UPDATED 12/12/2007: Alien vs. Predator by The Vaultkeeper! Also recently updated with Hellraiser: Infernoand Ringu by The Vaultkeeper.

When Freddy vs Jason was being hyped, there was a whole score of people who, for reasons I cannot really ascertain, declared "I'm just going to wait for Alien vs. Predator. I don't understand how those two properties are congruent. Anyway, the setup for this crossover is unique in the context of the many other times Aliens have battled Predators: when a mysterious temple is found buried far under the Antarctic ice, the Weyland Corporation gathers the best team of excavators, guides, and archieologists money can buy. But when they arrive, they discover something even more outlandish -- the temple is one of many outposts which used to exist on the planet, each a sort of proving ground for young Predator braves to earn their stripes by hunting and killing Aliens. So once the Xenomorphs are respawn and the Predators hit the scene, the you-kn0w-what hits the fan! In this battle of extraterrestial titans, does pitiful little Man stand a chance at all?

To run with the FvJ comparison, AvP was beat into theaters, but ended up with the higher gross (although FvJ wins on profit). Critically speaking, though, it's no contest; AvP is a clearly inferior effort to the earlier release. Run through the PG-13 filter, the entire excercise seems toneless and limp, with little of the expected carnage on display. There's nothing particularly wrong with the plot -- it is a nice change of pace to see both of these races in cold-weather environments for a change -- but the script itself is plodding, without much drive. And Anderson (Mortal Kombat) pedestrian direction doesn't improve matters either. There's is some exceptional work to be found -- primarily in the effects, which are excellent, even if there is some art and design changes from previous entries. The actual clashes between the two races are well handled and exciting. Unfortunately, they make up so little of the final product that things start getting tedious -- not a word I would have ever thought to describe this particular property. Fans will want to check it out, but the sequel, AvP: Reqieum, looks better.

Final Thought: While this particular version may not have worked out too well, this pairing still has a lot of gas left in the tank, so here's hoping. Although, I must admit that if given the chance, I would buy an action figure of "Grid" from this one.

Once a franchise has its formula established, deviating from that formula is usually a recipe for disaster. So on the surface it would seem that Hellraiser: Inferno is a bad idea, taking a step back from the bigger story of the Cenobites and focusing more on how they seem to be screwing with just one guy. Detective Joseph Thorne claims to be loyal and devoted to his family, but he has an odd way of showing it: by hiring prostitutes to take care of his more deviant cravings. One such encounter takes a turn towards the bizarre when he discovers a strange puzzle box in the hotel bathroom, and suddenly is surrounded by the twisted flesh of the Cenobites. When he discovers the girl dead the next morning, Thorne must descend into the depths of madness to discover the truth and solve the mystery. But can he unravel his own fate? Or will he be destined to pay the price of his sins?

Yes, Hellraiser: Inferno is a vastly different effort from the previous couple of films in the series. But I don't think it strays too far from what was laid down in the original Hellraiser when you get down to it. The Cenobites get their jollies by screwing with this ordinary guy, and then hell starts to break loose. It's a theme which Dimension Films would visit again and again with the DTV Hellraiser sequels, essentially shoe-horning Pinhead and company into any script they purchased which was even vaguely Barker-ish. Despite being one of these "retro-fits," Inferno works pretty well, primarily on the strength of its script. We get to know Thorne as his little excursion to the dark side plays out, and while he may not be a likeable character, that's pretty much the intention of the writer. He has flaws, he's a jerk, he's arrogant -- all elements which come back around when the final reel starts to unspool. The effects are nothing too outlandish but well executed -- the DVD extras show just how simple an effect the Lament Configuriation is to amusing results. The Cenobites look good even if their presence is minimal; the Wire Twins, Crawling Chatterer, and Pinhead all acquit themselves nicely. The film is not perfect by any means, with the middle of the road acting, and production values, but it's the best Hellraiser since Hellbound, and easily the best of the later sequels. So if you enjoy the exploits of those wacky experts in pain and ecstasy, you should definitely give this film a rent.

Final Thought: The ending of the film may be seen as cliched to some, but it's just so damn appropriate that I can't think of any other way to close it.

