|
Top of Page
Constructing
My Identities
|
|
|
|
|
Identity
& Modes of Belonging
Identity
is not a word that should exist in the singular form, because one never
has a single identity. Rather, one is a synthesis of various identities.
A particular combination of identities is forged to meet the demands of
each new situation, but there is no one base identity. Identities are
acquisitions; they are the ways in which we come to understand who we
are in relation to others and our environment. Identities are formed by
our attempts, successes, and failures at belonging to specific groups.
Etienne
Wenger in his book Communities of Practice: Learning, Meaning and Identity
says that there are three modes of belonging involved in identity formation:
engagement (active involvement), imagination (creation of new images of
the world and ourselves), and alignment (connectedness through coordination).
In an effort to articulate my own identities, I have altered Wenger's
terminology to reflect what I think of as my processes of belonging. The
terms I have chosen are collecting, connecting,
and creating. These are processes that I believe
take place at the level of the body, the mind, and the soul.
|
|
|
|
|
For
me, collecting is the process by which I gather information, experiences,
and people. I engage with people, nature, things and, as a result, I acquire
resources with which to build an identity.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Body
Try new
things and notice how each makes me aware of being in the body.
Foods:
I
love to try new foods. I'm especially fond of spicy foods. Favorite types
of foods include Indian, Thai, Korean, and Japanese. Favorite foods in
general include good French bread, Piave cheese, olives, gourmet dark
chocolate mixed with flavors like lavender or orange, tomatoes, watermelon,
avocadoes, cucumbers, garlic, pasta, and the staple combination of chips
and salsa.
Drinks:
I
consider water to be the best beverage in the world, but I've developed
an appreciation for wine (I know nothing about what makes something a
good wine.) I seem to like wines that are dry and I think wine and chocolate
is an amazing combination. Other drinks I enjoy include: chai latte; coffee
with hazelnut syrup, hot chocolate, and milk; champagne; bloody marys;
and occasionally a good beer (usually Mexican).
Exercise:
I
like to run, swim, walk, lift weights, and play sports like basketball.
I find it hard to stick with a particular exercise program consistently,
but I love the way my body feels when I challenge it to do something new
or to do something hard.
Remedies
& Body Encounters: I'm
intrigued by alternative medicine and natural remedies so I 'collect'
experiences with them by trying out different practices. I've tried massage,
chiropractic treatment, fasting, acupuncture, yoga, meditation, Reiki,
and so on.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mind
Expose
myself to as many different ways of thinking and expressing as possible.
Books:
I
love to read and have been an avid reader since I was a child. I seldom
deny myself a book or the pleasure of reading. Favorite types of books
include: books on spirituality; books on finding yourself; books on alternative
healing; autobiographies; memoirs; and novels that take you into the depths
of yourself through their characters.
Music:
I
have an eclectic taste in music and, as with books, I seldom deny myself
a CD or the pleasure of listening to music. I listen to all types of music
from easy listening (Sinatra) to folk to country to jazz to R&B to
Rap to Hip Hop to Rock and Roll to Gospel to Tibetan chants. I love the
stories people tell with their music, which speaks to me in the same way
that books do.
Art:
I
enjoy seeing how others express their creativity through art. I'm drawn
to art that is multimedia and that uses things we don't generally think
of as related to art like pieces of scrap metal. For me, art is everything
from a small purse made up of folded and interwoven potato chip bags to
a traditional painting. I 'collect' art that speaks to me about the interaction
of the artist, the subject, and the context.
Academia
(at its best): Being
around people who are interested in learning in an environment that facilitates
interaction and collaboration is both exciting and comforting to me. I
want to learn, I want to know how people think, I want them to share with
me what they know.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Soul
Have
as many meaningful encounters as possible with other souls and contexts
that speak to the soul.
Teaching:
My
mother, who is a teacher, says that "I teach from the soul."
Other people have said similar things. I think what they mean is that
teaching is the passionate love of my soul. For me, teaching is a wonderful
avenue for meeting up with soul experiences and having contact with other
souls. I can't think of anyother profession that allows the magnitude
of privileged contact with other souls that teaching does.
