Soul Food
by Cyndy and Sara
Angelus was sprawled on his brand new leather sofa. He�dtaken the liberty of
sprucing up the soulled wonder�s hotel. He patted himselfdown, looking for a
cigarette. He could really use one. Damn, left them
upstairs. Angelus glanced up. Wesley
was still prattling on about something. The exasperating
ex-Watcher was holding anancient text, reading aloud with an almost feverish
excitement. He was describing a
Blogch demon ritual and what they do to their virginsacrifices.
Angelus� ears perked up at that. He remembered lots of�virgin sacrifices� from
both his human and vampire days. Though, when he was humanthe virgins walked
away from the encounter. His mouth twisted into a smirk.
And they usually walkedback to him for more of the same. As a vampire, Angelus
loved the way maidens tasted.
There was something to be said for purity after all. Some
of his favorite huntinggrounds were convents. Ahhh, those were the days.
Angelus had come back from Sunnydale, determined to becomeAngel. He was
convinced that through his �better� half�s connections, he
could discover how to have
this damnable chip removed. He�d told Wesley, Cordelia,and Gunn about his chip
and they�d been angry on his behalf. Apparently, Angel had
to infrequently rough up
humans in order to get information. They had agreed to helphim and they�d been
researching it ever since.
They had all noticed an attitude change in Angel but hadattributed it to his
recent �dark period� and subsequent �epiphany.� They
hadn�t even questioned his better
mood or his renewed sense of humor. All of them had simply
accepted him, welcomedhim back into the fold.
Cordelia walked into the room. S he held a bag emblazonedwith a store logo
aloft. �Guess what I found?� Angelus sat up and patted the sofa. �Do tell.�
She sat down with a flourish and reached into the bag topull out a pair of fine
leather gloves. �Bought these for you, Angel. They wereon sale.�
Angelus picked them up and put them on his hands. �Leather driving gloves.�
He said reverently. He�d always wanted a pair. �Thanks,
Cordelia. You�re a doll.� Hekissed her on the cheek. In the past weeks, the
ex-cheerleader had grown on him. They
had so much in common. She was vain. So was he. She had
impeccable fashion sense. So did he. She was gorgeous. So was he.
Cordelia and he had bonded quickly. After being in L.A.for two weeks,
Angelus had begun to despair about Angel�s wardrobe whenshe had suggested a
shopping exertion. She was the one who encouraged him to
buy some leather pants.
He�d been afraid to wear them because everyone knew of his
fondness for them. Now,they often went shopping together and even did lunch in
trendy restaurants. She knew
where all the sales were and she always made him laugh.
He smiled at her, this was one positive thing to come out
of his �chip fiasco�. To
think he could�ve eaten this girl without a second thought.He found her honesty
refreshing. He might even consider turning her after he
got his chip removed. And she
thought moisturizing was the key to younger looking skin!
Yes she was lovely. Though, she
wasn�t as beautiful as a certain redhead he knew.
Angelus had spoken with Willow on several occasions in thepast two months.
Things between his childe and his love weren�t going as
well as planned. Willow had
recently increased her magickal abilities and that was
frightening the other Scoobies as
much as the hellgoddess they were fighting. He had offered
his help but the Slayer had
insisted that this was her problem and was happening in hertown. Angelus had
merely shrugged, his only concern had really been Willow�ssafety. Willow had
reassured him by saying that when she�d had the misfortune
to meet up with this Glory
woman she�d held her own. Pretty good considering the fact
that she was a goddess.
�As I was saying,� Wesley harrumphed. He opened his mouthto begin again
and was promptly interrupted.
�Wes was just telling me how to properly perform a virginsacrifice.� Angelus
leaned closer to her with a rakish smile. �Care to
volunteer for a demonstration?� Then
he raised one eyebrow at her. �Hmm. It was probably�sacrificed� long ago.�
Cordelia screeched and smacked him on the arm. �Angel!� She reached into her
bag. �Now, for the good stuff. Wait until you see what Igot me.�
She pulled out a classic �little black dress�. It would
look perfect on her frame. He nodded in approval. Then she produced a bottle of
perfume. She held out to him,
he sniffed obligingly. �Mmm. Jasmine and a hint of musk?� �Yep. Like it?�
�Very much. Good choices, Cordelia.� �About those demons. . .�
�Can�t you just tell me how to kill the demons and spareme the details?�
Angelus was more of an action kind of vampire anyway. He honestly didn�t care how
these demons liked to eat their virgins as long as he could
stop them and get on with his unlife.
