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refresh | guestbook | picture name: allen age: 19 sex: male school: UHoL aim: krazyfinklyuri aa: krazypinoy808 email: [email protected]
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to see you when i wake up is a gift i didn't think could be real to know that you feel the same as i do is a three fold utopian dream you do something to me that i can't explain so would i be out of line if i said I MISS YOU. i see your picture i smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine you have only been gone 10 days but already i'm wasting away i know i'll see you again, whether far or soon but i need you to know that i care, and I MISS YOU. ------  Sunday, 20 October 2002
[22.52] ok... let's have a big welcome back to C.A. it must've been hell in that house. haha. i finally bought my memory sitck. *err* too much money, but now i can extend the use of my cli�. (alt+0233) i can take out all the stupid pics that the whole world decided to take when they were in possession of my toy. * 2 days since i last spoke. hrmm. my badd. * work today sucked as usuall. i think i'm going to have to release my self from that job. it's just not enough money. and i can't possibly add more hours becuase schooling and stuff. maybe next semester, or i'll get a seasonal job. christmas is right around the river bend, how high will the sicamore grow if you cut it down... whoa whoa whoa! haha. oops... mind's going crazy now. too much disney. i still didn't deposit my last paycheck... a whopping 138.78. *ahem... compared to someone's 400 ahem (drawing a J with my righ pinky next to my right ear)* * i think my first speech is going burn when we deliver it on tuesday. our group didn't even meet up yet. not even once. well, we had like a good 2 minutes in front of math class on friday. we were supposed to meet up tonight but i guess not. i just hope that i get my part done in time. *pray* i'm so behind in my chemistry... i think i'll do that... the "like" life: how can one control themselves?did you ever have that feeling where you had something to say, not to anyone in particular, just to talk your mind but you didn't have no one to go to? it's all building inside of you, and the only thing you can do is sit in the dark and talk to God about it. just everything out there. idk how this is supposed to work out though. Friday night jacob, melissa, chelsea (spell check... mi ahn he), and i went out thinking that the kapolei fair was that night. but it wasn't... oopsh. silly us. so we decided to go watch movies instead. we went and watched "the ring" which by the way is an awsome movie. after that we dropped off chelsea and mozzied on down to zippy's in aiea. there, me and melissa was having a conversation. in direct subjection towards me and my "like life". she had wondered who, what, how, and why i was in the situation i was in. so i told her... and i guess she could relate to it. she had questioned whether or not i had told her how i felt about her. and obviously, me being the scrotumless bastard that i am, i didn't & i don't plan on doing so. she asked me if i liked her. i just nodded my head, "yes". then she paused... then replied to my blank emotionless face... , "do you love her?" right there, i honestly didn't know. i had to think to my self again as to what I thought what love was. i guess you could diagnose me with being luv struck. i'm such an emotional bastard! mel really made me think. because when i told her that i wasn't going to tell her how i felt about her she told me about how she came about to telling jacob about her feelings. and it worked out. but just that fear of rejection, loss of friendship, or even seeing her again would just plain old suck for me. i sorta passed it through her one day just to see what her reaction was going to be, but she just brushed it away like it was nothing. since the whole world gots thier own problems, i dont' want to bother them with mine. that's why it's on my site. *sigh* Patient: Allen-Charles Pascual Diagnosis: Love Symptoms: ∙ fast pace heart beats when around person ∙ thoughts about person stuck in head ∙ constant rambling of person around friends ∙ creation of "the like life" on ws ∙ excitment when phone rings "listen to my heart looking for your dreams" Thursday, 17 October 2002 [22.54] hello... mark: how am i supposed not come close to you?... wherever you are and where ever i am right now at the moment that you're reading this is as close as it'll get. haha. tin-tin's been talking alot about you lately. she said you're like... super shy and stuff. you're like the opposite of how you are online. hehe. try invite me too when you guys go where ever... *ahem* like to some one's graduation party... hehe. you can play with my clie too if you like... every one already did. haha. might as well let the whole world already. today was pretty good. again i have to say that i have some awsome friends. two of my