Compiled by Lizeth Hallington @ ww w.geocities.co m/lizeth_hal (take out the spaces)
Based on series of fics by Theresa Green (id: 416464)

*** CONGRATULATIONS! ***

You are now the proud owner of a sneaky, sadistic BAKURA. To makes sure that he doesn't get confiscated upon arrival, please follow the directions below.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Name: BAKURA (a.k.a. Thief King, Tomb Raider, Grave Robber, Soul Stealer, He-who-likes-raw-meat)

Orientation: Don't even try. He'll get killed/banished before anything can happen

Alignment: Dark

Manufacturers: Kuru Eruna Corp.

Date of Production: Undisclosed.

Colouring: White, with variations of blue, black, brown and green and red

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 54 kg

INSTALLATION

Before opening the escape-proof crate we've designed to ship BAKURA in, please nail down all household objects. Let's be frank, your BAKURA has itchy fingers and can find ways to steal just about everything.

With that done, close all the curtains (you don't want any snoopy neighbours finding out that you have a BAKURA... that could lead to... legal complications later on) and open the crate.

You may, in fact, find it empty. Don't panic, rant, rave or call for your lawyer. This is to be expected. In all likelihood, your BAKURA has merely slipped right out from under your nose like the sneaky little thief that he is.

Look for him in basements, dark corners, hidden towers, closets and extremely complicated mazes. He likes to disappear and then make dramatic claims that he will "return from the Darkness". Be nice and humour him.

ASCESSORIES

Your BAKURA is equipped with the following items:

1) Millennium Ring (with homing device)

2) Knife

3) Extra knife (in case RYOU gets rid of the first)

4) Random pointy object on which things can be impaled (in case a knife is not available)

5) Duel Monster deck

6) Assortment of voodoo dolls (a.k.a. game pieces)

7) "How to be a Kleptomaniac" by Rob All

COMPATABILITY WITH OTHER UNITS

There are some models BAKURA seems to interact with more than others. Please refer to the guide below to avoid any dark duels and/or missing body parts.

RYOU - RYOU is BAKURA's host. They're more or less joined at the hip, whether they like it or not. Imagine, then, being handcuffed to a person for several years. If that doesn't get you to love 'em, it'll certainly get you to hate 'em. 6_6 Or is that the other way around?

YUGI, TRISTAN, TEA and JOEY - Whadda ya think those voodoo dolls are for? DM cards should also do the trick...

YAMI (YUGI) - Every relationship is based on a system of give an take. This one is no exception... except maybe for the fact that the scoring in this relationship goes something like "I think I killed him this time. Score another one for me!". Records show that the YAMI model will usually give more than he gets, but that won't stop your devious little devil from trying, now will it?

SETO - On the rare occasion that your BAKURA will encounter a SETO model, they probably won't interact. Of course, if you have the THIEF BAKURA and a HIGH PRIEST SETO limited editions, then you might want to get out of the house... really fast. Better think up an excuse to tell the army and the navy and disaster control when they show up too.

MALIK - They seem to be rather compatible and can even be found sharing living space at times. Be forewarned, however, that your BAKURA is prone to throwing himself in the path of MALIK's motorbike just to get the blonde's attention. Pat your BAKURA on the head and tell him flashing anything gold and pyramid-shaped would have sufficed.

ISHTAR - Well, this relationship's a bit brighter... brighter if you count being blasted into oblivion by a Sun God Card (Ra). No no, kiddies. This is a match made in hell... **thoughtful look** ...Then again...

PEGASUS - Ever heard the saying, "It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye"?

FUNCTION SETTINGS

PROFESSIONAL THIEF

Shhh! This isn't something to advertise. Your BAKURA can swipe just about everything from office stationary, to toilet paper, to expensive jewellery (unless they're pyramid shaped). Stand back and watch those magic fingers do their work. It'll definitely cuts costs when it comes to Christmas shopping.

COMPASS

With his Millennium Ring, BAKURA can direct you anywhere you want to go. Here's a guy who'll never have to admit that he's lost or ask for directions at the gas station.

ITEM FINDER

This works particularly well when tracking other Millennium Items, but it will probably work with other things too. Keys, earrings, contacts... Try it yourself. Just don't make it too obvious that you're losing things on purpose just to keep him occupied.

SPECIAL EFFECTS PRODUCER

BAKURA is really, really good at designing scary sets. He can do mist, shadow and eye/mouth collages really well. Graveyard scenes are an absolute cinch. Just... don't let him fill up the graveyards himself.

ACTOR

Your BAKURA is a master of the "innocent act". Often times, this causes the BAKURA model to be mistaken for the RYOU. As you can imagine, this comes in very handy when dealing with... oh, say... police officers? Snoopy schoolmates? Ancient-pharaohs-who'd-just-as-soon-banish-you-as-look-at-you?

RECHARGING

Your BAKURA is pretty much self-sufficient, but he does seem to enjoy eating. Just remember that he's a carnivore (red meat, people... no, just kidding. ^_^). Feed him anything green and you'll find yourself turning miraculously blue.

TROUBLESHOOTING & FAQ

Q: **cough** The neighbours are complaining about missing items...
A: **double cough** See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.

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Q: My BAKURA seems to have a problem clotting... @_@ Should I be worried about blood loss?
A: **Snorts** Don't worry. Bloody bandages around the upper arm seem to be all the rage in fashion. I doubt he's actually still bleeding. Just stop letting your BAKURA leaf through fanart. All that propaganda is cementing his warped ideas of beauty.

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Q: Can't I teach my BAKURA to be more sociable?
A: ...Tell him to challenge YAMI to a drinking game.
Warning: Any mishaps, confessions, or bloodshed that may follow are not accountable on the part of the manufacturers. Advise at your own risk.

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Q: I think BAKURA's been stealing my socks.

A: Hey now, socks go missing all the time. Just because he's the Thief King doesn't mean you can blame him for the disappearance of every little thi- **BAKURA runs by with an armful of laundry**
~_~ ...Wait, yes you can.

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Q: THE RING! THE RING IS MISSING!
A: Don't worry, the Ring has a built-in homing device and always tries to return to its master. Watch carefully and you might be able to spot it running along on its pointers after your BAKURA. Frankly, it's rather creepy, so tell your BAKURA to keep it secret, and keep it safe... away from any TRISTAN models that might develop the urge to throw the Ring into heavily forested areas (or fiery volcanoes that rhyme with "Count Boom").

WARRANTEE

Considering BAKURA's track record, we feel it is unnecessary to provide a warrantee. In fact, you'll soon find that he's as omnipresent as a cockroach... nothing short of Armageddon will kill your BAKURA. We do, however, suggest that you advise your neighbours to get good theft insurance. Otherwise, your BAKURA might run out of things to steal waaay too quickly and he'll be forced to relocate to a place with... better game.

**perky voice** Have a nice day!

Author's Notes: Wah, this is actually hard, you know. x_x I'm sorry this one isn't as long as the previous chapter. I'm working on ISHTAR... but that only 5kb right now. I mean, all he wants to do is kill/banish people!

**sigh** Oh well, thanks for putting up with me.

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