Unfortunately, performing good acts was a side affect ofbecoming Angel. He�d
killed countless demons. Angelus had begun to like itthough. Demons were much
more formidable adversaries than humans. It kept his
fighting skills sharp and his wits
about him. Angelus was convinced that this made him sort
of a vampire�s vampire. After all, he was terrorizing the things that terrorized
humans. The only downside was
that he couldn�t eat the victims he had saved. And all of
those humans were rude. Not
a single one of them had offered him some blood for saving
their worthless, mortalhides.
Gunn walked in, swinging an ax. �We gonna kill these uglies or what?�
�Sounds like a plan.� Angelus said, standing up and walking to his weapons
stash. He had a grudging admiration for the self-appointed
vampire slayer. Gunn wasquick on his feet and a fierce fighter for a human. He
cast a speculative eye at the
young man. He�d make one hell of a vampire one day. OnceAngelus was restored to
his former glory.
*******
Later on that evening, the crew walked back in the hotel. The demons were
dead, the women had been saved. Good had won. Again. Well, whoopdifriggin�do!
Angelus had more pressing matters. His pants, for example.
Angelus looked down at them. Covered in slime. What wasit with demons and
slime? They were always oozing it everywhere. And they
always smelled. Disgusting!
Another pair of perfectly good leather pants ruined for the
sake of a few silly virgins.Being good was expensive.
�Angel?� A tentative voice said.
Angelus looked in the direction of his office. She stoodthere framed in the
doorway. Willow. She was here and she had tears in hereyes. �Oh, Angel.�
�What is it?� He asked gently. Had his thoughtless childe
broken her heart? Was shecoming to him for help? He could only hope. �Buffy.�
Angelus gritted his teeth. The Slayer again. �What abouther?�
She walked closer to him, her skin was so pale. Shehadn�t been sleeping,
judging from the size of the circles under her eyes.
�Buffy�s d-dead.� He held out his
arms to her and she entered them willingly, softly crying
against his chest. �I�m so sorry, Angel. I tried to save her, but-�
�Shh. Let it out.� She did, sobbing against his chest.
Angelus didn�t feel remorse for the Slayer�s passing. It
was what she was born todo, give her life to save humanity. He did feel remorse
for Willow�s pain and obviousguilt.
�Buffy�s dead?� Cordelia whispered. Everyone had heardwhat was going on
but wanted to give Angel a minute to adjust to the news.She embraced Wesley and
they held each other. Mourning a mutual friend and abrilliant slayer.
�She was a good fighter.� Wesley said.
�Yeah.� Cordelia sniffed. �The best.� She and Buffyhadn�t been friends but she
still regretted her passing. Buffy had saved her life more
times than she could count. She was a good person.
Gunn walked over to them and squeezed their arms. �Buffywas a friend?�
�Yes.� Wesley said. �She was a Vampire Slayer. The bestI�ve ever seen.�
Gunn nodded, he�d heard of Buffy and what a Vampire Slayerwas. He also
knew that Angel and the girl had a �thing� before. Rightnow, the big guy was
comforting the redhead who, Gunn assumed, was anotherfriend of Buffy�s.
Willow pulled back from Angelus. �I�m so sorry I couldn�t save her, Angel. If
we�d been able to stop-�
�Willow, you�re not to blame for this. Understand?� Shenodded reluctantly. He
had his work cut out for him on this one. �Why don�t you
come upstairs? You need to talk.�
�Alright.� Willow agreed, she was still in a state of shock.
Angelus ushered her upstairs, waiving to his crew as they
left for the night. He
wanted to talk to His Willow, ease her pain and fear. Work
his way back into her lifeand once he was there no one would take her from him.
Unasked questions burned in
his mind. What wasn�t she telling him? And why wasn�t Spike here soothing her?
