Quotes

Here are some quotes that I like. I know its long hehe. You have to scroll down to see them all I think. I will try to find a better way to put them on here but you can't copy and paste with Yahoo. The buggers.If you know of any copyrights that I am infringing please let me know so I can remedy that. I'm not trying to break any copyright laws. I just like these quotes and thought that maybe you would as well. :) These quotes go all the way to "Z" so just scroll down, ok. They are in abc order and there are quotes from movies, music people, bands, people I know, books and just misc. quotes. Thanks!! :) Enjoy!!

QUOTES



	A �I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.� -- Douglas Adams "The Beatles were now not just writing songs, they were inventing the very medium in which they were working." -- Douglas Adams "Arthur hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction there and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife." -- Douglas Adams �Fiat justitia, pereat coelum (Let justice be done, though heaven may fall). My toast would be, may our country be always successful, but whether successful or otherwise, always right.� -- John Quincy Adams �It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.� -- Alfred Adler �We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.� -- Aesop "Two of filmdom's biggest idiots get involved in a really creepy, scary horror story." -- Victoria Alexander, Films in Review, talking about Jeepers Creepers "Do elves wear underwear? If so, what kind? Boxers or briefs? Cotton or Polyester? Spandex? And what pattern? I suppose that Legolas would have little bows and arrows on his boxers." -- AlienFX007 from the LOTR Online Message Boards �In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a dressed, clothed, cotton-covered hobbit, filled with concepts of indecent exposure or nudity as embarrassing, nor yet a lewd, crude, rude hobbit with nothing better to do than run around nude making others uncomfortable: it was simply a naked hobbit, and that means fun.� -- AlienFX007 from the LOTR Message Boards "There nothing better than an elf on a barbeque, especially if a hobbit named Frodo, especially if the hobbit is Frodo, is massaging your feet and Sam is holding a fruit bowl and singing bar songs. -- AlienFX007 from the LOTR Online Message Boards "The Bush foreign policy team seems to be suffering from untreated bipolar disorder." -- Madeline Albright, from a commencement speech at Tufts University May 20, 2002 "The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to." -- Ally McBeal �FOX 1/4/98 �If you walk into a room, you go AHHH!!!!� -- Amanda, a humanities student, on Picasso�s Guernica Andrew Shepherd: �I want to buy her some flowers. That's what men do when they break a date.� Robin McCall: �That's not what men do. I know no men who do that.� -- The American President Lewis: �Can I just state very clearly I can't be part of anything illegal.� A.J.: �Good for you, Lewis.� Lewis: �You can say what you want. It's always the guy in my job that ends up doing 18 months in Danbury minimum security prison.� -- The American President Lewis: �Who're we calling, sir?� Andrew: �I'm calling the organization of the United Brotherhood of It's None of Your Damn Business, Lewis. I'll be with you in a second.� -- The American President Beth: �You kissed him? Where?� Syd: �On the mouth.� Beth: �No, where in the White House?� Syd: �The Dish Room.� Beth: �The Dish Room?� Syd: �The China Room.� Beth: �And then what happened?� Syd: �He had to go and attack Libya.� Beth: �It's always something.� -- The American President [Dancing at a state dinner.] Sydney: �I don't know how you do it.� Andy: �It's Arthur Murray. Six lessons.� Sydney: �That's not what I mean. Two hundred pairs of eyes are focused on you with two questions on their minds: who's this girl, and why is the President dancing with her?� Andy: �Well, first of all, the two hundred pairs of eyes aren't focused on me. They're focused on you. And the answers are Sydney Ellen Wade, and because she said yes.� -- The American President [Discussing a reprisal for an attack on US troops.] A. J. MacInerney: �Sir, it's immediate, it's decisive, it's low-risk, and it's a proportional response.� President Andrew Shepherd: �Someday someone's going to have to explain to me the virtue of a proportional response.� -- The American President [President Shepherd watches his opponent's campaign ad.] Andrew Shepherd: �Wait, wait, here comes my favorite part.� Bob Rumson: �My name is Bob Rumson, and I'm running for President!� Andrew Shepherd: �Sure glad he cleared that up, 'cause those people were about to buy some Amway products!� -- The American President Robin: �I think the important thing is not to make it look like we're panicking.� President Shepherd: �See, and I think the important thing is actually not to BE panicking.� -- The American President Robin McCall: �It's Christmas.� Lewis Rothschild: �It's Christmas?� Leon Kodak: �Yeah. You didn't get the memo?� -- The American President Leo Solomon: �Politics is perception.� -- The American President President Andrew Shepherd: �You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil who is standing center stage advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.� -- The American President President Andrew Shepherd: �You're attracted to me, but the idea of physical intimacy is uncomfortable because you only know me as the President. But it's not always going to be that way, and the reason I know that is there was a moment last night when you were with ME, not the President. And I know what a big step that was for you. So, Sydney, I'm in no rush. Here's my plan. We're going to slow down, and when you're comfortable, that's when it's going to happen.� [Sydney emerges from the bathroom, wearing nothing but one of his shirts.] President Andrew Shepherd: �Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.� Sydney Ellen Wade: [feeling the bed] �No, you explained it great.� President Andrew Shepherd: �Are you nervous?� Sydney Ellen Wade: �No.� President Andrew Shepherd: �Good. My nervousness exists on... several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...� Sydney Ellen Wade: [approaching seductively] �The most powerful man in the world?� President Andrew Shepherd: �Exactly, thank you. I think it's important you remember that's a political distinction; it comes with the office. I mean, if, uh, Eisenhower were here instead of me, he'd be dead by now.� -- The American President Lewis Rothschild: �You have a deeper love of this country than any man I've ever known. And I want to know what it says to you that in the past seven weeks, 59% of Americans have begun to question your patriotism.� Andrew Shepherd: �Look, if the people want to listen to�� Lewis Rothschild: �They don't have a choice! Bob Rumson is the only one doing the talking! People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.� Andrew Shepherd: �Lewis, we've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference.� -- The American President Sydney: �How do you have patience for people who claim they love America, but clearly can't stand Americans?� -- The American President Lewis: �Mood swings? Nineteen post-graduate degrees in mathematics and your best explanation for going from a 63 to a 46 percent approval rating in five weeks is mood swings?� Leon: �Well, I could explain it better, but I'd need charts, and graphs, and an easel.� -- The American President President Andrew Shepherd: �America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've got to want it bad, because it's going to put up a fight.� -- The American President President Andrew Shepherd: �The symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.� -- The American President [Sydney is unaware the President is listening.] Sydney: �Your boss is the chief executive of fantasyland!� President Shepherd: �Well, let's take him out back and beat the shit out of him!� -- The American President President Shepherd: �We had a nice couple of minutes together. She threatened me. I patronized her. Didn't have anything to eat, but I thought there was a connection.� -- The American President A.J.: �You've said it yourself a million times. If there had been a TV in every living room sixty years ago, this country does not elect a man in a wheelchair.� -- The American President President Shepherd: �This is NOT the business of the American people!� A.J.: �With all due respect, sir, the American people have a funny way of deciding on their own what is and what is not their business.� -- The American President Syd: �I don't know what happened. One minute I was calling him a mockery of an environmental leader, the next minute I had a date.� -- The American President A.J. MacInerney: �If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Roosevelt Room, giving Lewis oxygen.� -- The American President A.J. MacInerney: �Oh, you only fight the fights you can win? You fight the fights that need fighting!� -- The American President Lewis Rothschild: �I question my loyalty all the time.� -- The American President Lucy Shepherd: �Do you see it as part of your job to torture me?� President Andrew Shepherd: �No, just one of the perks.� -- The American President A. J. MacInerney: �Oh, and Leon, don't be the nice, sweet guy from Brooklyn on this one. Do what the NRA does.� Leon Kodak: �What? Scare the shit out of them?� A. J. MacInerney: �Exactly.� Leon Kodak: �I can do that.� -- The American President Sydney Ellen Wade: �I regrouped. You have to give me that. I stood in the middle of the Oval Office and made it clear that he who doesn't take the GDC seriously does so at his peril.� Beth Wade: �And then you walked out the wrong door.� Sydney Ellen Wade: �Are you going to keep throwing that back in my face for the rest of my life?� Beth Wade: �That's my current plan, yes.� -- The American President Lewis Rothschild: �I tell any girl I'm going out with to assume that all plans are soft until she receives confirmation from me thirty minutes beforehand.� Robin McCall: �And they find this romantic?� Lewis Rothschild: �Well, I say it with a great deal of charm.� -- The American President �The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.� -- Joe Ancis "If they've heard about it in Berlin, it won't be long until word gets to Singapore and Muncie!" -- From the Angel TV Show that proves I reside in an international powerhouse "A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not." --Anon. �Life isn't measured by how many breaths you take, but by what takes your breath away.� -- Anon "Its missing parts include intelligence, originality, wit and a single reason to watch." -- Todd Anthony, South Florida Sun-Sentinel, talking about Jeepers Creepers DIED: Ed Headrick, 78, father of the commercial Frisbee and designer of Wham-O's first "professional model" flying disc, died at home in his sleep Monday after suffering two strokes last month, according to his eldest son, Ken. His heirs will honor Headrick's wish that his ashes be molded into memorial flying discs to be given to family and friends and others who make donations in his memory, the younger Headrick told the AP. -- AP, 14 August 2002 �Anger is the wind that blows out the lamp of the mind.� -- Arab Proverb �The gods too are fond of a joke.� -- Aristotle �From what we get, we can make a living, what we give, however, makes a life.� -- Arthur Ashe �I don't think excessive swearing does much to further one's argument but love the fact that Penn & Teller are brave enough to tackle a difficult topic. Perhaps they seem "preachy" because they are saying something that doesn't get said often (enough). We are bombarded daily by xtian ideas. One more American Flag tagged with 'God Bless America� and I'll puke. How many times a day is an atheist assailed? Christmas, Easter, heaven/hell, faith-based initiatives... oh the list is so long I can't even begin, but let me say I see/hear at least a dozen examples a day. Why don't people complain about that? Because that ubiquitous viewpoint is like wallpaper we don't notice. So prevalent and accepted is god propaganda that generations have been lulled into submission like lemmings. Non-believers are persecuted, wars have been fought. Two people stand up and say "god does not exist" and people freak out. I can understand why religious devotees find it offensive - Christians offend me daily. I know this is a strongly worded post - and I'm a compassionate and tolerant person. I do so to emphasize a point that Christians seemingly fail to realize - namely that they are preaching daily, even when unaware of it.� -- Artscape from the SinCity Chat Boards �This we would pay to see. Imagine 5 pumped up apes going up against those 5 sissy-hair puffs of N Sync. This one would end in a quick 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring, with the apes coming out on top. If they are lucky, the boys will only end up with a few torn-off limbs and their sunglasses turned sideways, then rammed up their candy arses!� -- Askmen.com on NSYNC vs. the Planet of the Apes B �Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies.� -- Honor� de Balzac �Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.� -- Carl Bard �Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.� -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC "Whoa, my head is in your mouth." -- Lance Bass of NSYNC to a chick who had a picture of him in her retainer. "It's okay! Listen, pork happens." � James Lance Bass �If you could be any female celebrity, who would it be?� Lance: �Janet Jackson.� (Cheering and Applause) Rick: �Yeah, but why, Lance?� Lance: �I touch myself.� -- Lance Bass of NSYNC "Just when Joe Dirt thought it had a lock on being this year's worst film, along comes Jeepers Creepers snatching that distinction from its grasp." -- Mack Bates, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel Joker: "What this town needs is an enema." -- Batman "Jealousy is the sister of love, as the devil is the brother of angels." -- Marie-Francoisse de Beauveau "No, I'm embarrassed every time I see our president speaking. And I want to hide under the covers, because it's incoherent the way he tries to define how the world works. That's what embarrasses me." -- Paul Begala - CNN's "Crossfire," May 20, 2002 �Damn those people with morals. We need to get rid of those sons of bitches.� -- Steve Bell �Have you ever tried dunking paper towels in plaster? -- Prof. Robert Benson �Harmony seldom makes a headline.� -- Silas Bent �In science as in love, too much concentration on technique can often lead to impotence.� -- P. L. Berger �Happiness is good health and a bad memory.� -- Ingrid Bergman �If you love God, burn the church.� -- Jello Biafra �Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.� -- Ambrose Bierce �The covers of this book are too far apart.� -- Ambrose Bierce �Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic." -- Ambrose Bierce �The greatest truth of all is the truth of human experience.� -- Ethan Black "Using a 1930's hit parade ditty as a scare tactic is arguably the most asinine gimmick in the history of fright flicks." -- Rob Blackwelder, Splicedwire, talking about Jeepers Creepers �Laugh alone and the whole world thinks you�re an idiot.� -- BMG Shirt �I have the body of a God. (Unfortunately it�s Buddha.) -- BMG Shirt �If you can�t laugh at yourself, make fun of others.� -- BMG Shirt �Life is too complicated in the morning.� -- BMG Shirt �Poof! Be Gone.� -- BMG Shirt �You need someone listening to you for it to be an actual conversation.� -- BMG Shirt �If I were to throw a stick, would you leave?� -- BMG Shirt �I�m just one big F#&%ing Ray of Sunshine aren�t I?� -- BMG Shirt �Do I look like a freakin� PEOPLE PERSON?� -- BMG Shirt �Sarcasm. Just one more service we offer.� -- BMG Shirt �I can only make one person happy each day. I pick me.� -- BMG Shirt �The Top Ten Reasons I Procrastinate: 1.� -- BMG Shirt �If I agreed with you, we�d both be wrong.� -- BMG Shirt �Your village called, their idiot is missing.� -- BMG Shirt �Hey Princess, bring me a beer.� -- BMG Shirt �The only way to get rid of temptation is to give into it.� -- BMG Shirt �I�m just doing my part to piss everyone off.� -- BMG Shirt �Normal People Scare Me.� -- BMG Shirt �And your crybaby, whiny-assed opinion would be�� -- BMG Shirt �People like you are the reason people like me need medication.� -- BMG Shirt �You say I�m a bitch like it�s a bad thing!� -- BMG Shirt �It�s not easy for a NIGHT PERSON to work days.� -- BMG Shirt �I�m back by popular demand.� -- BMG Shirt �My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.� -- BMG Shirt �To save time let�s just agree that I know everything.� -- BMG Shirt I�m not paid enough to kiss your ass.� -- BMG Shirt �Do I look like your therapist?� -- BMG Shirt �I will always cherish the original misconceptions I had about you.� -- BMG Shirt �I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.� -- BMG Shirt "Why is there a rectal thermometer in my sewing basket?" -- Erma Bombeck �A modified version of the site appeared earlier in the day with links reading, �Piracy can be beneficial to the music industry� and �Where can I find information on giant monkeys.� Would you like to see the rest of the story? -- A Bonzi Buddy Virus Alert Story about a �Record Industry Site Hacked Again� �Any time something is written against me, I not only share the sentiment but feel I could do the job far better myself. Perhaps I should advise would-be enemies to send me their grievances beforehand, with full assurance that they will receive my every aid and support. I have even secretly longed to write, under a pen name, a merciless tirade against myself.� -- Jorge Luis Borges "...Tomorrow is a holiday weekend. The White House, Bush is out of the country. I don't know where Cheney is. He's probably hiding in a cave." -- Donna Brazille - CNN's "Inside Politics," May 23, 2002 �I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.� -- Ashleigh Brilliant �Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.� -- Ashleigh Brilliant �Continent cut off by fog.