Interludes: The Man That Got Away

There was nowhere to go.  Christine had been given three days off to get some central focus in her life, and it was all just spinning around her in a swirl of pain and confusion.  She really wasn’t here.  She was still at home waiting to get on board and this time when Exo III rolled a round, she’d find her fiancé happy, alive, and whole.  Closing her eyes and resting her forehead on the rail of the recreation observation decks, she watched the others below almost as if she were a goddess on Olympus.  They were so tiny from this height.  Not really, but she felt enormous like the whole universe were her responsibility.  She had a decision to make.  Kirk had known when she’d come aboard why she was there and had agreed to let her play Starfleet officer for a while.  The lieutenant’s commission was one she had not earned but had been given as appreciation of her volunteer status.  She had noticed that some people rather resented that.  Uhura had at first.  She’d gone through the ranks to get where she was and was damned proud of it.  Christine pulled strings and whammo got a commission right off the bat.  But the two had become fast friends and without her these last two days she would have been at the end of a very short taut rope.  She had even called in late for duty to listen to the babbling incoherent nurse after she had returned to the ship.  Spock had not seemed surprised, he even sounded like he felt some sympathy for her.  She had thought, “Great, sympathy from a Vulcan...way to go girl.” Still it was comforting.
Christine was so lost in thought and the interplay between the racquetball courts that she hadn’t heard the other person in the gallery approach.  His calm Vulcan demeanor unnerved a lot of people.  She found it a little pretentious.  She had been truthful about knowing the emotional undertow he was always afraid of falling in.  She hadn’t lied about that.  
“Miss Chapel?”
Her high-pitched squeak amused him a touch.  She smiled wanly.  The last four days had taken its toll heavily on the nurse.  She looked older, much older than her twenty-eight years.  “Mr. Spock, goodness, you certainly gave me a start.”
“I did not wish to do so, I apologize.  May I sit?” he asked indicating the space beside her on the padded bench.
“Of course.  I was just watching the fracas down there,” she indicated the warring engineering ensigns known for their colorful remarks while trying to pummel the little rubber ball into the wall as hard as they could.  
“Yes, racquetball is an excellent exercise in agility, reflexes and timing.  It also...works up a good sweat,” he replied quoting as much of Leonard McCoy as he could and tried adding the accent.  It hadn’t worked, but it did get a laugh out of Christine.
“My my, aren’t we comical tonight.  So, what brings you to the gallery Spock?  Surely not these two.”
Spock nodded quietly.  He wanted to talk to her, tell her he was sorry.  He had no right to be sorry, none of it was his doing, but he was very remorseful that she had lost the thing in life she’d held most precious to her.  “I wished to offer my condolences on your loss.”
Christine wouldn’t have been more surprised if he had hauled off and kissed her.  She felt hot tears, more hot tears, shoot into her eyes, “Thank you.”
Turning so that she could avoid his gaze she stared straight ahead and down at the melee.  Words were gone, there wasn’t even any feeling left to them, just raw searing pain.  Leaning forward to place her face in hands supported by her knees she sighed, “I’m sorry.  I really should get hold of myself.”
“I asked no apology.  Your grief must be borne out.  If it is not, you will not heal,” he answered softly.
Strange that this Vulcan, this man who tried to pretend he knew nothing of humans and their ways would be the most tender with her.  But she smiled inwardly, she knew better didn’t see.  She had always known better.  Facing him with unafraid tearstains, she sighed, “You are a comfort.” 
He absorbed that statement.  Most humans found his attempts at orderly emotional displays to be cold or at best faltering.  She had not.  They sat that way for several minutes and with a sniff Christine chuckled, “Brother, if you’d have told me last year... ten years ago I’d be in the position I am in... I’d have punched you out.”
Spock hoped she would not attempt such a thing and inched a little further down the bench.  She noticed and started in another peal of true, honest laughter.  She laughed so hard she fell off the end of the bench she was closest to and had to have Spock pull her to her feet.  But just as quickly as she was laughing, the simple polite act turned her into a crying fool.  Swaying for a moment she found her tears drenching the Vulcan’s tunic as he supported her.  There was no passion in the gesture, no affection, just the support of a friend, a fellow being who wanted to help.  Spock allowed her to stay that way as long as she wished.  If this was the way he could comfort her, so be it.  His discomfort was of no consequence.  She remained that way for nearly five minutes until the tears and the horrible sobs that were wrenched from her body wore out.  She’d cried so much, so much.  Pulling away, she was miserable.  “I think I’d better sit down again.  I got you wet...”
“I will dry,” came the reply.  
Again the silence, but this time Spock broke in, “Regarding your earlier decision... do you still intend to leave the ship?”
Christine thought a moment then remembered her evaluation, “Oh, you know I guess I had been so busy that I just assumed I was.  There is no reason to go home now.  Home was Roger and research... well the research is basically moot.”
“I do not understand?”
“I was Roger’s lab assistant, without his work to use as a springboard, I am basically no better off than a new recruit from college,” she explained.  
“You are in a far better position here.  You are an excellent nurse,” he reminded.  “And your research here is appreciated.  You do not have to leave.”
Startled blue eyes met sincere brown ones.  He was right.  Here she was valuable.  “If you will allow me a moment to say this.  I wish no detriment to your fiancé’s memory, but he too was wasting your talents.  Remain aboard as head nurse as you are now, or if you wish, I can transfer you to the chemistry research labs,” he suggested.
“Spock, that’s generous, but I think I’ve already angered enough people being here on the merit that I am to risk any more ill will.  No, head nurse is a position that I am finding intriguing.  It gets tedious, but all jobs do.  With the extra research time you’ve allotted for me, I get to make it more interesting.”  As she said this she realized that she would have missed it terribly if she’d left.  She really was at peace here.  She could work without fear of others stealing her work or undermining it.  That in a private institution would be a constant problem.  Leonard McCoy was a dear man, and she learned something new almost daily.  Her friends on Earth were scattered to the four corners of the globe so they weren’t there to go home to.  Here, this ship, this Enterprise... her mind knew and at least that part of her heart could sleep peacefully now.  "In fact Mr. Spock, thank you again.  I’ve made up my mind.  It will make Uhura happy anyway, she didn’t want me to leave.”
“As do others no doubt,” was as close to him saying he was pleased as well.  "If you will not accept a posting in the chemistry lab, may I make another suggestion?”
“Sure go ahead.”
“An interim position, only when your other duties are not in question, as a personal chemistry assistant.  It would not be a permanent position or even a titled one, however if I require assistance on a project I would be free to call on your assistance,” he offered.
“Of course, just ask, I’ll be glad to.  You know, you’ve really helped,” she tried to make her voice as sincere as she would have meant with a hug or a touch on the arm.  She was beginning to see that he had a regard for her ability something that had been missing with Roger no matter how brilliantly she had done on tests and in research.  Here was a man who saw her not as a woman but as a scientist.  She liked it, a lot.  
Spock’s mission was finished.  He had hoped to persuade her to stay aboard.  She was valuable.  Now, he could leave her with her thoughts again.  He knew the captain had asked for her decision before they reached their next stop in case she wanted to be dropped off at Starbase 4.  “If you will excuse me, I do need to return to my duties.”
“Of course Mr. Spock,” she said and smiled.  It lit her eyes and crinkled her cheeks.  She was all right.