by Faraway Lad
Newcastle on a cold dark depressing night in November 1940. N. T Ritetess the millionaire plantation owner looked out of the window of his town house and moved to ease his leg. It still gave him pain from the bullet wound he received in 1936 whilst serving with the Kings Malay Rifles suppressing the Johor rising in Malaysia. Outside the searchlights played as the Luftwaffe mounted another raid on the shipyards of the Tyne.
�Damn this leg� muttered N. T, it had stopped him joining up in 1939 to fight against Hitler, and although his war work with the BBC was important he still felt as if he should be on the front line. �And now I�ve got to go to this damn fool fancy dress party. Still that rather attractive young gal, Miss Ally Gory, will be there, I rather think we�d make a spiffing couple.�
�Master� said a voice from the door �it is time to change for the party�
Turning N T smiled at old Won Lo Kok, his man for more years than he cared to remember. �All right Won, but do your really think this green domino mask, hat and opera cloak is suitable?�
�Yes master� said the old man, and under his breath �it is time to unleash the power of the green�
Later as Won drove the powerful Bentley through the darkened streets N T looked as his reflection, �makes me look like one of those deuce�d mystery men from the America�s, rather dashing though even if I say so myself. I wonder why Won insisted on me carrying this damn funny looking gun though�
The party was in full swing and N T was feeling bored. Still the funds raised would buy two more Hurricanes for the RAF. Ally Gory had ignored him all night preferring the attentions of the handsome Argentinian, Juan Anuther. � Cheer up� said the spritely voice of Lady Arabella D�horsy, a plain gal but a good friend in these dark day. �She isn�t right for you, you know.�
Just then there was a loud crash and into the room burst 4 masked and armed figures.
�Hands up� they shouted, then started ripping the jewels from the ladies present. Once they had done this they turned to the large sum of money collected for the Hurricane funds. N T felt something boiling up inside him (he must lay off those spicy Malayan curries) without thinking he followed the robbers outside, jumping on one he knocked his block clean off. (Which is a particularly messy thing to do) �Master� he heard behind him, spinning around, he caught the strange gun thrown to him by Won, turning quickly he fired, a strange green gas shot out of the gun and surrounded the three remaining criminals who fell to the floor retching.
�Quick master we must leave before the police arrive� said Won. As the couple raced for their cars and left, a figure emerged from the shadows.
�So� said a quiet voice, �I can see I am going to have to keep an eye on you N T Ritetess�
Back at the town house N T was questioning Won regarding the strange gun.
�It is powered by a chemical concocted from 1,000 day old eggs, Brussel sprouts and baked beans. It is able to disable the most powerful of men and normal gas masks do not protect you.
�With this Gun I could do some good in the world� mused N T and so began the crime fighting career of the �The Green Miasma� and his oriental side kick Won Lo Kok.
Follow their adventures against the evil Nazi hordes of Dr Jissum, the crime lord Tobias Todger, with his associates, Spotted Dick and Plum Duff, and not to mention the mysterious beauty, Lady Leather.
THE CASE OF THE PRECIOUS PORCELAIN
1940. A typical English winters day, cold wet windy and depressing. N T Ritetess was perusing his morning paper. �I say Won, look at this the priceless WC of the Maharaja of Rhunnybowel is being exhibited today. It will be modelled by Miss Ally Gory in the guise of the �flush of victory� at eight tonight.�
The WC was made of solid gold with ruby and diamond inlay. It was priceless and was to be guarded by the Maharaja�s own elite corps of the sani fresh legion. That night a mysterious figure in a green domino mask, hat and opera cloak watchedproceedings from the roof of the museum.
Suddenly there was a scream from with in the building followed by flashes of lightening as the sani force let rip with all their powers. Warping down through the floor, (oops why can�t I remember to just open the damn door) the mysterious hero know only as the Green Miasma races to the scene of the kerfuffle. Once there he is confronted by the sight of a man and woman standing over the prone Maharajas guards. The man who is recognised as a minor criminal known as the spotted dick is loading the WC onto a small floating disc. The girl who is stunningly attractive dressed in a figure hugging pencil skirt and low cut blouse, is unknown to The Green Miasma who moves to the attack immediately. Throwing his deadly �follow through� bombs he disables the spotted dick.
�Excuse me mam�m� he said to the strange beauty � if you wouldn�t mind just moving over there, after all you are a lady and I don�t want to hurt you. What�s your name?�
�My name is Plum Duff� she replied sweetly �do you want to know why I am called that� and without waiting for a reply she quickly stuck her thumbs right into his plums and said �what a wicked girl am I�
Much later as the pain in his plums and the embarrassment of being beaten by a girl had worn off, N T Ritetess was discussing this theft with his manservant Won Lo Kok.
�Look master The Times tells us, the Maharajas second WC, made of pure ivory and pearls, is on show in Metropolis. We could be there in 5 hours using the green streak rocket ship�.
�Well lets go, I haven�t been to the Americas since �35"
Meanwhile in a secret dirigible somewhere over the Atlantic..................The shadowy figure of international crime boss Tobias Todger was briefing the Spotted Dick and Plum Duff on the next robbery. This one my dears will be a lot easier, it is after all only a bunch of Americans who will guarding the precious porcelain. Then once I have both of the Maharajas WC�s my collection will be almost complete.