� -- British headline Maybe, just maybe I don't need to get to the other side JUMP? And hasten my passage to hell? That reminds me of a story my stick daddy used to tell He said, if you wanna be a super hero start from ground zero Superman flies from ground to sky Don�t be so quick to wish this world ba-bye Besides, can't stand being suspended in the air Not since Action Park bungee jumping No, I�m too arrogant for suicide's snare At my worst the world still needs my saving I step off the I-beam and sing Black don't mean I can't afford abstractions Look me in the eye you'll see surrealistic reflections. -From "Stickman Crossing the Brooklyn Bridge" by Brooklyn Funk Essentials �Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.� -- Bellamy Brooks "We can always count on the British. Except for the Revolutionary War they've been perfect.'' -- Mel Brooks �I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.� -- A. Whitney Brown �The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.� -- Rita Mae Brown "I'm really disturbed to know that there even exists a video called "Breastman's American Butt Search," much less that someone named "Sweetie Pie" appears in it." -- http://www.brunching.com/cgi/toy-pornorpony.cgi "I'm an avid fan, as are my wife, son and daughter. I prefer Buffy to The West Wing, and I'm a political scientist, for God's sake." -- Rex Bryen, a Political Scientist at McGill University �Rumor has it that P&T had two older lady friends, Daisy and Maude, who made a pact that whomever died first (Daisy or Maude) would come back and tell the other one what it was like after death. Maude died first. Three months went by when Daisy was paid a "visit" by Maude. Daisy was very excited and said "Oh Maude! Tell me what it's like!" Maude said, "Well, we have sex before breakfast, then after breakfast we have sex until lunch, then we have sex until dinner, then sex again after dinner until bedtime." Daisy said, "Oh! Heaven sounds like a WONDERFUL place!" Maude said, "Heaven?! Hell, I'm a RABBIT in Arizona!" -- Bubs from the MoFo List "Bury them at seven, dig them up at 23." -- Jimmy Buffett (advice on raising kids) �If we couldn't laugh, we'd all go insane.� -- Jimmy Buffett "I Love the Church of Buffett because they don't think I've done anything worth a sht since 1974. I tend to disagree with them, but I love the fact that the people who don't like me still like me." -- Jimmy Buffett �All I want to do is graduate from high school, move to Europe, marry Christian Slater, and die. Now that might not sound too great to a scone head like you, but I think its swell. And now you show up and tell me I'm a member of the hairy mole club so you can THROW things at me? I don't THINK so.� -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Movie "Then I am going to marry Bob Dole and raise penguins in Guam." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer a.k.a. Sarah Michelle Geller Spike: "Can we talk?" Buffy: "Vocal-cord-wise, yes. With each other? No." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer "I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more! The whole world may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho?! Let me take this opportunity to NOT care!" -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer a.k.a. Sarah Michelle Geller to Spike Xander: "I don't get your crazy system." Giles: "System? It's called the alphabet." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Daniel 'Oz' Osborne: "It's Willow, she's nearby." Cordelia Chase: "What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume." Daniel 'Oz' Osborne: "She's afraid." Cordelia Chase: "Oh my God, is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing." Daniel 'Oz' Osborne: "I really agree." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Oz and Cordelia Spike: "Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiffened up with that Nancy boy accent. You Englishmen are always so...bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bullocks. Oh, good god. I'm English." Giles: "Welcome to the Nancy tribe." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Spike and Giles Daniel 'Oz' Osborn: "Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's interesting." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Xander: "I still don't know why we had to come here to look up information on a killer snot monster." Giles: "Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space...I did not say that." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer � Xander and Giles Giles: "But this is why I think we should all keep a level head in this." Willow: "And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is the one things would roll off of." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer � Giles and Willow Buffy: "I'm tired." Giles: "I should imagine so. It's been quite a couple of days." Buffy: "I haven't processed everything yet. My brain isn't really functioning on the higher levels. It's pretty much: fire bad; tree pretty." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer - Giles and Buffy �Thanksgiving isn't about blending of two cultures. It's about one culture wiping out another. And then they make animated specials about the part where, with the maize and the big, big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene, where all the bison die and Squanto gets a musket ball to the stomach." -- Willow Rosenberg from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Whistler: "Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. Buffy: So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Whistler: Nah. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer � Whistler and Buffy Anya: "I think we died in this car on the way to the airport and are now stuck in hell." Xander: "The radio said no traffic." Anya: "It's a hell radio, of course it said so." -- Buffy: The Vampire Slayer Principal Snyder: "There are things I will not tolerate. Students loitering on campus after school. Horrible murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking." -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer �If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?� -- Bumper Sticker �If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.� -- Bumper Sticker �Please don't make me kill you.� -- Bumper Sticker �Do you trust a government that doesn't trust you with guns?� -- Bumper Sticker �Gun control is being able to hit your target.� -- Bumper Sticker �Gun control means using both hands!� -- Bumper Sticker �Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.� -- Bumper Sticker �We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?� -- Bumper Sticker "Never knock on Death's door: Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that.)" -- Bumper Sticker "Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway." -- Bumper Sticker "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me." -- Bumper Sticker "Consciousness: That annoying time between naps." -- Bumper Sticker �Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.� -- Samuel Butler "I married the man I kissed for the first time in my life. When I tell my children of this they just about throw up." -- Barbara Bush The Theory of Religion from The Big Kahuna Phil: Larry is an honest man. You too are an honest man Bob. I believe that. There is something deep inside you that strives to be honest. The question that you have to ask yourself is has it touched the whole of my life? Bob: What does that mean? Phil: It means that preaching Jesus is no different than Larry or anybody else preaching lubricants. It doesn't matter whether you are selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or how to make money in real estate with no money down. That doesn't make you a human being. It makes you a marketing rep. If you wanna talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids, find out what his dreams are. Just to find out -- for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it�s not a conversation anymore. It's a pitch, and your not a human being, your a marketing rep. Bob: Forgive me if I respectfully disagree. Phil: We were talking before about...character. You were asking me about character. We were speaking of faces, but the question is much deeper than that. The question is do you have any character at all and if you want my honest opinion bob -- You do not -- for the simple reason -- you do not regret anything yet. Bob: Are you saying I won't have any character unless I do something I will regret? Phil: No Bob, I'm saying you have already done plenty of things to regret. You just don't know what they are. It's when you discover them, when you see the folly in something you have done, and you wish you had it to do over but you know you can't, cause it�s too late, so you pick this thing up and you carry it with you to remind you that life will go on, the world will spin without you. It really doesn�t matter at the end, then you will attain character because honesty will reach out from the inside and tattoo itself across your face. Until that day, however, you cannot expect to go beyond a certain point. Bob: May I go now? Phil: Go ahead. Bob: Thank you. C "Oh, everything aroused Freud. He was a little pervert." -- John Cage from Ally McBeal "Because everything I've ever done I've done because I love you, silly you should ask. I'm afraid I'll spend the better part of next year scared that I might need you." -- Matt Caplan "Well at least I�ve got the sense to sense what�s coming and realize that good things never come to those who wait too long.� -- Matt Caplan "Tibet? I know it very well. It's just outside of Cleveland." -- The Captain "Happiness is the only thing one should ever be resigned to." -- Alfred Capus �We don�t want you to think you are buying coca-cola and instead be getting camel urine.� -- Dom Caristi on truth in advertising �Last time I saw Teletubbies, La-La's ball was in Tinky Winky's bag.� -- Carleen from the MoFo List "The more clearly we can focus our attention on the wonders and realities of the universe about us, the less taste we will have for destruction." -- Rachel Carson 1954 �Wouldn�t it be funny if an author in Utopia wrote a book called Capitalism?� -- Nick Carter during a Humanities 202 discussion �Elizabeth is a bitch. I like that.� -- Nick Carter on Pride and Prejudice �Neckties. I hate those things. Who came up with that?� -- Nick Carter �David Keresh was Jesus, didn�t you hear? I�m just kidding.� -- Nick Carter �Picasso�s good, Pollock sucks.� -- Nick Carter �I stuck out like a turd in a punch bowl.� -- Nick Carter during a discussion on the color-line �We can put food additives in the food that will reduce fertility. It�s cool; they would never know what is happening.� -- Nick Carter on reducing the population of starving third world countries "I believe in ghosts but they are very difficult to see, a bit like badgers really. You only ever see a ghost when it's run over by the side of the road." -- Craig Charles Guest50: "What is your motto in life?" Craig Charles: "Everyone should believe in something...I believe I'll have another pint." -- Craig Charles Chat Davio: "Are you amazed at how well or badly Chris Barrie does your voice?" Craig Charles: "It's quite disconcerting because he does my mannerisms as well. And it comes across as a caricature of a sad Scouse git." -- Craig Charles Chat Craig Charles: "Having been on the Internet for a while, if you get e-mail from a fan, does that make it fan-e-mail? Bye-bye and keep watching...and get out and get some sun!" -- Craig Charles Chat "I just got Phil Collin's autograph! WOOHOO! I'm a little girl" -- JC Chasez of NSYNC "When I was young I used to read about the decline of western civilization, and I decided it was something I'd like to make a contribution to. I�m in class." -- Lee Cherolis �The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.� -- Winston Churchill "Those things are better which are perfected by nature than those which are finished by art." -- Cicero �No sane man will dance.� -- Cicero True love- Looking at the possibilities of What is yours is mine What is mine is mine What is yours is yours What is mine is yours -- Susan Claire of MoFo Chat List �The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense.� -- Tom Clancy �Before when I was smaller they would stare at my breasts and then look up to my face. I would then stare at their crotch and laugh, esp. on the Boston subway.� -- Susan Clare "U.S.: Nuke war would kill millions" -- CNN Headline News 05-31-02 �We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?� -- Jean Cocteau "Every man has one thing he can do better than everyone else and usually it is reading his own handwriting" -- G. Norman Collie �So much happened in the 20th century, like skateboarding and WWI.� -- Billy Collins �I�ve always had dogs. I was at one time in between dogs.� -- Billy Collins �I had this like poetry virtual dog, a literary dog.� -- Billy Collins �I chopped some parsley while I listened to Art Chomsky�s Three Blind Mice.� -- Title of a Billy Collins Poem �If you only do what you have to to get by, you�ll never get ahead.� -- Jeremiah Collins "Character is what you know you are, not what others think you have." -- Marva Collins "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost." ---Charles Caleb Colton �Goldwater got smushed.� -- Prof. Jim Connolly �Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.� -- Joan Crawford �Of course our bill is going to make it because it�s my bill. I�m the dictator and run the show.� -- Prof. Crawley �He was the Grand Dragon or Imperial Wizard or whatever they call them.� -- Prof. Crawley on David Duke �If they don�t, they will get a spanking.� -- Prof. Crawley on legislators and their party�s ideas �If I go against public opinion, I get spanked.� -- Prof. Crawley �Feelings are for dates. You THINK when you are writing for me.� -- Prof. Crawley �Ever see the National Geographic with the lemmings? Those are the lemmings, this is the herd.� -- Prof. Crawley on legislators Student: �People who vote democrat tend to have sex more often.� Prof. Crawley: �Well, that doesn�t work in my case. I�ve been married too long.� -- Prof. Crawley and Student on the results of a survey �Here I am in the �not at all� category. I�ll take it home and show it to my wife. Show her how we don�t much up with the national average.� -- Prof. Crawley, continuation of the above quote �Joint Committees: The most popular committees because everyone likes to smoke marijuana. They don�t have much influence but everyone has a great time.� -- Prof. Crawley �It�s an absurd policy to have class during finals week. We are the only university in the country that does it, so I boycott them.� -- Prof. Crawley "The flight of a weasel is obstructed by its lack of wings" -- John Crover �Overkill was the exact right amount for the internet.� -- Rob Curley �I try to buy as much journalism equipment at Target.� -- Rob Curley �We were trying to un-suck-afit, guys.� -- Rob Curley �We are pretty sure that we are the only newspaper in the bible-belt that uses ruther rucker.� -- Rob Curley "It's so comforting to know there are so many people in the world sicker than I am." -- Tim Curry D "It isn't anybody's fault. Not Captain Bridger's or yours or your parents'. I never had parents. I would have liked to have them but that's not the way it was. Sooner or later you have to stop blaming your parents for your life. You are not what your parents made you. You are what you make yourself. You have no control over the past but the future and the present belong to you. You can be happy or unhappy it is your choice." -- Spoken By Dagwood in a SeaQuest Fanfic �No matter how badly the idiots outnumber you, they�re still the idiots.� -- Daria �I gaze at you through stain glass eyes and see your world is black and white.� -- Daihok �Realize that if you have time to whine and complain about something then you have the time to do something about it.� -- Anthony J. D'Angelo "Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." -- James Dean �I love women. Wearing their clothes makes me feel closer to them." -- Johnny Depp as Ed Wood in Ed Wood. "Vor allen Dingen ist es wichtig, schon im kleinen Kind die Tierliebe zu wecken. Above all things it's important to awaken a love of animals even in the small child." -- Deutsch Grammar Book bei Briggs und Engel-Doyle "No our brains do not give you cell tumors. I mean, No, our cell phones do not give you brain tumors, unless by brain tumors you mean reliable service at a low low price, because yes we do give you that." -- Andy Dick �Then there's �Magic in Bed�: While Penn intones a Barry Whitish love number, Teller in black pajamas puts the moves on a lovely woman in the "briefest possible" outfit. �It's a bedroom seduction, romantic scene,� Teller says. �But instead of sex, they do a card trick. As she waves the magic wand over the deck of cards, they shoot upwards ... It's wonderful.� -- 'Sin'-sational! By Scott Dickensheets of the LAS VEGAS SUN �Out, Out You Demons of Stupidity� -- Dilbert "I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest, 'If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?' 'No,' said the priest, 'not if you did not know.' 'Then why,' asked the Eskimo earnestly, 'did you tell me?'" -- Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, 1974 "He is walking Sex." -- Dirty_Pop_Tarts@yahoogroups.com (talking about J.C. Chasez of NSYNC) Serendipity: When are you people going to learn? It's not about who's right or wrong. No denominations nailed it yet, and they never will because they're all too self-righteous to realize that it doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith. Your hearts are in the right place, but your brains need to wake up. -- Dogma Bethany: You're saying that having beliefs is a bad thing? Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. -- Dogma Cardinal Glick: Fill them pews people that is the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young. Rufus: Kind of like the tobacco industry? Cardinal Glick: Oh, if only we had their numbers. -- Dogma "What kind of music is rap? Put a 'c' in front of rap and see what you get." -- Former Monkee Micky Dolenz �Love is the ultimate trip.� -- Micky Dolenz The Onion: Is there a God? Mickey Dolenz: No. God is a verb, not a noun. -- Mickey Dolenz Interview 6 Sept. 2000 �I suffer, but still I don�t live. I am an X in an indeterminate equation. I am a sort of phantom in life who has lost all beginning and end.� -- Dostoevsky �The worst disease of the modern condition is consciousness.