by Various DC Message Board Posters
quote:
Originally posted by Lucien:
and talking of work.... I was told by a very reliable source in the
Newcru election 'camp' (mhmm, exactly) that Newc used to be a
professional penguin torturer. He only stopped when someone tipped off
the police but once someone gets into a habit like that you just know
they can't give it up. And of course there were all those penguins that
dissappeared from London zoo the other week....
Penguins? I thought they were waiters! I was trying to get some help
around the Outpost! Guess that explains those funny looking noses. I just
figured they were homely. Kinda wish now I hadn't slept with them... Did I
say that out loud? OOPS!
bellbookcandle Member posted October 18, 2000 09:57 AM
I've heard that Newcru sleeps with penguins.
He admits it, but insists he doesn't inhale.
Therod Member posted October 18, 2000 10:45 AM
HOT OF THE WIRE:
A plastic bag, filled with beanie babies, and addressed to the war orphans
oversees, was picked up by the Coast Guard early this morning. The
shocking part of this is that upon further investegation of the beanies,
it was discovered that they were not filled with the plastic pellets that
they are usually filled with, but with pieces of meat, bone, and hiar. The
FBI and local authorities are looking further into this matter.
More as details unfold.
MLLASH Member posted October 18, 2000 08:39 PM
NEWCRU REVEALED AS FLIGHTLESS-WATERFOWLSEXUAL!!!!
LMB leadership candidate NEWCRU has admitted to close, personal friends
that he is sexually attracted to flightless waterfowl, insiders say.
This news confused members of his campaign, who previously only suspected
him of necrophilia. One high-ranking member of the campaign was quoted:
"Oh GOD, no! A SCANDAL!" as he sobbed like an outcast Catholic schoolgirl
and clutched a copy of XXX LUMBERJACKS MONTHLY to his chest.
It would seem the squeaky-clean NEWCRU is, in fact, a filthy practitioner
of beastiality. And we here at the LMB Enquirer couldn't be more excited!
No lie! It's a FACT because you read it in
..................LMB ENQUIRER
MLLASH Member posted October 18, 2000 08:41 PM
NEWCRU FIRES LASH LAD!!!!
More news as story develops.....
Princess Crujectra Member posted October 18, 2000 10:40 PM
quote:
Originally posted by MLLASH:
NEWCRU FIRES LASH LAD!!!!
More news as story develops.....
Okay, now I am sure that's a lie. My twin speaks very highly of Lash.
Something about "you'll never see a finer sceptre" or something like that.
JO Member posted October 18, 2000 11:07 PM
Loser is a snake..........
I am changing my vote NOW !
Thank you, Sharky !
P.S. I believe everything that is written. It must be the truth. It's the
American Way.....
SharkLad Member posted October 18, 2000 11:32 PM
shortly before her tragic death at the hands (and spear) of LardLad, rumor
has it that my dearly-departed maniacal sister PsychoticBeaver gave birth
to an illigimate child ... I think it is only appropriate to reveal now
that the father of the child is none other than one of the LMB leader
candidates ... come forward before I reveal you ... or pay me off ...
either is acceptable ... my swiss bank code is 1827333274 ...
LoserLad Member posted October 19, 2000 12:06 AM
You sure about that bank code Sharks?!?
I tried to deposit the money and the account comes up as People for the
Legalization of Man-Sheep Love...
Is this the right account?!?
LoserLad Member posted October 19, 2000 12:42 AM
LMB LEADER IMPLICATED IN SUPER-PET SEX SCANDAL
In a late breaking report from high-placed sources inside LMB Headquartes,
LMB Leader Lash Lad has been mentioned in relation to a sordid encounter
with Super-Pet member Sparky the Wonder Llama.
The LMB Enquirer learned late Tuesday night of claims by Sparky, a charter
member of the LMB Super-Pets, that he had been sexually harassed following
a Sentients Endorsing Newcru's Term (SENT) campaign rally. Details, to
this point are sketchy, but sources within the LMB reported late Wednesday
night that the guilty party may be none other than Lame Duck LMB Leader
Lash Lad.
No formal charges have been filed against Lash Lad as of yet, but our
sources confirm that Lash Lad has been dismissed as Newcru Campaign
manager. Lash Lad could not be reached for comment on either his ouster
from SENT or Sparky the Wonder Llama's allegations.
The LMB's independent councel, Litigation Lad is expected Thursday to
convene hearings to determine the extent of Lash Lad's involvement in the
affair, and decide if and when charges will be filed. Laboratory test
results of Sparky's infamous stained blue collar may be introduced into
evidence.
As always, the LMB Enquirer will keep you posted as events unfold in what
has been dubbed "Llama-Gate".
**The LMB Enquirer**
dngdwb unregistered posted October 19, 2000 01:42 AM
How much for a subscription to the LMB Enquirer? Is it monthly or
bi-weekly(or is that the writer)From now on that is my only source for
news!!!
MLLASH Member posted October 19, 2000 08:32 AM
KISS FROM LASH LAD LIFTS LLAMA-CURSE ON LONG-LOST LMB MEMBER!!!!!
In yet another crazy LMB development, it would appear that the valiant and
almost ubelieveably good-looking current LMB leader Lash Lad has
singlehandedly foiled a plot by the Time-Mouse-Trapper to turn the members
into funny animals.
Lash Lad was interviewed by the LMB Enquirer and states: "Sparky the Llama
smacked of a ret-con to LMB continuity to me. I saw through the ruse right
away. I knew who was behind it. I did what I HAD to do to fix the
situation...and kissed the llama. This broke the Time Mouse Trapper's
concentration and restored Lumber Fox to our ranks. Unfortunately, the
llama spit everywhere before he vanished into the time stream."
