Interludes: Best of Intentions 

	Jim Kirk woke at his desk refreshed which was odd because he should be stiff, sore, and groggy.  Remembering the outbreak of Rigellian flu epidemic aboard, he paged sickbay.  McCoy’s care worn face appeared.  He looked like he needed about ten naps just to wake up, “How’s the crew?”
	“Sick as dogs but no more deaths.  Looks like that ryetalin worked.  How’re you doing?” McCoy asked suspicious of the rather buoyant expression on the captain’s face only hours after the despair on Flint’s planet had ended.  
	Kirk smiled, “Fit as a fiddle and ready for love.  Whatever Spock did to make me relax sure did the trick.  Where’s he at, on the bridge?”
	“No, he left Scotty in charge so he could work in the lab’s trying to help find alternative methods to treat this plague,” Bones replied a little suspiciously, “So you’re fine, what about Rayna?”
	Kirk shrugged, “What about her?  Cute kid for an android.”
	That made McCoy blink, “Yeah she was.  That all you remember?”
	“She whipped me at pool and could dance.  Why?” Kirk asked. 
	“No reason, glad you’re feeling better,” McCoy replied. “Well, I’ve got patients to tend to.”
	Snapping off the viewer McCoy decided to check on lab 4 and his bioresearch experts’ progress.  

	“We will need more slides,” Spock commented as he took the last full stack to use.  Nurse Chapel hopped slowly off the lab stool.  She was stiff from inactivity and half sick with the flu herself, “I’ll get them.”
	She disappeared into the supply alcove between labs four and five a moment before Leonard McCoy entered at full steam and intent on Spock.  “There he is Mr. Jack of All Trades.  Which is it this time pharmacology or psychology?  You need a license for both.” 
	Spock was utterly mystified and for a moment thought McCoy fevered and delirious, “I do not understand.”
	“Was it a pill or a couple of fingers up the nose?  Jim’s happy as a clam at low tide and doesn’t remember Rayna more than as a cute android.”
	Spock was clued in, “Ah, then the Captain is better.”
	“Why with Spock’s instant Happiness who wouldn’t be.  Why’d you do it?  Jim’s no cripple.  He’d have bounced back in a couple days.”
	“I surmised we did not have a couple days.  He needed to be at full capability now,” Spock said and then reminded, “And did you not say you wished he could forget her?”
	McCoy was indignant, “My God Spock, since when have you listened to me?  He needed to forget her sure but in his own time and own way not have it altered out of his mind or erased completely.  Did he know what you were gonna do?”
	Spock stiffened guiltily, “He was asleep as when you left.  He did not know what I did.”
	“He knew something.  He knew you did something to make him relax.  So your logic is the end justifies the means eh?  Why didn’t you just clean house while you were there: Miramanee, Edith, Carol, and whoever else popped up along the way.  Make him feel really good,” Bones spat, “Spock, I never thought I’d say this to you but that was heinous.” 
	It was the proverbial blow across the head that left Spock statue still and quiet.  When he spoke it was in an official manner, “I will answer to any charges you wish to make.”
	Bones was deflated from the exhaustion and his anger, “I’ve got an epidemic on my hands and no time to fill out paperwork on some charge… I don’t even know what I’d accuse you of.  You helped Jim feel good.  I suppose that’s all that matters now.  Just think about it next time you get the urge to brain drain someone.”
	McCoy turned to go back out, “Any progress?”
	Spock shook his head, “No, but we are not finished.”
	The chief surgeon nodded and half stomped out.  Chapel waited till she heard the doors close before coming out.  Spock was standing ramrod straight with his back to her.  She said quietly, “I found the slides.”
	It took an eternity it seemed for him to turn from his stance and go back to the lab table where she was on the opposite side working.  Knowing full well she had heard everything in the conversation he didn’t wish to meet her eyes but eventually he did.  For the first time he saw disbelief, mistrust, horror in those blue eyes that had always been tender and approving toward him.  The look quickly faded and became sympathetic but the damage had been done.  It hit him harder than McCoy’s accusations.  He didn’t realize he spoke aloud, “Was I wrong?”
	Christine opened her mouth, “Are you asking me?”
	Spock nodded and she hesitated.  The truth wasn’t going to be nice but a lie was not in her nature, “You did what you thought would help but if I were the Captain I might be upset.  As painful as some of them are, I’d not trade my memories for all the ignorant bliss in the world.  It’d be like erasing part of me, an important part.  Your heart was in the right place but you were still wrong.”
	She’d told him softly to counter McCoy’s more explosive rebuke, but it didn’t help.  He’d made a simple mistake in believing forgetting was as good as forgiving or learning from the past.  She could tell he was having a mental crisis over this the way his gaze was fixed to a point somewhere over her shoulder to the wall beyond.  He swallowed and tucked his lower lip inward to chew on it.  Christine started to touch his arm but drew back before actually reaching him, “I’m sure if you explain this to the Captain he’ll understand and the whole thing will be over with.”
	Spock disagreed almost violently, “I do not believe so.  What I have done is unforgivable.  On Vulcan there is no worse crime but to invade a mind without consent.  McCoy is correct, it was heinous.”
	“Even if it was meant to help?” Christine posed.  
	“There is no excuse.  I know right from wrong Miss Chapel, yet I blindly chose wrong without even considering…”
	He was becoming obsessed, spiraling in on himself and she wouldn’t allow that.  This time she reached out, touched him on the arm, “Stop, please.  You made a mistake, an honest mistake meant to help someone you care about deeply.  No real harm was done, in fact it helped.  Just take it at face value and go on.  Besides you don’t have time to dwell on the problem now.  Remember you’ve got half a sick crew who need you.”
	That seemed to bring Spock out of his spiral.  He straightened, “Yes, I have a duty to this ship.”
	“Good,” she smiled wryly, “Now, I’m gonna go get the updates on the crew reports and some coffee and I’ll be back.  Would you like tea or anything?”
	“No,” he answered as she started to go.  She was nearly out the door when he stopped her, “Thank you Christine, I shall try to remember your advice.”
	Using her first name brought a smile to her weary face as she left.  Spock kept watching the door after it closed and with determination insisted, “But I still cannot be forgiven.”