Metropolis museum, late at night. The Green Miasma, having used his green gas gun todisable two guards had entered the building. Moving swiftly to the exhibit room he rounds the corner to find Spotted dick and Plum duff about to remove the WC. Remembering his last painful experience N T Ritetess lets rip with the full force of his gas attacks, Plum Duff falls retching to the ground, but the Spotted Dick has used his pastry powers to block the effects of the attack and turned them back on to our hero. As he fell to the ground he saw a small group of brightly coloured figures enter the room, �the WC he croaked� before passingout
As N T came around he was surrounded by strange figures
�who are you� he asked
"I am the Loser" said their leader, and this is part of the Justice Society of message board posters. Over there is Whip Lash, introducing a slender figure, who looked like Zorro and carried a mean looking whip. That guy over there is the Lard Knight, he controls the lard force, smiler over there is War Rrren an alien from the planet D�isnae with the ability to become any cartoon character.
Suddenly the room became filled with a golden glow and N T Ritetess felt a warmth and contentment he had not felt since he was a small child. A lithe female shape materialised before him.
� I am afraid the evil ones have made good their escape Loser. I have no ideawhere they went�
�who is she� asked N T
�She is known as the Conciliator� replied Loser �without her the group would splinter and fall. Now who are you and what are you doing here.
�I am known as the Green Miasma and I was tracking those thieves they have already struck once in England.�
Does any one know when and at what they will strike next� asked the Lard Knight
�I do� said a female voice in the door way. Turning they saw a figure dressed entirely inblack leather, including a face mask. I know exactly what will happen next and it is.........

Before the figure could finish her explanation the Whip Lash exploded into action with his weapon held before him he flicked his wrist and caught Lady Leather in his whip. Pulling her towards him he was about to unmask her when disaster stuck. The Loser, reacting slightly slower than the Lash fired his loser power at both of them. The lady�s leathers reflected the loser power back at the Lard Knight, who slipped in his own lard and blasted D�isnae and the Lash with the lard force. At the same time Lady Leather ground her stilettoheel deep into the Lash�s foot.
As the Justice Society fell apart she made her escape. D�isnae, who was now a six foot tall Donald Duck was having an extremely noisy tantrumdirected at the Lard Knight who was shouting at the Loser, whilst the Lash was hoppingaround on one foot crying foul.
�Boys PLEEEEASEEE� shouted the Conciliator, �it was no ones fault, lets move on or we�ll loose the WC�
�We know which way they went� shouted two voices from the door way. It was the BeagleTwins. �Follow us they chorused. And away the pack ran after the fox.
Once outside the JSMB saw their quarry. It was a large hole about 300 feet across withdumper trucks racing about. Behind that Plum Duff was loading the WC into a small airship. The JSMB watched in horror as the airship took off and Plum Duff blew them a kiss.
�We�ll never catch them now� wailed the Loser.
�But which way did they go� said a limping Lash �we have nothing to go on�
�the Maharaja will have nothing to go on unless we get that WC back� said the Lard Knight
�Look� said the Green Miasma �I have a rocket ship that can catch them up. But you must promise to keep my secrete identity if I let you aboard�
�We will� chorused the JSMB�s
�So how will we track them� asked the Beagle Twins, �our powers don�t work in mid air�
�its ok� replied Won Lo Kok at the controls, �The green streak has sensitive detection equipment in its nose. It can track down the unique emissions from the WC and take us right into the hiding place of the thieves�
Much later, the green streak landed on a small island in the Carribean. There before them was the compound of Tobias Todger, the most feared criminal in the world. Springing into action the JSMB attacked. D�isnae, changed into a very large Pluto and proceeded to eat Plum Duff, which was nice. The Lard Knight found himself locked in mortal combat with the Spotted Dick.
�No its ok� shouted the Lard Knight, manhood turning spotty as he fought with the pastrypowers of Spotted Dick � I can handle this bozo, you find the toilet�
Springing up the stairs to the inner sanctum the Green Miasma found himself chasing thefigure of Tobias himself. Drawing his gun, he fired at the rapidly retreating figure. �Damn I�m out of ammo� he said.
�Miasma help� he heard. Turning he saw the loser surrounded by 20 semi naked womenwarriors, with an almighty leap the miasma hurled himself into the middle of the circle.
�OK son, use you power on them and we�ll get out of here.�
�I tried that Miasma� said the Loser �but they seem to be immune to my power�
�Mmm I know the feeling my friend, and I�m out of ammo. Looks like were in a sticky situation� replied the Green Miasma.
Just them N T heard as if from a great distance the voice of Won Lo Kok �the power of the miasma NT, use the farts NT, let the farts be with you�
�That�s it� exclaimed NT �Loser this may be a little bit gross but its our only hope, we have to refill the miasma gun. We are both going to have to do this. Remember no strain no gain�
After a particularly gross episode the miasma gun was fully recharged, the noxious cloud played out over the approaching amazons. And the warriors fled at the antics of these disgusting boys.
A search of the compound later showed no trace of the Tobias Todger or his associates. However the golden thrones were recovered and a few days later, suitably cleaned, returned to the Maharaja. The Green Miasma was asked to become a member of the Justice Society but felt that he should return to England to help fight against evil and oppression. The JSMBgave him honorary membership and promised that should he ever need their help they would come.
The end....................for now