It's hard to have much to say about movies where you watch something and then you die nowadays, since it has become so cliche. But I suppose if you are going to talk about the film which started all those cliches, then that is alright. The story is fairly straightforward: after viewing a "cursed" video cassette while out in the country (and receiving a mysterious phone call immedaitely afterwards), four teenagers all die exactly 7 days later from unknown causes. The aunt of one of the victims, Reiko, is an investigative journalist, and thus does some digging. She ends up in the same cabin that the kids stayed in, and to the surprise of absolutely no one, watches the video and gets the call! Now its a race against the clock to find some way to break the decades-old mystery surrounding this curse, or else not only Reiko, but her ex-husband Ryuji and their son Yoichi will perish as well! Good thing this curse wasn't on DVD!

Ringu is a solid J-Horror film, and in many ways the prototypical example of that subgenre. The story is efficient and well-paced -- there's none of the extraneous padding which always seems to crop up in modern American horror films, such as sex and outlandish gore. The story, adapted from author Koji Suzuki's novel, is humanistic, giving us insight into the despair and sadness of the lives of those cursed by the tape. Also, Ringu utilizes the theme of the supernatural in the technological, which is an important conceit in modern J-Horror (see also: Kairo). There is very little in the way of special effects, or anything else which might be considered expensive. It's just a tightly made little film which on the surface is fairly unassuming. It lacks some of the scare power it possesed at it's release -- but in that interim, we have seen this basic story remade and retold at least half a dozen times, let alone parodied and lampooned countless others. This is an intelligent, well-thought-out mystery and ghost story, and regular visiters to this site will certainly enjoy experiencing the original "watch this and die" yarn.

Final Thought: Seeing the Toho company, Ltd. logo at the beginning of the film (they were the distributor) made me laugh out loud. Imagine a sequel to Ringu that featured Gojira! Best. Movie. EVER!

You ever have a movie where you have seen it a few times, and caught bits and pieces of it a few additional times, and you are still not quite sure what the heck is going on? That's how I was for a very long time with Lord of Illusions. In preperation for rewatching this Director's Cut, I decided to read Clive Barker's original short story, "The Last Illusion," in an effort to glean more out of the viewing experience. Our story concerns Mr. Harry D'Amour a Manhattan private eye who seems to have a knack for falling into supernatural cases. He is in LA on a case when he finds himself embroiled in the mysterious life and death of master "illusionist" Phillip Swann and his beautiful wife Dorothea. Soon Harry is becoming more and more engrossed in their world, where illusion and magic are two different entities, and the mysterious being known only as Nix is about to make his prophetic return. Can Harry put an end to this occult menace, or is the world ready for Nix's "wisdom?"

I remember Lord of Illusions getting a lot of hype when it first was released -- mostly because of Clive Barker's involvement. And as is typical for a lot of Barker's work, there are certain thematic elements -- most notably, that of a fantastical world parallel to our own, and Nix and Swann's suggested homosexual nature -- which are present en masse here, indelibly marking the film as his own work. Reading "The Last Illusion" didn't help too much, as Lord of Illusions seems more inspirired by the early work than adapted from it. And there seem to be a lot of elements which were, if not inspired, at least refer back to other Barker works; the showdown in the compound in the finale always reminds me of the finale from "Sacrament." But that's alright; this is a good if uneven and overlong film, with lots of well-conceived cinematic touches and a unique, thoughtful story. The problems begin to crop up when the film begins to become too involved with it's own mythology -- the story bogs down while barker pontificates on the nature of illusion and magic, adding to the running length. But if you are willing to sit and watch the film, you more than likely will enjoy the experience.

Final Thought: What can you say about the geek cred of a film which stars Scott Bakula, Famke Janssen, and the guy who played Beni in The Mummy (Kevin J. O'Connor)? That's a veritiable cornucopia of wackiness!

Okay, let's see if we can figure out what is going to go wrong with this scenario: a group of treehuggers and a TV "news-entertainment" crew hire a boat to the mysterious Isla Domus in the South Pacific, where it is believed that the US government is conducting cruel tests on animals. If you guessed "giant, bloodthirsty mutant reptiles," you win! Now it's a race against nature gone mad -- and the triggerhappy rocket-jocks of the US Army -- to get off this stinkin' island before everyone ends up in the literal belly of the best! Where are Jack, Locke, and Sawyer when you need them?

Sometimes I wonder how these cheapie creature features keep getting made -- unfortunately I often wonder this while watching them. This one is pretty bad, with amateurs in every role and CG effects which look like something from a PC first-person shooter circa 1998. The story is predictable, and a few of the elements are just laughable. A good example is the "US Pacific Command Station," which looks like (and is) some office building not even dressed up to look military. Somehow I don't think a 5-Star general would have a miniature microwave and a "Customer Service" motivational poster in his office. As I like to say, this whole movie is a little suspect. Plus, it contains sadly little Komodo vs Cobra action. For shame.