friends offered to take me home, one did... even though he lived in mililani. two other friends are looking into prices for memory sticks and PDA cases. they both got hook ups... one from compusa... the other from circuit city. i just wonder if i pick them? or they pick me?... but yeah. *sigh* there's like a whole chunk of my memory on the clie (mind you that it's only 15MB built in) that's all used for just the pictures. *akk* gotta get me a MS fast! the highest one i've seen is 128... if any one can find anything else higher, please let me know. the rain really bums out my day. we were in math205 class and i just looked outside through the little window next to the door, talk about gloomy... it was a musky dull vision of humid boring-ness. my friend heather (note: not the one that i like) gave us a brief explanation as to why the wheather was like this. all i heard was, "blah blah blah ... cold front... blah blah blah ...from the north west... blah blah blah" o_O...i hate it. it's like... loneliness as a weather. dripping dropps trickling down my face. something like an artificial tear, if you will, for that one special person that I JUST CAN'T STOP THING ABOUT. tron and jacob were supposed to come here tonight. hrmmm... but jacob is at melissa's house & tron's at krystle's house. i think i'll just go finish reading and doing problems in chapter 4 for chemistry then i'll go tulog (sleep). alojerz reader. the "like" life: hello, idk if you even go online for leisure. but yeah. hello. =D  Wednesday, 16 October 2002
[22.52] ok... about yesterday... (klick here) ok. now that you've seen the pictures, here's the story. jacob, tron, krystle, wienee, & mabel came over last (even peter was on the phone) jacob was just a little too giddy last night and i was getting suspicious as to what they were going to do. so i went in my garage and there was a huge cardboard box with my name on it and stuff. i openned it and found all their jackets in there. so i was like.. "hey!!! i gots me my new winter wardrobe. ya'll ain't takin' this shiz back now!" hehehe, there was 2 of jacobs jackets (quiksilver) and tron's jacket as well (winter coat/military). talk abou SCORE! there was a box with a whole lotta tape on it. i went through that, just to find another box covered completely in duct tape. *i thought this kind of thing would never happen to me because i was the one always doing it to other people* then from there, there was another box wrapped with foam & newspaper. right there. the box was like the size of 3 of my calculus soulutions manual stacked up on each other. they stopped me right there and told me to go slowly. camera and all ... mabel was ready. jacob was all acting stupid saying, "he's gonna cry! he's gonna cry!... get the camera!!!" i was some kine of a shocked because the fact that a sony clie isn't all that cheap, and that they've been talking about it for a while now. talk about i didn't expect that! i went off with the camera on it too... shiz! btw... I LOVE IT GUYS! THANKS. i brought it to school today so i could figure out how to use it and stuff. all i gotta buy now is a memory stick and a case. hey now... here's the list again... Allen's Wish List For The Remainder Of The Year Of 2002
------ ok... about today... it wasn't all that bad. i got me my chem exam back... i got an 88/100. i would've been happy if i had a 70. hehe. damn teacher got "it's a soluble ionic compound" stuck in my head... errr. IMMA DORK after that, i headed towards my usual area of leisure & the convos there were kinda wierd... they were all talkin' about me. the wierd part was that my new friend kristen told me that some one thought i was cute. (k... that's 1) and then mabel said "yeah allen, you are cute." (no.2) then brandy said, "mmmhhmm... you're a cutie." (strike 3) what are the chances of me... mr. skinny pangit boi... having another girlfriend? hrmm... i told my self that i wasn't going to have any one in my life till i'm out of college. but obviously the loneliness just crept in and now i'm hung on someone. *damn you* but yeah. kinda freaky though because it's sorta like what mark's going through, but not exactly what he wants. "WHERE'S THE BOY'S!" -mark christine signed me up for a dance performance at lcc. she's choreographing the dance and stuff. i'm just skered because i never danced for the school yet *notice i said yet because one semester or another i was going to* sign up is on the 23rd, and try outs are on the 29th. hrmm... 3 mins of dancing in 6 days. can i do it? i hope so. should i go? hrmm... idk? imma jet now. still got me a program to do. alojerz reader. the love: still there... the site: added pic.html... Tuesday, 15 October 2002 [16.58][sitting in front of the library at school] the love: out of reach... damnit! I LIKE YOU!!! [15.13] hello... i guess you could say that today is my day. another year has lapsed and i'm still thankfull for the things that everyone has done for me. same family, same friends... well... a few new friends. *one in which i can't stop freakin' thinking about!