� -- Dostoevsky �I kill 25,000 people with a chainsaw and all you care about are guns.� -- Said during Emily Heinlen�s dream. �He who hesitates is probably smart... or maybe stapled to the floor.� -- Dr. Squid �In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king... and the one-eyed man with the high heels and the feather boa is queen.� -- Dr. Squid �Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think, and a docudrama with ugly actors for those who film docudramas.� -- Dr. Squid �The only absolute knowledge worth attaining is that your life is meaningless. -- My life? Well now, that's another story...� -- Dr. Squid �You are cautious in showing your true self to others. Have you thought about plastic surgery?� -- Dr. Squid �Michael Nesmith once said to me, 'Some people are insecure, some people have a big butt, some people wet the bed until age twenty-five. You have a lump in your head. Big deal�� -- Model Patient: My Life as an Incurable Wise-Ass" by Karen Duffy "The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it's the same problem you had last year." -- John Foster Dulles E "The marines are looking for a few great men but unfortunately you are not it." -- Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge �Girls will be boys.� -- Ecologyfund.com Story Titles �At least their breasts won't catch fire.� -- Ecologyfund.com Story Titles �I didn't realize that England had food.� -- Ecologyfund.com Story Titles "Where the world ceases to be the scene of our personal hopes and wishes, where we face it as free beings admiring, asking and observing, there we enter the realm of Art and Science.� -- Albert Einstein "Plays like an amateur debut effort written over a weekend during which its writer wasn't entirely sober." -- Robert K. Elder, Chicago Tribune, talking about Jeepers Creepers �Some editors are failed writers, but then, so are most writers.� -- T. S. Eliot "You can't think about things you want to change. Just be yourself." -- Ethan Embry "...Everybody tries to be exactly the same. I think being an outsider is a good thing." -- Ethan Embry "Real love is more than a physical feeling. If there's even the slightest doubt in your head about a guy, then forget about it. It's not real." -- Ethan Embry �Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.� -- Ralph Waldo Emerson Don't feel too bad about hiding your anger. At least, not right now. When your spleen ruptures from internalized stress, then you can feel bad about it. -- Emode.com �71% of Insightful Linguists would be more tempted to see their main squeeze covered in whipped cream, than eat an ice cream sundae covered in whipped cream.� -- Emode.com Second Most Deadly Gaseous Giant: Academy doofus Michael Greene, who intoned piously about artists getting ripped off by technologically savvy teens. This is worse, we presume, than artists getting ripped off by greedy record company execs like in the good old days. -- E! Online Review of the 44th Grammy�s 2002 Patient: "I have a hangnail and it is very painful." Dr. Mark Green: "I have a brain tumor and it is inoperable." Patient: "What?" Dr. Mark Green: "I win." -- ER Dr. Melvoin: [To a fresh group of interns] �You are wedges. The wedge is the most primitive tool known to man. That is you. You think you know what you're doing, believe me, you don't. Breakfast with your Senior Surgical Resident Dr. Benton will begin in 15 minutes. Dr. Benton is an intern's worst nightmare. He's smarter than you, he never eats, he never sleeps and he reads every medical journal no matter how obscure. He is the Antichrist. Beelzebub. Lucifer. A devourer of wedges. You will go to sleep at night wishing plague and pestilence on his unborn children and you will wake up every morning praying for his approval. You won't get it. Welcome to hell, ladies and gentlemen.� -- ER "Pelvic thrusts are better then Christmas presents." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "Don't ever wear spandex if you're involved in a boxing match." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "Don't buy Roast Beef unless it costs 15 cents and is served by a dancing waiter." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "ALL chickens should be named Herbie!!" -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "You can wish for a porcelain tub with boiling water until you're blue in the face and nine times out of ten somebody will mess up your order and you'll end up with somebody else�s new shoes with stupid matching laces. It's just the way life works." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "If you're buying lunch nobody cares that you ripped up your couch to make your bowtie." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "Don't be surprised if your friend (who happens to be a pathological lying, obsessive, delusional, lunatic) turns on you to fulfill his own dreams." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "Guys named Oscar and Morris always stink. Don't bother questioning this; just take my word for it..." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "Never dress like Little Bo Peep when you're going to a Rally." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "Stories based on actual events are always LOOSELY based. Sure Spot Conlon wore pink suspenders. Did he tap dance on tables? We aren't quite sure..." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "The easiest way to distract a newsie is to talk about a girl...or a bet...or a fight...oh hell it ain�t hard to distract a newsie. Try shoving him in the head." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies "Grab a bandana and jump up on a statue and all of the sudden you're God." -- From Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Newsies F �There�s a mannequin in this store window and it looked just like Tori Spelling, and I started thinking, �What if it really is her? Maybe she�s always wanted to do this.� I know it sounds strange, but maybe her dad arranged it. We don�t know how these people live.� -- Timothy Fall on Good Company "Lance grabbed both side of my leg to stop the bleeding, and I was like, "What are you doing? That hurts," recalls Joey. "Fat came out of my leg. I have it in a jar at home. It looks like shrimp." -- Joey Fatone on his leg getting caught in a trap door "Never drink Yoo-Hoo and eat pickles at 7:00 in the morning." -- Joey Fatone "Wait, can I say 'boner'?" -- Joseph Anthony Fatone Jr. �The danger today is not so much that machines will learn to think and feel but that men will cease to do so.� -- Ferry �I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.� -- W. C. Fields �Never give a sucker an even break and never smarten up a chump.� -- W. C. Fields �Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.� -- W. C. Fields �History has shown that Saddam Hussein�s word cannot be taken at face value. He has a history of playing rope-a-dope with the world; all the while he develops a more powerful punch.� -- Ari Fleischer about Saddam Hussein in a New York Times article on September 18, 2002 �How's he gonna read that magazine rolled up like that? What the...� - A fly. �Be especially skeptical of regulations that seek to keep people in the dark for what the government perceives to be their own good.� -- Supreme Court ruling on 44 Liquormart v. RI �In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart.� -- Anne Frank "Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing." -- Benjamin Franklin �Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.� -- Benjamin Franklin "Well done is better than well said." -- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) Q: �Why don't cannibals eat clowns?� A: �They taste funny.� -- Brandon from Freakylinks �FOX Q: �How many surrealist painters does it take to screw in a light bulb?� A: �A fish.� -- Dorrie from Freakylinks �FOX �A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.� -- Janicin from Freakylinks �FOX �I bought my girlfriend a mood ring the other day. When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood it leaves a red mark on my forehead.� -- Morningkill from Freakylinks �FOX Q: �What do you get when you cross a potato with a sponge?� A: �I don't know, but it sure holds a lot of gravy.� -- Phil from Freakylinks �FOX I overheard this in a bookstore many years ago (really): Middle-aged woman to young male store clerk: "Where is that book about the G Spot?" Clerk: "It should be right here, but I can't find it." Woman: "I can't find it either; that's why I need the book!" -- FreeMktMama from MoFo Chat List �Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.� -- Robert Frost �Two roads diverged in the woods and I, I chose the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.� -- Robert Frost "When you deny your own gender, you fool yourself and hide from your own shortcomings and never face your fears." -- Max Frutig "Shinji" G �How can you expect to govern a country that has two hundred and forty-six kinds of cheese?� -- Charles de Gaulle "When are you having children?" "Oh, they're so hard to clean and cook!" -- GeekZilla from the MoFo Chat List "I had one but I traded him for a side of beef and a set of whitewalls." -- GeekZilla from the MoFo Chat List "Actually, I have a son. He's inside. No, I mean INSIDE. He's doing time for biting off the terminal joint of another child's pinky." -- GeekZilla from the MoFo Chat List "Men who scream at rat skulls are pussies." -- GeekZilla �Hey Ben, spirit gum does wonders for keeping those plugs in the holes in your hands and feet.� -- GeekZilla from the MoFo Chat List "The US 'Department of Justice' issued another warning that more terrorist attacks could be imminent, and urged Americans to be 'alert, but not fearful.' In a related story, Playboy Magazine is ramping up publicity for its Playmate of the Year competition and editors are asking readers to be 'aroused, but not horny.'" -- Georgewscrapbook.com "Have you noticed that every time Osama makes a video he tries to widen his appeal by aligning Al Qaeda with a new conflict? First it was holy war against the Americans. Then it was Palestine. This week he's calling for Jihad in the disputed province of Kashmir. I hear tomorrow he's going to say that it's the sacred obligation of all Muslims to help Slytherin defeat Gryffindor in the big Quidditch match." -- Georgewscrapbook.com �The battle over how best to improve baggage screening at airports has turned bitterly partisan. House Republicans passed a plan that would keep private contractors in charge. Senate Democrats have put forward a bill that would make federal law enforcement agents responsible. And terrorists have put forward legislation that would let them walk right through with bombs and stuff.� -- Georgewscrapbook.com �FBI Director Robert Mueller acknowledged that the government was no closer to determining who was responsible for the wave of anthrax-laced envelopes. He did urge Americans to listen closely for spooky music, "since that's usually audible when we're close to finding them." He also asked the public to be on the lookout for chiaroscuro lighting.� -- Georgewscrapbook.com �Escalating the air campaign against the front line of Taliban troops, the United States brought in B-52 bombers. Also, the U.S. military has dimmed the lights and cranked up "Y'all Ready for This." -- Georgewscrapbook.com Brian Days: �Do you have some German in you?� Beth: �Why? Do you want some in you?� -- German 202 03-20-02 Ray: �Listen! You smell something?� -- Ghostbusters �Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.� -- Brendan Gill "Writing isn't brain surgery. It�s much tougher." -- Ball State University Journalism Professor John Gitner "Yet another hyperbolic slasher cartoon." -- Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly, talking about Jeepers Creepers �I don't want any "yes-men" around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.� -- Samuel Goldwyn �A man�s true character is often displayed more in defeat than in victory.� -- Al Gore "Few people can turn down an opportunity to freak out about something.� -- granolaheadco@yahoo.com (Sarah) Lister: "But it hasn't happened, has it? It has will be have going to have happened, but it hasn't actually happen happened." Rimmer: "The point of it is, it has happened. It's just it hasn't taken place yet." -- Infinity Welcomes Careful Drives by Grant/Naylor I would despise any man who is lulled by vain hopes; for the noble character either live in dignity or die in glory" -- Greek Proverb "Either bring this shield back as victor or let thou be brought dead on it" -- Greek Proverb "Take them as your examples; learn from them that happiness consists in freedom and freedom in valor; and never stand aside from the perils of war" -- Greek Proverb "When we seek to exploit a wilderness that is literally and symbolically of global significance, it is a sign of our weakness, not our strength." -- David Lynn Grimes, former commercial fisherman from Alaska (Anchorage Daily News, November 15, 2001) "The toughest thing in the world is not walking across the dance floor to ask a young woman to dance. The toughest thing is the long walk back after she says no." -- Lewis Grizzard Phil: Do you want to throw up here or in your car? Drunk: I think both. -- Groundhogs Day "Duct tape is like the force. It has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together." -- Amber Gurtner "Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies." -- Adrienne E. Gusoff "I'm the center of attention in the walls inside my head." -- Guster �After three unjustified absences, however, the machinery of retribution will whistle and pop and sputter to life�I hate having to elaborate this idiotic system, hate having to play policeman, checking off your absences like some insane little clerk. Just come to class and spare me the humiliation.� -- Steve Guy on his attendance policy �Do you feel the world is rockin� along at a jolly pace?� -- Steve Guy �I can generally unstick a stuck student.� -- Steve Guy �Jesus� womanliness. No, No, I didn�t mean it like that.� -- Steve Guy "The quotation doesn't fit in grammar grammatically." -- Steve Guy �He got his science out of Reader�s Digest, for the most part.� -- Steve Guy on Ronald Reagan �Ed was drunk most of the time anyways; I don�t know why he cared so much.� -- Steve Guy on Ed Sullivan not wanting �inappropriate� things on his show �Whitman is the great democrat of poetry.� -- Steve Guy �People can like an ape. They can train it but a giant bug with mandibles snapping at mommy�� -- Steve Guy on why Kafka used a giant bug in Metamorphosis �If you are teaching a history class with 250 students, that�s not teaching, it�s sheepherding.� -- Steve Guy �The dead-beat god, if you will.� -- Steve Guy on Frankenstein �Try saying unicellular.� -- Steve Guy "And there's nothing worse than a cheeky cockroach." -- Steve Guy H "People in this country aren't interested in details. They only trust headlines." -- Gene Hackman as Senator Kevin Keeley in The Birdcage. �Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.� -- Jack Handy �Oh no, they are going to have sex instead of playing in the sandbox.� -- Jonathan Harp �Fig Newton: the force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches a sec." -- J. Hart "It all started with Lent. You know, that time of year when everybody gives something up? Well that's when I made a vow. No sex. I mean no sex whatsoever. For forty straight days. I'm serious. No touching. No kissing. No foreplay. No phone sex. No fooling around. No self-gratification. No nothing. For 960 hours. 57,600 minutes. 3,456,000 seconds. Forty days. And forty nights. And people say I can never finish anything. I'm gonna prove them wrong." -- Josh Hartnett �All these nervous breakdowns are driving me crazy.� -- Lee Hawkins �I love my enemies too�after they are hanged.� -- Heine �I�m liquid Joy!!� -- Emily Heinlen "You have no friends, only people who don't want to kill you." -- Emily Heinlen �Fashion designer Donna Karen broke her knee while helicopter-skiing. How stupid do you have to be to HELICOPTER-SKI?� -- Emily Heinlen �You know its going to be a bad class day when your ECON professor can�t do simple addition.� -- Emily Heinlen �In 2002, we still have a tariff against English textiles�.why? If we can�t compete with them by now, we need to give up.� -- Emily Heinlen �All visitors must vacate the premises by 11:30 or be thrown out bodily.� -- Val Heinlen "Most People Never Listen". -- Ernest Hemingway �Learn from the past. Look to the future. Live in the present.� -- Steve Henthorn �That would take cleverness. I don�t have cleverness.� �What do you call that?� �Idiocy.� -- Loren Heinlen Sr. to Loren Heinlen Jr. after witnessing the moving scarecrow Loren Sr. made �It matters not how straight the gate. How charged with punishment the scroll. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.� --Henley �It is the ordinary women that know something about love. The gorgeous ones are too busy being gorgeous.� -- Katherine Hepburn �Love and a cough cannot be hidden.� -- George Herbert �When dealing with the insane, it is best to pretend to be sane.� -- Herman Hesse "You know the part in scary movies where you're not sure what is going on and the suspense is killing you, but then you find out what's going on and it's stupid? This is it." -- Chris Hewitt, St. Paul Pioneer Press, talking about Jeepers Creepers �By means of shrewd lies, unremittingly repeated, it is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell -- and hell heaven. The greater the lie, the more readily it will be believed.� -- Adolf Hitler "As long as the film refrains from revealing its monster, Jeepers Creepers builds up a mood of sinister expectation. Once its bat-winged supernatural thingamajig appears, the beast isn't half as horrifying as you imagined." -- Stephen Holden, New York Times "Ok, that�s it. Go to your rooms and spank yourselves." -- Homer Simpson Birdee Pruitt: �People fall in love. They fall right back out. It happens all the time.� -- Hope Floats Justin Matisse: �Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me.� -- Hope Floats Ramona Calvert: �Look at me. My life has no meaning or direction, and I'm happy.� -- Hope Floats �Smile, it's better than a poke in the eye.� -- Doug Horton �The key to heaven's gate cannot be duplicated.� -- Doug Horton �Smile, it's free therapy.� -- Doug Horton �If you love something, turn it loose. If it doesn't come back, kill it!