Entry 529

October 1st, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Could someone please tell me why everything is so screwed up??  Why is it that I always fall in love with the wrong people?  I love Samuel so much, he wasn’t at school today and it just sort of bummed me out.  I just hate being so damn sensitive!

 

Entry 530

October 2nd, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I saw a side of me today that I would never like to see again.  What happened was I decided to attempt to get high, and it worked.  I was sniffing finger nail polish at first, and then I decided to try aerosol cans, I can’t believe I did that.  I mean I have sniffed other stuff before, but just joking around like white out and stuff, but never to that extreme.  I dunno it is kind of hard to elaborate on it.

 

Entry 531

October 3rd, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I discovered today that Sean Allen, the most annoying person in the world, likes me!! YUCK! Also so does this guy Derrick  Towns, which is black, and I only like him as a friend.  I also found out that Alvin McGrew (who I like) sort of likes me.  Oh in case you are wondering Ryan was the one who told me all of this.

 

Entry 532

October 4th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Aunt Kathy came down today, but is leaving tomorrow though.  I talked to Jessica and Amy on the phone for awhile.  My Dad bought me a three disk changer CD player that has a remote control, radio and tape player, which I am very happy with.

 

Entry 533

October 5th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I went to church today, but we only went for Sunday School, and left before the sermon because we wanted to come home and spend some time with Aunt Kathy before she left which ended up being about 12:30.  My sister Kathy came is supposed to come this weekend which I am excited about!!

 

Entry 534

October 6th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Can you believe my luck??  Today at school in Mrs. Coffman’s class (Technology Education) we got new modules, which is our last one, and guess who my partner is??  Samuel, I can’t believe this, unfortunately it’s only eight days, but I don’t care!

 

Entry 535

October 7th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today went alright, considering that Michael is actually getting annoying.  I don’t know if I should just completely give up on him or not though, especially considering since I like other people, ya know, or if I should just keep liking him…

 

Entry 536

October 8th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I didn’t go to church today, so ya know.  Anyways, I still have strong feelings for Michael, big surprise huh?  I wish he would ask me out, but ya know I have no idea if he ever will, so whatever.  I don’t know that I really care though either.

 

Entry 537

October 9th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I decided that I am going to Red’s tomorrow night, which should be fun.  Amy told me that Samuel might be going, but I wanna know how she knows this.  I dunno, I’ll ask him about it tomorrow I guess at school, although I hope he’s going.

 

Entry 538

October 10th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I went to Red’s and it was fun as expected.  I still majorly have a crush on Samuel, and Dan.   I mean I don’t really like anybody else as much as I like them.  I do like some other people I guess, but it’s not like a real crush like it is for those two.

 

Entry 539

October 11th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I didn’t do a lot of stuff today because my sister Kathy came down this weekend.  We went out to eat, and went to the Christian Bookstore and got a bracelet that says W.W.J.D (What would Jesus do?).  Then my sister and I went to see a movie, “In & Out”, which wasn’t that good.

 

Entry 540

October 12th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I went to Sunday School but not to church because we didn’t want to stay since Kathy had to leave by 2 p.m. and we wanted to spend some more time with her before she left.  She left a little after we ate lunch, and that was about the highlight of my pathetic day.

 

Entry 541

October 13th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today I had my feelings hurt because I found out that Samuel likes Monica Hewitt.  I mean I didn’t expect him to like me, but I dunno.  So anyways, I am getting past that and of course I am starting to like someone else.  The new guy I have on my mind now is Mark White, oh and I don’t like Jared anymore.

 

Entry 542

October 14th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Life goes by way too fast.  I’m thirteen and already I’ve felt the emotions that I just can’t handle sometimes.  It’s like the older we get the more we forget, and why does time fly by?  The world is asking me to grow up so fast.  I really want to just go back to the past.

 

Entry 543

October 15th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I’m freezing right now, it’s starting to get really cold.  Of course me being cold natured doesn’t help the situation much.  Anyways, I’m going to church later on tonight.  I wanna just have a boyfriend so bad!  I just don’t know who, all I know is it has to be someone I like obviously.

 

Entry 544

October 16th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today was okay, except for in Georgia History I made a big dumbass mistake.  We like had our nine weeks exam and I skipped a whole page, and I took the test in pen.  Luckily she’s gonna give us time tomorrow to finish.  Okay here are all the guys I like now:  Alvin, Samuel, Jared, and Mark, obviously I think they’re all cool.

