It’s the routine that’s a break from the routine, a ritual that helps make everyday life more bearable. As one ad for a local coffeehouse recently put it, minutes spent with this significant other, coffee, are “minutes that are mine alone.” And they’d better be done your way, or not at all.

The human race has a way of turning seemingly insubstantial daily rituals like the coffee break into matters for obsession and serious study, not to mention commerce; Ljubljana is no exception, as any short stroll through nearly any part of town will reveal. Vienna caught the habit from the Turks even as they fought them, and whether they were under Ottoman or Austro-Hungarian rule, places like Zagreb, Sarajevo and Ljubljana have had coffeehouses as part of their cultural landscape for centuries before Yugoslavia was a new, trendy idea.

Although at first glance they may all look more or less alike, all caffeine pit stops ain’t cut from the same beanbag. When judging what makes one coffeehouse (kava bar) special when another down the street is as unmemorable as saucer spillage, I’ve found it useful to hold certain set criteria as gospel. I ask the following questions:

* Does the coffeehouse have style? A certain je ne sais quoi that sets it apart?
* Does it seem like an inviting place to linger for a bit?
* Does it have a quiet corner or two where you have a good chance of being undisturbed for as long as you desire? (Cozy alcoves or ‘snugs’ are a plus.)
* Is there a non-smoking section? (Pertinent if you’re yearning to breathe free in nicotine-fueled Ljubljana.)
* Does it have magazines and newspapers in a variety of languages, including your favorite?
* Does it employ friendly and intelligent staff who know what they’re doing (at a minimum, this implies knowing the difference between kava z mlekom and bela kava)?
* Does it have a loyal and reasonably appealing (or at least, non-revolting) clientele?
And finally,
* Is the coffee above average? (about which more below.)

Interested parties should also note that a kavarna is a grander deal than a kava bar. (The two are actually separate categories in the Ljubljana yellow pages, illustrating how seriously Slovenes take this distinction.) A kavarna -- for example, the Kavarna Evropa, which filled a longstanding gaping vacancy when it reopened in 2000 on the corner of Slovenska and Gosposvetska -- is meant, at least in theory, to suggest the great old coffeehouses of Mitteleuropa, especially of lodestar Vienna. A kava bar, on the other hand, can be any old hole in the wall with a San Something-or-other machine and a couple of tables. And often is -- though those places can have their own special charms. And although I assume you know what good coffee is when you drink it, there are a few clues to look for in your search for the ultimate Ljubljana cup:

* The cappuccino comes with cinnamon or chocolate sprinkled atop (bonus: the server asks you which one you’d like when you order, or better yet, containers filled with both substances -- separately, duh -- lie within reach on the counter).
* The java comes Vienna-style, on one of those chrome trays with a small glass of water on the side (this may mean you’re sitting on a red velvet banquette in a grand kavarna, and most of your fellow sippers are dressed for business meetings or the Opera -- but not necessarily).
* The java comes with one of those teeny-tiny chocolate bars on the side.
* The bela kava comes in both small (mug) and large (oversized cup-and-saucer) sizes.
* The bela kava is made with heated milk, so that the beverage is served to you hot, not tepid. (As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing worse than tepid bela kava -- you might just as well drink milk -- except maybe burned cappuccino.)

After an extensive sampling, here’s my short list of the Most Notable Places for a Cup o’ Joe (or Joze) within the city limits, plus a shorter list of Runners-Up. That’s “notable,” not “best,” though most of these places fulfil most if not all of the key criteria. Also, I’ve made no distinction between kavarnas/kava bars that don’t serve alcohol and those that do -- since almost all do. If it serves coffee, and it feels more like a coffeehouse than a bar, it’s a coffeehouse. Welcome to Slovenia.

I’ve saved my favorites for the last two choices, but the others are in no particular order.

10. CAFÉ CAFFÉ, Copova 7. Doesn’t everyone still call it Café del Mundo? Everyone knows about this Italian-inspired place in the middle of a showcase street on the tourist reservation, and everyone walks past regularly; thus, it’s always busy. They still serve one of the town’s better cappuccinos, and I love their decadent hot chocolate on an icy winter’s day. This is one of the very few espresso stops in town where you can buy house-brand whole beans to take home (the beans are roasted in Italy and the quality approaches Trieste levels, the ultimate compliment). You could fault this café of cafés for its almost constant overcrowding, but with this dream location, and java like this, who could expect otherwise? At least the crowds keep the coffee fresh and the staff on its toes. Best in summer if you can nab one of the tolar-sized outdoor tables, one of the city’s best people-watching spots.