� -- Doug Horton "The trouble is violence breeds violence." -- Iolous a.k.a. Michael Hurst on Hercules: The Legendary Journey �CBS "If worry was wealth he'd own the world." -- Iolous a.k.a. Michael Hurst on Hercules: The Legendary Journey �CBS "I was hoping my leg would catch it, but there wasn't enough whipped cream on it." -- Missy Hutchins "Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery...stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability...being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt. Happiness is never grand." -- Aldous Huxley "'We prefer to do things comfortably.' �But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.' 'In fact, you're claiming the right to be unhappy.' �All right then, I'm claiming the right to be unhappy.'" -- Adolphous Huxley (Brave New World) �The opposite of love is not hate; the opposite of love is ignorance.� -- Brian Hwang I �With love and patience, nothing is impossible.� -- Daisaku Ikeda �In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments -- there are consequences.� -- Robert G. Ingersoll "The Greatest and perhaps only Necessities of Humanity are Freedom of Thought and Freedom of Expression -- All else is but joy or pain." -- Louis Ingelhart, Ball State University's Director of Student Publications Emeritus �Man before wife, save a life� -- The Intreplay Game Wasteland �Trust the solider born underground 156� --The Intreplay Game Wasteland �Beans are animal-free.� -The Intreplay Game Wasteland �Don�t put all your eggs in one basket or all your whiskey in one guest.� -- Old Irish Proverb J �No military weapon confers a lasting military advantage.� -- Japan officials in the 1600s. "In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey. The monkey will spank us." -- Jay in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back �Be polite to all, but intimate with few.� -- Thomas Jefferson �One is that we're pro-science, and, strangely, being pro-science is one of the oddest things you can do in show business. Which is very strange, because it was science that, oh, cured polio. I could list others�isn't that enough? [Laughs.] Oh, Western medicine doesn't work; I'm sorry, we cured polio. What more do you want? Your herbalism has done jack; we cured polio. And guess what? It cures polio even if you don't believe in it. We don't have it on Earth anymore.� -- Penn Jillette �If you're doing a trick like shooting .357 Magnums into each other's faces, you have brought up viscerally some important intellectual issues.� -- Penn Jillette "My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them." -- Penn Jillette �I'm qualified to say that in the United States of America, the First Amendment is absolute, but I'm not really qualified to lobby.� -- Penn Jillette "I got out of a nice long steam room steam and deep into my gang shower at the Mobile Alabama YMCA, surrounded by steamy middle-aged business men, when I realized that my toes were pedicured and painted bright red. Is it possible to be too secure with one's masculinity?" -- Penn Jillette "John Edward, the ghoul who does the worst kind of manipulation to grieving people for money and cheesy Sci-Fi fame, announced (as I had predicted) that during sweeps week he would talk to the dead of 9-11. Even though I knew it would happen, and even though I thought I hated these evil, empty, hateful, manipulators as much as possible, I was wrong. The hate and bile and sadness that up in me when I read that he was about to exploit personal and national grief for his own ends made me cry. He certainly goes on the list with the "evil doers" that we need to fight against. They have since cancelled the idea while saying that it was the idea of the relatives of the victims and not the producers (I'm sure they got lots of calls from the grieving saying, "Wouldn't this be great for sweeps?"), but we should remind people that that's the kind of people that are doing this show. I haven't been able to get through yet, but the number of the John Edward Hotline is (800) 962-9960. You'll be told to speak slowly. Please speak slowly and tell the person who's working the phone that they really shouldn't help slime to exploit people who are filled with grief. I just read the last sentence and "slime" and "exploit" read as such empty words. I guess I don't have words for John Edward. I just have tears that he exists." -- Penn Jillette "The World's Stupidest Sober Atheist rides again." -- Penn Jillette "I hate to be the one to break this to y'all, but being a Libertarian, pro-freedom, governs-least-governs-best, free market advocate makes you as bug nutty in the TV world as Christopher Walken tangoing with Dennis Hopper while Sinead O'Connor plays finger cymbals." -- Penn Jillette �We needed a weapon. They said no guns. They said no sharp objects. They said no blunt objects. So we came up with a compromise: these are marshmallows.� -- Penn Jillette "Do you know how hard it is to go through life with a great deal of skill, being very clever, but more important than all that being dumb as soil samples?" -- Penn Jillette "It's like any other interview show except my guests will be smart and they'll know something." -- Penn Jillette �Major accomplishment: Having sex 40 feet under water while wearing scuba gear.� -- Penn Jillette "That having been said, when I got stung by bees 24 times in 30 seconds all the skin peeled off my balls. Sexy!" -- Penn Jillette "Since my Mom and Dad died, I can't even watch them use people's grief to make themselves famous. It makes me cry. I can't watch John Edwards through my tears. To see a man that full of hate and that lacking in compassion tears my heart out. It's pure sadness and hate. It's white light white heat." -- Penn Jillette "Oh, and straight too. Because I won't deny being gay on Stern or PI, people get confused. I don't mind being known as gay publicly, but if it gets in the way -- I have to make it clear." -- Penn Jillette �Love doesn't make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.� -- Franklin P. Jones �Do not scorn the person who is perpetually happy. He does know something you don't.� -- Paul Jones �Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.� -- Thomas Jones �. . . if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." -- Erica Jong K �Thoughts cannot be censored.� -- Lassi K�m�ri �The relationship between truth and a newspaper is like the relationship between the color green and the number seven. Occasionally you will see the number seven written in green, but you learn not to expect this.� -- Garrison Keillor �Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.� -- Mary Ellen Kelly �We have met the enemy, and he is us.� -- Walt Kelly �Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.� -- Doug Kenney �Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.� -- John F. Kennedy "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." -- Robert F. Kennedy "No offense to the Backstreet Boys, but the commercial that N SYNC did for McDonald's was way cooler than the one that the Backstreet Boys did for Burger King." -- Kid Rock �You get what you put in and people get they what they deserve.� -- Kid Rock "I like NSYNC, don't get me wrong. Actually, I gotta stop. I don't like 'em." -- Kid Rock �Don't be afraid to climb out on a limb; that's where the fruit grows.� -- Eddie Kilgallon �The album contains three "killer" ballads: "Gone," "Something like You" and "Shellfish." �Come again. Shellfish?" "I'm just kidding," Kirkpatrick said. "It's Selfish.' Shellfish isn't very romantic."� -- Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC and a reporter from Cleveland "Do you have sequined chaps? Do you know of anybody that has sequined chaps? It's the new thing. It's the new thing. I'm telling you right now. You watch out. Everybody is now going to be in sequined chaps. That's the new thing." -- Chris Kirkpatrick "We don't do sequined chaps yet. We're not right on top of it. The group's right on top of it. Fuman -- we're two weeks behind. We'll work on it." -- Chris Kirkpatrick "Did you ever feel like you were being watched by flesh eating monkeys from outer space?" -- Chris Kirkpatrick "It's not a fear. It's a phobia." - Chris Kirkpatrick on his "phobia" of heights "Hey, I think I see a Loch Ness monster in my lake. Oh never mind, they're really big ducks." -- Chris Kirkpatrick "I like to wear Lance's underwear. It's rather spacious". -- Chris Kirkpatrick "Two penguins were on a boat getting some sun. One penguin says to the other, 'Would you please pass me the radio?' And the penguin says 'What do I look like a tomato?" -- Chris Kirkpatrick "I wish there was a rumor about me and a lot of girls. Let's start one!" -- Chris Kirkpatrick "I drive myself crazy...get it?? DRIVING crazy?? Go Karts?? Get it??" -- Chris Kirkpatrick �My balls are in my stomach!� yells Kirkpatrick from his back-row spot during one particularly emasculating descent, anatomically incorrect and elated about it. -- Chris Kirkpatrick talking about riding a roller coaster �Soon after, Chris blows through like a bat out of hell - literally. He's wearing strange bat wings and flapping into walls and people as he makes his way into hair and makeup. Seconds later he's pretending to be Bruce Lee and busting kung fu moves on everybody in sight. All this and he hasn't even had his first Mountain Dew of the day.� -- Chris Kirkpatrick as described by YM at a photo shoot � �You have to understand that, to us, in our spirituality. The hardest thing in the world is to just do something for the goodness of it.� -- Chris Kirkpatrick "Basically, Lance is a nerd in the movie and Joey is a bigger nerd. But we can have lots of fun laughing at them when we go to the premiere." -- Chris Kirkpatrick on Bass and Fatone in On the Line "We're just making music. We're enjoying ourselves. Why does everybody have to try to rip us for everything we do?" -- Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC "That's from my shirt, jerk-off!!" -- Chris Alan Kirkpatrick (in response to if he is wearing glitter) "You can be a nobody one day, a big star the next, and a nobody the day after that," -- Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC "During Space Cowboy,' we drop down from the top of the stage, about 100 feet," he said. "It just kills me every time I go up there because I have a phobia of heights...I scream like a little girl." --Chris Kirkpatrick of NSYNC "I think the biggest motto about the group and everything that we say is everybody makes mistakes. You know, everybody says a cuss word now and then. Well, not everybody, but, you know most people that say they don't, do. EVERYBODY makes mistakes. Our point is we're out to try to be good human beings, and try to set good examples. [If] we screw up, we screw up, but we don't dwell on the screw-ups. We don't set out to do anything wrong. We don't set out to beat people. We don't set out to purposely do harm on anybody else. You know, we just set out to have a good time, and, you know, all five of us are very religious. You know, we all have our own different beliefs that we believe in, and we don't force that on anybody. You know, if somebody asks us, 'oh sure, you know, we're religious, we're Christian,' you know. We believe in our own thing. But, you know, [there's] nothing worse than having somebody that says, 'I'm not religious,' or 'I don't care.' You know, something like that, or than somebody that says 'they care too much.' They care so much that they're going to force you into changing who you are, or changing what you believe, or how you've come -- I mean I'm ALL down for if somebody has a problem with something -- religion, whatever -- they can come to me; I'm all open. I'll give them as much advice as I can, but for me to walk into a room and say 'Hey, how you doin? Uh, let me force something down your throat. Let me force a belief. Let me force, uh, my Republican beliefs on you. Let me force my democratic beliefs on you.' I don't get into the whole thing. I hate it when people take sides. I hate it when people have to say, 'This is what I am,' because then suddenly, this ideal, you have to believe everything that's in that ideal. Maybe I don't. So then suddenly I'm a Democrat that just doesn't believe everything a Democrat believes in? I don't get it. Why can't I just be myself? Why can't I just be... my own thing? You know, and I think that's pretty much how we all are, for the most part." -- Chris Kirkpatrick from RollingStone.com, July 2001 "I feel like a lot of times that I'm, like, a man's man. You know, like, I'm like, a bunch of guys, a bunch of college guys got together and said, 'Let's make a dude. Let's make a crazy dude. What are we going to make?' and they made me. You know, I'm a die-hard football fan -- I mean, I freak out at football. You know, anytime I see football. Hockey, I love hockey. Basketball's cool; I like basketball. And it's like, 'What do I do when I go out?' I go out with my boys, we go out drinkin'. I drive a motorcycle, we use four-wheelers. You know what I mean? I mean it's just, like, really just like [insert Tim the Tool Man grunt here], you know, like that kind of stuff. And I mean I was in a fraternity. You know what I'm saying? I LOVE women. I love women. But, like I said, that's just not the thing that drives me. I enjoy... I think I just enjoy people. You know I enjoy, I enjoy hanging out. I enjoy new friends, I enjoy old friends, you know, more than anything. Nothing's better. Nothing's more fun to me than having my whole crew that works for us, that works with us, over to my house for a barbeque. Because, you know, plus that's what I feel comfortable with. I grew up... in poverty. I grew up on welfare. I grew up... homeless. I grew up with all this, you know, all this stuff you would never guess a white boy in a boy band would have to ever deal with. You know, I did, and it just made me twice as a better, ten times a better person because all the stuff that comes is a luxury. I enjoy it, but I don't deserve it. I don't expect it. I don't, you know, I don't think it's all owed to me. You know, I'm just like, look. If we wouldn't have got lucky, and you know, found, I could be just writing my tunes, you know, whatever, doing my little thing... uh, hanging out, working at a grocery store, and I'd be happy." -- Chris Kirkpatrick from RollingStone.com, July 2001 �It's impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.� -- Henry Kissinger "No one will ever win in the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy." -- Henry Kissinger �International politics is not a kindergarten.� -- Henry Kissinger L "I don't know if you're incredibly wise or just full of crap." -- Nikita from La Fe Nikita "The Pink Panther still can't adopt in Florida." -- Nathan Lane on the 2002 Oscars "In these dangerous times, where it seems the world is ripping apart at the seams, we can all learn how to survive from those who stare death squarely in the face every day and we should reach out to each other and bond as a community, rather than hide from the terrors of life at the end of the millennium." -- Jonathan Larson "Is it good enough for Broadway, that magical street of dreams... or is it too good for Broadway, that shameless commercial whore.� -- Jonathan Larson from Tick�Tick� Boom "Treat everyone the same until you find out they're an idiot." -- Lucy Lawless, Starlog - Savage Sword of Xena "Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep." -- Fran Lebowitz �I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!� -- Tom Lehrer "People over 65 were asked, 'If you could live your life over, what would you do differently?' They said three things: 'I'd take time to stop and ask the big questions. I'd be more courageous and take more risks in work and love. I'd try to live with purpose--to make a difference.'" -- Richard Leider, founding partner of the Inventure Group "I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people." -- John Lennon "If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace." -- John Lennon �What intellectual snobs we have become. Virtue is now in the number of degrees you have � not in the kind of person you are or what you can accomplish in real-life situations.� -- Eda J. LeShan, American Educator �A book is a mirror; if an ass peers into it, you can't expect an apostle to look out.� -- G. C. Lichtenberg "In wilderness I sense the miracle of life, and behind it our scientific accomplishments fade to trivia." -- Charles Lindbergh, Life Magazine, 1967 "A knife! He's got a knife!" "Of course he has a knife. He always has a knife. We all have knives! It's 1183 and we're all barbarians!" -- Lion in Winter "Henry's bed is Henry's province; he may people it with sheep if he wishes. Which upon occasion he has done." -- Lion in Winter �Actually, pirates are period. The style of dress most choose to employ for their costumes as one, however...(I mean, seriously, if you were a pirate, would you advertise while you're on shore with a giant jolly roger on your hat?!?)� -- Little Crow from the Mofo list "Half-baked piece of garbage." -- Eric Lurio, Greenwich Village Gazette, talking about Jeepers Creepers M "My fantasy has been to find that perfect laid back town by the ocean, the kind of place where the locals are all legendary characters who spend their days mixing up margaritas, where the air is always warm, and where the sea is crystal clear - a real Margaritaville of the mind." -- Margaritaville �I didn't like the play. But I saw it under unfavorable circumstances -- the curtains were up.� -- Groucho Marx �I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.� -- Groucho Marx "Fruit flies like a banana, time flies like an arrow" -- Groucho Marx George: "You're more virginal than most virgins I know. You're like a super virgin. If I ever need to sacrifice a virgin to a demon, I'll know who to go to." Christy: "Thanks?" -- George Mavronicolas and Christy Wirt "A man that'll rent a pig is hard to stop" -- Gus McCrae from "Lonesome Dove" � "We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere." --- Tim McGraw �Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.� -- Dean McLaughlin �I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.� -- Marshall McLuhan "Piece of advice: Never fry bacon in the nude." -- Melon from the MoFo Chat List "Friendship is one mind in two bodies." -- Mencius Merlin: �You killed her!