Final Thought: If you think the microwave is bad, check out the amazing handguns in this film, each of which is capable of firiing 30-plus rounds at a clip. Go watch Anaconda instead.

Remakes, sequels, and rehashes are all the rage, so it should come as no surprise that Tobe Hooper would eventually get in on the action, with this reworking of the fairly well known 80s slasher cheapie. Our story concerns a young couple who move into the "historic" Lusman Arms apartments in Hollywood, and quickly disover that some of its more "charming" elements are mostly rooting to its crumbling and dilapidated state. Nell, a teacher, is stuck at home while her hubby does his rotation in the local ER. Left to her own devices, she soon begins to see that there is more to this building than just thin walls and bad wiring, as creepy things continually seem to happen to her -- and then people just start to disappear. After finding out some of the truly bizarre history of the building, Nell sets out to solve the mystery -- but will she find what she is looking for, or find the business end of a power tool?

Tobe Hooper will always have a place in horror history for directing the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but the rest of his body of work is fairly slim pickings when it comes to genuine quality. Toolbox Murders doesn't really change that, but the film remains a solid, if not really great slasher entry which will entertain genre fans. The first half is as frustratingly slow as any number of Full Moon Entertainment films, and looks like them as well. But the second half of the film picks up the pace, as well as the gore factor, and manages to become interesting enough to get the audience involved. The characters are a weird menagerie of cliches and stereotypes, but they work well, especially given the setting (this is Hollywood after all). Hooper's direction is good if not great; its not exactly artful but it works well, and the kills are well constructed and do feature some amusing parts as well. All in all, a good effort and a good way for a horror fan to spend 90 minutes on a weeknight.

Final Thought: The best moment in the film involves a circular saw -- and as anyone who has ever used a circular saw can tell you, they always seem to jam up and stop when you are in the middle of a job.

With the growing market for horror films which can be marketted safely to high school aged audiences, Hollywood has been turning the crank on quite a number of PG-13 rated scare films the last few years. One such effort is Boogeyman. Our story deals with a young man named Tim, who as a child had a terrible fear of the shadowy monster which was hiding in his closet. One night when he was eight, the monster came and took his father, who was never to be seen again. Now fifteen years later, Tim returns to his childhood home after his mother passes away -- partly to help get her things in order, since he has been out of touch with his family for years, but mostly to help get over the staggering fear he still holds. But what will happen when the Boogeyman he fears turns out to be more than the overactive imagination of a scared child, and instead turns out to be something much more dangerous?

What a boring waste of 90 minutes! There is no other way to describe this inert, lifeless pile of junk. Things start out well enough with a creepy prologue and a decent enough first act to set things up, but just when you the film finally starts hitting it's "stride" at about an hour in, it loses all of its momentum and slows down to a crawl. PG-13 horror films, as a general rule, need to rely on story and general creepiness to be effective. Unfortunately for Boogeyman, its script lacks punch and its characters never endear themselves enough to the viewer to elicit any sort of emotion other than apathy. And the music video-inspiried editing, spring-loaded cat "scares," bad special effects, and quick-cut montage shots are enough to annoy even a casual viewer. What can you say about a film so poor that Darkness Falls looks downright good by comparison?

Final Thought: There are some good ideas lurking around in here -- both visually and story-wise. But the "talent" who created this film cannot capitalize on any of them.

Everybody likes a good revenge film! Okay, that may be a bit of an overstatement. But this one came highly recommended, right? Our tale tells the story of Alex and her friend Marie, who are driving to her provincial French home for a break from university. Things seem to go swimingly enough, until that night when a hulking psychopath breaks into Alex's home, murders her family, and takes her hostage in the back of his delivrty truck! But, the killer does not know that Marie is there, and she stows away, trying everything in her power to retrieve her friend! Unable to get the police to help her, Marie decides that to save Alex, she is going to have to take bloody revenge on the animalistic monster which has wrought this carnage! But will that be enough to save Alex, or do other dangers still lurk?