Angelus sat in a chair smoking a cigarette and watching Willow sleep. He still
couldn�t believe it. She was here. In his bed. . . whereshe belonged.
He�d given her the top of a pair of his pajamas to wear.
They were far too largefor her and the creamy skin of her left shoulder was
revealed to him. It took all his
willpower not to walk over and slide into bed with her. Hebegan to sketch her
sleeping form as he leaned back in his chair.
Her chest was rising and falling in an even rhythm. Shelooked so peaceful as
she was lying there, her hair spread on his pillow like a
crimson fan. Willow haddrifted off to sleep easily two hours before, exhausted
after their lengthy talk.
He had listened to her give him a blow-by-blow account oftheir fight with
Glory. Willow and Spike were on the top of the tower
fighting a demon named �Doc�.
Willow�s powers were formidable but she�d become distractedwhen Spike was
attacked. The demon managed to throw both his childe and
Willow from the top of a
building. Luckily, Spike had landed first, cushioning the
witch�s fall. She�d escapedfrom the encounter with only a few bruises and cuts.
The demon had then cut Dawn and opened the gates to allthe dimensions.
Buffy had managed to defeat Glory but Giles had actually
killed her while she was in
human form. The Slayer then offered her own blood to close
the gates. They�d all wept
when they saw her broken body but had been forced intoaction because of the many
demons which had just been loosed on Sunnydale. Somehow
�Doc� escaped their wrath,they thought he might have skipped town.
The Scoobies had fought valiantly for two days, notstopping to eat or even
sleep. After the last demon was killed they had mourned
their Slayer. They had made
all the funeral preparations and had chosen a phrase for
her tombstone. . . �She saved
the world. A lot.� It was all they could think of.
Willow said to adequately express what
Buffy meant to her, they�d have to write on every tombstone
in all of Sunnydale�s many
cemeteries. Despite himself, Angelus had been moved. His
Willow was capable of such
a strong and true devotion to someone she loved. When he
was through, all of thatcaring and concern would be focused solely on him.
Angelus had patiently held her and stroked her back whileshe spoke in a small
voice to him about the events of the last few days. She
reminded him of a frightened
little girl. Which not only made her more appealing, butit also made his animal
protective instincts rise. He�d told her that everything
would be alright and that Buffy
was at peace, having earned her eternal reward. But it
felt so good to have her lean on
him, need him. He�d bind her to him anyway he could.
Willow never volunteered information on how her powers had increased.
Angelus suspected that she had probably aligned herself
with some dark source. This
fact didn�t bother him, he always knew Willow had a dark
side, he wanted to be thereto help her explore it.
She had also refused to talk about Spike or why hewasn�t here. He had heard
that there were arguments going on between the two whenWillow had phoned him
over the past couple of months. She would never give
particulars, protective of Spike�s
privacy and his hatred of his sire. Angelus had dropped
the subject of Spike, not
wanting to upset her anymore than she already was. He would
bide his time and get hisquestions answered soon enough.
Buffy�s funeral would be taking place in two days time. Willow had asked him
to attend and Angelus had agreed but he wasn�t thrilled at
the prospect. At least it
would give him an opportunity to wear that black suit Cordy
had insisted he buy ontheir last shopping excursion. Oh, and his new Italian
loafers with the silver buckles!
The Slayer, at best, had been a worthy adversary. He hadnone of Angel�s
feelings for her. Couldn�t stand her at all. He had his
opinions on her death, but wisely
kept them to himself. He thought she merely fulfilled her
destiny, she died to save theworld. Besides, most Slayer�s rarely lived to see
eighteen years. It was the kind of
venerated end that befitted a formidable Slayer. Still, he
was sad that he could not have
played a more crucial role in her death. Sure, the
�Scourge of Europe� was more than
title enough for him. But adding �Killer of the Oldest
Slayer� had a certain ring to it.
Still, it couldn�t be helped. It was done, no use crying
over spilled Slayer blood.
