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War Stories and Other Tales |
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Ira and the Cop |
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Ira Lawson and I had just purchased a couple of new ten speed bicycles when we decided to take them out for a spin. We left the 87th barracks and were heading for the Gwinn gate when, near the Weapons Storage Area (WSA), one of SAC's finest (a Security Policeman) passed us in his blue and white police car. As he passed, Ira began squealing like a pig 'Oink, oink, oink (and if I remember correctly, there were a couple of Soowwiiieee's thrown in there for good measure)--not very loud, mind you, but loud enough (as we shall soon see!). Well, the car pulled over in front of us and as we were just about to pass him, this big ol' Senior Master Sergeant, resplendid with all sorts of medals on his chest and looking really sharp, got out and stopped us. He then asked for our ID cards which we gave to him. After checking them and handing them back, he looked at Ira and asked 'What was the noise I heard when I passed you guys?' Ira got a little flustered then told the SP, 'Uhhh...I was just clearing my throat, Sergeant!' The cop looked at him for a minute then said, 'Well, if I ever hear you clearing your throat like that again, I'm gonna throw your butt into jail!' With that, the SMSgt got back in his car and drove off, leaving behind two very intimidated three-stripers!
Submitted by Roger Hooker |
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George Versus the Porta Potty |
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We were TDY to Nellis, George Rife went to use the Porta-Potty and his wallet fell in! Lost everything! Had to have the Squadron Commander fly out with a set of checks for poor old George!
(Ed. Note: Porta-Potty--1; the Rifer--0!)
Submitted by Steve "Jake" Jacobson |
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The Sunbathers |
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In the summer of "78, as all K.I. Sawyer veterans know, was the 2nd week of July, a buddy of mine, Tim, and I thought we would go up on the roof of the barracks to catch some rays. (Get a suntan). Even though we in the 87th were warned not even 2 weeks earlier in a commanders call under no circumstances was anyone allowed on the roof of the barracks, we did anyway.
Anyway, we were up there maybe 3 or 4 hours, when I discovered I was out of Copenhagen (snuff), and told Tim I was going to go back down in my room to get another can. Tim said "Yeah, I'm gonna go back down too, I gotta take a piss." So we went back down the fire escape in the center part of the barracks by the stairs (remember that?) to do our respective chores.
As Tim was coming out of the bathroom, and I was coming out of my room, here come all these storm-troopin' SP's, led by a butter bar Lt. down the hallway of the barracks. We stood there and watched them, then the Lt. came back to me and said-"Airman, have you seen any personel come down that ladder from the roof of this barracks-we had reports of people being up there"
Of course Tim and I were ignorant of the whole thing, and the SP's soon left. But needless to say we never went back up on the roof after that.
Submitted by Keith "KC" Carter |
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The Great Chicago Camper Caper |
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(This story has been requested several times now, so I feel like it's time has come-- Especially since most non-felony crimes can't be prosecuted more then 20 years after their occurance.)
One day Danny Haynes, Roger Hooker, Eddie Jay Wisemon, Ira Lawson, & myself decided to go to S.E. Missouri, on a long weekend. (Seem's like it was the 4th of July.) So we all took leave, and off we went in my '75 Jeep pickup southbound. Dan & I where in the cab, while the rest of the troops were riding in the back, under the topper shell, relaxing, such as they could, bouncing around in the heat,& smelling the exhust fumes!
The trip was going pretty good, then suddenly on 294, in Chicago, in rush hour traffic, the camper shell decided it wanted to sail off my truck! Evidently the nut's had vibrated loose, and away she went! The first warning I had (around 70mph) was when Danny said-"What was that?!?" I looked in the mirror just in time to see it flying off, and see Eddie Jay's eyes, big as saucers-He was sitting against the tailgate, in the back, as he threw himself down, & the topper sailed over where his head was a second earlier, & went pinwheeling down the crowded interstate! As unbeliveable as it sounds, it didn't hit another car and there were no wrecks. We pulled off to the side of the road, ran back to where the topper shell had landed (In the median) and got it. Surprisingly, It was barely damaged!. I had some .030 stainless steel saftey wire in my toolbox, courtesy of our Uncle Sam so we wired the sucker back on & away we went! This all happened in probably 10 minutes! While we were doing this, we saw a cop car going by on the service road, looking quite hard at us, but the nearest exit for him was probably miles from there! And we were long gone by the time they got there, if in fact they did at all! Thankfully the rest of the trip was uneventful.
