"Then anywhere! Just open the mik'tarik gate!" Malek didn't approve of me swearing at Selmak, but I was beyond caring. We had to get out of the tunnels, and the chappa'ai was our only hope. But as long as Jacob was there, I could be more useful elsewhere. I raced down the eastern access tunnels, encountering more of my people.
"Hurry! To the chappa'ai!" I yelled, trying to blink away the dust as another strafing loosened some of the roof. Several Tau'ri rounded the corner, the leader Pierce with his weapon ready, and the other two supporting one of my people.
"Where are the rest?" I asked Pierce, who stopped next to me.
He shook his head, grim. "The tunnel completely collapsed on them."
I swore. If the southern tunnels were gone, that meant many Tok'ra deaths as well. Within, Malek's wave of sorrow rocked us both. I tried to focus again. "Jacob Carter waits at the Gate. Go." I waved with my zat'nik'tel, showing them the route to safety as I stood in the cross corridor. I prayed that Jacob had opened the gate, or we were all doomed. Only two pieces of luck had spared us so far -- the Goa'uld had not established an incoming wormhole, and the chappa'ai was beneath the surface, so we didn't have to go above to escape.
A chunk of the wall splintered free, narrowly missing us as it crashed to the floor. Three more Tok'ra, one limp and carried, rushed past, hazy in the floating dust.
*Not again,* Malek whispered, sharing my eyes and gazing on the devastation.
I shared his thought, but with memories of my own. Another bombardment, another rain of debris, another death... My hand trembled on my zat'nik'tel. No. Not now. But it was hard to push the memory away, when Malek was echoing it. His memories held years of evacuations, mine held only one. But it was not one Malek had seen which he was thinking about. We had not been at Revanna. Malek did not want the same thing to happen to us as had happened to our base there. So many Tok'ra dead...
I determined to save as many as I could. My grip firmed on my weapon. The voice of my military academy instructor echoed in my memory, If you cannot save everyone, save all you can.
Ocker and Billin came down the corridor, awkwardly carrying the za'tarc detector box between them. "Go!" I waved them on toward the gate chamber, and followed, watching behind.
Then Valera staggered into view, limping from a bad wound in her leg. I rushed to support her, as the tunnel gave way behind us.
The force of the collapse threw us forward, and I covered my head as debris rained down, expecting the roof to fall on me. When nothing more fell, I glanced back -- no one would be reaching the chappa'ai through that tunnel any more.
Partil arrived and helped Valera. My legs trembled for a moment when I forced myself back to my feet, but Malek steadied us and we ran to the chappa'ai chamber. I glanced to see that Tok'ra were going through the open wormhole. Never have I been so glad to see that shimmering event horizon. Selmak had got it open. But where was he?
But before I could look, the chamber shook violently as the Goa'uld hit us again. I glanced up at the ceiling. The crystals trembled but held. If the roof collapsed, we would all die. Cursed Goa'uld -- they would not win again.
"Partil," I called. "Do you have crystals?" My idea was really no solution at all, but better to fight than surrender if the chappa'ai were buried. She patted her pouch. Good, at least someone still had tunnel crystals.
*Where is Selmak? We need him with the Tau'ri,* I wondered at Malek, who wanted to know the same thing. Then I saw Jacob, kneeling before the khatiun, doing something to its inner mechanism.
*Feedback energy charge,* Malek supplied helpfully. *It will destroy the khatiun.*
It would in fact destroy the khatiun and everything else within five kilometers. It hadn't always been Tok'ra procedure to destroy the chappa'ai behind us. Some Tok'ra planets, even after discovery, had been re-used hundreds of years later. But it was our new policy to make Anubis' pay as much as possible for his conquests, even if it meant killing some of our own. Better to die free than in the hands of that Goa'uld.
The chamber rocked again, throwing me from my feet. Several rocks broke off from the ceiling, shattering on the floor. I didn't wait to see if this would be the last or if the chamber would collapse, and pulled myself upright. The gate was still open. Several Tok'ra were stirring, warily. "Go!" I yelled at them, to get them going. They went. Ocker and Billin were there still, and I gestured furiously for them to go. The Tau'ri were next, after Pierce had words with Jacob.
I got to my feet and looked to find any last stragglers. Jacob was still at the khatiun. Partil was down by the wall, unmoving. No, not another one. Please, let her just be hurt.
I sank down at her side, where she was crumpled as she had fallen. I knew at once that the host was dead. Desperately hoping, I tapped the back of her neck in a signal for Partil to emerge, but there was no movement.
I gently turned her onto her back to get the tunnel crystals. Partil's long blonde hair had come loose from its usual immaculate knot and streamed about her head. It was matted with blood on one side. My heart seized and I couldn't breathe.
Her hair was almost exactly the same color. The same length. Her eyes, empty and staring, were hazel, just like ...