9. CAFÉ LJUBLJANA, Gosposvetska 7. The dragon motif on the facade -- the winged lizard is the municipal symbol -- makes the front door a great place to pose for a “here I am in Ljubljana” silly tourist photo (provided the photographer doesn’t get creamed by an oncoming bus). The Café LJ has decent java and colorful regulars, and the lack of a non-smoking section indoors is compensated for by a pleasant vest-pocket outside terrace (notorious among locals for being the scene of a Balkan gangland shooting in 2000, a fun fact with which to impress out-of-town guests). Wear a bulletproof vest when sipping al fresco and you should be all right...sorry.

8. KAVARNA EVROPA, Slovenska 47, a cavernous space indeed. The Europa is the Al Gore of kavarnas -- somewhat stiff and formal, and uncomfortable interacting with the yearning masses, but with some substance to it (not to mention persistence). Yeah, it’s unnecessarily gloomy, but it’s a vast improvement over an empty space; less than a year after reopening it already seems an integral part of the cityscape, even if you stop by less often than you sit for new dental x-rays. Bonus points for the cozy booths in the no-smoking section, and the good selection of magazines casually strewn atop the piano.

7. CAFÉ ANTICO, Stari trg 17. One of my two favorite Stara Ljubljana kava bars, this is another new place made to look old, with a much better job done of it here. With servers in long aprons and a serious interior, the Antico has the feel of a formal but welcoming salon, a place where interesting people meet to talk about worthwhile subjects. In support of this end, there’s also a good selection of wines by the glass. Come here to do some major stylin’, or to discuss the meaning of life, or when you really want to feel like you’re in Europe.

6. LILY NOVI CAFFE, a/k/a LILI NOVI CAFFE, Gornji trg 25. This genteel stop at the foot of Ulica na grad gets the nod for its pleasingly quirky interior and layout, and for the impressive collection of whimsical vintage illustrations. My inner copy editor’s biggest complaint is that the owners spell the name of Ms. Lili, a notable Slovene poet and Partisan, one way on the sign out front and another on the cenik (price list) cards. The final insult is that neither is correct: the lady herself signed her name L-I-L-I N-O-V-Y. You know how writers hate typos, especially in their byline.

5. DRUGA POMOC, Smartinska 3 (tel. 13-13-277). The name means “Second Aid.” This one’s for the intrepid leather-clad urban safarist or alt-culture hound on his/her way to/from the nearby Orto Bar or Metelkova compound in gritty south Bezigrad. This sprawling “21-hour café” on a smoke-blackened side street (which you have to be into the Zen of Unadorned Eastern Bloc Cement Facades to appreciate) is the best replication in town of a twentysomething grunge bar in any American student ghetto from Boston to Seattle. (Owned by “Guiseppe art decor d.o.o.”, it may be designer grunge, but seems authentic enough.) Go slumming amid peeling industrial-beige and metallic blue paint on the walls, classic Stol easy chairs (lacquered blue), swap-meet tables, diner ambiance, R&B on the speakers, and a large drink selection, including Lasko on tap and decent java (with a tiny Alprose choc on the side!). Warning: this place is nowhere near the “sights” and is a bit hard to find (look for a green Caffé del Moro sign). The café has been known to host evenings of “African rhythms” on occasional Thursday nights. Outdoor picnic-style patio in season.

4. COFFEE POINT. Love or hate this pseudo-American coffeehouse “chain” wannabe -- two “points” located in the near neighborhoods, the Plava Laguna shopping center in Bezigrad (Linhartova 3) and near the Kino Siska (Celovska
117) -- notable for serving gallons of sugary java-based concoctions topped with loads of whipped cream. Very popular, but...ugh, please. The patrons also smoke up a storm, even for Ljubljana. The unadulterated kava is strong and good, though. The Bezigrad branch used to be able to make a decent, dignified Trieste-style “capo in b” (cappuccino in bicchiere, served in a small, clear glass) and perhaps still can if you ask nicely. (If you like cinnamon, you might ask for a ‘Veneska kava’ (sic) brez smetano, which means “lose the whipped cream.”)

3. LE PETITE CAFÉ, Trg francoske revolucije 4. Popular meeting place, known for los kavos belos grandes. Occasional complaints of snotty waiters and slow service, but the location is all: right across the street from Krizanke, which means it’s always jammed before summer concerts. Sendvici and other real food also available.