� Mab: �No, I didn't. I only let her die.� -- Merlin �1999 Ambrosia: �And you can tell Her Royal High and Mighty Queen Mab that magic or no magic, if she harms you in any way, I'll have her guts for my boot laces!� -- Merlin �1999 Mordred: �Die, dear Auntie Mab? That's the last thing I shall do.� -- Merlin �1999 Morgan: �I like the old ways. They've made me beautiful.� Merlin: �But that's just an illusion.� Morgan: �Beauty is only an illusion.� -- Merlin �1999 Vortigern: �It's easy to die knowing you'll die for your country.� -- Merlin �1999 Lady of the Lake: �Good king. Bad king. You judge too easily Merlin. You will learn.� -- Merlin �1999 Lady of the Lake: �My sister was right about one thing. When we are forgotten, we cease to exist.� -- Merlin �1999 Ambrosia: �Magic has no power over the human heart.� -- Merlin �1999 Uther: �You've tricked me, Merlin.� Merlin: �Come, come Uther. I am a wizard, that's my business.� -- Merlin �1999 "Faith in oneself is the best . . . and safest course." -- Michelangelo �I never know how much of what I say is true.� -- Bette Midler "I know the man. If he were going to kill me, he'd just shoot me." -- Lynn Milam, after the police in Hernando, Miss., told her, incorrectly, that her husband was probably responsible for her arsenic poisoning. �While thus continuously urging your immediate self-indulgence, the ads on Channel One also promote the addict�s attitude through the usual psychotic overestimation of the modest items that they sell. It isn�t just a candy bar, it isn�t just a pair of pants � it�s a delirium, an orgasm, an apocalypse of fun. The ad makers use every visual and aural means available to make the everyday experience of tasting this or wearing that seem like a sort of psychedelic wet dream, in which you feel like you�ve never felt before: ecstatic and all-powerful.� -- John Hopkins Media Studies Professor Mark Crispin Miller in �How to be Stupid: The Lessons of Channel One� �A blas� youngster sitting on his bed, and bored out of his skull by his Dad�s earnest lecture on the birds and the bees, discreetly pops a Starburst-and then obviously comes. While Dad obliviously natters on, the kid imagines a tremendous wave, then sits bolt upright with a look of wired euphoria, and then he�s suddenly a joyous swimmer in deep bright blue waters, amid giant floating chunks and slices of fresh fruit. �The Juice is loose!� screams out the all-male chorus as the boy settles back looking slyly satiated and that big fool leaves the room.� -- John Hopkins Media Studies Professor Mark Crispin Miller in �How to be Stupid: The Lessons of Channel One� "All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience." -- Henry Miller �If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?� -- Krystal Miller "A stick in the eye is better than "Cats"." -- Mofobabe from the MoFo Chat List Micky: "Where's that guy whose mother invented liquid paper?" Peter: "Oh, you mean Mike?" Micky: "Mike, yeah." Davy, Micky and Peter: "He's gone!" -- The Monkees at various concerts during the 2001 summer tour �Talk without offending, listen without defending.� -- Montel �The greatest thing you can ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.� -- Moulin Rouge Duxton: He�s brain damaged. Sunday: That�s because you ran over him. -- Mr. Accident �Don�t mess with a psychopath.� -- Duxton from Mr. Accident Organizers of the Wotapalava tour should've known better. Sinead O'Connor, who once ripped a photo of the Pope, became a priest in a renegade Catholic sect, and declared herself a lesbian, has pulled out of the gay-themed tour. You'll never guess why! -- MSN Newsletter "I'm a very big fan of NSYNC but then again I eat my own crap." -- MTV Dog 2001 MTV Awards N �Paranoia ain't the way to live your life from day to day so leave your doubts and your fears behind.� N Sync (Yippy Yi Ya) �NSYNC won't have a huge inflatable pig in tow.� -- Cleveland writer talking about NSYNC �The Skinny: Joey�s never been the looker of the bunch, or the most talented -- and his personal life leaves something to be desired (like a wedding ring). We fear things won�t bode so well for Fatone in this vote. But you could always pick Chris, the funny guy who sometimes doesn�t know when to shut his trap. Or J.C., the guy who always dresses like a girl. Or is that Lance? Heck, maybe you�re completely sick of Justin and all his make-out sessions with little Miss Lucky. Yeah, whatever -- admit it, you worship them all.� -- AOL Teen Poll talking about NSYNC �Not only is Backstreet not a boy band, with one member about to turn 30 (yes, Chris of 'N Sync also is 29, but he's the Ralph Macchio of the bachelor-band world and looks about 17), it's not even a bachelor band anymore, with talk of members getting hitched.� -- Jennifer Christman from the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette on The Backstreet Boys and NSYNC �They're all happy just to see him happy. Two days ago in New Orleans, the guys suffered what may have been the scariest moment of their career when, during a rehearsal, a platform under the stage released at the wrong time and sent 300 pounds of pressure springing up at Joey. "As I picked my feet up," Joey says, "the whole thing releases, and the weight shot up and caught my knee and my calf between the stage and the platform. It was like, wham! I was trapped for a split second." Lance was the first to reach him. He asked if his leg was broken, and Joey said, "I don't think so, but it's burning." Lance lifted up his pant leg. "There was a hole," he says. "You could see the bone, you could see everything. So we applied pressure on it, and the fat was coming out, and it was not good. He can take pain good, but he was in pain. Oh, he screamed. It was bad. It looked like a bullet went through his leg."� -- Rolling Stone article on Joey getting hurt Jacqueline: How in sync are NSYNC when it comes to girls? Do all of you have crushes on Britney? Justin: (Jokingly) I don't have a crush on her! JC: (Primly) We treat her like a sister! We don't look at her that way! Chris: We all have different tastes in girls. Joey (Helpfully): We like them! Lance: Yeah! Girls are cool! -- A Fan during a Q and A JUSTIN: Our work ethic is still what it was two years ago. Another thing, though, is that we're actually friends, and we actually do like each other. CHRIS: Well, not each one individually. But we have cliques. Like, JC's not in my clique. Joey's in my clique. Lance is in my clique sometimes. Well, Lance has his own clique that I'm not allowed in. LANCE: It's a force field. CHRIS: Sometimes when it comes to dental hygiene, some of them aren't in my clique. But other times they're in. So it's like, when are they and when are they not? LANCE: You know what you need? CHRIS: Ritalin? LANCE: A sitcom. To get out all this stuff. So we wouldn't have to deal with it. -- NSYNC during an Entertainment Weekly Interview �One of the commercials features NSYNC stranded on a desert island (a la the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away). In the spot, group members Bass, Chasez, Kirkpatrick, and Timberlake each sing a verse of "I want my baby back..." which would not be so unusual for an NSYNC ballad except that they are singing about baby back ribs. Fatone then chimes in on the "baby back ribs" part of the jingle. Scrawled in the sand on the beach are the words "SEND RIBS." A rescue helicopter approaches the island and drops a huge wooden box labeled Chili's, which lands on Fatone, crushing him. As Fatone's feet stick out from underneath the box, the rest of the group chows down on baby back ribs. -- -Launch.com on the new Chili�s and NSYNC Commercials "The group's first appearance in Portland was in April 1998 as one of several opening acts on a Z100-sponsored show headlined by Paula Cole. Stuck amid also-ran vocal groups Allure and Uncle Sam, and novelty acts such as the "rapping grandma" from the movie "The Wedding Singer" and a hastily assembled all-male Spice Girls tribute act, NSYNC would have been just one more thing to forget -- if its rendition of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" hadn't been too shriekingly awful to expunge from memory." -- Story about NSYNC entitled Too Legit To Quit by: Brooke from The Oregonian Everyone knows that Justin and Britney Spears are an item. Are there areas of your lives that you try to guard and others that you just let out because people will find out anyway? CHRIS: I'm dating Kathie Lee. JOEY: I'm dating Chynna. JUSTIN: I think for me there has to be something that's mine. And I make that my family. You have to have somewhere to go where you feel independent and not have to share everything with everyone. JOEY: I don't tell anybody you sit around all the time in your underwear with a bowl of Jell-o, watching TV. JUSTIN: Exactly. I mean those are the things that make me happy. That's why we called the album ''Celebrity.'' Everybody wakes up and puts their pants on the same way. We don't look at ourselves as celebrities by any means. -- NSYNC during an Entertainment Weekly Interview Before ''No Strings Attached,'' there was the idea that the Backstreet Boys were the Beatles for this generation and you were the Dave Clark Five. But now it's you who've become the Fab Five. [Chris walks around the table and kisses the interviewer on the forehead, to much group laughter.] -- NSYNC during an Entertainment Weekly Interview CG!: Did you ever make an inappropriate sound effect at the wrong time? Joey: Nope. Chris: (to Joey) Yeah, you farted at the wrong time, didn�t you! ��Hey, I�m Chris.� �I�m Lance.� �I�m plllftt.� �And we�re NSYNC!�� (Everyone laughs) Joey: That�s my ass ladies and gentlemen. -- NSYNC on Joey�s sound effects from a Cosmo Girl Article from January 2002 "If they're just in the background, I don't see what it would matter. Now, if they were to start having synchronized light saber battles and spontaneously bust out in song, then I would have to walk out of the theater." -- Silac 5: a Star Wars fan on NSYNC being in attack of the clones �Three-fifths of 'N Sync, the oh-so wholesome boy group, showed up at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club in North Beach on Tuesday night. (Don't worry, Britney, not Justin.) They stayed about 3 1/2 hours, got a little wild and sang to the waitresses in the VIP room. One of the cherubs offered $1,000 to buy a lap dance from a nondancer and was turned down. Somehow I find all of this reassuring.� -- Unknown Article about NSYNC "Either she was pointing at me or she was trying to catch her food particles and eat them." -- Constance from the NSYNC newsletter �Sure that�s what thousands of screaming thirteen year olds want�some popstar�s Dad shaking his moneymaker. Touch�.� -- MM (a magazine) discussing NSB2 �Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.� -- Napoleon �Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.� -- George Jean Nathan �Imagine winning a trip to Paris. You're filled with excitement, anticipating the food, the wine, the city's ambiance. Then, just as you're packing your bags, you get this brown envelope in the mail. It's filled with pictures of mouth-watering cuisine, of people talking and lights glistening from the Eiffel Tower. This is your prize! They didn't send you to Paris. Oh no, they sent a robot with a camera instead." -- Science.Nasa.Gov "We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are." -- Anais Nin �The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.� -- Ana�s Nin "Repent thy cleavage, thy foul temptress." -- North Quad Preacher Quote from NYTW �94 Mark: I don't know what I am, what I know, what to do. Roger: Who does? Mark: Oh God Mark! Don't you? Roger: Mark has got his work; they say Mark lives for his work. And Mark's in love with his work, Mark hides in his work Mark: From what? From facing my failure, facing my loneliness, facing the fact I live a lie! Roger: You don't live a lie! Tell you why, you never finished your film cause the standards you set for yourself are too high! But the fact remains that you're the one of us with the talent and the drive. The fact remains Mark; you're the one to survive. Mark: I know. I'm afraid the burden's gonna make me crack. Roger: If it does just let me know - I'll come back. Mark: Why's it easier to return to a friend than to burn with a lover till the end? Roger: Not as much to lose! Mark: Mimi still loves Roger, Mimi's just with Benny cause Mimi's getting weak. Roger: Mimi did look pale. Mark: Mimi's gotten thin; Mimi's running out of time, Roger's running out the door! Roger: No more! Oh no, I've got to go! Anything you need in Santa Fe? I'll be fine - make your film! Mark: Okay. Love you! Call. Roger: Love you too. I hate the fall. O "The Grammy's yesterday was the longest running award show ever running more than 3 1/2 hours. In fact, that's how long it takes Christina Aguilera to put on her WH0RE makeup. Did you see* her?! There must be lost civilizations under all that makeup!" -- Conan O�Brien "Time never progresses, it just repeats itself." -- Ocelotwl from the MoFo Chat Room "Between the Lover and the Beloved there is no distance. In truth, how can you describe something when, in its presence, you are absent, in its existence, you are dissolved, in its contemplation, you are undone, in its purity, you are intoxicated, in your surrender, you are fulfilled, in your joy, you are parted from yourself?" -- 1hello1 from the MoFo List �Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.� -- Robert Orben P �We don�t report the number of people who cross the street safely, we report the ones that get hit.� -- Prof. Bob Papper �The assistant stage attorney general is just another clog in the massive cog of state politics.� -- Prof. Bob Papper �It�s more serious than being dead.� -- Prof. Bob Papper �If your into code and self-inflicted pain, you can set it however you want.� -- Prof. Bob Papper on building your webpage � "Your smile lights a fire in everyone" -- Adam Pascal (Liken a Razor) "If Les Mis is the kinda thing that makes you nauseous, this might be a good antidote. I've never been involved in something that won so many people over." -- Adam Pascal �The heart has its reasons that reason knows nothing of.� -- Blaise Pascal �Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail.� -- Luciano Pavarotti �I have never become a man and I don�t plan on becoming one anytime soon.� -- Jason Pavel Droz: �What's your major?� Person #1: �Particle Physics.� Droz: �Particle Physics...tough one. Ah, The Motion of Helium Atoms in an Excited State. Watch out, it's a scorcher. Next.� Person #2: �Sanskrit.� Droz: �Sanskrit. You're majoring in a five thousand year old dead language.� Sanskrit Major: �Yeah.� Droz: �Latin, it's the best I can do. Next.� Person #3: �Phys. Ed.� Droz: �Phys. Ed. Okay, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out!� -- PCU "Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them." -- Penny "You know you'll never make it out alive, so why take life so seriously?" -- Penny "Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film." -- Penny �We accept the love we think we deserve.� -- The Perks of Being A Wallflower �Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth.� -- Pablo Picasso "Talking about love is like dancing about architecture." -- Joan, Playing By Heart "Normal love isn't interesting. I assure you it's incredibly boring." -- Roman Polanski �It�s more like business with prostitutues�buyer beware.� -- Prof. Popovich �If you say that my IQ is well beyond your IQ charts then why are you asking me if I understand what you're saying?� -- Powder "Values are like fingerprints. Nobody's are the same, but you leave 'em all over everything you do." -- Elvis Presley Jarod: "Life's a gift; nothing is worth missing out on it." -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "Cute, not funny but cute" -- The Pretender "Stress left unchecked leads to madness." --The Pretender Jarod�s Student: "He told us that roaches would be the only living thing after a biological holocaust. Them and some woman named Parker." -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "Doesn't anybody ever really die anymore?" -- The Pretender Miss Parker: �That bitch is like a bad cough" -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "Broke it Mud Wrestling, what'd you do last night?" -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "Did you eat the whole onion for breakfast?" -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "I want to kill her, not screw her." -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "I regret not having a nicotine patch the size of a doormat." -- The Pretender Jarod: "And that physique. What is it? Body by chili dog?" -- The Pretender Woman: "Does he ever talk about me?" Miss Parker: "He often reminisces about playing tonsil hockey with you in the barn after the Saturday night Hoot 'N Nanny." -- The Pretender Broots: "Are you crazy!?!?" Miss Parker: "Everyone's crazy, Broots." -- The Pretender Mr.: Lyle: "God, you�re beautiful when you�re angry." -- Talking about Miss Parker from The Pretender Broots: "What is this? The night of the living dead?" -- The Pretender Mr. Lyle: "One thing hasn't changed. You're still beautiful when you're angry", -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "The last time I saw that look I had Bambi's mother in my crosshairs." -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "Oh, gravity�s a bitch." -- The Pretender Catherine Parker: "Trust can kill you or set you free." -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "Daddy, Raines didn't design a better Big Mac. We're talking about a human being.� -- The Pretender Jarod: "Open your eyes dumb ass!" -- The Pretender Miss Parker: "I love to be underestimated!!" -- The Pretender Jarod: �She felt consumed by a great void, a dark and silent abyss as terrifying as the grand palace around her. But somewhere in the chilling blackness, she caught a glimpse of a light. She remembered a time. The precocious little girl with a heart full of fire, a soul enflamed by passion. A smile that could melt winter into spring. But the light was gone, the flame had died. Her past was taken from her by the soldiers of the great palace. She would continue searching, hoping to rekindle the fire. Until then she would always be the saddest little valentine.