*Do not do this,* Malek advised, gently. *Listen to me, my friend. This is not the time.*
But his voice seemed terribly far away. I reached for her hair to run a lock of it through my fingers. It was soft. Why had I never seen it before? Partil's host could be my Jisa, grown to womanhood.
Jisa.
The ceiling had collapsed then too. I remembered running through the great hall where the crystal chandelier had shattered, scattering tiny shards and glittering beads like snow across the wooden floor -- just one of many beautiful things collected in a hundred years of freedom that had been destroyed in the attack. But none of it had mattered after I had seen Jisa on the floor.
It was so clear in my mind -- as though the years between, my blending with Malek, had all been just a dream. All this was only a moment in which I sought some place far away from where I still knelt beside my beautiful golden-haired daughter who had barely had a chance to live.
*We must go,* Malek tried again, more insistently.
And I heard Jacob shout in concern. "Malek, are you all right? Hurry."
Then I heard Jaffa boots. They were coming.
None of it meant anything.
A hand fell on my shoulder. Jacob spoke, "Malek, you have to take control. I set the charge. We have to go now."
*I am sorry.* Very gently, Malek pushed me aside, took the pouch of crystals, and stood up.
*No!* I protested as Malek carried us away from her. *We can't leave her!* I knew even at that moment that it was irrational. But I felt like I had abandoned and failed Jisa all over again.
*Hush, beloved,* Malek murmured. His presence surrounded me, soothing. *Partil is beyond any aid we can give. You mourn one long gone.*
Jacob and I climbed the steps to the event horizon and turned. We were the last alive in the chamber, I saw when Malek turned to look.
The Jaffa were growing closer, coming down the eastern tunnel. Fury filled me suddenly, from some deep dark place that not even Malek could touch. *Give me control.* Malek was so surprised by the demand that he allowed it without knowing what I intended. I activated my zat'nik'tel and pointed it at the tunnel entrance from the top of the platform.
The instant the first Jaffa staff weapon appeared, I fired. Blue lighting shot out, again and again. Jaffa fell. But it wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough.
"Malek!" Jacob sounded dismayed.
Malek shoved me out of control and ran after Jacob. The transition was wrenching. Wherever we ended up, we would need all our wits around us, and I had none to give. Grief and fury raged in me, erupting from beneath the peace I had found in these last years.
We emerged into bright sunlight and immediately a staff weapon blast followed us, striking Jacob. "Jacob!" Malek grabbed him as he stumbled, but fortunately that was the last of the enemy fire as the wormhole closed behind us.
Where were we? I had never seen this place before. Nor had Malek, which was strange since he should have seen all the Tok'ra bases, outposts, and allied worlds.
Where had Jacob Carter taken us?
There was a broad flat space before the gate, with semi-permanent structures on the perimeter and two large weapons emplacements. There were several people gathered there, helping the injured, and I recognized the uniform markings of the Tau'ri. Ah, so this must be a Tau'ri secondary base.
But interspersed with the larger metal bunkers were smaller tents, and interspersed with the Tau'ri were Jaffa. A great many Jaffa.
*The Tau'ri have betrayed us!* I realized in that moment, with a sickening jolt of fear. If the Tau'ri had turned against us, then truly we were lost.
Though he was uneasy, Malek was not as certain as I was. He is of course older and wiser than I, but more importantly, he is a scientist and rarely jumps to conclusions without evidence. I, on the other hand, have always been far more intuitive about things. It generally makes us a good team, though it can be occasionally frustrating.
He replied, *I scarcely believe the Tau'ri would send so many of their own to be killed on Raisa, if that were true. No, this has another explanation. See, there is Teal'c. And the elder there, that must be Bra'tac.*
I calmed, as I realized he was right. Teal'c and Bra'tac would not be able to serve the Goa'uld, even if they wanted to, for no Goa'uld would let them live. A Shol'va to one system lord might - might - be able to serve another. But a Shol'va to the Goa'uld - never. *Rebel Jaffa?* I wondered.
*There are few,* Malek looked around the compound counting those Jaffa he saw.
Few? Compared with the ranks of all the Jaffa, perhaps. But there were still plenty of them.
A fair-haired Tau'ri came and helped Jacob. Because of Teal'c's presence I knew she had to be Major Samantha Carter, briefly host to Jolinar and daughter of Jacob. So that made the tall greying soldier Colonel O'Neill. Although I knew of him, we had not met before. He was the one who had the failed blending with Kanan. Neither Malek nor I could understand how such a thing had happened. Though we were a rare Tok'ra pair in which the host had usual control, mostly because of personality -- I dislike taking second place, while Malek cares little -- never had we heard of a blending so one-sided that the host had been suppressed utterly. It was against all that we believe. Kanan had somehow gone mad, was all we could reason. Jacob had told us of it, so we would understand some of O'Neill's distaste for Tok'ra, if we ever met.