This French film tore up Europe and the American art house circuit, and with good reason. The name says it all: this is a tightly wound, taut thriller which rarely gives the audience a chance to catch it's collective breath before moving rapidly into the next suspense setpiece. Marie makes for one toughass heroine, definitely from the Ripley school of such things, and her single-minded pursuit of Alex gets the audience's blood pumping. The film also pulls no punches with its portrayl of the hideous attacks of the killer, and spares no detail in his bloodshedding antics. The violence on display here is sadistic and malevolent, so be forewarned if that is not your cup of tea. But if you can stomach a little nastiness, this film will not only keep you on the edge of your seat, but by the time the credits hit, it will keep you thinking for at least a few hours afterwards.

Translation Note: Apparently there are a few minor changes to the film in its translation to the American cut, High Tension. I don't think there would be much difference between watching either version, save that I try to avoid dubbing whenever possible for a foreign language film.

Final Thought: Apparently Marie likes ECW, if the one-sheet poster is any indication!

Sequels to big horror hits rarely turn out very good. PREQUELS to big horror hits almost NEVER do. So you can imagine my concern when they announced that there was going to be a prequel to The Exorcist, when Father Merrin was a young man! *gougegouge!* Our story is set in East Africa in 1949, as Merrin is brought in to investigate a bizarre church which has been found in perfectly preserved condition -- completely buried underground. It doesn't take long for the creepy stuff to start happening, and soon the entire camp is slowly being consumed by some great unseen evil. As strange happenings begin to multiply -- including a local woman giving birth to a dead and rotten child, and and the butterfly-collecting military officer vomitting up the little creatures -- Merrin is forced to go deep under the buried church to find the source of this evil, and to stop it... if his own faith is strong enough.

Wow. I rented this from Netflix thinking it might be a mindless little waste of time. What I got instead was a creepy, grisly, and effectively unnerving little movie. Even taken completely seperately from its more famous predecessor, this film does a great job of creating suspense and dread in the viewer. The film moves along at a good clip, and has enough scary scenes to keep hardcore horror gurus satisfied as well. It also passes the Girlfriend Test -- watching this one with your spouse or significant other is pretty much guaranteed to have them freaked out and squemish by the time the end credits roll. A very nice surprise, all told, and much better than a lot of other demonic/occult horror films I have seen over the last few years. Definitely worth checking out!

Final Thought (Mild SPOILERS!): If the the opening scene -- of an endless battlefield of death and unholy crucifixtions -- doesn't get you interested, nothing will.

I am a sucker for comic book movies. Especially if its for a character who doesn't get a whole lot of attention normally, like Daredevil or The Punisher. So when Man-Thing FINALLY debuted, I was obviously very excited to see one of Marvel's Bronze Age horror icons on the big (small) screen. Too bad that didn't happen. Our story concerns the new sheriff in a small backwater bayou town, which happens to be controlled by the giant oil drilling interest which has recently taken up residence in the swamp. Strange things are happening, and lots of people who enter the swamp never emerge. Digging into the mystery, the sheriff discovers that the oil riggers have violated the sacred "Dark Waters" and awoken the guardian of the Nexus of All Realities -- our own lovable Man-Thing. Can the sheriff and his protestor love interest survive Man-Thing's wrath long enough to right the wrongs which have awoken him, or will they too meet with a watery grave?

I really wanted to like Man-Thing, I really did. But the film has a lot of problems which more than overcome its strong points. The script lacks life, and just kinda sits there on screen at some points. And while regulating Man-Thing to a supporting character is not so bad (its hard to make a star out of a character like him), the characters who get the spotlight are not particularly memorable or likeable. But there is some good lurking around in there. The camerawork is nice, creating tons of creepy images of the dark and forboding swamp where most of the film takes place. And the Man-Thing himself is nicely realized in all his CG glory. When he is on screen (which is all too rare), the film peps up and the viewer's interest shoots up. Too bad the rest of the film can't say the same.

Final Thought: I hope they saved the CG model of Man-Thing to use in a different, better film. Maybe a crossover with Swamp Thing to settle it once and for all!

You know, back in the 50s and 60s, when someone set out to make a cheapie scifi/horror film, it seems that they usually at least put some effort into it. Witness: The Green Slime. A joint American-Japanese production, our tale takes place in the far-flung future (which looks suspiciously like 1968), where the giant asteroid Flora is on a collision course with Earth. Our cleft-chinned Man Of Action-cum-prick hero is sent up to blow it up -- which he does, although not without one of his crew getting splattered with a drop of the malignant green slime which was kicking around the asteroid. The slime, when exposed to energy, begins to grow, and eventually develops into a upright bulbous blob thing with one big red eye, and two clawed tentacles which give a jolt of electricty to whomever they whack! And of course, their blood spawns more of the creatures, so its not long before the space station Gamma 3 is almost completely overrun! Will our jerk hero, his old rival, and Luciana Paluzzi be able to stop them? What do you think?

