posted March 13, 2001 08:08 AM ��� ���� �� ��

Everyone knows that history is what you remember. Therefore the only important facts in history are those that ordinary people remember. As such this complete and accurate history has been put together with the help of ordinary people found in ordinary places (like the Hootchie Hut and other such dens of iniquity).

The LMBP was founded many years ago (dates aren't important) when three individuals saved the life of Thomas the Tank Engine, the famous industrialist.

An atempt was made on his life but was thwarted by the combined efforts of Loser Lard, who had the ability to shift excess fat from his body to the bodies of others thus making them lose all sense of balance and fall over, Sash Wire, with his ability to fashion really nice outfits using only really thin strips of material, and Bellbookincandlelight Lass, with her ability to be three times as emotional as anyone else.

At the instigation of Thomas the tank Engine the three banded together and formed the LMBP, which didn't mean anything at all but was just a nice group of letters.

Soon they were joined by other members. Princess Newcru, with his/her snake-like cleaning abilities (don't ask) and her/his partner in fighting crime, Persil Ultra Jo, with his distinctive washing powder abilities. Cobalt Kid, with his ability to turn into pencil lead. The time displaced cartoon character Snoopy and Piddlin' Pup (famously a small yellow bird that only Snoopy could understand). Hummer Tart, with her ability to sense the distinct vibrational qualities of all sorts of pastry based confectionary. The Mighty Fur Boy Lad, with his powers of furriness and his interesting technique using Cobalt Lad and a large piece of paper.

All of the above joined, as well as many others. They banded together as a cohesive unit and fought all sorts of evil things. And then they went to the pub or strip joint or whatever and got thoroughly trolleyed.

During their adventures it's worth noting that all the villains they encountered where vegetable based, for no apparent reason. Glorith yl, the Entropy Spinach, Salad Tosser Lord and Mr Potato Head are just some examples of the myriad of henous criminals they encountered.

Other points of note are the fact that every single one of the LMBP members was gay at least once in their life, unless they were given special permission not to be. Also many were at least two people at one and the same time, which caused much confusion to everyone involved.

But most importantly the LMBP helped to make where ever their travails took them just a little bit lighter and more fun, and after all that the only really important thing you need to know.

The End