So now we were meeting at last, and indeed, he radiated dislike as he looked at us. We did not take it personally, knowing the source. He came forward to talk to Jacob. Malek and I joined them.
*Do you wish to speak?* Malek asked, his tone gentle. I usually had control, especially in these sorts of situations. Malek can be somewhat ... abrupt. I was trained to lead and be diplomatic.
But not right now. I didn't trust myself to remain calm if I had to deal with Jaffa, with the memory of my daughter's eyes so fresh in my mind. I knew it was unjust -- these were likely rebels, much as Tok'ra were rebel Goa'uld -- but emotions are not rational. Malek was managing the physical expressions of my feelings, but the feelings remained, like a great wind that threatened to topple me into a yawning abyss.
Sometimes being blended was a great relief. The weight was not mine to bear alone and when I was weary and sick at heart, Malek was always there.
*No. You go ahead. Be polite.*
I felt his rueful amusement. *Yes, o wise one.* His mind touched mine with deep affection. *Rest, beloved. We are safe now.*
O'Neill asked what happened.
Malek answered, "Anubis' forces have overrun our position in the Raisa system."
Ocker came to take up his position to our right. After prodding on my part, Malek asked formally, "To whom do I owe thanks for this refuge?"
Then finally Jacob introduced us -- he has been a bad influence on Selmak, I think. Or perhaps it had been Saroosh with the exquisite manners, not Selmak. "Colonel Jack O'Neill, this is Malek, commander of the Tok'ra base we just evacuated, and Ocker, chief of security."
It was the Tok'ra way to introduce only the symbiote among those used to dealing with our kind. But in my case, it mattered little. Jacob could not have introduced me if he had wanted to, since he didn't know my name. I had left my name behind, along with all that it meant, the day that Malek and I saved each other.
Malek said to O'Neill, "Your people were most brave in aiding us."
"How many made it?" O'Neill asked.
Ocker glanced to me, expecting me to answer, but even Malek could not manage to speak of our losses. So Ocker answered, "Less than a quarter of our number."
O'Neill offered, without much sympathy, "I'm sorry."
Malek asked the question burning in both of our minds, and no doubt every single Tok'ra there, "This is a base of the Tau'ri. Why are there Jaffa?"
"Rebel warriors," Samantha Carter answered.
So, we were right. Malek nodded thoughtfully, and we looked out over their ranks again. "Jaffa who have turned against the Goa'uld. I did not realize their ranks had grown to such a number."
With rather appealing enthusiasm, Samantha added, "Hundreds more are operating as a fifth column among the Goa'uld."
Hundreds more? I'm not sure if the thought was mine or Malek's, so perfectly were we aligned at the moment. There were so many?
So many Jaffa, and so few Tok'ra?
O'Neill's eyes narrowed, observing us closely. He added deliberately, "Just -- like you."
*No, not like us,* Malek thought bitterly. *Where were they a thousand years ago? Twenty years ago?*
Major Carter explained, "Many of these Jaffa had to evacuate their rebel base several months ago."
*They are not so unlike us, Malek,* I told him, though the words came hard. He reluctantly agreed.
"I see," Ocker said, so flatly he must have felt as Malek did. His gaze met ours. If we felt this way -- two of the more responsible, calm Tok'ra -- how would the rest feel?
O'Neill noted the look. His gaze was dark and sharp. "Is that going to be a problem?"
We looked to the Jaffa again. *We must control our own,* Malek observed, concern underlining his words. *None of us are prepared for this.*
*You assume the Jaffa are prepared for us.* Not a good assumption to make. I could sense the hostility from here.
*True.* Aloud, Malek answered O'Neill, "Not for us." We both hoped it was true.
O'Neill didn't believe us. "Good."
We moved off, Ocker and Major Carter assisting her father. I needed to check on the survivors. See who had survived, and who had not. It would be a very difficult report to make to Persus -- assuming the Council's base had not also been discovered and destroyed. But we had learned a painful lesson this past year. Of those at Raisa, only Selmak, Ocker, and I knew where the Council was hiding.
Cursed Goa'uld. On the eve of our victory, they snatched it from us and gave us back defeat.
*~*~*~*~*
I hated funerals. I hated funerals for Tok'ra whose lives were snipped short, but I especially hated them because each Tok'ra funeral stole away another member of my second family.
Funerals reminded me of all that I lost before Malek. My father's had been the last funeral I attended on my world, and he died two years before the Goa'uld returned. It had been a long ceremony, full of appropriate grand mourning. I remembered feeling very young and unprepared, standing before my people and trying not to give in to tears. If not for Arvalle, at my side, and little Jisa holding my hand, I wouldn't have made it through.
Two years later Jisa was dead. Not long after, Arvalle was gone too -- butchered by Ishtar as an object lesson to me. Neither had a funeral.