(Addendum) (That means more): Joe "Buster" Wilmes and I were following KC's Jeep when the camper came off. It did a full reverse somersault and landed in the median. Also, KC had installed a tape deck for the "steerage" passengers which didn't survive the 'flight.'
Submitted by Keith "K.C." Carter
Addendum by Mark "Father Satay" Donahue |
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Mystery Mushrooms |
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There's one thing I have to say. When I was stationed at K.I., I have never had a better breakfast, even to this day, then the omelettes they used to cook down at the chow hall! When we was working nights at the gunshop, that was our first stop, before we went back to the barracks for some shut-eye. Among the many ingrediants they had was mushrooms,
If you remember the chow hall, down in the SAC area, there was a closet to the right of where you went in at, where you could hang up your parka, leave your mukluks, or whatever, and let them drip/dry. Anyway, they had carpet there, and I/we noticed that there was these spindly white mushrooms growing up there, & we used to joke about it!
Anyway, for about a month, the chow hall was out of mushrooms (which I wanted for my omelette.) Then one day they had them again, which made me so glad. After I finished eating, a thought went through my head. I went over & looked on the floor in that closet. You know what I'm going to say- there was no mushrooms there! Hope it was just coincedence.
Submitted by Keith "K.C." Carter |
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Midnight Chow Run |
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It was a dark and snowy night (heck, when wasn't it DARK and SNOWY at K.I.!) and several of the 87th Load Toads were practicing their favorite hobby in K.C.'s room--talking with Mr. Bud and Mr. Miller (among others!) Someone mentioned that he was kinda hungry. This, of course, set up a chain reaction and soon, everybody was hungry! Since it was rapidly approaching midnight, someone said, "Midnight Chow!" (The AF, in addition to operating its regular three meals a day in the chow hall, also opened for midnight chow so the shift workers could eat before/after work.) We all agreed this was a capital idea but for one thing....to take part in this nocturnal feeding, you had to be in uniform. Well, I don't mind telling you this rankled many of us--'We shouldn't have to wear our uniforms to eat!' but it was the law of the land, so to speak. That fact cooled our passions for eating until one of us (I'm not pointing fingers but I think it was good ol' KC) who said, "Why don't we go in our dress blues? It'll be our protest!!" Okay..now you gotta remember at this point we're very inebriated and that most of us hadn't worn our dress blues since basic but at the moment, it struck us as a wonderful idea! We scatter to our respective rooms and start looking for our formal uniforms! We met back at KC's room and, dare I say, since some of us hadn't worn our blues since basic, a few of us had put on some weight and the uniforms were a tad tight! Others couldn't find their caps, ties, etc. Anyway, through our collective brainpower (which wasn't functioning at 100 percent peak efficiency due to the drinking), everybody finally had a reasonable facsimile of our famed AF dress blues. We march (again, owing to the booze, we're taking liberties when we describe it as marching) down the hill to the chow hall. To make our protest more fully known, (and since the uniforms brought back some 'pleasant' memories of basic), we all side-step through the line (just like basic), address everybody as 'Sir' or 'Ma'am" (just like basic), go to our tables and stand until that particular table was full (again, just like...well...you get the picture). Now, the chow hall staff knew we were tanked (too much giggling in line--not to mention the unsteady steps, etc.) but they didn't take it as a protest. In fact, 24 years later, the AF still requires you to dress in uniform for midnight chow! Sigh.....
Submitted by Roger Hooker |
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Those Pesky Airleaks |
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It was in the middle of the winter of 1976. SSgt Millerbernd, Don Myers, Dan McNutt, MSgt Jazo and myself were trouble-shooting an airleak on one of the Sixes. We didnt have a sniffer back then and we could not find the leak. We put Don Myers in the bay and slow closed the doors so he could hear for a leak....well.....QC showed up and started talking to us..we forgot all about Don in the missle bay...QC asked what we were doing and we said we were checking for an air leak. He asked us to open the bay doors, so, we cranked up the power unit and fast opened the doors and here comes Don falling to the ground on his back!!! Talk about RED faces.........QC laughed so hard and said he wouldn't write us up as this was one of the funniest things he had everseen....we still didn't find the leak though.....
Submitted by Steve "Jake" Jacobson |
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Got a brief war story or other amusing anecdote about your time in the 87th? Write it down, email it to us, and we'll add it to this page! |
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