Man, this film always brings me back. I remember catching the middle of this film many, many times on TBS as a kid, and as such I have a certain affection for it. Despite its el-cheapo budget, it has a lot of heart and tries to put all the spectacle it can on the screen. The miniatures are all pretty good, about the same as your typical Gamera film (appropriately, as they were done by Daei). The monsters are either silly or classically kitsch depending on your point of view, but they certainly are unique and are pretty memorable. And while our hero really is a world class prick, the acting is certainly passable for this kind of fare. This is the kind of film which SCREAMS to get remade with a good budget -- it'd be half Armageddon, half Alien, and half Aliens. Or something close to that anyway. Really, The Green Slime is a nice bit of late-60s scifi nostalgia -- especially the theme song, which is right up there with The Blob as the most rockin' theme song from a B-level scifi film ever. Too bad this film is out of print (Mine is from Cryptflicks).

Final Thought: You're traveling to an asteroid -- not a planet -- to plant some explosives, and you all come armed to the teeth? What were you expecting to find there which would require the use of a laser rifle? Rocks?

The advent and growth of (relatively) big budget made-for-cable television series has created a boost in this kind of entertainment -- the "modern take" remake of an old concept which now stands as a little dated (Witness "Battlestar Galactica" and "Kojak"). This little film, which aired on USA Network, is the same sort of animal. Focusing on a New Orleans homicide detective and her goofy partner, it tells the story of the hunt for a serial killer who cuts an organ out of each of his victims. This also ties into the giant, scarred mystery man who pops up, claiming to be over 200 years old and made from the parts of other men. Also thrown into this mess is the supposed Frankenstein of the title -- a Dr. Helios, a shadowy and mysterious physician who apparently has been working on some strange experiments. This being TV and all that, its not too hard to figure out where this all leads in the end.

For a pilot to a proposed TV series (which is what this is), "Frankenstein" is not bad. Its creative with its premise, and lays the groundwork for what has the potential to be an interesting mythology. Taken on its own, though, it has a few flaws. First off is acting, which is about average for cable TV, and thus nothing great. Michael Madsen looks like wandered off the set of "Tilt" and into this studio almost by accident. There's not a lot of gore or scares, and this plays more like an action/adventure series in the "Buffy"/"Angel" vein than anything else. But, as I said, it is creative with its premise, and creativity means a lot to me. If this ever gets turned into a series (doubtful at this point, but we'll see, I suppose), I will give it a shot. But don't go out of your way to track this down.

Final Thought: Why New Orleans? The setting is not utilized or referenced in any special way. It might as well have been set in "The City," except then I would start to hope that The Tick would show up.

Tobe Hooper, the man who brought us The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, is at it again with the power tools! Toolbox marks Hooper's return to the old fashion slasher film that he helped to create. The film stars Angela Bettis (May, "Carrie") as Nell Barrows, a school teacher who has not started working yet. Thus, she spends her days in and about the "new" apartment that her and her fianc�e have moved into. Weird "stuff" starts happening and people go missing. Meanwhile, we all know that they are dead (or at least mostly dead), not missing.

Arrays of tools are used in this movie and Hooper goes for the gore here. It feels like Tobe is going for the throat to show us all that he is back. The movie has plot holes that are irritating at times, but if you just go with the film and accept certain "things" it is really enjoyable. I have to say that I did not like the ending, but I understand that certain pressures were applied to make it "more marketable" in the end. This film is looking at a release in the spring of 2005 from Lion's Gate on DVD. This is well worth a look for any real fans of Hooper or slashers in general.

Final Thought: (SPOILERS!) Tobe, you have to decide on what this guy is, because you can't have it both ways. If he is a ghost, fine, then don't make him have the human flaws or weaknesses. And vice versa!

We all know that Halloween is generally considered to be the most influential and best American slasher film of the late 70s and early 80s. Carpenter's ultimate vision of the Bogeyman -- "The Shape" -- set the stage for countless imitators and ripoffs, not to mention 7 sequels of its own (not counting the unrelated Season Of The Witch). When Halloween was first going to air on network TV, the censors demanded all sorts of cuts, mostly in the murder scenes (which are surprisingly tame considering) and nudity (also surprisingly tame). So, by gathering together the cast and crew then shooting Halloween 2 and filming a few additional scenes, viola! The TV Version of Halloween was born. This DVD from Anchor Bay edits together the original film with the TV-exclusive footage to create what is possibly the most complete version of Halloween ever.