Malek intruded, *These dark thoughts serve only to weigh your spirit. Your wife and child died more than twenty years ago, beloved. It does no good to dwell on it. Remember, Ishtar is dead.*
That was only a little consolation. *The Goa'uld still exist.*
But then it was time. Ocker stood beside the khatiun, ready to dial. Our three dead -- the three who had not survived the crossing, despite a healing device and the efforts of Doctor Frasier -- lay on the bier.
The words meant more to us now than they had once in the past. Malek spoke first. "A reikh tri'ac te khekh." We will not surrender, even in death.
Nor would we. I would see Anubis destroyed. I had sworn the same when I saw Ishtar's knife take Arvalle from me. I had carried out that promise.
Beside me, Selmak spoke the second half. "Takhmal a reik tia'c."
No, they would not be forgotten, not these three nor all those who fell without a funeral. Renn'al, Aldwin, Lantash ... who perished on Revanna. Partil, Novorm, Zelvin ... who perished on Raisa. Arvalle, Jisa ... who perished with Naritania. So many were dead at the hands of the Goa'uld. But not forgotten. Never forgotten.
Selmak and I moved back, and Malek nodded to Ocker who brought the chappa'ai to life. In a second, the mortal remains of three more Tok'ra were consigned to oblivion.
The silence was soon broken by the Tau'ri and Jaffa, who started to move away, believing we were finished. But we remained to remember in silence.
Malek began the list, murmuring only to me, *We remember Egeria, founder of all Tok'ra. And we remember her children who have fallen: Storval. Kriss...." It was a litany of remembrance, given by every symbiote to host there, in silence.
There was a stir and shouting, and then we saw Ocker strike the Jaffa who stood near him, knocking him to the ground. Ocker's angry shout rang out over the assembly. "Jaffa! Nemeth kree!"
Both Malek and I shared the same weary apprehension of what the Jaffa had done. We started over -- but O'Neill was closer.
"Hey, what the hell is going on here? This is a funeral for cryin' out loud!"
The Jaffa got to his feet, glaring at Ocker. "I asked a question of this Tok'ra."
"No one may speak during the ritual," Ocker snarled at him.
O'Neill's voice was incredulous, "For this you guys are fighting?"
I tended to agree. Couldn't Ocker have simply ignored him? Clearly we were all more on edge than I had thought. It could be difficult when the symbiote, who was supposed to be the calm one, was upset.
"I'm sure he's sorry," O'Neill went on, trying to smooth it over. It would have ended there, except the Jaffa did not let it go.
"I am not."
"On the inside," O'Neill added, a little more desperately.
Ocker glowered but did the wise thing. "It does not matter."
"Look, it does not matter," O'Neill urged the Jaffa in what was likely a futile gesture, then looked back and forth between them. "Come on, a lot of people lost their lives. Try to show a little respect."
Ocker turned away, prepared to leave it there.
"They are no different from the Goa'uld," the Jaffa declared, and though Teal'c then tried to intervene, it was too late.
Every single Tok'ra stiffened at the insult. We were still in mourning for dozens of our own killed by the Goa'uld and this Jaffa had the nerve to say we were the same as the evil ones?
And if my reaction was offended, Malek's was incensed. But as O'Neill dispersed the crowd, we tried to let it go. The Jaffa had long been slaves of the Goa'uld. Few of them had ever met a Tok'ra. They could not be expected to understand.
Then O'Neill turned toward us, and opened his mouth as if to speak. Malek approached and spoke first, "There is no need for you to apologize on their behalf, O'Neill."
He meant the offer as a way to keep the peace, and to encourage the other Tok'ra people not to see the Tau'ri in the same way as the Jaffa. But that was not how O'Neill saw it, obviously, when he repeated, "Apologize?"
"We understand the Jaffa," Malek said, and I inwardly winced. *This is not a good thing to say with Teal'c and Bra'tac standing right there, my friend.* But he did not heed.
"Actually I was gonna remind you that without Bra'tac and Teal'c and other Jaffa, all your little Tok'ra folks would be pushing up daisies right now," O'Neill said.
I wanted to leave it, however wrong he was, but Malek bridled at this. There is nothing that my dearest friend does so well as an impression of my father at his most arrogantly imperious. "And I need not remind you that the rebel Jaffa and the Tau'ri are equally indebted to us."
Teal'c, of all people, actually asked, "How so?"
Admittedly, that made me angry, but Malek's voice was cool. "We have been fighting the Goa'uld for a millennia."
O'Neill answered, with a cold sneer in his voice, "Yeah... just when should we expect some progress on that?"
Both Malek and I froze, pierced to the soul by his comment. He would throw our losses in our face, when we had just said farewell to three more of our own? On the same day another hundred of us had died?
O'Neill clearly regretted his words after they left his mouth, but he did not apologize. He made his feelings perfectly clear, not just with the words he said, but how he said them. The willingness to strike just where we were most vulnerable. Neither Malek nor I could find any polite words to say to him, so we walked away.
