Stardust

	She was beside herself with confusion and curiosity.  It had taken McCoy fifteen minutes of spluttering before she’d finally gotten the whole story out of him.  Spock had gone berserk, faked orders, kidnapped Commodore Pike, stolen the ship, and was now threatening to blow it up if they weren’t allowed to continue going to the Talos star system.  Chapel kept running over the details in her head trying to find some reason behind it all.  She recalled the last volleyball game they’d played, how he’d asked about people destroyed by the Delta rays and how he’d suddenly taken an interest in an off the wall idea she’d had.  Somehow she reasoned that odd conversation had to be at the crux of the whole situation.  Logging herself out for a twenty minute break she grabbed a medi-kit and hurried down the hall. 
	The guard in front of Commander Spock’s cabin didn’t hesitate, “I have orders that no one is to go in or contact Commander Spock.”
	“And I have orders to make sure he is given his medication in a timely manner,” Chapel countered the look in her eyes unwavering.  She was lousy at lying but this was one time she’d give it every thing she could muster.  Whether it was her sincerity, her audacity, or her reputation as being a thoroughly honest person, the guard took her word and allowed her to pass.  Spock looked up from his meditation stance in near astonishment.  He allowed one eyebrow to raise, “Christine?”
	“You’d better call me Nurse Chapel so I look legit right now,” she said quietly and held out the medi-kit.  She nodded back toward the guard’s post outside the door.  In case there were any listening devices posted she’d be safe.  Spock blinked in understanding and with a press of a desk button turned on the sound blocking field to keep out any unwanted noises either going out or coming in.  
	Christine didn’t know where to begin but started anyway, “What the hell are you doing?” 
	“I do not need to justify my reasons…” he began in an almost angry tone, but realized she was truly concerned for him not just as an officer but as a friend.  “I cannot justify my reasons to you.  It would place you in a position that you do not wish to be in.  I am fully aware of what I am doing however,” he insisted.  
	“Spock, my God, this is the end of your career, everything you’ve worked for,” she stated mystified that he could be so calm.  
	“This is the end of my life, if I am able to succeed,” he reminded.  The look in her eyes made him sorry he said it.  But it was the truth and he could not deny it.  
	“Why?  Is whatever you are doing so important that you have to commit suicide to do it?” she pleaded with a catch in her throat.  
	He nodded, “I believe that it is.”
	It might not be the answer she came to find out but it was the most important one she needed to know.  He was determined and without qualms.  The deep brown eyes were open and readable.  He honestly believed he was doing the only thing, the right thing that he could do.  Christine sniffed shakily, that was it then, no amount of pleading, demanding, or ordering would get him to change his mind. 
“I only have a few more minutes,” she said absently as she fiddled with the medi-kit.  She had a hard time meeting his eyes, as if somehow she was betraying him by wanting to cry.  She started to leave, got halfway to the door and stopped.  Spock watched as she warred with herself.  Deciding what the hell, she went back to face him, gave him as much of a smile as she could muster and threw her arms around his shoulders, “Goodbye.  I’ll miss you.” 
	Without another word she hurried through the doors like a shot out of a cannon leaving Spock breathless as he came to a full realization at what he was about to do, but the logic of his insanity would have to keep him company now in his lonely room.