� -- The Pretender Miss Parker: �These are the house rules: no running, no playing, no feet on the furniture, and no noise, which includes crying and whining. Be invisible and we'll get along just fine.� -- The Pretender Sydney: �How do you think he will hold up?� Miss Parker: �Before of after he wets his pants?� -- The Pretender Sydney: �Last night I went on a date.� Broots: �You went on a date!� Miss Parker: �That's when two people actually meet instead of typing to each other over a computer keyboard.� -- The Pretender Broots: �Have you ever gone to church?� Miss Parker: �With all I've seen and done, a church is the last place I should be.� Broots: �Or the first.� -- The Pretender Mr. Lyle: �When in doubt, lie.� -- The Pretender Jarod: �Love transcends death. The people we love touch our lives, even after they're gone.� -- The Pretender Broots: �I, uh, know it's none of my business, Syd, but sometimes Memory Lane can be a dead-end street.� Jarod: �How's life treating you?� Miss Parker: �Like he caught me in bed with his wife.� -- The Pretender Broots: �I found something bizarre.� Miss Parker: �What? Like hair on your head?� Broots: �No, that would be fantasy. This is real.� -- The Pretender Mr. Lyle: �We both know that this notion of human equality perpetuates mediocrity. But we're not mediocre, are we, Miss Parker? We're independent -- and independence -- that's a privilege of the strong. Tell me, Miss Parker, how strong are you?� -- The Pretender Miss Parker: �Since when do you hate to fly?� Broots: �I don't hate to fly. I hate to barf.� -- The Pretender Jarod: �Life is a mirage, sometimes the things that scare you the most are the ones that can save you.� -- The Pretender Thomas Daggett: �Did you ever notice how in the Bible, whenever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?� -- The Prophecy �Excess is the path to wisdom. Break conformity.� -- Proverbs of Hell Mark Hunter: �They think you're moody, make 'em think you're crazy. Make 'em think you're about to snap. They say you got attitude, you show 'em some real attitude!� -- Pump Up the Volume Mark Hunter: �I mean if I knew any thing about love, I would be out there making it, instead of sitting in here talking to you guys.� -- Pump Up the Volume Mark Hunter: �Now I'm depressed. Now I feel like killing myself, but luckily I'm too depressed to bother.� -- Pump Up the Volume Mark Hunter: �I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not gonna be ashamed about it. At least pain is real. You look around and you see nothing is real, at least the pain is real.� -- Pump Up the Volume Mark Hunter: �Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up.� -- Pump Up the Volume Mark Hunter a.k.a. Hard Harry: �Sometimes being young is less fun than being dead.� -- Pump Up the Volume Mark Hunter: �Being a teenager sucks. But that's the whole point! Surviving is the whole point.� -- Pump Up the Volume Mark Hunter: �Quitting will not make you strong, living will.� -- Pump Up the Volume Marla Hunter: �We think you should see a psychiatrist.� Mark Hunter: �Is it that obvious?� -- Pump Up the Volume �Nature recycles itself. History repeats itself. Religion has faith in itself. Technology creates itself. Humanity loves itself.� -- Mark Putzke �We don�t know if capital punishment is a deterrent, but we know that men we execute will not murder again.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� �1978 �Like everybody else in New York, Valerie regarded California as an exotic outpost of the United States filled with drug addicts, murderers and mad preachers who would shoot a Catholic on sight.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� �1978 �Ego in movie land was like TB in a mining town.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� �1978 �A more highly developed male emphod figured out that all he had to do was spin a web around a tiny stone or pebble, any little bit of junk. In a great evolutionary jump the male empid fly became a Hollywood producer.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� �1978 �When I hear the word love, I reach for my wallet.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� Wartberg discussing love �1978 �One screenwriter commented that it was like members of a concentration camp voting for Hitler as their most popular politician.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� �1978 �This would be after an hour�s pitch of why you had to jump off the Empire State Building to make sure your new picture got some space in the Times.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� �1978 �But on the whole I found success not to be as interesting or as satisfying as I had thought it would be. So, as I usually did, I read up on the subject and I found that my case was not unusual, that in fact, many men who had fought all their lives to reach the top of their professions immediately celebrated by throwing themselves out of a high window.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� �1978 �And he attributed this solely to the fact that the English had executed eight-year-old children for stealing lace handkerchiefs as late as the nineteenth century.� -- Mario Puzo �Fools Die� on the English being law abiding �1978 Q "Good generally conquers evil, unless, of course, good is stupid." -- Sara Querbes <angel23784@hotmail.com> R �The person you always wanted to be isn't something you create but something inside you this very minute.� -- Ted Raimi "Labels are for Cans" -- Anthony Rapp �I mean, it's just gross to have a picture of Howie or CJ or whatever the bearded tattooed one's name is.� -- Melissa from �Real World New Orleans� on the BSB �Life isn�t perfection but it�s not the opposite either. Life is the never-ending pursuit of perfection.� -- Pearl Rhein �Cloning: A garden of your organs so you can live indefinitely.� -- Pearl Rhein �You�ve only got two choices. You either have ooze or seven days.� -- Pearl Rhein on the creation theory and Darwinism �I have a bumper sticker that says �Don�t drive SUV�s,� but no one�s driven up behind me, got out and said �Oh, shit!� and abandoned it.� -- Pearl Rhein Rimmer: �After intensive investigation, comma, of the markings on the alien pod, comma, it has become clear, comma, to me, comma, that we are dealing, comma, with a species of awesome intellect, colon.� Holly: �Good. Perhaps they might be able to give you a hand with your punctuation.� -- Red Dwarf �BBC Rimmer: �How do I die?� Cassandra: �Lister catches you in bed making love to Kochanski and shoots you through the head with a harpoon gun.� Rimmer: �Could you make sure on that?� Cassandra: �I have seen it, Arnold.� Rimmer: �So let me get this straight. Arnold, that's me, and Kochanski, that's the woman, the really pretty one you saw before, are in bed together giving it rizz, when Lister, that's the short dumpy one with the stupid haircut, sees us do it and shoots me in the head with a harpoon gun. Am I right?� Cassandra: �Yes, that is what happens.� Rimmer: �FANTASTIC!!!� -- Red Dwarf �BBC Kryten: �I suggest switching from blue alert to red alert.� Cat: �Forget red alert, let go up all the way to brown alert!� Kryten: �There's no such thing as brown alert.� Cat: �You won't be saying that in a minute. Just don't say I didn't alert you!� -- Red Dwarf �BBC Arnold Judas Rimmer: �Incredible! A stupendous moment in my personal history! The perfectly preserved remains of a Quagaar warrior!� Dave Lister: �Yeah, right Rimmer. Absolutely.� Arnold Judas Rimmer: �They must have looked something like...a roast chicken.� -- Red Dwarf �BBC �I don't know about this. I've never been seduced by Predetermination Theory before.� -- Kristine Kochanski from Red Dwarf �BBC Holly: �Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle! Many Wurlitzer�s are missing from my database! Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil. Repeat: This is not a daffodil!� Rimmer: �Well, thankfully Holly's unaffected.� -- Red Dwarf �BBC �Look, Lister, no point feeling sorry about Holly. It's a kindness. Like a blind old incontinent sheepdog, he's had his day. Take him out to the barn with a double-barreled shotgun and blow the mother away. And I'm only saying that because I'm so fond of him.� -- Rimmer from Red Dwarf �BBC �Smoke me a kipper; I'll be back for breakfast.� -- Ace Rimmer -- Red Dwarf �BBC Lister: �How can you just lie back and accept it?� Kryten: �Oh, it's not the end for me, sir, it's just the beginning. I have served my human masters, now I can look forward to my reward in silicon heaven.� Lister: [Stunned pause.] �Silicon WHAT?� Kryten: �Surely you've heard of silicon heaven?� Lister: �Has it got anything to do with being stuck opposite Bridgette Nielsen in a packed lift?� Kryten: �It's the electronic afterlife! It's the gathering place for the souls of all electronic equipment. Robots, calculators, toasters, hairdryers, it's our final resting place.� Lister: �I don't mean to say anything out of place here, Kryten, but that is completely whacko Jacko. There is no such thing as 'Silicon Heaven'.� Kryten: �Then where do all the calculators go?� Lister: �They don't go anywhere! They just die.� Kryten: �Surely you believe that God is in all things? Aren't you a pantheist?� Lister: �Yeah, but I just don't think it applies to kitchen utensils. I'm not a FRYING pantheist! Machines do not have souls. Computers and calculators do not have an afterlife. You don't get hairdryers with tiny little wings, sitting on clouds and playing harps!� -- Red Dwarf �BBC �Abandon ship! Abandon ship! This is not a drill. This is a drill.� -- Holly from Red Dwarf �BBC Rimmer: �Need I remind you of Space Corps Directive 914?� Kryten: �914? �No crewmember with false teeth should attempt oral sex in a zero-gravity environment�?� -- Red Dwarf �BBC Rimmer: �We can't afford to take any chances. Jump up to red alert.� Kryten: �Are you sure, sir? It does mean changing the bulb.� -- Red Dwarf �BBC [Lister is singing loudly and out of tune during an inspection.] �Lister, have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet?� -- Rimmer from Red Dwarf �BBC �My goodness. I do believe I'm drunk. I suddenly feel the need... to strut my funky stuff!� -- Kryten from Red Dwarf �BBC Rimmer: �Oh yeah? Well, as the Esperanto would say, �Bonvoro alsendi la pordiston, lausajne estas rano en mia bideo!� And I think we all know what that means.� Holly: �Yes, it means, �Could you send for the hall porter, there appears to be a frog in my bidet��. -- Red Dwarf �BBC �What jobs are there in a backwards reality for a dead hologram and an android with a head shaped like a novelty condom?� -- Rimmer from Red Dwarf �BBC �What about the Rimmer Directive? It states quite clearly, �Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family.�� -- Rimmer from Red Dwarf �BBC �Yes, but Rimmer Directive 217 states just as clearly, �No chance you metal bastard.�� -- Rimmer �Oh, smeg! What the smegging smeg's he smegging done? He's smegging killed me!� -- Lister Rimmer: �I'm going in to rescue him.� Holly: �Rescue him?� Rimmer: �It's my duty; my duty as a complete and utter bastard.� -- Red Dwarf �BBC Arnold Judas Rimmer: �Brace yourself for a bit of a shock, Lister, but I just saw you die.� Dave Lister: �What?!� Arnold Judas Rimmer: �I did warn you to brace yourself.� Dave Lister: �You didn't give me much of a chance.� Arnold Judas Rimmer: �I gave you ample bracing time!� Dave Lister: �No you didn't. You didn't even pause.� Arnold Judas Rimmer: �Well, I'm sorry! I've just had a rather nasty experience. I have just seen someone I know die in the most hideous, hideous way!� Dave Lister: �Yeah! Me!� -- Red Dwarf �BBC �Oh, spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!� -- Kryten from Red Dwarf �BBC [An alien device just turned Lister into a chicken, then a hamster] Cat: �What was it like, being a hamster?� Dave Lister: �Well, it was better than being a chicken. I mean, you've seen the size of an egg. You've seen the size of a chicken's bum. I was trying to say, in chicken-talk, �For God's sake, give me an epidural!�� -- Red Dwarf �BBC �Don't give me any of that Star Trek crap. It's too early in the morning.� -- Dave Lister from Red Dwarf �BBC �I move slowly because I�m not sure where I�m going.� -- Red Green �It�s OK to be unreliable. Until you�re alone�which you will be.� -- Red Green �It�s very humbling when the voices in your head are talking to someone else.� -- Red Green �Water seeks its own level. Booze goes straight to the head.� -- Red Green �There is no safe way for a nudist to operate a weed-whacker.� -- Red Green �Many women can bear children. Many men can�t.� -- Red Green �To most men, women don�t play hard to get � they ARE hard to get.� -- Red Green �If you find time goes by too fast, spend an hour with a boring relative.� -- Red Green �Opinions are like toothbrushes. Everybody has one, so there�s no need to share.� -- Red Green �The Internet has it all wrong. Men my age don�t want to be interactive. We don�t even want to be active.� -- Red Green �I have more in common with my couch than I do with my friends � except when they�re on it.� -- Red Green �If you don�t believe life is full of surprises, you�ve never changed a diaper.� -- Red Green �Today for you. Tomorrow for me.� -- Rent "You�ll never share real love until you love yourself" -- RENT "He says he'll see us at the restaurant. He says he wants to stay and play his guitar. He says he wants to be obsessed with art, like me. He says he wants to redevelop the creative side of his brain. He says he doesn't need support groups...He says he doesn't know why I go when I'm not sick or queer...He says he doesn't think that love is possible anymore...I don't believe a word...I don't believe a word...I don't believe a word he says." -- NYTW's RENT "Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them." -- RENTheads list �The psychotic midget mermaid!� -- Christina from RENTheads "One day we will look back on this laugh nervously and change the subject" -- David from RENTheads "If all the world is a stage does that make God a techie?" -- David from RENTheads �It�s really hard to be upset when you are looking at a giant cookie. -- Emily from RENTheads �...It was like being one snowflake in a crazy blizzard. But then it occurred to me-everyone's a snowflake.� -- ~Genni~ from RENTheads �Dreams don't all come true - look at me and look at you. Still I can't deny dreams help get me by. Leave me my romantic notions.� -- Holly from RENTheads "You know a blonde is having a bad day when she's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil" -- James from RENTheads �When a guy sweeps you off your feet... he is in perfect position to drop you on your ass.� Kristina from RENTheads �Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do. -- Stephanie RENTheads I myself had trouble believing that just the day before Woodrow had argued strenuously against Stephen Hawkins�s model of black hole radiation, given me a short history of classical thermodynamics, and then drunk windshield washer fluid by mistake. Talk about your "Beautiful Mind." -- Too Slim from Rider�s in the Sky �Antiques are the dead bones of a society in love with itself.� -- Ann Rinaldi �But in the Fall I Am Leaving� "Whenever you hear that someone else has been successful, rejoice. Always practice rejoicing for others--whether your friend or your enemy. If you cannot practice rejoicing, no matter how long you live, you will not be happy." -- Lama Zopa Rinpoche, "Transforming Problems Into Happiness" "Ireland is a land of poets and legends, of dreamers and rebels." -- Nora Roberts �Life is an illusion. Reality is a figment of your imagination.� -- Rocky Horror Picture Show �Stay sane inside of insanity.� -- Rocky Horror Picture Show �Diplomacy is the art of saying �nice doggy� until you can find a rock.� -- Will Rogers �No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� -- Eleanor Roosevelt �Check this out. Not only are we gonna have a grandchild that�s roughly the same age as our own child, but our daughter is marrying a boy we consider to be one of our own. I think that means that we are now officially the white-trashiest family in the land.� -- Roseanna Barr as Roseanne discussing the news of her daughter Darlene�s pregnancy and impending marriage, on Roseanne �Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education.� --Bertrand Russell S "Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care." -- William Safire "Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure." -- William Saroyan Diane: "Nobody thinks it will work, do they?" Lloyd: "No. You just described every great success story." -- Say Anything Lt. Col. Frank Slade: �Out of order, I'll show you out of order! You don't know what out of order is Mr. Trask! I'd show you but I'm too old, I'm too tired, and I'm too fuckin' blind. If I were the man I was five years ago I'd take a flame-thrower to this place. Out of order, who the hell do you think you're talking to? I've been around you know. There was a time I could see. And I have seen, boys like these, younger than these, their arms torn out, their legs ripped off. But there isn't nothin' like the sight of an amputated spirit, there is no prosthetic for that. You think you're merely sending this splendid foot soldier back home to Oregon with his tail between his legs but I say that you are executing his soul. And why? Because he's not a Baird man. Baird men, you hurt this boy, you're going to be Baird Bums, the lot of ya. And Harry, Jimmy, Trent, wherever you are out there, fuck you too.� -- The Scent of a Woman "I love you, and that painful, decaying love is the only thing between you and the shrieking nothingness you live the rest of the day." -- Max Schumacher (William Holden) in Network Piccolo: �Give whatever it takes, even if it takes more than you got.� -- SeaQuest O�Neill: �The more I read the more questions I have. Every time I pass a library I get an anxiety attack.� -- SeaQuest Lucas: �It is the smartest way to lie -- just tell the truth, except for the parts that really matter.� -- SeaQuest Tim O�Neill: �I'm Catholic, Captain. I believe in anything that makes me nervous.