And he was supposed to be our ally?
*He despises us because of what Kanan did and what Ba'al did to him afterward,* Malek reminded me.
*Not entirely. Remember what Garshaw told us. O'Neill has never liked the Tok'ra.*
*True. But we need the Tau'ri now,* he said, weary and sorrowed, just as I was. *Unfriendly or not, our survival may depend on them.*
Malek found a crate out of the way, but with a view of the square in case something else happened. We should have gone to see to our people but at the moment, it was too much of an effort.
I heard the limping tread and, had I been in control, would have smiled a little. Selmak was coming to see to us. Malek scooted over to allow the first generation Tok'ra a place to sit.
Jacob was the one who spoke after a few moments of peaceful silence. "Jack didn't mean to hurt you."
"I rather think he did, Jacob," Malek retorted.
"He doesn't understand," Jacob sighed. "None of them do, not really. Not the Tau'ri, especially not the Jaffa."
"They judge us, call us Goa'uld. Do they not see that we are all of us worn to a hair with desperation and grief? I attempted the ritual as we are supposed to -- but I could not remember all of the names," he admitted more softly.
Jacob grasped my arm. "Nor could Selmak. There are too many."
"Easier to list those who live."
"You must not give into despair, Malek. The others look to you."
Malek shook his head, but not to disagree, and our shared anger dwindled back down to its embers of sorrow. Because Jacob was right. I had never been one to duck my responsibilities, even when I wished very much that I could.
After a moment, Jacob added, more lightly, "Selmak wants to know what you've done with your host. He's rarely so quiet."
*Do you --?* Malek started to ask.
*No,* I answered. I didn't either. For now I was content to be merely a passenger. It kept some of the horror at bay. Even now I could see Partil lying on the floor of the tunnel, and sometimes the image became Jisa.
"He is troubled by recollections of the Goa'uld attack on his homeworld before we met. There was a similar disaster and the death of his family," Malek explained. He knew I disliked talking of my past, so he kept it vague.
"I see. I'm sorry. But we need you both. We're all going to need cool heads while we're here."
"Cool heads seem in short supply, my friend," Malek answered, with a touch of rueful amusement. "But we will try."
We left Jacob there on the crate and went to find Ocker and the others.
The evening passed without incident. Malek spoke to our people, Selmak at our side, urging restraint and wisdom. Nonetheless we did not tempt tempers to flare again, and I suggested we eat apart from the Tau'ri and the Jaffa. Malek and I visited Kelmaa and Somara in the infirmary tent and were somewhat heartened to see that they were both conscious.
That night I was exhausted enough to fall asleep nearly the moment I laid on the cot in the tent I shared with Jacob, Ocker, and two others.
But I dreamed. Dreams I hadn't had in a very long time.
"Ada! Look!" Jisa twirls in her new dress and it sparkles in the sunlight streaming in through the windows. "Isn't it pretty?"
Actually I think it is terribly gaudy, with all those sequins on it, but I scoop her up into my arms. "You look just like a princess, little one."
She laughs and twines her arms around my neck. "But I am a princess, Ada!"
"Really? I could have sworn you were a brat, not a princess," I tease her and exchange a glance with Arvalle. She just shrugs, grinning helplessly. Her opinion of the dress is clearly the same as mine, but I'd sooner cut my own throat than make our joyful daughter unhappy.
I'm still holding Jisa, when Elnor enters. He bows briefly. "My lord, the astronomers have an urgent report for you."
"The astronomers?" I repeat blankly. I can't imagine -- then -- what the astronomers can possibly report that is so urgent. But Elnor wouldn't disturb the family for something trivial. "I'll be right back, sunshine," I promise Jisa and kiss her forehead, before I set her down. "Let's see what this is about, shall we?"
I find out. A space ship is up there in the sky. Aliens. We have always known of the Goa'uld, since a mere century before, they ruled us from space. I doubt any of us thinks for a single instant that the ship belongs to anyone else. I certainly don't.
We aren't ready. Naritania has been furiously developing its technology, along with the other kingdoms and states on our world, to reach parity with our enemies before their return. Yet my people have barely learned how to fly planes and use electricity on a widespread basis. We have exactly two rockets.
The Goa'uld destroy my entire air force with contemptuous ease. I don't think they lose a single glider in the conquest. We are no match for them.
It is so fast. One of those gliders comes out of the sky and turns its guns on the palace. The guards are with me, trying to hustle me out as the building shakes, but I won't go until I know Arvalle and Jisa are safe too.
But Jisa is already dead. It happens in my dream slowly, that I turn the corner and see her and her sparkly dress amid the rubble of what had been the music room. I run to her, but my legs don't seem to move at all, and it takes an eternity to reach her. And I know I am screaming her name, but I don't hear it at all.
