"It's worse than that . . . it's Lloyd, Jim!"
This is how actor Deforrest Kelly (a.k.a Doctor McCoy) described my acting ability when I was hired to play Mr. Spock on the 1967 pilot of Star Trek. Actually, the original premise for the show was quite different from what it became. The working title was "Star Truck", about a group of galactic gas station attendants trying to forge a living in hyperdrive. Anyway, being that it was my first foray into acting, admittedly I wasn't too good at memorizing lines yet. I flubbed more than a few of Spock's now iconic phrases, such as "I'm high and illogical Captain". Actually, at the time I was, and I don't really remember being on set at all. From what I'm told Deforrest got so frustrated with me he threatened to quit saying "Damnit Jim he's a musician, not an actor". I was replaced before filming even commenced.

"I got a bad feeling about this!"
To say the least, Harrison Ford wasn't nuts about my presence on the set of Star Wars either . Actually, the original premise for the film was also quite different from what it became. The working title was "Star Warts", about a bunch of interplanetary pediatrists in search of galactic foot cream. This was during my time of hiding from The Village People in Sweden, disquised as a Danish transvestite named Lola in the pop band ABBA (see the bottom of this page if you don't believe me). Hence the original name for my character was Princess Lola, later changed to Leia. Midway through production my cover was blown because of that song by the Kinks. I suddenly found myself deported and ousted from yet another acting role. I didn't like Harrison that much anyway.

Then in 1977, someone came and knocked on my door. . .
That someone was Suzanne Somers. That really has nothing to do with how I was originally chosen for the leading role in one of the 1970's most popular sitcoms, I just like to brag a little from time to time. Actually, on second thought, maybe it does. You see, once again the original premise for the show was . . . ehem, cough . . . um quite different from what it became. The working title is far to explicit for me to even utter, but my character's original name was "Jack the Stripper" and . . . well, you get the picture. Let's just say the censors at the network, although REALLY impressed with my work, thought the show was "too risque for prime time . . . or any time", and I was let go. Strangely, they kept the girls though . . . hmmmmm?

"Talk about bass licks, man Lloyd's got 'em!"
With this Nigel Tufnel informed me of my inclusion in the greatest metal band ever. Given my legendary status within the rock world, word spread fast. Plans were made to film our upcoming tour of Cheboygan nursing homes. As fans know, the original band name was "Spider Crap", and the original film "What's This? Spider Crap?" had limited release in Cheboygan theatres. Unfortunately "Crap" (as we were lovingly dubbed by fans) was destined to fail. The album, simply called "Crap", and the single "Crap Farm", were promoted with slogans like "This is Crap" and "Have you heard 'The Crap' on the radio?" causing consumer confusion. Thus, both crapped out on the charts. Since I came up with the name, I was blamed and kicked out. They changed the band's name and re-shot the film. Legend has it that my look alike replacement Derek Smalls didn't play a note on the renamed album - they kept my bass lines. I haven't seen a penny.