� -- SeaQuest Tim O�Neil: What�s going on up there? You guys ok? Miguel Ortiz: Let�s just say we are still in one piece. Something just flew by and fired at us. Tim O�Neil: What do you mean something? Miguel Ortiz: That�s the best I can do. It was a thing�I�ve never seen anything like it. Tim O�Neil: Miguel, could you be a little bit more specific? Miguel Ortiz: Sure, it was one of those large spinning things that moves through the air at high velocity and throws explosive fireballs from each tip. Tim O�Neil: Right. -- SeaQuest "A tip? You want a tip...hmmm...let me see...Neither give cherries to pigs nor advice to a fool. Goodbye." Tim shut the door while Tony still stood, mouth hanging open. -- SeaQuest Fanfiction �The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.� -- William Shakespeare �Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we often would win, by fearing to attempt.� -- Shakespeare �Thou Nature art my goddess: to thy law My services are bound. Wherefore should I Stand in the plague of custom and permit The curiosity of nations to deprive me, .... Why bastard? Wherefore base? When my dimensions are well compact My mind as generous, and my shape as true, As honest madam's issue? Why brand they us With base? With bastardy...." -- Shakespeare �There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.� -- George Bernard Shaw �When a man wants to murder a tiger, it's called sport; when the tiger wants to murder him, it's called ferocity.� -- George Bernard Shaw �No one speaks wisely, without having first listened; And no one listens happily without first being heard.� -- Shelly "I'm also in favor of laissez faire capitalism. If you asked the Christian Coalition, most of them would probably say the same (though I maintain Jesus was the world's first Communist)." -- shoemakerb from MoFo Megomonster: �What is the longest word you know?� David Sidoni: �I thought it was Supercalifragilisticexpedialidocious, but the real longest word I know is... terminological inexactitudinarian. It means liar.� -- David Sidoni Amanda: �My friend told me this thing about men and sex, they think about it 238 times a day.� Tom: �That's ridiculous, it's about every 4 minutes and�yeah, that�s about right.� Amanda: �I've been here 20 minutes.� -- Simply Irresistible "If I hurt you then I hate myself, I don�t wanna hate myself, don�t wanna hurt you." -- Sister Hazel �I take my desires for reality because I believe in the reality of my desires.� -- Situationist International Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: �Hope for everything. Expect nothing.� -- Sliders Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: �I am not Mr. Pavarotti. Mr. Pavarotti is an Italian. He speak-a like-a this. Do I speak-a like this? No. Why? Because I am an Englishman, you blistering idiot!� -- Sliders Prof. Maximillian P. Arturo: �Mr. Bennish, if we survive, I promise you this: I will dedicate my life to isolating the gene that makes you so obnoxious, and I will destroy it.� -- Sliders Rembrandt Lee "Crying Man" Brown: �I didn't mind killing him. I might have a twinge of guilt about killing you, but then again, maybe not.� -- Sliders Rembrandt Lee "Crying Man" Brown: �I've never been banished before. Except for that time in Abilene. Cowboys just didn't get Motown.� -- Sliders [Helen tells James her boyfriend is cheating.] James: �Well, if it makes you feel any better...do you see that bloke over there?� [Points to his friend at the end of the bar.] �Not only does he own a personalized set of crocodile-skin luggage, but his favorite TV program is Baywatch. So you see there's always someone sadder than you.� [Helen starts to cry.] James: �Do you love him?� Helen: �No, I could never love a Baywatch fan.� -- Sliding Doors �Jerry, I asked you a simple question! There is no need for you to become Woody Allen!� -- Helen from Sliding Doors Anna: �Are you okay?� Helen: �Oh yes, I'm just going quietly mad.� Anna: �Well, thank goodness for that. I was worried.� -- Sliding Doors �Everyone is born knowing every single Beatles lyric. It's ingested into the fetus along with all that amniotic stuff. Fact: they should be called �The Fetals.�� -- James from Sliding Doors �Never joke about a woman's hair, clothes or menstrual cycle. Page one.� -- James from Sliding Doors Russell: �You want my opinion?� Jerry: �Will I like it?� Russell: �Well, of course not! It'll be based in reality.� -- Sliding Doors Helen: �I kissed you.� James: �Yeah, I spotted that too.� -- Sliding Doors �Gerry, you are a morality-free zone.� -- Russell from Sliding Doors �I'm a woman. We don't say what we want but we do reserve the right to get pissed off when we don't get it. That's what makes us so fascinating, and not a little bit scary.� -- Lydia from Sliding Doors �I'm trying to be your girlfriend Jerry! I'm trying to win you back! I'm standing on the platform at Limbo Central with my heart and soul packed in my suitcase waiting for the Jerry Frikkin Express to roll in and tell me that my ticket is still valid and that I may reboard the train. Only the station announcer keeps coming on and telling me that my train has been delayed as the driver has suffered a major panic attack in Indecision City, �We suggest you take the bus�! That's what I have been trying to do, you cripple!� -- Lydia from Sliding Doors �You wanker. You sad, sad wanker.� -- Helen from Sliding Doors James: �Cheer up. Remember what the Monty Python boys say.� Helen: "Always look on the bright side of life?� James: �No. �Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.�� -- Sliding Doors �Greece eventually got sick of Carthage being the burr in their butt.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 �The Versailles Treaty is conflicted.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 The French want to be important in the world. They want to matter.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 �Violence is not a good response to political problems. I will stick to that but I won�t fight for it.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 �There are elements of this that as one reads it, makes one think they are in Alice in Wonderland.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 on the World Socialist Website �The more tragic the event, the better the literature.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 �You have an orgy of killing in some Spanish cities.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 �Germans celebrate Oct. 4, the first day they held national elections. Woohoo.� -- Dr. Kevin Smith History 455 at Ball State University 2003 �I was in the gym, and this guy came over to me and said, �I can lift more than that.� And I said, �Buddy, it�s a TV show�I�m not the strongest man on earth, and I�m not a half-God.�� -- Kevin Sorbo �Things understandably change for Gregor when he wakes up one morning to find he has been transformed into a giant bug.� -- Sparknotes.com "One should never cook anything green." -- Lee Spector �Food seems to be more addictive than cigarettes. Seems more people can give up smoking than can stay on a diet.� -- Lee Spector �I don�t care if you do other homework. Just don�t let me know about it. Just learn some skills in it.� -- Lee Spector �CHILDREN - If someone asks you when you're going to have children, they're effectively asking you about your sex life. I think that gives you the right to ask them about their sex lives. Ask detailed embarrassing questions. Go ahead.� -- SpewHari from the Mofo Chat List "I always say that talent is an aphrodisiac." -- SpewHari from the Mofo Chat List "Geek & Spew. What is that? Is it an interrogative? Is it an imperative? A vomitorium for computer programmers? A comedy team like Rebo & Zooty?" -- SpewHari from the Mofo Chat List �Fighting words are more that just �You�re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.� Them�s fighting words.� -- Prof. Mike Spillman �You mean I can�t drive up the side of that mountain like they did on TV?� -- Prof. Mike Spillman on truth in advertising �Campbell�s chicken noodle soup�it doesn�t taste like crap anymore.� -- Prof. Mike Spillman �A nice way to say �Stop� and �Hey, I told you to stop last time.�� -- Prof. Mike Spillman on Consent decrees and Cease and Desist Orders �Let�s say I snarf your stuff.� -- Prof. Mike SPillman �He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much.� -- Bessie Stanley "It doesn't matter where you were born. It doesn't matter where you come from. What matters is where your head is at." -- Paul Stanley �Wine is bottled poetry.� -- Robert Louis Stevenson "The first problem for all of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn." -- Gloria Steinem "Scott was the perfect English hero. Tried to do something very difficult. Failed. Died." -- Al Stewart during his intro to "Antarctica", May 30, 2002, Blackhead, London concert. �I think you should have gotten another nomination for that 'Behind Enemy Lines' movie for best running," --- Ben Stiller �I look like a freaking ZZ Top Troll Boy." -- Ben Stiller "Now these three things remain forever: idiocy, greed, and Styrofoam, and the greatest of these is Styrofoam." -- Tom Struckman "You know the word eschew...remind me to kiss you alot later." -- Tom Struckman �When I was stupid, I had intensely religious periods.� -- Tom Struckman "Life often imitates art...sometimes it's stunningly beautiful, and it often makes very little sense." -- Strutter from the Mofo List �Ninety percent of everything is crap.� -- Theodore Sturgeon "Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until have accomplished a purpose--not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember." -- Anne Sullivan �Abandon All Hope All Ye Who Enter Here� -- Ed Sweeny�s Room T �We see things not as they are, but as we are.� -- Talmud �I like truth. Nothing I hear tells me something new. It just puts what I already feel into words.� -- Thomas Taylor (UK) �I believe. In everything that is in myself.� -- Thomas Taylor (UK) "So ok, I quit smoking 2 weeks ago...not because of the cancer risk (since my family coat of arms is a tumor drinking from a bottle of scotch that's been deep fried in chicken fat.)" -- Tchadow from the MoFo Chat List �Chris Carter must have smoked too much crack. He turned some great characters -- three ultimate journalistic outsider hackers -- into pratfalling ninnies who mention themselves in their own columns. They were quirky on the X-Files, yet bumbling and inept in their own spin-off show. It was a midseason replacement that never got a lead-in from Cops, sucked in the ratings, and got canceled for a reason. The Lone Gunmen never got a chance. Alex Richmond gave it her best shot, but it wasn't enough. Gurgle, sputter, croak.� -- http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/shows.cgi �Atheists do look for answers to existence itself. They just don't make them up.� -- Teller "You know you're on the road when your idea of a nice late night soothing beverage is two packets of Coffee-Mate in hot tap water." -- Teller "Anytime your day involves cow dancing, it's a pretty good day." -- Teller "I think that the fact that he began to associate food with my company is what really formed the basis for our friendship. It probably took us 10 years of working together, learning to stay out of each other's way, so each of us could do the things we do best." -- Teller on first getting to know Penn "I think we'll be a little bump in showbiz and magic history, which is a tiny niche. Maybe somebody a hundred years from now will find what remains of our books, crumbling on their cheap paper, in a used book store; maybe the Museum of Broadcasting will still have some of our TV shows. But really, how many people nowadays can even tell you who Edmund Keene or Sarah Bernhardt (the old French actress) was, much less what they thought or wrote, and these people were stars as well-known in their day as Mel Gibson. �You, dear fan, could make a discovery or invention, or write a book or create a body of artwork that would change the world. History is very unpredictable about what counts in the long run, and all we can do is live with �lan and kindness, and try to make the world a little better in our immediate vicinity. " -- Teller "By the way; when I let these critters upon the computer, they try to e-mail their butts." -- The Terrible from the MoFo Chat List "The shrub getting a colonoscopy this weekend? Maybe they'll find his head up there and finally be able to pull it out." -- Texasartchick �My insurance does not cover PMS!� -- Walter Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �Has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention?� -- Bianca Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Walter Stratford: �Hello, Katarina. Make anybody cry today?� Kat Stratford: �Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Cameron: �I burn, I pine, I perish.� Michael: �Of course you do.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Michael: �Sweet love, renew thy force.� Patrick Verona: �Don't say shit like that to me. People can hear you.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Chastity: �I know you can be under whelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?� Bianca: �I think you can in Europe.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �Are you asking me out? That's so cute. What's your name again?� -- Bianca from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �I'm down, I've got the 411, and you are not going out and getting jiggy with some boy, I don't care how dope his ride is. My mama didn't raise no foo'!� -- Walter from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Walter Stratford: �I delivered a baby to a Fifteen-year-old girl today, and you know what she said to me?� Bianca: �I'm a crack-whore who should have forced my skeezy boyfriend to wear a condom?� Walter Stratford: �Close, she said �I should have listened to my father.�� Kat: �No she didn't.� Walter Stratford: �Well, she would have if she wasn't too doped up to talk.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �Hemingway was an abusive white-male alcoholic who hung around with Picasso hoping to nail his leftovers.� -- Kat Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �You're not as vile as I thought you were.� -- Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �Why is everyone so hot for this girl? Has she got beer-flavored nipples?� -- Patrick Verona from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Bianca: �There's a difference between like and love. I mean I like my Sketchers, but I love my Prada backpack.� Chastity: �But I love my Sketchers.� Bianca: �That's because you don't have a Prada backpack.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �Remove head from sphincter, then drive!� -- Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �The shit hath hitith the fan... ith.� -- Michael from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �I hate the way you talk to me / And the way you cut your hair. / I hate the way you drive my car. / I hate it when you stare. / I hate your big dumb combat boots / And the way you read my mind. / I hate you so much it makes me sick -- / It even makes me rhyme. / I hate the way you're always right. / I hate it when you lie. / I hate it when you make me laugh -- / Even worse when you make me cry. / I hate it that you're not around / And the fact that you didn't call. / But mostly I hate the way / I don't hate you -- / Not even close, not even a little bit, not any at all.� -- Kat Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �I still maintain he kicked himself in the balls.� -- Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Mr. Stratford: �Where is she going?� Kat: �She's meeting bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.� Mr. Stratford: �Funny.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Mr. Stratford: �Where do you think you're going?� Bianca Stratford: �Well, if you must know... a small study group with friends.� Mr. Stratford: �Better known as an orgy?� Chastity: �It's only a party, Mr. Stratford.� Mr. Stratford: �And hell is only a sauna.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 [Sarcastic] �Oh yeah, I want you. Oh baby. Oh baby.� -- Kat Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Patrick Verona: �Don't get your panties in a twist.� Katarina Stratford: �Don't think for one minute that you had any affect whatsoever on my panties.� Patrick Verona: �Well then, what did I have an effect on?� Katarina Stratford: �Other than my upchuck reflex, nothing.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 Ms. Perky: �People perceive you as somewhat...� Katarina Stratford: �Tempestuous?� Ms. Perky: ��Heinous bitch� is the term used most often.� -- 10 Things I Hate About You �1999 �The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.� -- Mother Teresa �If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.� -- Mother Teresa D'Artagnan: �But what about the Musketeers?� Porthos: �Go home boy. Find a wench. Have fat babies and live a good long life.� -- The Three Musketeers �1997 �Roquefort. Isn't that a smelly kind of cheese?� -- Porthos to Roquefort From The Three Musketeers �1997 �A lively tune...I'm inspired to dance!� -- Porthos From The Three Musketeers �1997 �This world is an uncertain realm, filled with danger. Honor undermineded by the pursuit of power, freedom sacrificed when the weak are oppressed by the strong. But there are those who oppose these powerful forces, who dedicate their lives to truth, honor, and freedom. These men are known as Musketeers. Rise, D'Artagnan, and join them.� -- King Louis From The Three Musketeers �1997 Guard: �Do you intend to resist?� Porthos: �Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a minute!� [To his comrades:] �Five of them, three of us. Hardly seems fair.� Aramis: �Maybe we should give them a chance to surrender.� D�Artagnan: �Excuse me, there's four of us.� Athos: �It isn't your fight. You're not a Musketeer.� D'Artagnan: �I may not wear the tunic, but I believe I have the heart of a Musketeer.� Porthos: �Warrior?� Aramis: �Poet!� Athos: �You got a name, boy?� D'Artagnan: �D'Artagnan.� Athos: �Athos, Porthos, Aramis.� D'Artagnan: �Pleased to meet you again.� Aramis: �Pleasure.� Porthos: �Everyone acquainted?� [The four whirl around and unsheathe their swords.] Porthos: �NOW, we are ready to resist you!� -- The Three Musketeers �1997 D'Artagnan: �As morning hues of sun swept...� Aramis: �Fire!� D'Artagnan: �fire caress your...poisoned face.� [Aramis looks pained. D'Artagnan gives up, and sweeps the bar maid into a kiss.] Porthos: �I declare the boy's a natural!