*, new dog, same fish... speaking of fish... my very first fish that i have is going to be 2yrs old on the 19th. haha. how ghetto is that... i still remember when i got it. here's first 10 people that greeted me today (in order). Mom($20), Dad(party), Ofelia(txt), Arlene(card), Tio, Jacob, Melissa, Anessa(txt), Mary(punch), Tron. *notice people that my crush's name isn't on there* oh wellz. *tear*... i guess today after everyone's done with work and what not, we're all going to zippy's. idk which one yet. if ya'll wanna come to a small litte house party... just leave me an email or something. i don't care who you are... just come. it'll be on the weekend... don't wanna disclose all the information but yeah. just tell me. =). *just checked leene's info* wow... she's the coolest!!! she shows the world that it's my birthday all over the creation. hehe. on my page... on her info... on her page... hehe... I LOVE YOU MANANG!!! well... imma mozy on back to school and blog after zippy's with picS!!! *knowing mabel and wienee* hehe. alojerz reader. and thank you again. Monday, 14 October 2002 [03.18] "finally, he realize now how she feels towards him. she doesn't. flaunted her beauty and toiled with him emotions, like a grown woman leisuring with a puppy. nothing could have prepared him for tonight. it was everything that he had hoped not to happen.he finds her attracted to another man. shocked and bewildered, there was nothing that he could do. for his feelings towards her had not yet been revealed. teasing him with flirtatious words of kissing and voices of lust, she had drawn his heart out of his body and placed it on a silver platter, where then she will smite with all gory glory. blood and tears shed from the open wounds of his heart, with no sound, just pain. the feeling of that had no affect on the woman. she just sat there and watched... watched his heard beat it's last beat till ceasing. and that was when his heart had been slain by the one he loved."i know most of it doesn't make sence but hey, i grad from campbell, what else do you expect. haha. well... i'll tell you the details about my day tomorrow (*actually... today. look at the time*) alojerz reader the love: what love? the site: added C.A's link on the right. check it out. pretty solid page... blk, wht, gry. Friday, 11 October 2002 [19.17] Today was our first test for chemistry. I was looking at notes, doing practice questions, memorizing acids, figuring out nomenclature for a double polyatomic compound, two hours before class even started. i walked into the class like 5 minutes early and there were only two people in the class. So i went back to studying in the chem lab. went on for the remainder of the 5 minutes... and then went back to the class. OMG!!! the whole class was there already and doing thier test! so i took the test... but i was the first to finish. i was just hella rushing through it. but yeah. when we get our results, i'll tell you it aite. mahaloz to harris for stayin' up late and studyin' with me... i never studied like that before in my life. haha site update: i changed the pictures on the top there. compliments of leene, of simplyprecious.net. all from her cybershot. hehe. imma be getting one in prolly two or three more years... along with my clie.... =( ... long more time though... well. yeah. the love: dang... i'm just going off huh today... haha i think i should make it all like this every time i blog or something? i think i have come with an agreement within my self that i should keep our friendship, and not further the feelings. i mean, it still crosses my mind every day that i see her. nothing's going to change that, unless... it becomes reciprocated back to me. *then imma be the happiest bastard on the island of oahu!*... hehe. but then... not everything goes your way. *sigh* Thursday, 10 October 2002 [18.52]  damn... we finished EE class today and i thought me and my friend harris was supposed to go study right after class. so i just jumped in his car. damn... did i feel stupid! well, he said that we were gonna go study at "the money of the universe" again so i was like ok. but he took the turn to my house. i was like... "i thought we were going to study?" ... he said that he wanted to go home first. damn people! gotta be too nice to even say "i wanna go home first." he lives all the way in mililani. c'mon now... isn't that kinda far to drive? from lcc to ewa to mililani... then back to ewa... then head back down to ewa beach. talk about gas money! i feel kinda dumb. i should've asked if we were gonna go straight to starbucks. so yeah, idk if we're gonna study now. haha. i guess imma go down to starbucks by my self and try to study by my self or something. imma go study now. alojerz people. hey LEAVE A TAG ON THE TAG BOARD OR IN MY GUEST BOOK... WOULD BE NICE TO KNOW WHO CAME IN AND STUFF YOU KNOW?
