He could already hear the sounds of birds outside as he pulled on his icy, stiff jeans.
It was still dark, a gentle light filtering through the net curtains and illuminating her bedroom enough so that he could see.
She had kicked the sheets down so that they lay entangled around her feet, an outstretched arm ending up occupying the space that he had just covered. Other than the thick wool sweater he'd worn at some point during the night, she was completely naked, the curves of her skin painted with washes of soft light, interspaced with deep, cool shadows. Her back rising and falling slowly with each breath, her mussed up hair scattered across the pillow.
Watching her sleep he thinks that you'd never believe half of the things she's lived through, half of the things that have happened to her. She's never looked more beautiful.
He wryly wonders what it would be like to actually wake up next to her in the morning without one of them making an escape exit at dawn. And if they did wake up together, would they all turn back into pumpkins? He knows that it's too late to stop himself from loving her, from wanting her, that it had been too late for a long time now.
He's lonely for her in a way he couldn't have imagined, five, six years ago.
With a sigh he pulls on his tee shirt, that had lain crumpled across her bedroom floor, hoping that it won't be that cold outside and that he can make it back to his place for a quick shower and change of clothes without catching his death of pneumonia.
Dressed, he watches her momentarily. He really should just go, just leave before he's discovered and remembered and they have to try to find someplace to even begin discussing their relationship.
He should leave.
Leaning over, he gently unwinds the blanket from her feet and covers her with it. With another careful movement he brushes the stray hair away from her face, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and then, without turning back once, he leaves.
"I did something so insanely stupid last night." Abby said to Susan as they had coffee at Doc Magoo's before their shifts.
"How bad could it have been?"
"I slept with Carter."
"You did what?"
"Could you keep your voice down?" John said looking around the bay.
"Sorry." Jing-Mei said. "So what happened exactly?"
"Exactly? Well I went over there because I was worried about her. I knew she'd been crying when she left yesterday. She told me it was about a patient but I found out later that it wasn't true."
"So why was she crying?"
"Her friend Nick, from A.I., is dying."
"You're kidding me." Susan said in a sympathetic tone.
"No. Anyway I was really upset and when Carter came over it was just like it had been before I left. We were friends. I could talk to him. That's when things started to go down a more then friendly path."
"Uh-huh." Susan nodded.
"I am insanely stupid."
"You are not." Jing-Mei protested.
"What would you call me? I'm married. My wife's pregnant and what do I do? I sleep with Abby."
"It's not stupid John. Love is never stupid."
"Who said anything about love?"
"You did. Every time you let him close enough to see you or the girls. He does something no guy, including Luka, has been able to do. He gets past the walls you manage to erect around yourself." Susan said with a small grin.
"And what makes you such an expert on my walls?" Abby asked.
"I'm your best friend. I like to think I've managed to get past a few of those walls myself."
Abby smiled. "Yeah you have."
"So they're not all impenetrable. But I think Carter's gotten past more of them."
"A few. But love? I don't know."
"What is it about that word that scares you so much?"
"Love doesn't scare me Deb."
"Then it must be the person I'm attaching it to." She said reasonably. "You are in love with her John. I know you are. And if I were to make a guess, I'd say she's in love with you too."
"And what makes you so sure?"
"Women's intuition."
"Deb."
"Okay, okay." Jing-Mei smiled. "How do I put this? Four years ago Abby took off running. She did that without a word. Back then, she was kind of sarcastic, withdrawn, and moody. By the way John, if you ever repeat any of this I will hunt you down and cut off vital parts of your body, got me?"
"Sure Deb."
"Okay. When she got back it was as if this weight had been lifted from her. She was more open, willing to be friends. I think a lot of it has to do with your girls but that's not the only reason. It was the work she did over there. She made a difference and I think that healed whatever scars Maggie left on her soul from when she was a kid."
John nodded. "Not that I don't agree with you but you are coming to a point right?"
"Yes. The point is that she has only made one repeat of a move she made four years ago. That move is sleeping with you. She loves you John. I think she did back then, too."
"What about Ava?" Abby asked.
"I don't know." Susan shook her head. "I can't give you that answer. That answer has to come from Carter."
"I don't think I'm ready to get it today. I think John and I could both use a period of cooling off."
"Probably a good idea."
"Susan, thank you. Not just for listening but for the advice. I really appreciate it."
"Even the list of your character flaws?"
"Even if they were from hearsay." Abby nodded. "Seriously. Thank you."
"What are friends for?" Jing-Mei smiled. She hugged John. "It'll work out John. You'll see."
"Hope you're right. C'mon. Duty calls. Weaver's probably on the warpath."
The two friends went inside, just missing the blonde and brunette emerging from Doc's and heading in their direction.