I take her into my arms and hold her tight against me, as if trying to pour my own life-force into her. And I beg any true gods who can hear me to spare her, but they don't respond.
The guards do their best to defend me, but the Jaffa cut them down. They take Jisa from me, dump her body on the ground like so much trash, and beat me unconscious when I rush them in futile rage...
I awoke, nearly strangling on my anguish. Malek stirred, and then came more alert when he sensed my turmoil. *I am sorry, beloved. I didn't realize you were having a nightmare.*
*Just bad memories,* I answered, trying to get control over myself. I left the cot and silently padded barefoot outside the tent. It was quiet out there. Peaceful. I saw one of the Tau'ri soldiers on guard, and farther down, one of the Jaffa also watching. I had set no watch. If we were not safe here, we were not safe anywhere. All the Tok'ra were emotionally drained and needed rest, not to be standing useless guard.
*As do you,* Malek said.
I wasn't interested in listening to him. *It happened exactly like that. The next time I woke Ishtar was there.* Cold hatred filled me at the memory, and I wished Ishtar was still alive so I could kill her again.
*You must stop this,* Malek was more concerned now. *It was long ago. These are shadows of what was -- they are not real.*
*I know. Dearest, I know.* I sat on a barrel and ran my fingers through my hair, weary in a way that Malek could do nothing about. *But I remember it so clearly tonight. Becoming Tok'ra, blending with you -- it was a new life. I thought all that went before was behind me. But it's not, is it?*
*Perhaps I did you an injustice,* Malek said after a long moment in which his thoughts were closed to me. *After we blended, we left through the chappa'ai so quickly, perhaps in your heart, you believe there was something else we should have done.*
*I know there was nothing to do,* I tried to reassure him. We both remembered the devastation Ishtar had left in her wake. My beautiful home reduced to splinters. My city on fire. My blue skies grey with smoke and cinders. My people reduced to ghosts and desperate refugees. Malek and I had left behind only ashes of civilization.
*But do you believe it?* Malek persisted gently.
Malek had offered vengeance, a chance to destroy the Goa'uld for what they had done to my people. I had seized the chance eagerly. But, now that he asked, I realized the truth. *I suppose a part of me still feels I abandoned them. That I failed,* I admitted. It was almost twenty-five years later and that guilt lingered. *My duty was to protect my people.*
*You did,* Malek told me, with such sincerity I knew he wasn't saying it only to try to make me feel better. He truly believed. *You ended the threat of Ishtar to your world. Your people are still there. And they are free.*
My eyes burned and tears ran silently down my cheeks, even as I buried my face in my hands. Malek was all around me, a comforting presence, reminding me that I was not alone.
It was late when we returned to the tent to sleep. Only much later did I realize how close to death I came that night, sitting alone under the stars.
An ashrak was not more than twenty meters away, watching me the whole time from behind its invisibility screen.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Just after dawn the next morning, Selmak, Ocker and I sat in our tent planning.
"One of us must take word to the council," Selmak said.
"And we must go to a new base," Ocker added. "This place cannot be our permanent home. It endangers us, and the Tau'ri."
Malek and I had already thought about the problem of a new base, going over the possibilities. "What about Sisan?" Malek suggested.
Ocker frowned. "Where's that?"
While Malek told him, I noticed the chappa'ai activate and wondered what was going on out there. But since I doubted it was any business of the Tok'ra, I turned my focus back to Sisan. Ra had wiped out the planet nearly three hundred years ago. Malek and I had gone there about twelve years ago, to find a deserted wasteland around the chappa'ai. But the gate worked and the air was breathable. No system lord gave a damn about the planet, since nothing would grow for fifty miles around the chappa'ai, so there was no use in transplanting more slaves. It was nominally within Yu's territory, which offered some protection as well, since a system lord fighting a defensive war had little spare time to run around checking on empty planets.
I could see that Selmak was taken with the idea. "Good idea. Ocker, you'll need to scout it first."
Ocker nodded.
"And I will report to the council," Malek volunteered. "It was my command." *Our command,* I reminded him sharply.
But before Selmak could comment, we heard strange activity outside around the chappa'ai.
I ducked out first to look, and Selmak and Ocker followed. The Tau'ri had gathered in a defensive formation around the chappa'ai and khatiun. Malek asked a few Tok'ra standing nearby what was going on, but they didn't know.
I saw O'Neill, Major Carter, and Teal'c there, as Pierce left them to go to his men at the gate, and so Malek went to find out -- with a handful of Tok'ra at our heels, also curious.
Malek asked, "What is happening?"
O'Neill looked already tense and irritable this morning. "Yeah, it looks like we're gonna be stuck here for a while."
That had not been an answer to the question. I knew an evasion when I heard one. Malek pushed again. "It is imperative that we be allowed to seek another location for our base."