With all of the original footage present and accounted for, there is no loss to watching this cut over any other. The additional scenes consist entirely of more exposition, and are scattered throughout the first half of the film. They don't particularly add anything to the plot -- save for the one scene where we see the cell Michael broke out of, after carving the word "SISTER" into the door -- but go down easy and aren't a nuisance to watch. The movie remains a masterpiece of suspense and a landmark for scary movies. While the slasher genre would devolve in the 80s to become more and more derivative and exploitative, Halloween plies it trade with creepy cinamatography, a taut script, and mounting terror in the form of the faceless Shape that stalks its unwitting prey. The contrast between the "wholesome" Midwest life in Haddonfield and the brutality of the murders (along with the wanton and casual attitude most of the girls have towards sex) only heightens matters. Its not as viscerally "jump out of your seat" scary as it used to be, but its still one of the best horror films ever made. The Extended TV Version DVD is bare-bones, featuring only the movie and an explanation of the history of the TV Version. The transfer appears to be the same one Anchor Bay uses on all its many releases of Halloween, though, so if all you want is the movie, you can usually find this one pretty cheap. Its a good transfer, with nice blacks (VERY important in this film) and a good picture. If you don't have any other copies, this one does just fine, but if you want lots of extras, look elsewhere.

Final Thought: Check out Jamie Lee Curtis in her additional scene -- nice use of towel to hide her then-different hair style!

The benefit of being a Jaws ripoff is that you don't have to work too hard to get your film's concept across. For example, in Tentacles, the concept of the film is "Its like Jaws except with an octopus and Italians!" And that's pretty much a good way to sum up the film as well. A giant octopus menaces a seaside Flrodia community, killing lots of Italian actors (while sparing all the Americans, hehe), and sucking the flesh from their bones. Its up to a marine biologist with an, ahem, special relationship with a pair of killer whales to stop the many-limbed menace before it runs out of Italians and moves onto the locals!

It may seem like overkill, but its true: None of the relatively well-known American actors in the film -- including John Huston, Shelley Winters, and Henry Fonda -- are really put into any peril in this film, while the entire rest of the cast (save for Bo Hopkins, who plays Will, the marine biologist-cum-octopus slayer) are Italian. Tentacles, known as Tentacoli in its naive Italy is one of those Italian sea monster movies where everyone in South Florida suddenly starts acting and looking very European. Its not great by any strecth of any imagination, but it is superior to its Midnite Movie Double Feature partner, Empire Of The Ants, and makes for a decent time waster. It helps if you like Jaws and its endless ripoffs, but there's some good technical stuff hidden beneath the surface here, including the camerawork and competant effects work. The DVD transfer is very nice, with crisp colors, and a nice widescreen image. A good value (when you consider the Double Feature) for an okay film.

Final Thought: Keep an "eye" out for a cool scene with divers in a diving bell!

You have to give it to Bert I. Gordon. Mr. BIG, as he is sometimes known, figured out a way to use photographic trickery to make all sorts of things look giant in his movies, and he stuck with that format for a long time. Empire of the Ants is one of the better known examples of his craft, being in color and playing fairly often on cable (plus it stars Joan Crawford!). A group of 70s-style people are getting a tour of a new "beachfront" property development, but it turns out that the dumping of radioactive wastes on the shore has turned the local ant population into more than picnic ruiners -- they're giant and hungry for human flesh! But is that all they are after? HMMMMM I WONDER.

Empire is silly and kooky, but it takes itself pretty seriously nonetheless. The effects range from passable to downright awful, but frankly, this is a Bert I. Gordon film, so you should expect that coming in. As a way to pass 89 minutes, its passable entertainment, and the effects, acting, and script are all goofy enough to bring a smile to your face. The MGM Midnite Movies DVD (on a double feature with Tentacles of all things!) is beautiful: a crisp, clean image, in widescreen, with clear sound, and even the trailer, all for about $5.00 (when you figure the double feature is $9.99).

Final Thought: (SPOILERS!) Alright, bonus points for creativity, but cmon Bert. The Queen ant farting on people to make them do her bidding? That's just plain silly. And a little suspect.

Won't you go back?