough Irish brogue flowed like the rivets of blood splattered around to the room freely. William, so naive then, had simply relished the slaughter and death; Angelus�s techniques of mental and physical torture hadn�t quite had the time to rub off on the impressionable William yet.

Willow�s warm inquisitive hand on Spike�s cold and callous one catapulted him back into the future. �He taught me everything I know, although I could never quite get the techniques Angelus used so well down. Demon was still too young�so powerfully driven by blood, death and gore. In the beginning I couldn�t control it. As I grew older and matured, the demons control lessened a little, and I was able to control my actions more.� Spike paused, wondering if that was entirely true. Sometimes Spike swore Angelus was just as lost as he sometimes, yet he never showed it- always in control. Spike was trying so hard to keep from spilling his darkest secrets to Willow. Their presence weighted so heavily on him. How he longed to feel the release of their burdens!

Willow sat up, her eyes staring deep into his, not saying a word, she waited for what she knew must be the inevitable. Spike willed the images that haunted his past to go away but even as he wished for it he could hear the words flowing from his dead pink lips.

Willow wasn�t sure what Spike was going to tell her, but she had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with Angelus and their bad relationship. Resting her hand on the small of his back for support she urged him to talk to her.

�I hated him at first Red. I resented the hold he had over Dru and his relationship with her. I mean my God she was my Sire; supposed to protect me from him! How could she do that when she couldn�t even protect herself?� Spike�s last question came out in a strangled whisper. �It was the same every time�she�d crawl back to our bedroom beaten, cut up, battered and bloody. Each time I took her and nursed her back to health, caring for her, cleaning her up and loving her; only to have her run back into his arms. I loved her with all my heart, gave her everything she ever wanted, but it still wasn�t enough to compete with Angelus. Even after he was souled! She compared me to him every chance she got! I wasn�t demon enough for her, didn�t hurt her enough. Angelus gave her something I couldn�t...but the worst part of it, the worst part�I still couldn�t help but want to be like him, want to please her and him, I need their approval Red. � Sighing softly Spike fumbled with unsteady hands to light a cigarette, he needed something to keep his hands busy, keep them from shaking. Taking a deep breath he allowed the smoke to curl around his dead lungs before he exhaled.

Spike seemed to have regained the composure he needed; his voice different almost detached as he spoke. �Can�t blame it all on him I suppose, Darla was a screwy little bitch. She had a very skewed view of sexuality and love, fucked Angelus over good. Oh what a pair they made!� The sarcasm was rich in Spike�s voice, and the next few sentences came out almost nonchalant. �Both never knew true love, too young I suppose. Love�s a funny thing you know, it can tear your whole world apart in seconds but it can also make it. Drusilla and Angelus made mine then. We were happy when Darla was away�there were some nights when Drusilla was out hunting on her own and it was just Angelus and me. He was so different then. But you have to understand I was attracted to something else besides the demon. Now don�t get me wrong ducks, I loved the demon but there was something more inside of him. We sat for hours talking about anything; literature, poetry, painting and we�d spend some of our nights in museums. We had more than just a friendship, Red, we were�. I l-� Spike paused for a moment, ashamed to tell Red about their love. Yet when he looked to her all he saw was understanding and acceptance. �Remember the night I attacked Buffy at Parent/Teacher night, pet?� Willow nodded her head and he continued. �That was the night the wanker tried to pass himself off as Angelus. For a second I almost believed him but he called me called me Spike. Angelus always called me William; the real Angelus hated the name Spike. I was always William to him, always�� Willow suddenly had a new look on why Spike relished the fact she referred to him as William.

She knew Spike had trouble sharing his feeling and thoughts. She was lucky he�d told her this much. Sometimes when she heard Buffy or Giles talking about vampires not having a soul she wondered if they were wrong. Spike maybe didn�t have a soul, but he did have something else. He felt love and hurt, he knew more than just lust.

�It all changed though, it was nearly half a decade after I was turned when it happened. Darla came back to find us�needless to say she wasn�t too thrilled and had it out with Angelus. She tolerated Drusilla because she was Angelus� Childe but I was different. She wanted me out. Angelus refused and she took him away with her. They came back a month later; he was very different.� Spike shuddered suddenly; gasping for breath as if he was reliving the nightmares Willow was about to hear.

�He came back just as Darla wanted him; bent to her will, a true monster. He stormed into Dru�s and my bedroom. He grabbed her, intending to reinforce the bond with her, but under Darla's instructions he went to far, almost killed her. I don�t really remember what I was thinking but when I saw her like that, worse then all the times before, I snapped. I attacked him, fought him with all I was worth. I didn�t give a damn if I lost or won, just wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. But it was futile I was no match for both of them. Darla helped him� that night Angelus was so cruel, he used my feelings for him against me. But Dru, Dru came in, watched and did nothing. He- after she and him-� Spike�s face contorted in pain as he gasped, falling to the floor, the lit cigarette falling to the ground as his body shuddered.

Willow was beside him a minute, holding his head in her lap, caressing him as bloody tears fell from his eyes and his body was wracked with sobs. Willow had never heard such painful and inhuman wails before. They tore at her heartstrings, bleeding them dry. She knew what Spike was going to say. That night Angelus raped Spike, tortured him both mentally and physically. Between Darla, Dru, and Angelus they�d screwed him up pretty damn good. Willow whispered soothing words to Spike but she feared they did nothing to really help. Rocking him back and forth Willow�s mind ran wild with all the information Spike had given her. Spike had a hard time after Angelus was cursed, dealing with Drusilla. And even after everything Spike had done for Drusilla she�d betrayed him in the end and let Angelus do all those terrible things, even joining in.

Entangled, Spike clung to Willow as he cried; he hated the vulnerability he felt suddenly. The tears eventually subsided and Spike�s body was still against Willow�s. He felt strangely better but he wasn�t foolish enough to believe that this solved all his problems. Spike realized he had a long way to go to completely heal and perhaps he never would. But he had taken the first step and that was the most important and besides, Willow would be there to help him through it. Gazing up at Willow he suddenly wondered when this little slip of a girl had become so important in his life. It was selfish of Spike to assume Willow would help him but then again, that was Spike. Willow jumped as she felt Spike�s intense blue gaze studying her. �Take a picture, it�ll last longer,� she commented jokingly. Turning serious she asked, �Are you ok?� Spike frowned, he hated the way she made him feel so human, or something like human.

�Fine,� Spike mumbled as he lay his head down on Willow�s chest. As they lay together Willows thoughts began to drift. It was ironic how this so-called demon had so much love and devotion but all he gave it to seemed to reject it. Cecelia resented the weakness in the poet yet for Drusilla and Angelus he wasn�t demon enough. But what� what was he to her? It was the silent yet patient voice that we all have in our minds that asks questions it shouldn�t and demands answers it has no right to know; yet we always answer it. What was he to her? A little whisper that Willow missed as she fell into slumber silently said, Perfect. He was absolutely perfect.