The Day After
Still clean from yesterday's bath
outside, basking in the sunshine,
I see the creek in the shade, sparkling
how I want to jump in.
I know it's not really water though--
it's covered with muck, grime, and weeds to trap you.
The water looks so good.
I rise up from the steps and
walk forwards
hesistate
six days until I can be clean again.
a long time.
Why must we go through a middle man?
need of approval to take a bath at another's home
what if I built my own?
break the tradition
the world needs it
keep out corruption--purify
I will do it
wry smile
then I could jump into the creek
every day
but that would be wrong.
I ignore the sparkle for I know the result
but now I know if I am convinced to jump
and get dirty
I can be washed clean right away, always ready,
if I go.public school girl at christian college
worried about what part they see about me
but not ashamed of the rest
i just want them to see the best.
no lectures,
i teach myself:
high intellect, self-disciplined, inidependent
set up for disaster.
Job Questions His Trials
Everywhere I feel God,
though I may turn over every rock + stone,
though I may search through every cloud,
I will not catch Him watching me.
Though I cannot see His eyes looking
I know He is.
My life fits into His plan
perfectly.
We walk together
my step in His;
sychronized with my greatest love.
"be still and know that I AM God" Ps. 46:10
procrastination take two
i stare at the screen
the words won't flow
rather be doing anything else.
sitting alone, hall empty
thoughts turn negative
no one to distract
no one to be a friend.
~Normal~
What kind of person is this?
Definately not me.
Maybe it's the accident,
changing the deep self.
Most only see the outside change.
They don't understand the new person.
They leave the friendship,
too much change to handle.
The lack of normal.
Maybe it's YOu, O Lord,
working in this Your plan in ways we don't know.
How can I come back to normal?
It'll never happen.
Why must we be normal?
Why must we confrom to such a definition.
Why does society think we should conform to it?
Is it Your work that changes us to be unacceptable to society?
Even to those who proclaim belief in You?
It's Your judgement.
Like Job we cry to You.
Who am I? Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell's confinement
calmly, cheerfully, firmly,
like a squire from his country house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my warders
freely and friendly and clearly,
as though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
equably, smilingly, proudly,
like one accustomed to win.
Am I really then that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my throat,
yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds,
thirsting for words of kindness, of neighbourliness,
tossing in expectation of great events,
powerlessly trembling for friends at an infinite distnace,
weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making,
faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.
Who am I? This or the Other?
Am I one person To-day and To-morrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
and before myself a contemptible woebegone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army
fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine!