by LARDLAD (ANTHONY E. TAYLOR)
Pru wanted to run and hide. It was one thing to be the one interrogating, but to have the tables turned was another thing entirely.
"Well?" the erstwhile Pro-D pressed.
"I don-don't want to talk about it!"
"Do you think I wanted to spill my guts out about the greatest shame in my life?" He waited a moment for a response. The only one he got was a bowed head. So he continued, "I didn't! Not at all! I've tried to forget about it--pretend it wasn't true. But it was. And you know what?" He paused again. "It felt damn good to FINALLY tell someone!" He grew quiet after that. The excitement was getting to him. He had to rest.
An eternity seemed to pass until at last Pru spoke barely above a whisper. "Okay, I'll try to explain...if I can. But the memories are so painful..."
Her hospital mate softened, "Listen, Pru...I'm sorry. If it's too painful, you don't have to tell."
"Oh, it's definitely too painful, but...you're right--I have to tell it to someone...at long last."
She paused as if to gather her thoughts. Then she began, "first I want you to know that what you--what Lardy--did for me WAS very powerful to me. For a while afterwards, I tried as hard as I possibly could to leave the life I'd been leading. I wanted to so bad but couldn't. I guess the breaking point came when I met a guy who treated me well. Just as the relationship was getting serious, I freaked."
"By getting serious, you mean...?"
"Yes," she replied as tears began to form, "that's what I mean. But I couldn't! My first impulse was to do what I'm famous for, and when that impulse came to me, I was repulsed by myself and ran. I ran and ran and ran. Ultimately, I ran back to being Hummer Lass. And then I ran to the drugs. And I guess it's the only thing that made me able to live with myself..."
The tears came hard and fast then. her companion--Pro-D? Lardlad? Lar-D?--reached his hand out to her. She cried as he held her for a long, painful time.
As her crying finally eased off, her comforter asked Pru, "why do you think it is you had to run?"
"Lardy," she responded, "what do you know about my background?"
"Not much," he said thoughtfully, "your true name, Prudence Goodwyfe...how you acquired your powers...just the stuff in the LMB file."
"Nothing about my childhood?"
"No, not at all."
Taking a deep gulp to bring up her nerve, Pru continued, "I'm sure you've wondered why I have such an odd name." Lardlad nodded. "It's a fairly common name where I come from. You see, I come from a very small planetoid colonized by a religious sect from Earth. The sect is extremely traditional in the sense that they believe technology is evil and that living through your own hard work is the way to live and be close to God."
"Oh!" Lardlad interjected, "you mean like the Amish!"
"Yes," she confirmed, "we were very similar to the Amish, though perhaps we were even more hardcore in our isolationist philosophy. The one and only time our people used technology was when we commissioned a spacecraft to transport us to the isolated planetoid we settled. Our people had grown so frustrated with the burdgeoningly technologically expansive Earth that we decided to get out any way we could!"
"I see," said her listener with rapt attention.
"Mine was the first generation born to our new home, which was christened simply "Home". As with any society, however...there were...exceptions to our ideal." She choked up then and had to pause.
Lardlad queried, "exceptions?"
"Y-yes, Lardy...no matter how good people are as a whole...there are always...rotten ones among us. In this case there was...my father." She had to stop again.
"Your father?"
"He was pure evil...I know this now. When we were alone...starting at a very young age...he made me...made me..."
As her tears renewed, Lardlad suddenly realised what she was trying to say. "Oh...no," he managed. Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about the atrocity. Nothing could be more tragic than the exploitation of innocence.
"You s-see, Lardy," she continued, "THAT is how I was taught to express love...and it was a long time before I realised it was wrong..."
"And," he gently finished for her, "that's why you became who you did. God, I could kill him and others like him! It's the worst kind of evil!" The rage he was feeling made the tears seem hot.
She hardened noticeably, "too late. One day, one of our people saw firsthand what was happening. They burned my father at the stake. They almost did the same to me, falsely thinking I was just as in the wrong. Instead, they contacted a transport to take me away. I ended up in an Earth orphanage 'til I ran away and eventually met Bygg. My people never explained to me what was wrong, much less gave me counseling for it. I was just too naive and innocent and unworldly to know better. So..."
"...you associated love with what you did with your father. It's so terrible!"
"Yes...I didn't realise that 'til that day when you--when Lardy--helped me at the LMB lockup. For the first time I felt true warmth for somebody...I got a taste of what a loving relationship was really supposed to be like. And when I explored the relationship with the guy I told you about, I was still ill-equipped emotionally to deal with it. So I went back to what I knew and used the drugs to bury the guilt over doing that."
"If I...if Lardlad had any idea what you'd gone through, I...he would've done more than just send you out on your own."
"Don't blame yourself, Lardy, you didn't know. And I sure didn't TELL you!"
She walked up to him and leaned over him, resting on his chest. They held each other a long time. Each had revealed the darkest secret long held inside themselves. It was a draining experience but, ultimately, a much needed catharsis necessary to help them deal with the weights on their shoulders.
The days ahead would be extremely rough. Lardlad told first Helen, then his friends in the LMB, his secret. The LMB was surprised but ultimately supportive. Helen was shocked and separated from her husband immediately thereafter. Presently, they are working on a reconciliation. He has resigned from the LMB and devoted himself full-time to rebuilding their relationship and their family. Things are looking good on that front.
Pru, at long last, went into intense psychotherapy. Her progression was gradual, not without some setbacks, but is going very well, especially with the steadfast support of B.J. and Lardlad. She hasn't yet entered any romantic relationship. So she's still technically a virgin.
EPILOGUE
Six months later, Ample Man sits on monitor duty in LMB headquarters. Rather, Ample Man is fast asleep at the monitor station he's supposed to be studying carefully!
A warning light goes off on the Known Threats board. After no one responds to the warning light, a pre-set alarm goes off. The alarm, recorded by Shady in her own voice yells, "WAKE UP, SWEETIE! THE MONITOR BOARD NEEDS YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION!"
Amp wakes with a start, "wha?" Slowly becoming reoriented, he identifies which monitor is signaling and presses the appropriate button. Seconds afterward, a recording from a news report comes up and plays. A reporter is seen standing amidst an alien landscape that has clearly been devastated.
"This is Yvn Dvrttz, reporting from the planet Llllghhk! I'm on the scene of a terrible disaster that happened just hours ago! But this is no natural disaster! Eyewitnesses claim that a menace long thought dead is responsible. It's unconfirmed, but everyone here claims it was the handiwork of none other than the ultimate destroyer known as--the Entropy Spinach!"
Amp's jaw drops, "oh *&^%! The Entropy Spinach?" he exclaimed with uncharacteristic vulgarity, "Man, we're in for it now! Better sound the alarm!" As his finger presses the button, another thought occurs to him that he has to voice, "but if the Spinach is alive after all...could Lardlad be alive as well?"
THE END?