Engaging
with Others on Matters of Deep Personal Importance: Basically,
I like to talk to others and hear about what really matters to them. I
like being part of groups dedicated to helping each other love ourselves
and one another better. I've recently found that I also like sitting in
silence with others and feeling in the silence what matters to them.
Soul
Practices: As
with alternative medicine and remedies, I am intrigued by 'alternative'
spiritual practices and enjoy trying out new ways of experiencing the
soul. I've tried things like Native American sweats, guided meditation,
White Tantric yoga, Kundalini Yoga, and things of that sort. I enjoy reading
and hearing about the soul practices of others and am willing to try many
of them out at least once.
Noticing
Contexts or Awareness: This
is a new way of 'collecting' for me. I'm noticing what places, what moments,
and what elements open up my soul. I'm paying attention to how my soul
responds to sunrises, sunsets, wind, sounds, and the way certain patches
of earth feel.
|
|
|
|
|
|
To
me, connecting is the result of being able to imagine how all of the experiences
we collect affect and co-join with one another. I make connections by,
first, believing that everything is interrelated and, second, reflecting
on my collected experiences constantly in an attempt to discover those
connections.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Obviously,
when it comes to establishing connections, it doesn´t make sense
to separate the body, mind, and soul as the process of imagination erases
whatever boundaries we might otherwise think exist between them. It is
through connecting that we realize that what we imagine to be distinct
parts of us-body, mind, and soul-are really one.
I
love to get 'high' on connection--meaning that I love the deep sense of
feeling that happens when things become integrated or connected for me.
This can happen in all kinds of ways for me so I'll just describe some
of the ones that I notice most often.
Running
+ Thought + Spirit
People
talk about the 'high' you can get through exercise and attribute it to
the release of endorphins and I'm sure this is in part true. I've noticed
there are moments during or right after some runs when I just have this
sense of peace, calm, certainty, and contentment. It's not the same as
the feeling of satisfaction that you get just for having gone on a run,
it's something more. Usually, these 'high' moments are the result of a
connection that was realized while I was running. It's as if running frees
my body, mind, and soul and allows what each of them knows to seep into
one another providing me with new understandings of and perspectives on
my experiences of living.
Sleeping
+ Thought + Spirit
I
love sleeping and definitely think that it is something that can count
as a favorite pastime. However, not all sleep is equal. The sleep that
gets me 'high' on connection is the kind where my body relaxes its need
to maintain its hold on this world and allows my mind and soul to join
with it in releasing 'reality.' There are some dreams that I know are
more than dreams, there are messages that come to me in sleep, and there
are times when I wake up feeling that I've understood something important,
something that changes me.
Writing
+ Thought + Spirit
I
write for many reasons, but one of the reasons is that I know that writing
helps me make connections. I write to understand, to make sense of things
for myself. The physical act of writing and seeing in front of me what
I've collected experientially somehow allows my mind and soul to put it
all together. It's like taking all of the puzzle pieces out of box and
turning them over so that they are all visible. I have to see all of the
pieces before I can start putting the puzzle together. Almost all of the
writing that I do on a personal or professional level feels very much
like putting together a very difficult puzzle. The 'high' of connecting
is when I find myself being able to integrate all of me in something that
I write-to capture some understanding in just the 'right' way.
Sharing
+ Thought + Spirit
Sharing
time, space, conversation, food, feelings, or touch with others (human,
animal, or plant) often leads to a synthesis of body, mind, and soul that
I find incredibly healing and relaxing. Sometimes in the process of sharing,
I realize that what is being shared on the surface is not all there is,
that there is a deeper connection and that this connection is profound
in the sense that it has produced something new through a reconfiguration
of collected and collective experiences.
Doing
nothing + Thought + Spirit
Martha
Beck in her book The Joy Diet proposes 'doing nothing' for a period of
time everyday as the first step towards joy. I don't find that 'doing
nothing' always leads me to a connection 'high' but it certainly can.
Sometimes, I just like to sit and do nothing. I may sit in silence or
have music on, be alone or with others, notice a color or notice nothing,
watch my pets or close my eyes. The 'high' comes when in the course of
doing nothing, I realize that I've allowed myself to transcend time and
space and simply merge. For a moment, I just am. I can't always or even
usually articulate what it is that I understand in these fleeting moments,
but they definitely feel like moments of connection.