[00.26] "FUCK!", he exclaimed with fervor when he checked the phone at a quarter past midnight. hearing that his brother, with his girlfriend on the other end, was still on the phone talking about who know's what. all they do is fight. not once has he heard laughter on the other end of that phone. the thickness of his patience has diminished and as a new senario entered his mind during this tiresome morning... here's what he delcares: I NEED ROAD RUNNER NOW! *if you're from oceanic cable and you're reading this site, please consider a free installation and free everything for me... haha... please* --- ok... enough witht he whole talkin' in the third person thing. it's fun though. thanks to leslie, she got me hooked on doing that. i think imma do that every blog or soemthing? idk? but freal. look at the time (of blogging). now i have to stay up later to do my homework. i swear, there's no intelligence floating around in my brother's head. any way, harris came over and arlene, him, and i did the quiz. happy to say that we got some stuff that we know up on that paper. haha. me and harris went to "the money of the universe" coffee shop in ewa beach. stayed there till closing again. i think i actually learned more stuff about chemistry. *sign* too bad i have to eat, drink, sleep, & shit chemistry for the next 35 hrs because we have a test this friday (tomorrow). ok... i'm going to sleep now. good ni... morning. alojerz Wednesday, 9 October 2002 [14.12] there's been a change in flow in my life lately. one of them is happening right now. I NEED TO TAKE COLLEGE SERIOUSLY! it just hit me that i can't just go having that damn luvbug on my ass. haha. jacob told me to just let it drop already. and i think i should too. but you know how it is. doing the whole "hidden feelings" thing. i've done it before and it came out pretty good. (i mean, i never got to go out with the girl or anything... but she became a very good friend after). you know when you klick on IE, it'll open a window and you can set it to what ever you want it to show first. well, i make my own "begin here" kind of place. it's still kinda ghetto, but yeah. just wanted to say that i got the idea from my bruh, Mark. the whole circle tri-tone thing. it looks kool on his page so yeah. sorry bruh i didn't tell you... there's your credit so basically it has txt links and stuff. alot of my friends come over to just kick back at my house and all they do is go online some times *ahem jacob & mabel ahem* =D so they have their own links on there, and when ever they go on it, their picture shows up in a little bubble on the top. idk? i thought it was pretty kool. wanna see... here... dl this blah.zip. when you unzip it... open the folder, and klick on new_blank. well, me and arlene are gonna do our quiz... so imma blog again later. alojerz. Tuesday, 8 October 2002 [19.54] pretty boring day today. nothing really tickled my fancy... with all that stuff that happened last night, i don't think that i'll be ok for a while. here's something. here's everything that's academically happening this week and next week ------ [oct09] chem161 lab due [oct10] speech251 recorded practice speech due [oct11] chem161 exam 1 [oct15] math205: exam (2.1 - 3.8) ee150: exam (ch1 - ch3) sp251: informational practice speech [oct17] sp251: informational speech ------ my goodness!!! all i've been doing is school, i hardly had time to even be me! tron got a new phone... it's not going to be on till tomorrow (~1400). it's the sony ericson one. the new ones... damn. talk about jealous! oh wellz, he needs it anyway. probablly tomorrow he's going to tell me to read the damn manual and make some tones or soemthing. haha. knowing my friends... i fixed up a tone that jacob gave me too. you know in final fantasy (III/VI), when you win a battle it'll play a little song. here... make it... ------NOKIA 3390 KINE TONE---- BPM 140 16.D2 16.D2 