Willow had played right into his hands when she asked himto return to
Sunnydale indefinitely. He didn�t have to invent an excuse
to go back. He had been
invited. Invitations mean a lot to vampires. In the wake
of Buffy�s death, the Hellmouth�s
demonic activity heated up and they had been busy
patrolling and researching to stop
the hordes of demons who were jockeying for position in the
Slayerless Sunnydale. They needed someone to help rid Sunnydale of �beasties�
until the demonic activity
died down. It was a daunting task but Angelus had eagerly
agreed. Anything for His Willow.
*******
�You should eat something.� Angelus said, holding out a plate of eggs he had
made for her using Soulboy�s recipe.
�I�ll try.� She said, taking the eggs. She hadn�t had much
of an appetite lately. She still lay in his bed. He sat down beside her at her
hip. �Feeling any better?�
�Yes. I think telling you. . .just made it real somehow.
I-I�m sorry to. . .forhaving cried like that. . .I know that you were special to
each other. You�re probably
dealing with all this grief right now and babysitting me
isn�t helping.� She took a forkfull of food.
Angelus stroked her cheek. �Buffy and I were over a long
time ago. �I do. . .� he
gulped, trying hard not to choke on the words. �Miss her
but it�s not the same thing.�
�Angel, I know that she was with Riley, but she neverstopped loving you. Not
really. You were always special to her, you touched a part
of her that no one else could. You know that, don�t you?�
He merely nodded. Actually, from what Spike was saying,
anyone with a nice smile
and a ready compliment could touch that part of her, but he
didn�t think Willow would
appreciate hearing that fact right now. This was the part
he hated. . .pretending to careabout the things that Angel did.
He felt nothing for the Slayer but he had to give aconvincing performance. He
knew he was a great actor. After all, he fooled Gunn,
Cordelia, and Wesley for a couple
of months. In fact, he used to trod the boards. Heremembered those days with
fondness. Darla would watch him from a private box. He�dgive a marvelous
performance, earning thunderous applause and a standing
ovation. Then, he�d take a
few bows, collect the flowers that had been thrown to him,
and then eat the other actors
after the last curtain call. Eventually though, he got
tired of having to bite neckscovered in greasepaint. That stuff left a bitter
aftertaste to the blood. And there were
only so man theater troupes he could join and then devour.
Thank the Devil, Angelwasn�t one of those �new age� men who wept all the time.
All he had to do was look sadoccasionally and furrow his brow.
There was a knock on the door. Angelus got up to answerit. Cordelia stood on
the other side and spoke in low tones. �Angel, I just
wanted to tell you that I�ve made
all the travel arrangements. We leave tomorrow night.�
***************
Angelus held a bloody axe at his side as he strolled out
of the alleyway, black coat undulating around him. He glanced over his shoulder at his handiwork, gratified to see bits o� demon were lying on trash cans and across empty boxes. Everywhere really. He smirked. This was too much fun. Nothing like carnage to add zest to a night
on the town. And he still had half the city left to patrol! He�d probably get to kill again before the night was through. Then he could go back to his hotel suite where Willow would be waiting for him. This night couldn�t get much better.
*******
Willow knelt by Buffy�s grave. With a slicing motion of
her hand she temporarily released the protection spell she had cast
over the grave site. She wanted to protect Buffy�s remains from marauding demons who might use the Slayer�s remains in a spell or for some horrible trophy. She opened the double chocolate mocha she�d
brought with her. � I got this for you.� Her eyes grew watery. �I know you can�t drink it, but I think about you all the time and I wanted you to have it. � She choked back a sob. �It�s strange, little things set me off. Like drinking mochas, you and I used to do that all the time and then we�d talk. � She sighed. �Everything was so simple
then. But now you�re gone, no more mochas and all day mall shopping. No more laughing �til my sides hurt and crying together to ease the
pain.� She sighed, letting the tears fall down her face. � I want you to know that I haven�t forgotten you. I�ll never forget you. I miss you, Buffy, I don�t care how many Slayers come after you. There�s
only one Buffy Anne Summers and she was my best friend.�
She poured the mocha beside the grave. It was silly, but she felt like she was making a statement to Buffy with the gesture. She pressed two fingertips to her mouth and placed them on the headstone, a cool kiss. She stood again and then put the barrier back up before turning
to walk away.
