Dance with the Devil The Church of Silence, Stained glass windows The highest of ceilings Priest in his robe Sitting on his throne The Mass begins With mindless chatter The sermon drones on Words are spoken But I can't piece the sentence I'm sitting there Amongst the hypocrites Oh, we look like The God-fearing family Though we're anything but! He beats his children, Throws dishes at his wife Come on, honey, we'll be late Wednesday night Prayer meeting. The congregation must see The bruises over my body The overwhelming fear, in his presence My eyes don't lie But in the street, we're strangers Silence, the only thing we share As everyone turns a blind eye I cry endless night, after endless night Oh God why, I pray? Though I doubt His existence. Finally, at 21 I build up the courage to leave I don't go to Mass anymore My parents fear I'm a satanist But what's the difference Between their hypocrisy? At first, its a slow waltz Star signs and sex with strangers No different to my brothers Then the tempo speeds up I'm impressed by party tricks Move objects without touching Converse with dead loved ones The devil's claw is sinking into my back! Suddenly I want to try it Speak to the spirits Let my body fly Through endless ages and times Whilst still connected to me The thin silver life line I'm hooked! The devil presses his hand into mine. The dance has moved faster The devil is good I'm finding it hard to keep up But his vice-like grip, is tight My soul he won't let go. Twirling me Moving me, this way and that This dance turns into a shove As my old childhood friend revisits me Fear, and he's here to stay. I bump into an old friend Who seems genuinely happy But not doing any of the pleasures Sins of this world, That I'm in to Hey, what drug are you on? Jesus, it's the new breed of followers. In my forever search Of love, acceptance and forgiveness I follow my friend in To this tiny school building Where everyone's happy Their enthusiasm takes my breath away As we sing chorus after chorus More like a circus than Mass Everybody loves me It's what they say And I so much want to believe The cult's got me in! But the devil ain't letting go lightly It's an inner war Between demons and spirits My choice, my mind. With a struggle My party friend lets go And releases me into another demon's hand Little do I know. All is fine, for a time My new friends, our adventures Out on the street Winning minds over To our way of thinking However strict, but we think we're free. My family is worried But they're in the wrong church And their congregation of silence Never cared about me Whereas this new church Wants to know all of my problems And help me to be released From all of my past fears Finally I have arrived A genuine smile But this cult has only just begun To tease my mind into confusion. It starts with the forever boundaries This church is placing upon my life So many sins and temptations I mustn't give in It's hard, in the strength of my own. I start feeling like a hypocrite Like the ones I left So many years ago I cry out for help They throw scriptures in my face "Oh ye, of little faith!" I try to, but I'm just Faking bold and strong. Before long, depression takes hold I doubt my Eternity I fear the firing pits of hell I'm destined to go This inner war, it marches on The voices of doubt, Argument, despair and grief Are all screaming in my mind I am lost! And then I am found In a hospital ward My trip through hell Has only just started My new church So far from from this scene Who played such a big part In my depression. Lots of time goes by Life stops for no one I struggle I sweat Blood and tears Inner fears I think I can't go on But I do Hopelessness, my new friend Converses with fear On a daily basis Won't somebody help me please! The real God finally comes to my rescue I am set free from my emotional torment He heals me from the hypocrisy Of past Masses and cults But still I'm skeptical This uphill battle Can't deny the miracle But still fear the congregation The rejection is deep-set Where to send me. As if in a dream-like vision I find you I'm feeling oddly at home I come to you I feel genuine welcoming A balance between silence and over-zealous care No judging No rules It's a party, come as you are! A new fresh spring I slowly come in I'm still hesitant But you understand Give me room to breathe And with my first breath I say thank you I've finally come home! � Elizabeth 7th November, 1998 "This poem is a journey through my spiritual life of sitting in a ritualistic Catholic church where I felt no passion just hypocrisy, because of the child abuse I was suffering at home. When I was an adult I became a Spiritualist, scared myself silly, and from there became involved in an over-the-top mind-controlling church that was cult-like in the way it possessed every part of your life. I left that church sometime later, then wandering the "spiritual wilderness" until I found the church that accepted me where I was at and gently helped me to become free in my faith again." This poem is a thank you dedication to them ~ you know who you are!