Two or three weeks into the semester, Isaac invited my roommate Leah and I to watch a movie, forgetting to mention that he had gotten a new roommate since his old roommate switched rooms. Leah passed as she planned to participate in her usual weekend routine of getting drunk and passing out at her boyfriend�s house. I went over to Isaac�s room and walked in to see Ben sitting on one end of the couch.
�Hey, Rach. Pick out a movie.� Isaac was sitting at his computer and didn�t look up long enough to notice the awkward stares between Ben and I or to introduce us.
�Uh, okay.� I walked over to his TV stand, filled with movies and looked through them. �So, Isaac, how do you know Ben?�
�Oh, he�s my new roommate. Sorry, I didn�t introduce you guys, but you know each other so it�s okay. Are you in a class together?�
�No, ummm�� I trailed off and looked at Ben, wanting to cry.
�Rachel and I went to the same high school. We go way back.� He obviously knew I didn�t want to talk about it.
�Well, good. Then we�ll all get along great.� Isaac smiled at me. �Movie, Rach?�
�Oh, right, ummm, Antitrust or Independence Day.�
�You always cry at those movies, Rach.� I was surprised that Ben remembered something like that. He was right, I did cry at those movies, but that was the point. That way, if I cried, I could blame it on the movie.
Isaac laughed. �How about Independence Day?�
I put the movie in, and when Isaac sat on the other end of the couch, I grabbed a pillow and curled up on the floor. I fell asleep before the movie ended and woke up to Ben telling Isaac about our break up. I stayed quiet and listened.
�I have to admit it still hurt. I knew that it was necessary, but I went home that night and cried for probably the second time ever. We never really talked after that even though we promised to stay good friends. It�s hard to do though, you know? Harder when you really can�t remember why you broke up in the first place.�
�So, if you knew she went here, why�d you transfer?�
�St. Thomas didn�t have as good of an engineering program. I guess I wasn�t thinking right when I applied there, but I had to get out so I could get the classes I need as soon as possible. Rachel being here didn�t really affect my decision. Although I like to think of it as an added bonus.�
Isaac laughed. �Speaking of Rachel, do we let her sleep there all night or do we wake her up?�
�Nah, she used to fall asleep all the time. She�ll wake up soon. She always did when the movie ended.�
I took that as my cue and rolled over a little, then opened my eyes.
�I should probably get back to my room before I fall asleep again.� I stood up and started walking toward the door.
�Do you want us to walk you down?� Isaac asked.
�No, I�m sure I�ll be fine. It�s just down some stairs.�
�Alright. Goodnight.�
When I got back to my room, I quickly changed into pajamas and climbed into my lofted bed. I had been in bed for only a couple minutes when the tears started pouring out of my eyes. It was only the second time I had cried since I got to college. If it had been so necessary for Ben and I to break up, why did it hurt so much to see him again? And why did it feel so good to hear him admit that he was also hurt and that I was an added bonus? I was supposed to be over him. I was over him. He wasn�t supposed to be able to control my mind like this anymore.
After ten minutes of crying, there was a knock on my door. I figured it was someone for Leah, so I didn�t say anything. The person knocked again, so I quickly wiped my eyes off.
�Come in.�
The door opened and I watched Ben walk into my dorm. Of all times, he comes to talk while I�m crying.
�Hey Rach.� He just looked up at me. I didn�t reply. �Did I wake you?�
�No. I was still awake a little bit.� I tried not to make it obvious that I had been crying, even though he could probably see how red my face was.
�Were you crying?�
I smiled. �Of course. You know me.� I tried to act causal, but it was quite on the difficult side.
�Umm, Rach, could we talk for a few minutes?�
�Sure. Do you want me to come down from here?�
�Yeah.� I was kind of nervous. I didn�t really know what to say to him or what he�d say to me. We sat down on the couch.