It had been a week since Buffy�s funeral. Willow had managed to go about her daily routines. The demonic activity had actually been
helpful to her because it provided a distraction. Angel had been wonderful, always there by her side. He�d readily taken on all the bad things that had tried to make trouble. Lately, she�d been going over to his hotel after he was done patrolling. He listened to her talk about her feelings and about Buffy but he never voiced any of his own pain. Willow understood though, after having been in a relationship with a laconic man like Oz. She understood his need to keep that to himself.
She was also trying desperately to stifle the attraction she had to Angel. The love of his unlife had just died and she was thinking about. . .well, she was a terrible person.
Ever since he kissed her the night he�d gotten his soul back Willow had been thinking about him off and on. It was so strange, she�d never
thought of Angel in that way before. Sure, she admired him physically, he was a handsome man. The way she was feeling about him now was similar to her reaction to Angelus.
She had been talking on the phone with him frequently. Sometimes, after Spike had gone to bed she felt the urge to call Angel. She�d take the phone out on her balcony and had listened to the deep rumble of his voice. He was witty and sexy. . .and so much like Angelus she wanted to come to L.A. and kiss him again. Or give him a few chocolate bars until. . .bad witch!
She�d also been haunted by Angel�s comment about Spike not
completely being a demon anymore. What did that mean exactly? She�d
researched it on the sly and hadn�t found out any known cases of spontaneous demon reversal or whatever you could call it. She hadn�t mentioned it to Spike either. Knowing him, she�d have to keep all
wooden objects away form him for a few weeks after she�d told him. Spike loved his demon qualities. Willow kinda liked them to.
It was horrible to admit having feelings for a demon. What attracted her to Spike, attracted her to Angelus. Buffy had been very angry with her because of the Angelus incident but their friendship was stronger, they had persevered. Willow had explained to Buffy that it wasn�t Angel she was attracted to but Angelus. Then she had closed her eyes and waited for the Slayer to freak out. Instead, she�d gotten a lecture from Buffy on what demons are. She could practically hear
her voice now. Remember the demon the mayor turned into? That�s what Angelus would look like if he weren�t hanging out in Angel�s body! Yep, Wills, you want to get it on with a scaly snake guy.
Then there was the Spike factor. A relationship with him
was proving more difficult than she thought. They had kept it secret from the other scoobies and it was putting a strain on their relationship. But neither one of them wanted Spike to end up a
pile of ashes. She couldn�t win.
�Red?�
Willow looked up, momentarily startled. �Spike.� Her
voice was neutral. She looked up to see him resting against a headstone. Spike had been staying with Dawn since the Slayer�s death. They had finally reached her �father� only to find that he had no memories of her. The monks had evidently left a loophole in their manufactured memories. Dawn was crushed, she felt she had no one. But
Spike had stepped in, it seemed that he had grown to care about her somewhere in the middle of his Buffy obsession. He had moved in the Summers� house and was caring for her. �How are you?�
�Fine, just fine. And you? I know that Angel is here.
Rupert mentioned it to me.� Spike had stopped interacting with the Scoobies for the most part, Dawn was his only concern now. He didn�t come to meetings anymore. Never even stopped by the Magic Box.
�Yes, Angel�s here. He�s been patrolling every night.�
She sighed, tears were starting to form in her eyes. She felt the careless facade she�d carefully constructed to mask her pain begin to disintegrate as she stared at him. �Spike. . .w-w-what happened
to us? Ever since. . .ever since Buffy�s death you�ve been distant. I know that things weren�t always easy between us before. I know that we had a lot of fights, but I thought you cared enough about me to at least try.�
Spike felt his own eyes begin to tear up. He reached forward and grasped her shoulders to pull her into his embrace. She sobbed into his chest and he felt his heart break. �I�m sorry, luv, I just can�t do this anymore. I can�t stand here and let you. . .�
He broke off before he said too much. He put a hand to her chin and forced her to look him in the eye to bring home his point. �Never doubt that I care about you. Always. But, I�m going to move in with Dawn, she needs me right now.� Willow felt curiously numb. He walked away from her swiftly before he lost his nerve.
