In 1987, whilst wandering homeless in L.A, I found Jesus . . .
My addiction ultimately left me bankrupt and homeless, aimlessly wandering as a vagrant through the streets of L.A. Just when I hit rock bottom, contemplating suicide, I stumbled across a church group called E.H.E.M - Evangelical Hair Bands Embracing the Messiah. These folks helped me out of my addiction by showing me a whole host of new Christian hair care products. I then knew that what I was looking for couldn't be found in liquid stimulants. I was born again and my hair never looked better (although it took me years to get the yellow tea stains out). This started me on perhaps my most controversial musical direction ever: I began 'Stripper', a travelling heavy metal salon review for Jesus. The idea was to sing about the gospel while styling people's hair. We were on a small tour of Wisconsin churches when I got into a heated theological debate with one of the other guys over transanctijustification vs. sangtranctajubification. I threw my Bible at his head, knocking him out cold. I quit the the next day. They changed their name to 'Stryper' and headed in a new direction  . . .

Then in the 90's, whilst trying to avoid my fans, I moved to Seattle and found Kirk . . .
By the 90's I had pretty much reached mythological status in the music biz. One writer remarked "It's like he's been nowhere, yet apparently he's been everywhere", which pretty much sums it up. As for my 'Jesus period', although it offended many of my fans, it made some more fanatical than ever. They began making pilgrimages to my house "Little Green" (which inspired the Joni Mitchell song of that name) in Bucksnort, rumaging through my garbage for some sort of 'answer'. So I escaped to a small Yiddish community in Seattle. That's where I met my neighbours kid, Kirk. I could tell by the tint of his hair that he was getting hooked on tea. I figured I'd try to help him out by teaching him guitar. So I invited him and his buddy over and we used to jam in my garage, where this picture was taken. They showed potential, so I made a few calls. And the rest, as they say . . .

In the early 80's, whilst spiraling out of control, I hit new lows ...
My hedonistic path of self destruction came to a head in 1981. Actually, it went to my head, as you can tell by this picture. My tea use escalated to about four straight cups a day. My obsession was so bad, I eventually found myself soaking my hair in it when merely drinking it didn't satisfy me anymore. As you can see, it's not hard to spot addicts who have taken tea to such extremes. Desperate, I joined a support group called S.T.E.A.G.U.L.S, pronounced see - gulls (the "T" is silent for obvious reasons) - which stands for serious tea gluttons usually look stupid. This lead to the formation of yet another band with fellow steaguls. Unfortunately, my addiction was too strong for even them, and before our first album was released I once again found myself unemployed . . .