O'Neill looked at us, almost with suspicion as though we had done something. "Yeah, you might want to put that on hold. We have a situation."
Why would he not simply speak of the problem? Unless -- Malek thought of it first -- was he trying to force us to betray something? But we had nothing to betray.
Teal'c broke the silence. "There is a saboteur among us."
*Oh, now there is a surprise,* Malek thought with more sarcasm than usual. *Two hundred Jaffa -- one will still serve his master.*
*Malek...*
Samantha explained, "Our naquadah reactor almost went critical this morning. I discovered it just in time."
That did not sound promising. Malek's sour humor faded. "And if you hadn't?"
O'Neill's smile was grim. "We wouldn't be having this ... chat."
"I see." But we didn't, not really. It hadn't really sunk in yet. Someone had tried to kill us all -- Tau'ri, Jaffa, and Tok'ra.
Samantha continued her explanation, "See, this planet was chosen as our Alpha site because its address is unknown to the Goa'uld."
"And it is imperative that this base remain secret. We will be questioning everybody -- " O'Neill continued.
We understood that well enough. "Of course."
"Starting with the Tok'ra," O'Neill finished.
He thought one of us did this. Malek was even angrier. *It was not enough that we should suffer and die --*
I stopped him from going any further. *Perhaps they have some evidence. After what happened to Lantash, can we be completely sure we do not harbor a traitor, even an unwilling one?*
Sullenly, he agreed that I had a point. His anger subsided slightly, but his voice was still very level. "For what reason?"
O'Neill's words were challenging, "Everything was fine until you showed up."
Malek still reined in his temper, though his hand was very tight on our zat'nik'tel. "If what you say is true, we would have perished with you."
"It'd only take one," O'Neill pointed out and we all had to admit that was true.
Malek glanced at Selmak again. "Selmak?"
Selmak answered. "We have no choice. The za'tarc detector will reveal any lie or deception."
"Yeah, but a spy, within either the Jaffa or Tok'ra ranks wouldn't necessarily have to be a za'tarc to attempt something like this," Major Carter objected.
*Or within the Tau'ri ranks, young Samantha,* Malek thought, but did not say.
Selmak answered, "Any deception will be detected, whether we are dealing with a za'tarc or not."
The Tau'ri agreed that we could use the detector and we set up in one of their temporary buildings. Selmak went first, when Ocker operated it to demonstrate it, both for the truth and a lie. Then Ocker and the rest of the Tok'ra followed, one by one. None of them were lying. They were resentful of being doubted, but we all either remembered the za'tarcs or the simple betrayal of Cordesh, and they did not complain aloud. But I knew we had to leave this place, as soon as we could. Baseless suspicion was wearing to even the strongest spirit.
Malek and I went last when it was midday. We knew we were innocent and indeed, we were proven so. O'Neill was clearly displeased by this turn of events. I handed the memory device to Selmak and looked at O'Neill.
*Oh yes, Colonel,* I thought, rather spitefully, *The traitor is probably one of your precious Jaffa, brought out by our sudden appearance.*
*Let's get out of here,* Malek suggested to me. *Let Selmak handle the Tau'ri.* I fervently agreed. Malek's voice shaded a bit to the sarcastic as we left, telling O'Neill, "Thank you."
Grant him wits, O'Neill retorted, even more sarcastically, "No, thank you."
Malek took my zat'nik'tel from Billin outside, and saw Artok and Ocker glaring at each other again. We sighed, starting over there, joining Teal'c who was urging his young companion to be calm.
"Ocker," Malek said, disapproval heavy in his voice, as he drew our friend away from the Jaffa.
"I know, Malek, I know," he said with a last glower at the Jaffa. "But he provokes me at every turn."
"Just stay away from him," Malek advised. "Take a walk, calm down."
We watched as Ocker strode away, and then turned to go to the infirmary hut and check on Kelmaa and Somara.
It was such a small sound, nearly lost in the various noises of camp. The sound of something heavy and soft falling to the ground somewhere behind us.
*What was that?* I asked as Malek turned to look, frowning.
*I do not know.* There was nothing obvious that could have made that sound tipping over: metal barrels, crates, and wood. *Odd...*
He gave a mental shrug of resignation and was about to turn when I realized there was something else odd. *Malek, where did Ocker go? He can't have gotten very far.*
*Perhaps that is what we heard fall.* With that chilling idea in mind, he hurried to follow after.
At first we could not find him. And then Malek nearly literally stumbled across him, sprawled on his back among the metal barrels.
*No, no,* Malek muttered, kneeling to find a pulse. But there was none. Both host and symbiote were dead. There was only a little blood on his neck. He had not even cried out
How could this be? We had spent all morning under suspicion that we were a saboteur, when a killer walked through camp with impunity.
Malek yelled, "Colonel O'Neill!" He stood, so they could more easily locate us, and with commendable swiftness, O'Neill, Selmak, Bra'tac, and Major Carter emerged.
