| She stood there, leaning on the rail, facing the wind, and looking out as far as she could see. All there was, was the great blue water of the ocean. "Finally", she thought, "a break from my duties as mother, housekeeper, friend, and confident. Not that I don't love being all those things. Not at all." She sighed and then movement beside her took her attention away from the ocean and her thoughts. "Anything wrong?", she asked the man beside her. "No, no nothing at all. Just trying to decide if you're happy or not." "I am very happy. I am so glad that you did this." "Well, I happy if you're happy." "Then there is nothing wrong?" "Nothing." "Good." She turned back to the ocean and sent her thoughts roaming. It is so nice of him to do this. He spent so much money on this. I wish I could be at least a little happier to make him feel better. After all it is for our anniversary. Six years. I've been married to my wonderful husband for six years. I've known him for fourteen years, though. Wow. That's a long time. He spent all of his past two weeks paychecks to afford this two week cruise for just the two of us. Yet instead of being me "usual" self and jumping around and being as carefree as a child, I am out of it. Recuperationg from the past five years of non-stop work. Taking care of my daughter, my friends, and "momma" when they got ill, the horses, the house, my husband, everything almost. He seems to think, though, that i'm not happy. Well I am. I guess. Who can say? I wish I could make him feel better by being happier. She sighed again. Sometimes she felt like she spent all of her time making other people feel better and not giving herself any time to be...well herself. Take her daughter for example. The girl is five years old and extremely sensitive. Last night when she called to tell her daughter goodnight, she had been hysterical. Even though it had been explained to her time and again, the little girl hated the fact that her mommy and daddy were going to be gone for two weeks. She had spent hours on the phone calming the girl down and reassuring her that she would call every night before bedtime to say goodnight, and if for some reason she couldn't call that night she would call in the morning. Then her husband. Trying to make him feel better about not paying her much attention within the last few months. He felt really bad about that, but like she told him,"It's o.k. We've got our daughter and the horses to think of, and until the fall you and my two wonderful friends and my "momma" are the only ones paying the expenses, and you make the most money; therefore, we need you working more than anyone else. So forget about it." Now he's on this kick about me being happy. Ugh! She forced herself out of her thoughts just then, because the sun was setting, and they were in just the position to see it and all its glory. As the sun set on the second night of the cruise, her husband spoke up. "You just standing there with the sunset and the wind in your face...it's beautiful. You're beautiful." She smiled then and shook her head. "No I am not beautiful, not I." She paused then said, "Why is it that we humans give the most descriptive words-beautiful, awe-inspiring, glorious-to mortal people, ideas, concepts, thoughts, and objects? These words belong to immortal things, like the ocean, the sky, the mountains, time. These...these are what deserve such words. In one second, BAM!, the mortal thing you called beautiful is now gone or ugly. But in that same second, the ocean, sky, mountains, and time is all still there, all still beautiful, glorious, and awe-inspiring. It is all. Why do we give these words to mortal ideas? I think I know why. We do this to make our own mortal selves seem bigger, more important. That is wrong. We are what we are: small, insignificant dots in a universe of wonder and splendor. We should not compare ourselves to such grandeur." And with that, she turned and walked into their room and shut the door, leaving her husband to dwell on what she had said. |
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