Reading
+ Thought + Spirit
I
mentioned reading as one of my favorite ways to collect, but it's also
a source of connection for me. Reading a good book is a body, mind, soul
experience that can be very unifying. I'm like a sponge that is already
wet with the experiences of my own body, mind, and soul and reading plunges
me into new water where I begin to absorb the experiences of others and
connect them with my own. To me, a truly good book is one that takes me
out of myself, helps me make new connections while I'm out of myself,
and returns me to myself altered by my new understandings.
|
|
|
|
|
|
For
me, creating is what happens when I arrive at an inner alignment of collection
and connection. This inner alignment generally wants to manifest itself
as a creation that I can put out in the world. I think my urge to share
my creations with others is really about the desire to belong-a way to
see with whom I share an outward alignment. My creations are, thus, the
end and the beginning of the same process. They give life to my realizations
of one moment and become part of the data that forms my collection for
future realizations.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Again,
as with connecting, it becomes impossible to truly differentiate creations
as proceeding from only the body, only the mind, or only the soul. These
three completely transform the illusion of separateness in the process
of creation.
I
create for two purposes: to demonstrate who I am and to discover who I
am. I begin creating something, be it a statement, a painting, or a lesson
plan, from a moment of alignment in which I believe myself to 'know' something
that I can share. As I create, I discover that what I 'know' changes,
becomes something else so that the identity with which I began a creation
is altered by the time I finish it, even when the span of time is literally
seconds. Its reception by others, of course, alters me even more as I
determine how much I value the alignment or misalignment in which my creation
has placed me with relation to them.
Creating
for me is quite simply trying new things or doing old things in new ways.
Either way is a synthesis of the experiences I've collected and connected
and, in my opinion, both ways are essentially the same.
When
I say 'trying new things,' it encompasses more than just activities; it
also means trying new ways of being in the world. Creating is the process
and product of living with an awareness that each moment represents an
opportunity for changing yourself and, thus, the world. I'll describe
a few of the ways that I enjoy creating new versions of me.
Challenging
myself
I
create by asking myself to do things that I've never done before. For
example, I like (on occasion) to challenge myself to make a dish that
seems impossible for me. I also like to challenge myself to do things
like run a half-marathon (which seemed impossible but wasn't). I challenge
myself by trying to break habits or ways of being that don't seem to serve
me. I challenge myself by going places (even living places) where I am
unknown and not part of a 'normal' group that is found there. I challenge
myself to learn new things that seem unmanageable like using Dreamweaver
to make this page.
Reaching
Out
I
create by reaching out of myself to connect with others (which is often
challenging). I reach out by talking to people that I don't know (even
though I am very shy). I reach out by telling others who I am and what
I feel as truthfully as possible. I reach out by trying to make lasting
friendships with those with whom I feel a special bond. I reach out by
writing and sharing what I write with others. I reach out by teaching,
believing that as I teach, all involved are collaboratively creating something
new.
Looking
Back
I
create by looking back at the identities I've had and salvaging the parts
of those that may still serve me. I remember the ways that I have created
throughout my life and try them out anew. For example, as a child, I liked
to paint and draw. I revisit my child self and try out these ways of creating
with who I am now. I reflect on who I have been by talking with family,
friends, reading journals, and find parts of me that I had forgotten.
I 'try out' these new-old ways of being in my present context.
Redesigning
Redesigning,
possibly my favorite way of creating, is creating something more, something
new, from a something that already was. I do this most often in the areas
of teaching and being. I constantly create by redesigning in my teaching.
I change lesson plans from one class to the next (even if they are back
to back), I teach things differently each time that I teach it despite
the fact that the way I did it before may have worked just fine, and I
almost never use things like textbooks in the form that they are given
to me. I love to create through modification. I'm also constantly in the
creative process of redesigning me-not the outer me-the inner me. I create
from a base of who I am in this moment and how I responded to X situation.
From that base, I evaluate and modify who I am in the next moment, in
Y situation. Creation is, after all, simply a matter of taking what is
(the old) and fashioning it into something new that will in turn become
what is.
|
|
| |