WILD CARD: Pr’SKELET, Kljucavnicarska 5. I wouldn’t say this place is to die for, but cute little ‘Keymaker street’ in the old town has never been the same after the emergence of this latest hot spot, which wins the Originality Prize hands down. This underground kava cavern (a slightly more sedate restaurant lies upstairs) is an amazing space decorated with great care, imagination and juvenile camp humor (not to mention lots of money), with piles of skeletons, human, animal and in-between, in glassed-in display cases as well as freely mounted and, in some cases, with moving parts. No respect at all is shown the dearly departed: the tableaux vivants include a dominatrix skeleton whipping a willing victim, an exhibitionist in a raincoat, variations on Slovene folkloric themes and an aquarium filled with, yes, fish bones. Portraits of grotesques in one alcove should thrill expat Addams Family fans. Attracts a mainly young crowd (including, of course, lovers of goth), for whom the terrors of the grave seem safely far enough away, but older folk with appropriately twisted senses of humor should love it. Double bonus points for the bone-handled coffee mugs (made, no doubt, of bone china). The coffee’s not bad, either, or you could also try one of the interestingly named cocktails...

Runner-up: The FRENKY DOLL PUB (Vodnikova 6), in an inner courtyard in Siska. Entering patrons are greeted by an interior resembling a wax museum crossed with a Western-movie bordello. From the walls are suspended mannequin torsos clothed in replicas (they have to be) of suits and gowns of a century ago. Faux-antique chandeliers, sconces, candelabras, 3-D icons in ornate box frames, and rosary beads add to the ‘hidden alcove’ paradigm taken to its (il)logical extreme. A gentleman mannequin beckons you to the inner sanctum, where refreshments await. Pales in comparison to Pr’skelet, but what doesn’t?

THE OTHER RUNNERS-UP: For me, almost all of the kava bars in Central sorta blend into one another; as Janis Joplin could’ve said if she lived in Ljubljana, “It’s all the same #@&* kava bar, man.” Honorable mentions, though, go out to the following worthy java joints:

Kafeterija, Gallusova nabrezje 27. One of the “new minimalist” cafés, it’s trendy, of course, and the ‘60s-ish floral wallpaper and friendly green curves keep it from being too chilly...the A.R.T. Café (Slovenska 10), which is not the same as the Art Café (Slovenska 34)...the smoke-and-attitude-filled Café Gaudí on Nazorjeva; the swingin’ True Bar (Trubarjeva 23), with its sunny, cheerful front room...the Bi-ko-fe (Zidovska steza 2), a casual student hangout with good cappuccinos and belos...the Macek, home of Saturday-night summer insanity and quayside concerts (Krojaska 5)...the relaxed Reformator (Trubarjeva 18, under the huge umbrella in season)...the Jazz Club Gajo (Beethovnova 8), which should be your first choice for a romantic tête-à-tête...the Café Monet, rendezvous for Bezigrad’s beautiful people...Grijaz (Vilharjeva 29, also in Bezigrad), a new-age, all-natural sweetshop par excellence...your personal favorite that I’ve stupidly neglected to mention...and one great new find I’ve decided to keep to myself. (OK, OK: it’s the kava bar/stealth tea house next to the Cerin pizzeria on Trubarjeva.)

And the winner? A tie between:

2. The CAFÉ TEATER kavarna at the GRAND HOTEL UNION, Miklosiceva 1. The large room, I mean, not the one with the pastry cases. How European (or Balkan) is it? It’s one of the last places in town where you can still get a real Turkish coffee, which you sip gratefully in a huge, high-ceilinged space while staring at a red velvet stage curtain across the room. Sit and drink and read and write, or sit and drink and talk. Old-fashioned and dignified in a somehow egalitarian way, the Café Teater doesn’t feel like a “tourist” café at all, odd enough considering its location in a hotel. Recommended for writers and other creative types who seek quiet (but not too quiet) places for inspiration. For me, the epitome of civilization in this town.

and:

1. CAFÉ PILON, Presernova 15. This chic downtown hang near the Cankarjev dom gets high marks on every one of my criteria, and actually seems to be improving. According to one of the friendly staffers, it’s NOT named for Veno “The Dude” Pilon (1896-1970), a Slovene Expressionist painter, photographer, writer and translator (did he sing, too?), but nevertheless has style down to its foundations, even in less obvious places (check out the Cyrillic-alphabet maps pasted on the stairwell leading down to the WCs; ful dober). It also boasts the best-looking front door of any kava bar in town, which has to count for something. I like to grab a magazine and commandeer one of the genteel tables in the non-smoking section, a platform up from the main action. Veno would have approved, even though he would’ve had to pay cash like everyone else.

*****

Oh, Ljubljana also has a few tea houses...but that’s a subject for another day.

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