16.D2 4D2 4#A1 4C2 8.D2 16C2 2D2 4A1 4G1 4A1 8G1 4C2 8C2 4B1 8C2 4B1 8B1 4A1 4G1 4F#1 8G1 1E1 4A1 4G1 4A1 8G1 4C2 8C2 4B1 8C2 4B1 8B1 4A1 4G1 4A1 8C2 1D2 ------ well... there's nothing else to say... alojerz [02.12] here's something that i found that sorta related to me... ++++++ if i... held ur hand what would u think? if i... hugged u like i wouldnt see tomorrow how would u feel? if i... kissed u on the cheek and told u i missed u would u care? if i... told u i fell for u and wanted to be with u would u believe me? if i... asked u this question what would u tell me? "is there a chance for a guy like me to be with a girl like u?" ++++++ i went to starbucks last night with arlene and harris. it totally sucked total "pen 15". we were stuck on every damn problem. i totally feel like shit right now. idk why. i just do. idk? fuck it. only me anyway. no one would give a shit anyway. well... no offense to my friends and all... i love you guys. but yeah. you know what i mean when i say no one. got shot down today... well not too long ago. a couple of minutes ago. i hate rejection. it's like... rejection, desire, lust, pain, denial, and a little bit of chicken shit at the same time. i guess it's back to the ocean. don't you just hate it when you get all jittery when you're near that someone. it's like you're happy forever since they're there. but then you know that you can't actually have them. there's like no way in the world that it'll happen. it's like that one smallville episode, when that chick with the blonde hair that liked clark said that it was all good that he dug out to save lanna. and she said that it'll be all good to be friends. and clark agreed. well, she didn't really want to be friends. she really really really really liked clark. but clark didn't really know that. that's why he just said ok to the whole friends thing. that's sorta what happened to me just a while ago. we were talking and i had to say something stupid like "today was full of emotional shit for me." and then the reply was "does it have anything to do with me?" ... of course i said no. then all i heard was "good... i'm off the hook". BAMMMMM!!! felt like killin' my self right infront of my comp... turn on the web cam so that people would see how someone could kill with just a lead pencil. relationships suck ass man. well... i bored you enough. oh... and if this is the person that's reading this... i'm sorry. idk why. but i am. alojerz. Thursday, 3 October 2002 [21.06] when you walk away, you don't hear me say, "please don't go." simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight. it's hard to let it go. you're giving me too many things lately. you're all i need. you smiled at me and said, "don't get me wrong my love, but does that mean i have to meet your father? when we are older you'll understand what i meant when i said, "no, i don't think life is quite that simple." the daily things, like this and that and what is what, that keep us all busy, are confusing me. that's when you came to me and said, " whish i could prove i love you, but does that mean that i have to walk on water? when we're older you'll understand it's enough when i say so, and maybe some things are that simple." hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on. reguardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all. nothing's like before. Wednesday, 2 October 2002 [20.02] today is my nephew's seventh bday. HAPPY BDAY JR!!! today kinda was a waste of time for me. i went to school early but my class was cancelled. kinda sucked but oh wellz. i got me 4 hrs of study time. haha. a whole bunch of people are going to study on saturday for chemistry. idk if imma go beacause i got work and stuff. DAMN KFC!!! oh wellz... here's my wish list... Allen's Wish List For The Remainder Of The Year Of 2002
  
  
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Monday, 21 October 2002