� -- The Three Musketeers �1997 [The three musketeers and D'Artagnan are escaping from the Cardinal's men in his own coach] Porthos: �Champagne?� Athos: �We're in the middle of a chase, Porthos.� Porthos: �You're right - something red.� -- The Three Musketeers �1997 [During a chase, in the Cardinal's own coach] Porthos: �For a chase, the Cardinal recommends his excellent '24 Cabernet.� Porthos to D'Artagnan: �You can't have any, you're too young.� Aramis: �Take the reins, boy.� -- The Three Musketeers �1997 Porthos: �This sash was a gift to me, from the Queen of America.� D'Artagnan: �There's no Queen of America!� Porthos: �I beg to differ, infant. We're on quite intimate terms, unless you can prove otherwise.� -- The Three Musketeers �1997 �The picnic was delicious, the wine was excellent, remind me to send the Cardinal a note.� -- Porthos From The Three Musketeers �1997 �One for all and more for me.� -- Cardinal Richelieu From The Three Musketeers �1997 Don: Sally thank God you�re ok!! Sally: What do you mean? Don: Well, um, a tanker of milk over-turned on the interstate. I thought maybe you were in it. -- Third Rock From the Sun �1999 "The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang the best." -- Henry David Thoreau "If you feel your paper will be graded more favorably because it is presented with a cover and is bound nicely, then by all means save your money, because it will not." -- Brent Thorn "I finally open up. For you I would do anything. But you've turned off the volume just when I've begun to sing." -- Tick�Tick�Boom "Can my show end up here? Is it good enough for Broadway, that magical street of dreams? Is it too good for Broadway, that shameless commercial whore?" -- Tick�Tick�Boom "6am... the sky glows... somewhere a bird chirps... I want to shoot it." -- Tick�Tick�Boom "Heeeey you!! Need a lil' 'AAH!' in your step? Well try this on for size, it's POP!!" -- Justin Randall Timberlake "OMG OMG, I want to request Britney Spears because I think she's really, really hot and it would be really cool if I can date her one day." -- Justin Timberlake of NSYNC on TRL Removing the incurable cancer called hatred Reveals one's undying, undiminishing radiance. The destruction of hatred, that sorrow of sorrows, Yields to man the joy of joys. --Tirukkural 86: 853-54 Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage, Minds innocent and quiet take that for an hermitage. If I have freedom in my love and in my soul am free, Angels alone that soar above Enjoy such liberty. -- "To Althea, from Prison" �My life is like watching the Three Stooges in Spanish.� -- Marisa Tomei in Untamed Heart �James comes out and does his set solo. I come out and do a set solo, then we do our duo set. Then we struggle to greet each and every person and sell each and every one of them at least two CDs, and then shake every hand and go on our merry way, leaving behind trails of joy and love and taking everybody's money." -- Peter Tork "You can tune a piano, but you can't tune a fish." -- Peter Tork and Tadg Galleran at the Portland, ME Shoe Suede Blues concert on April 24, 2001 "She only drinks coffee at midnight, when the moment is not right, her timing is quite unusual." -- Meet Virginia by: Train �Sloppy, raggedy-assed old life. I love it. I never want to die.� -- Dennis Trudell �When Davy sings, �Girl, look what you've done to me...� they're shrieking like hyenas in heat.� -- Jan Tuckwood, Palm Beach Post Staff Writer �2001 �A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has read.� -- Mark Twain �The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.� -- Mark Twain �We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it.� -- Mark Twain �Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.� -- Mark Twain U �Some of my colleagues think that the chemicals we are experimenting with could potentially cause brain damage, however I think that fish crunchy bits of salami my new red hippie noodle. Naked pool frogs?� -- Unknown �The probability of someone watching you is proportionate to the stupidity of your actions." -- Unknown "Love at first sight is not seeing the perfect person, it�s seeing the imperfect person perfectly" -- Unknown �If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you -- but if you really make them think they'll hate you.� -- Unknown �If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.� -- Unknown �It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.� -- Unknown �Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.� -- Unknown �Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe.� -- Unknown �Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.� -- Unknown �Saying you love someone when you don't love yourself is like a naked person offering you a shirt.� -- Unknown �The more I know men, the more I love my dog.� -- Unknown �Insanity: a perfectly rational adjustment to the insane world.� -- Unknown �Capitalism is the unequal distribution of wealth -- communism is the equal distribution of poverty.� -- Unknown "No Bobby your finger doesn't go there." -- Unknown "Chicken should never be eaten with the fingers. The fingers should be eaten separately." -- Unknown �A day for firm decisions! Or is it?� -- Unknown "The Man Without A Butt. It's the best movie about a buttless man you'll see this year!" -- Unknown "He was a fifteen year old high school freshman. She was a toddler, barely out of diapers. But every Thanksgiving they had one thing in common. They had to sit at-The Kiddie Table." -- Unknown "So get Hooked On Moronics. You'll still be stupid, but at least your money will still be in good hands." -- Unknown "Alice isn't here. She's in Wonderland." -- Unknown "I for one know the value of true friendship. All for one, and all for-- later, Losers!" -- Unknown "No! I'm not a band geek! What a horrible nightmare." -- Unknown "I'm still hungry, but I now know gun repair." -- Unknown "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." -- Unknown "In our daily lives, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy." -- Unknown "Men! You can't live with them, and you can't do this sketch without them!" -- Unknown "Twin wrestling Siamese midgets, and the woman who loved them. On the next Geraldo." -- Unknown "You got ding dangs, tell me you got ding dangs." -- Unknown "Edible or Deadly would like to ensure you that no berries were hurt in the playing of this game." -- Unknown �If at first you don't succeed, sky-diving is not for you.� -- Unknown �The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.� -- Unknown �The term �housing development� has been defined as �a place where they cut down all the trees and name the streets after them.�� -- Unknown �What's the speed of dark?� -- Unknown �Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.� -- Unknown �Join the Army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.� -- Unknown �If at first you don't succeed, erase all evidence that you tried.� -- Unknown �A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.� -- Unknown "Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes." -- Unknown �Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves for we shall never cease to be amused.� -- Unknown "Be Happy. It is a way of being wise." -- Unknown "When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and must take a step into the darkness of the unknown, believe that one of two things will happen. Either there will be something solid for you to stand on or you will be taught how to fly." -- Unknown �If you wish you be like someone else, you waste the person you are.� -- Unknown �If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever.� -- Unknown �The most important thing a father can do for his children is loving their mother.� -- Unknown �Beat your own and others will fear you.� -- Unknown �Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.� -- Unknown �Hypocrisy is the Vaseline of social intercourse.� -- Unknown �Never deprive someone of hope -- it may be all they have.� -- Unknown �Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.� -- Unknown �Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.� -- Unknown �We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.� -- Unknown �There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.� -- Unknown Let your dreams set sail�sometimes not knowing where you are going is the best part of the adventure -- Unknown "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." -- Unknown �You know its love when you can't sleep at night because your reality is better than your dreams.� -- Unknown �A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks with you in the shadows.� -- Unknown If I had the letters "HRT", I can add "EA" to get a "HEART" or a "U" and get "HURT". But I�d rather choose "U" and get "HURT than have a "HEART" without "U"... -- Unknown �In 1999, model Fabio was injured while riding a roller coaster as a goose flew into his face in Williamsburg, VA.� -- Unknown "I bent my Wookie." -- Unknown �Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.� -- Unknown �I used to collect maps...but I quit after the last Ice Age, the latest continental shift and those two dozen Empires and Kingdoms being destroyed. -- Unknown �I'd love to come on and be happy, but my phantom goldfish are currently in another dimension.� -- Unknown �Great minds discuss ideas.... average minds discuss events.... shallow minds discuss people.... which are you?� -- Unknown �Life is not to fear, life is to enjoy.� -- Unknown �Querer es poder-To want is to be able to.� -- Unknown �Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.� -- Unknown �I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.� -- Unknown �If pro is the opposite of con, then isn't progress the opposite of Congress? Just a thought.� -- Unknown �Fight crime, shoot back.� -- Unknown �Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.� -- Unknown �There might be some people who can stop you temporarily, but you are the only one who can do it permanently.� -- Unknown �Life is an echo, what you send out will come back to you.� -- Unknown �Don�t judge a book by its movie.� -- Unknown �The greatest trees are humble enough to bend in the wind.� -- Unknown �Respect every viewpoint for what it is.� -- Unknown Intuition is a form of cosmic play. When you have a hunch, listen to it. When it's persistent, follow it. -- Unknown "Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering." -- Unknown "Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with your enemy." -- Unknown "Wiccans are simply Catholics that want to worship a woman." -- Unknown �I think Charles Manson had the right idea, except for killing people.� -- Unknown, overheard at Ball State University �The Lone Ranger and Tanta Fist Fight in Heaven.� -- Unknown author of �Smoke Signals� �If we could produce an enlightened society, we could get bored.� -- Unknown in Humanities 203 �Which is better: cheap happiness or exalted suffering?� -- Unknown �Why is it necessary for an umbrella to have a condom on?� -- Unknown, Overheard by Christy Wirt while walking to class at BSU �Find harmony within yourself before you try to find it in the world.� -- Unknown V "If Jeepers Creepers is what a 'smart horror film' is supposed to be like, can we please start getting the dumb ones again?" -- Jeff Vice, Desert News, Salt Lake City �Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.� -- Voltaire W �I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.� -- Joe Walsh �All humans are hypocrites; the biggest hypocrite of all is the one who claims to detest hypocrisy.� -- Peter Wastholm �Men mistake friendship, but not sex, for love; women mistake sex, but not friendship, for love.� -- Peter Wastholm �If you want to be successful, double your failure rate.� -- Tom Watson Stacy: �It's a gun rack.� Wayne Campbell: �A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?� Stacy: �You don't like it? Fine! You know Wayne, if you're not careful; you're going to lose me.� Wayne Campbell: �I lost you 2 months ago! We broke up! Are you mental?� -- Wayne�s World � "I have a wedding dress in my trunk, along with stripper boots and slut clothes. That's not insane, is it? -- Wednesday from MoFo Chat List "Happy fourth! Nothing like celebrating our independence by lighting things on fire and trying to avoid blowing my fingers off." -- Wednesday from the MoFo Chat List "Civilization is a race between education and catastrophe." -- H. G. Wells �When I am good, I�m very good, but when I�m bad, I�m even better.� -- Mae West "A man has more character in his face at forty than at twenty--he has suffered longer." -- Mae West "Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before." -- Mae West "Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up." -- Mae West "It's not the men in my life that counts -- it's the life in my men." -- Mae West "I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing." -- Mae West "It's easy to get married, but hard to stay that way." -- Mae West "The best way to hold a man is in your arms." -- Mae West "An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises." -- Mae West "I'm single because I was born that way." -- Mae West "Don't ever make the same mistake twice, unless it pays." -- Mae West "What kind of man is most satisfactory? Personally, I like two types of men--domestic and foreign." -- Mae West "Save a boyfriend for a rainy day--and another, in case it doesn't." -- Mae West "Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak, and at last some crisis shows us what we have become." -- Bishop Westcott "You can grow Marijuana but we WILL take the fun out of gardening." -- West Virginia Billboard "How are you?" "Right now I am concerned about peeing on your floor." -- West Wing �NBC 2000 Sister Husband: �Do you read the bible Ruth Ann?� Novalee: �Not as much as I should.� Sister Husband: �Good, I think that's good. Folks read too much of it, they get confused. That's why I like to hand it out one chapter at a time. That way folks can deal with their confusion as it comes.� -- Where the Heart Is Thelma �Sister� Husband: �Dear Lord, we ask that you bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies. And we ask forgiveness, Lord, for the fornication that Mr. Sprock and me committed this morning on this very table.� -- Where the Heart Is Novalee Nation: �I think I might be pregnant. You remember that guy I told you about last month?� Lexie Coop: �The good-lookin' mechanic?� Novalee Nation: �I don't know what's wrong with me. I didn't even want to be with him.� Lexie Coop: �Didn't he use anything?� Novalee Nation: �Just me.� -- Where the Heart Is Ruth Meyers: �Jesus Christ, another guitar player. What's your name?� Willy Jack Pickens: �Willie Jack Pickens.� Ruth Meyers: �I bet you didn't even have to make that up, did you?� Willy Jack Pickens: �What?� Ruth Meyers: �So, you just carry that guitar around to keep your balance?� Willy Jack Pickens: �You want me to play?� Ruth Meyers: �What the fuck do you think I want you to do, call bingo? One tune; your best shot.� Willy Jack Pickens: �Well, I wrote this one myself.� Ruth Meyers: �I have goose bumps already.� -- Where the Heart Is Novalee Nation: �You tell them that our lives can change with every breath we take... and to hold on like hell to what they've got: each other, and a mother who would die for them and almost did... You tell them we've all got bad in us, but we've got goodness too. And the only thing worth living for is the good. And that's why we've got to make sure we pass it on.� -- Where the Heart Is Novalee Nation: �I just thought you deserved something better.� Forney Hull: �Something better than you? Novalee, there is nothing better than you.� -- Where the Heart Is �Clear and sweet is my soul. Clear and sweet is all that is not my soul.� -- Walt Whitman from �Leaves of Grass� �I believe that friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.� -- William Loves Brian �If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." --- Winnie the Pooh Christy: �I�m a virgin school girl, when do I get my first dick?� Me: Laughing to hard to breathe. -- Christy Wirt and Emily Heinlen after opening a porno email. "I value your opinion. Maybe its time we make love." -- Kate Winslett during Iris "Geek & Spew: An interactive carney act or a chain of drive thru chicken restaurants? You decide." -- wordwenchnyc from the Mofo Chat List "There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." -- Steven Wright X Archangel Michael: �You dare talk of heaven, when you've besmirched so many souls with your nefarious filth?� Xena: �Besmirched... is that even a real word?� -- Xena: Warrior Princess � CBS �Don't let anyone tell you who you are.� -- Ted Raimi as Jet on Xena: Warrior Princess � CBS Mulder touches unidentified goo at Eugene Victor Tooms' hideout] FBI Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully: Smells like... oh, Mulder, I think it's bile. FBI Special Agent Fox William Mulder: Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior? -- X-Files Jeffrey Swaim: Did you know that through the protective Chinese practice of Tiea Bu Shan, you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen? FBI Special Agent Fox William Mulder: Oh, I'm doing that as we speak. -- X-Files Byers: He's being put into power by the most heinous and evil force in the 20th century. Mulder: Barney? -- X-Files Y "FBI limits access to secrets" -- Yahoo New Story Title "Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there." -- Otomo No Yakamochi �Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, Hate leads to Suffering. That is the path to the dark side.� -- Yoda "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men." -- William Young as Monsignor in The Boondock Saints. "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." -- Henny Youngman "I am not a cracker!" -- A youth pastor Z "If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now." -- Zaphod Beeblebrox �Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.� -- Frank Zappa �Russians were to be China�s �special friend� but they stole something every time something happened in China.� -- Dr. Phyllis Zimmerman �It�s offensive to me but I was raised by nuns.� -- Dr. Phyllis Zimmerman on a pornographic Monga comic �We�re not talking about Crum bums.� -- Dr. Phyllis Zimmerman

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