As we speak,
we both know the truth,
how the end is upon us
and it shall never be the same.
No more carefree dates
with the moon shining down,
no more joyous laughter
and sought after kisses.
No more nights with hours of conversation
and days dreamt of you.
For we have changed,
not purposefully
and not without reluctance
but we have changed.
Maybe someday,
we can try again,
try to rekindle what we have lost,
but now,
this moment,
this pivital change,
makes that time seem so distant,
so unattainable.
I hope if that time comes,
it comes shortly
but until then,
this pain will not end
and this moment,
this conversation will linger
and be replayed a thousand times,
trying to learn the cause
and searching franctically for pieces,
pieces to rebuild upon.
All I can hope,
all I can do,
is pray,
I am not the only one,
searching,
caring.
I sit and stare,
silent in the night,
wishing you could stay
and yet knowing you must go.
The truth,
made bearable,
only by the knowledge of your imminent return.
I know sadness should not be felt,
only joy and anticipation,
for all your discoveries to come.
But I still find myself,
longing,
longing to be there,
to go with you,
to accompany you on your journeys.
I know I cannot,
I must stay behind and wait,
wait for your return,
from a trip dreaded
because it takes you far from me.
I wish you well
and as I await your return,
I stare into the night
and know you will soon be here again,
soon will return.
There you sit,
same as always
but soon all that will change.
My mind has trouble grasping the truth,
for it is joyous and saddening all at once.
My head says to be happy,
this is a monumentous occasion,
an experience of a lifetime,
a story for future generations
but my heart,
my deeply rooted, aching heart
wants no part.
It wants to stop you from going,
to say stay and keep you here,
close by,.
close enough to touch.
I know I cannot
and I must smile and laugh
and pretend to be excited,
when all I want to do
is hold you back, close to me.
In the end,
I know my mind must win
and you will leave
and my heart,
oh my longing heart,
it will settle,
unwillingly and begrudingly,
to await your return.
To await,
the day when you are back within reach,
close enough to touch.
I sit in the silence of the dawn,
barely breathing,
awaiting your return.
In the half light,
I can pretend,
believe you are here,
only a few short miles away,
instead of thousands and seas apart.
I miss you more than words can say,
even though you have just recently departed.
My small reprieves come,
not in the will of myself
but in the friendship of you,
knowing, praying, hoping,
to hear the phone ring
and hear your cheerful voice once again.
And yet,
even as I wait, in tears,
I know this is not all bad,
an experience of a lifetime for you
and a goal in my life for me,
for I know after my three weeks of agony,
of longing,
I will get to see you again,
talk to you and touch you.
I will get to see you again.