Their shock when they saw the body made just a tiny glow of satisfaction within us. Now none could say the Tok'ra were to blame for this.
*We know who is.* Malek was angry. Ocker had been his friend for far longer than any of these people, including the venerable Bra'tac, had been alive. "We demand to question the Jaffa Artok." He put it to O'Neill, who nodded. Even Bra'tac, looking mournful, could not disagree. Malek looked to Billin, who nodded and left to fetch the Jaffa.
Frasier came running across the square then, and she and Samantha bent down to examine the body.
There was taut silence for a moment, broken only by the two women murmuring to each other.
Artok did not want to come, but Billin and Vegta suggested, very politely -- likely with a hand on their zat'nik'tels -- that he not make any more trouble. But it occurred to me that if he really knew what he was accused of, he would have made trouble. Unless he were so unrepentant he did not care to be found out.
When he was before us, Malek wasted no time accusing him, "You killed Ocker."
The Jaffa's head lifted proudly. "I would have if he had challenged me again."
It was not exactly a denial. "Are you not responsible for this?" Malek demanded.
Artok glared back. "I only wish I was."
Malek's hand seized his zat'nik'tel. *No,* I said urgently, stopping him. *We need to know the truth.*
"Answer him directly," Bra'tac advised.
"I will not explain myself to him."
"Then explain it to me," O'Neill ordered. He looked about as out of patience with the Jaffa's evasions as we all were. "Please."
"I was across the compound," Artok was sullen. And again, not exactly a denial.
Malek left no room for debate. "I insist that he be screened immediately."
Yet still the Tau'ri did not agree immediately. Were they that infatuated with their rebels that they could not see what stood before them?
Artok resisted going, but eventually went once Bra'tac persuaded him. Bra'tac's eyes met mine, and for an instant I could have sworn that elder Jaffa could see me, tucked in safely behind Malek He was trying to do the right thing, I realized. Maybe some of that honor that the Jaffa were always talking about did exist, though I had seen precious little evidence of it.
Malek was not interested in the Jaffa master, and followed Artok.
I was starting to think I should take control back. I had rarely felt his anger as strongly as I did then. But he didn't offer and I didn't want to make an issue of it right now. At least not while he still had a rein on his temper.
*I will not kill him,* Malek promised me as we watched Jacob begin to question Artok. *I know we need to question him and discover if he is part of a larger plot.*
*If he is guilty,* I reminded him. Malek's mental sigh was inaudible to anyone else, but nearly deafening to the one whose brain he shared.
*If he is guilty. Very well. You were the one trained in judgment, not I,* Malek acknowledged more fairly. The detector remained stubbornly blue.
But Jacob had not asked the right question yet. Then finally he asked the most direct one, "Did you kill him?"
"No, I did not kill him."
The detector shifted to red. Malek's flare of satisfaction burned like the summer sun, but I was not as relieved. Why had the detector stayed blue when Artok had claimed not to know who killed Ocker, if he had done it himself? That took some linguistic feat of justification of which I didn't think Artok was capable.
Besides, I had a cold suspicion that it wasn't over yet, even as they sent Artok off to holding.
Malek ignored me and my intuition, declaring to the others. "Deception. He is guilty."
O'Neill let out a frustrated sigh. "All we know is that he's lying about something."
Malek remained calm, but let slip a little more of his irritation. "What more proof do you need?"
He resolutely paid no attention to me when I told him, *I think a witness or at least a weapon would help. You know I don't trust these things, Malek, no matter that Anise swears it works perfectly.*
"The device is not infallible," Major Carter rather eerily echoed my thoughts. "It can give false positives. We've seen it before." She glanced at O'Neill when she spoke.
Malek nearly laughed but only let it out to me. *Anise told us about their so-called 'false positive', remember? It was not the device that failed -- it was their ability to recognize the truth.*
I had forgotten about that. But still, even Anise realized that the deception might not involve the exact question being asked.
Now thoroughly irritated with me and even more angry with them for resisting what he saw as obvious, Malek accused, "Just a short while ago, you were all willing to stake the security of the base on it."
He had a point, which the rest of them swallowed with various expressions of reluctance. Samantha remained patient. "Artok's obvious hostility toward the Tok'ra could be throwing off the readings."
"His hostility is the reason Ocker is dead," Malek snapped back at her.
O'Neill suggested, "What if we verify his alibi?"
Carter jumped on it instantly. "The colonel's right. Maybe someone saw him where he said he was..."
Teal'c shook his head. "Both Tok'ra and Jaffa deliberately ate apart from each other."
Something I had suggested. Damn. That meant that only Jaffa could verify Artok's story, if true.
Malek answered me aloud, displaying his strain. "I will not accept the word of a Jaffa in his defense."
O'Neill rolled his eyes. "Of course you won't. So why don't we see what the autopsy says?"
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