In a related story, it was revealed that current LMB leadership candidate
Loser Lad has recently donated to the People for Legalization of Man-Sheep
Love. More news as story develops.....
Separating Fact From Fiction. The LMB ENQUIRER is there!!!!
bellbookcandle Member posted October 19, 2000 10:16 AM
Penguins and llamas and sheep - oh my!
It's a jungle in here.
Looks That Kill Lad Member posted October 19, 2000 11:00 AM
I've heard that all the people standing for election do the singing for
N*Sync whilst they just lip sync, it's Mili Vanilli all over again!
Lucien Member posted October 19, 2000 11:16 AM
Well I heard that Loser Lad actually used to be one of those guys from
Milli Vanilli. It's true.
bellbookcandle Member posted October 19, 2000 12:07 PM
A friend's son spent a week on work experience at a top secret science
laboratory, and saw Shady make Britney Spears!
I knew that little pop muppet wasn't human. That's why Shady has been
singing Oops I Want All The Votes.
Therod Member posted October 19, 2000 02:04 PM
Gus E. Purr reporting,
"I have been following the stuffed beanie story which broke just
yesterday. Apparently the reports of the beanies being filled with raw
meat are true. We spoke to ex-Newcru campaign manager MLLASH about this,
before he was fired and he said that yes, they did fill them with meat,
but that they only did that because they wanted to get food to the orphans
and could not afford to send it airmail, because they are running low on
funds. We asked why they are running low on funds, and he refused to
answer. We also asked him if he knew anything about the whereabouts of
teammate and Leader candidiate, Cobalt Kid. MLLASH yelled several
profanities and said he knew nothing and ran away from us. We have also
recieved news that several penguins are missing from the San Diego Zoo."
This is Gus E. Purr reporting for J.Springer World News, good day.
The Time Mouse Trapper New Member posted October 19, 2000 04:18 PM
I cannot resist sowing the seeds of doubt and mistrust among you, my hated
foes. So I shall reveal ... one of your leadership candidates will become
ME.
SharkLad Member posted October 19, 2000 06:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LoserLad:
You sure about that bank code Sharks?!?
I tried to deposit the money and the account comes up as People for the
Legalization of Man-Sheep Love...
Is this the right account?!?
never mind my little 'campaign' ... I'm not running (or swimming for that
matter) for office ... meanwhile, are you admitting to being the father of
little LoserBeaver?
Why does that name sound like the punchline to a bevy of jokes?
P.S. Shadowplay is an alternate ID of SMASHFACE's
LoserLad Member posted October 19, 2000 07:40 PM
LoserBeaver?!?
I never even knew I had it...
LoserLad Member posted October 19, 2000 07:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Lucien:
Well I heard that Loser Lad actually used to be one of those guys from
Milli Vanilli. It's true.
Alas, it's true...
It's me, Fab. Don't know HOW you ever figured that one out. And before any
more rumors get started, I do all my own posting. Learned my lesson about
that stuff years ago...
Greybird Member posted October 20, 2000 01:23 AM
"The Church of the SuperGenius continues to worship Wile E. Coyote. We are
currently denying the existence of a secret gnostic inner group, known as
the Church of Wile E. Coyote, Scientist, whose esoteric doctrine is that
this entire world was built by ACME." -- Arthur D. Hlavaty
... Well, somebody mentioned the 'Toon supplier. Thought it fit the
dementia being reprinted in this thread from the sizzlin' LMB Enquirer!
Greybird Member posted October 20, 2000 01:27 AM
"... I believe in the soul. The c**k, the p**sy, the small of a woman's
back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of
Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey
Oswald acted alone. I believe there oughta be a Constitutional amendment
outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet
spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning
rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet
kisses that last three days."
Now, there's an election platform I can believe in. Which candidate will
buy my vote by endorsing it ?????
(Quote from Kevin Costner in "Bull Durham")
Greybird Member posted October 20, 2000 01:35 AM
The item immediately above, by the way, was my 700th posting in 18 months.
A sedate yet firm pace on the way to debating glory. Anyone want to send
up a skyrocket? Anyone? Bueller?
I'll proffer a bit of advice from all this worldly message board
experience: When the man at the door says, "Alcohol, tobacco, and
firearms," do NOT automatically assume that he is making a delivery.
Thank you and good afternoon. (Sorry, my Dick Giordano complex kicking
in.)
MLLASH Member posted October 20, 2000 12:37 PM
LOSER LAD LOVE TRYST WITH OPPONENT'S TWIN SISTER!!!!
We of the LMB Enquirer, in our never-ending pursuit to shine the sometimes
harsh light of truth on the demented band of hooligans known as the Legion
of Message Board Posters, thought we had seen and heard it all.
Sex-changes, midget porn, breakdancing....it seemed like NOTHING was taboo
to these twisted sheep pimps.
But we here at the LMB Enquirer would like to suggest that perhaps the
self-styled LOSER LAD has gone TOO far this time.
We have discovered that LOSER LAD, in an attempt to infiltrate the SENT
Group, has wined, dined and bedded opponent NEWCRU'S twin sister PRINCESS
CRUJECTRA.
And what did he do when his plan to extract info during pillow talk
failed? PRINCESS CRUJECTRA had this to say:
"He got up, got dressed and left. I haven't heard from him since. He told
me it was for REAL, too! >sobs hysterically<"
One more shocking revelation to the frightening inner mind of LOSER LAD.
.....THE UNBIASED TRUTH: The LMB Enquirer is there!