 

Entry 545

October 17th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I went to Red’s tonight and it was fun.  I just can’t stand my Mom and Dad not only do they annoy me, but they both scare me sometimes.  It seems like here lately they are always yelling and screaming at me, especially my Dad.  Then when I look at him he’ll say, “Look at the dirty look she’s giving me,” when I am not even doing anything, seriously!

 

Entry 546

October 18th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I feel like such a liar…oh wait probably because I am.  Okay see at our church today we were supposed to do some work and stuff.  Anyways I didn’t feel like getting up at seven in the morning on a Saturday (yeh I know I’m lazy!) so I lied and said I didn’t feel good.  I did eventually go up there around 12 and stayed until like 2.

 

Entry 547

October 19th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today I went to church and I know Dan and I will never happen.  I can tell he likes Sherry, and she likes him as well.  So I’ve been really trying to stop liking him, but it doesn’t seem to be working too well.  I still like a lot of other guys though.

 

Entry 548

October 20th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I went to school and it went alright, but I still have a major crush on Samuel.  Jessica got Andy mad at her today, so Andy called Mark and told him that I like him. I’m not mad at Jessica though, I really don’t even care that much, not sure why though.

 

Entry 549

October 21st, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I was bored today, and I felt like not going to school, but I did anyways.  Then just to make my life worse I got in trouble at lunch because I was “talking too loud” apparently.  The principal, Mr. Whatley came over to my lunch table and told me I was talking too loud and that he could apparently hear me all the way across the room, and told me to go sit at the silent lunch table for the rest of the lunch period, how retarded was that??

 

Entry 550

October 22nd, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I went to church as usual today.  This weekend my parents are going to Atlanta and staying up there until Sunday.  So Carrie, Diane and Jackie’s sister is going to stay with me for the weekend, which should be alright I guess.

 

Entry 551

October 23rd, 1997

Dear Diary,

            For the first time in the whole school year today I didn’t go to school.  My Mom told me to stay home because she said I had a fever and I had a real bad cold.  So I basically slept the whole day away.

 

Entry 552

October 24th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I went to school today, obviously.  I like seven guys now…my parents left today.  Carrie is on the drill team at Callaway High school and they had a football game tonight, and she asked me if I wanted to go with her, but I didn’t so she isn’t going to be here until 12 o’clock tonight.

 

Entry 553

October 25th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I am supposed to be going to the movies tomorrow with Helen.  I don’t know yet though, we are supposed to see “I Know What You Did Last Summer”  I hope we go though because I really wanna see that movie, since it is supposed to be a horror  movie.

 

Entry 554

October 26th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Carrie and I went to church today, it was cool.  Life sux!!  At least for me it does. I still like Samuel a lot I guess, but I really think that this time I don’t like Dan anymore.  I mean I love him as a friend, but I think that is all.

 

Entry 555

October 27th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today our youth group for church went to Judgment Journey.  It’s a thing where they show you what it is supposed to be like come Judgment Day according to the bible at least, I liked it though.  I mean for me it as pretty realistic, I was hurt by something Sherry had said though.

 

Entry 556

October 28th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Man I hate my new exploratory class, mostly ‘cause Samuel isn’t in it, but there’s nothing I can do about that.  Now the only time I get to talk to him though is at lunch.  My new exploratory class is Career Connections, I also have Chorus, but I have that all year.

 

Entry 557

October 29th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today I told Sherry and Dan about my problems, about me carving things on me, and me always crying for no reason.  It felt incredibly good to tell someone about my problems though.

 

Entry 558

October 30th, 1997

Dear Diary,

            I can’t wait until tomorrow because not only is it Halloween, but it’s also Mary’s birthday costume party.  I’m going as my evil twin with all black, even black lipstick a fake nose ring, and three different hair colors.

 

Entries 559-560

October 31st-November 1st, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today I went to Mary’s and did something I never thought I would ever do, I smoked cigarettes; not just one either, but five!!  I’m so ashamed, I seriously think I’m depressed or something, I mean I hurt myself by carving thing in me.  I smoked and didn’t even realize I had until afterwards.  I cry almost every time I get home from school for at least an hour…and I don’t know why.  I smoked two more cigarettes from my Dad’s pack.  It’s like when I’m smoking I’m not thinking straight or something…I dunno!  Maybe I need counseling.

 

Entry 561

November 2nd, 1997

Dear Diary,

            Today I smoked two more cigarettes, no surprise.  Man just within the past two weeks I changed from being a little goody-goody to being just a horrible person.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore.  I’m so messed up!!