********
Spike rolled his eyes heavenward, staring at the deceptively beautiful night sky. Spike had faced some harsh realities as a result of the Slayer�s death. Willow was mortal. One day she would die. She�d be lost to him forever. Losing Dru had nearly killed him, he didn�t even want to contemplate what losing Willow would do. Spike
didn�t even consider the possibility of turning her. He didn�t want to. He wanted her, Willow. Everything that made her so very special belonged to the soul. The demon that would inhabit her body would merely go through the motions. And even if he did give her the soul back, she�d be doomed to an existence devoid of true happiness. Just
look at Peaches. Could he really do that to the woman he loved?
Of course not. She needed to marry a normal, human man
and have children. It didn�t matter that the thought of seeing her walk down the aisle and say �I do� to some silly human who would never appreciate her made him want to put his fist through a wall. He had to do what was best for her. Be cruel to be kind and all that. She needed to forget about him, move on. He cursed violently as he
continued to walk. Spike even made up new curse words because the many words that he knew didn�t do this situation justice. He was well and truly love�s bitch.
This realization of mortality even extended to the scoobies. Bloody hell. He was starting to care about them too. These attachments made him uncomfortable. He was used to only having Drusilla depend on him. But she was immortal, at one time he�d
though that she would never leave his side. They were supposed to be eternal, from the night she changed him she had always been there for him. Now look at him. No Drusilla and there would be no Willow either. He couldn�t suffer the agony of loss again. The only one who was safe to be around was Dawn. She was immortal, just like him. She would never ever leave him willingly.
*******
Willow walked to Angel�s hotel in a daze. It was over
with Spike. She couldn�t believe it ended like this, on the edge of a graveyard a few feet from her best friend�s grave. Buffy. Goddess! I was here all the time and I didn�t realize it. He was still in
love with Buffy. He probably hadn�t gotten over her, she�d noticed that Spike was intense. He either loved something or he loathed it. He couldn�t have cast the Slayer from his heart so easily. Maybe she�d been a stand-in, a way to help him get over her. No wonder he�d taken her death so hard. That�s why he couldn�t seem to look at her
anymore. That was it, he loved Buffy. Just like Angel.
*******
Willow knocked on Angel�s door. He answered it wearing a
towel, moisture clung to his body and his hair was wet. �Oh, I�m sorry. I didn�t know you�d be-� What? Be half naked and wet? �busy.�
�I�m never too busy for you. After all you�re my friend. �
She thought she saw a devilish gleam in those black eyes of his when he opened the door wider and the towel at his waist accidently slipped an inch and a half. She looked at the opposite wall as she walked in. Poor Angel, here he was in the middle of a shower and she was bugging
him yet again. She looked forward to the talks they had though.
Angelus watched the nervous redhead blush beet red as she
sat at the small table in his room. If he had known he could have provoked this kind of reaction from her so easily he would have gotten naked a lot sooner. Deciding to test his newfound power, he walked into the bathroom and put on the white terrycloth bathrobe provided by the hotel. It left a generous portion of his chest exposed.
She looked up at him and then down again, fidgeting with
her hands. �Uh, don�t you want to get dressed Angel?� Please, please, please get dressed. Before, I do something stupid.
�No, I�m comfortable. Unless I�m making you. . .?�
Hell, yes. �Oh. Don�t be silly, of course not.�
�Good. Now, tell me what�s bothering you.�
She met his eyes again and already started to tear up. �I
ran into Spike. �H-he broke up with me.�
Angelus reached across the table and took her hands in his
own. He had tread very carefully here. �I�m so sorry, Willow.� He brought her soft warm hand to his face and brushed a kiss across the knuckle. She stood up shakily, never breaking eye contact with him and threw her arms around him. Then she started to sob, really letting it out all out. She cried for Buffy and for little Dawn. She cried for Spike, and most of all for herself.
Angelus pulled her down into his lap and she didn�t
protest. She just clung to him, seeking his support. She�d fallen right into his hands. Yes, this night couldn�t get much better.
tbc...
Back to Willow/Angel(is)
Back to Fanfic