Entry
635
12-3-00
It’s Sunday and we just got back
from visiting Aunt Kathy and Stephanie in Jacksonville, Fl. Stephanie’s
pregnant four months along. Her and Eli
(the baby’s father) are planning on getting married sometime after the baby is
born. My Dad accused me of stealing his
cigarettes and didn’t believe me when I told him I didn’t so they searched my
room…great parents huh?? Yet they are
spending about $4,000 to send me to Europe this summer
for almost three weeks…nineteen days really.
I leave July 5th, 2001 so I will miss our summer vacation we usually take
on the July 4th, but I would much rather go to Europe any day! My Mom’s birthday was
two days ago. Stephanie and I have
become best friends, I love that girl to death.
Stephanie is almost like the devil on my shoulder and Amy is the
angel. Helen is just the one in-between
with the common sense. I bought Amy her
Christmas present, the movie “Dirty Dancing” and her parents had already gotten
it for her so now I have to take it back and get her something else. I t has Patrick Swayze
in it and she used to love him when she was younger, so she loved that
movie. So now I need to find something
else to give her. I also need to get Stephanie
something and my family members. I
actually should be writing a summary for a report I had to do in Psychology; so
I think I am gonna go and do that now.
Entry 636
12-17-00
Oh my God! Oh my
God! Last night I so totally made out
with this guy who I have had a crush on since ninth grade, even while I was with
Sam. His name is James, which is so
strange. Okay here’s how it went
down: After I got off work at Dominoes I
went up to Chick-fil-a to get some food and find out if I was able to spend the
night with Stephanie. Turns out I could
so after I got done eating I told Stephanie I was gonna go get my clothes and
all and I would be back around 10:30 and would wait for her to get done
closing. I got back up there at like 10:40 and I was standing outside waiting on Stephanie,
while smoking a cigarette and talking to Robert (night manager). There was a car in the parking lot, which
didn’t belong to anyone who was still there and Robert kept looking at it
because he said it looked like James’s car (James used to work at Chick-fil-a
also). Just about then James and some
guy walked off up both carrying Krystal cups.
Robert walked off and it was just James, the other guy and I. We were standing there freezing our asses off
so we got in my car and turned the heat on, James sat in the front with me and
the little dude sat in the back. We were
all joking around about having a threesome and all, and James put his hand on
my thigh and was like saying something and started to lean in to kiss me and it
was right about then when the other guy stuck his hand up from the back and
tickled my neck or something which caused me to turn my head real fast and poor
James collided into my head on one side and on the other side hit his head on
the steering wheel. I couldn’t help, but
laugh. Then I said, “I’m sorry James, I
didn’t mean to.” He looked at me and
said, “Ya know what ya gotta do
now?” I just looked back and said
sarcastically, “What, kiss it for you?”
Then once again he leaned toward me and I kissed him right above his
eyebrows, then on the lips and we made out a little. When we stopped he handed his keys to the
other guy in the back and told him to take the car and go somewhere, he was too
um… “worked up” to get out of the car. The other guy at first was hesitant and then
was like okay and go out of the car. James
and I continued to make out on and off, when he saw the other dude pull out on
the road with James’s car, he was a bit worried, but calmed down when he saw
him turn back in the parking lot and parked next to my car. When the dude pulled up he had Stephanie and
Jason in the car with him. Then we all
got out of the cars and stood there and talked for like thirty minutes. When I started to say I was cold James
started hugging me to keep me warm. I
put my hands up under his shirt to stay even more warm. He picked me up three times, one time while
we were making out. Then when we finally
were leaving he even walked over with me to my car and kissed me bye. I wrote my number on his hand and he said he
would call me tomorrow (Monday) after school.
Plus I will see him at school tomorrow anyways! I am just so shocked and happy; I can’t
believe that happened. I am almost
positive it won’t turn into anything serious because he’s a Senior
and planning on going into the military when he graduates, but there will
definitely be a few dates here and there, which I am so totally cool with! I liked James my Freshmen year, but never
pursued him because when I first met him he was with Maria, and Sam and I were
together the next time he was single and got with a girl named Sharon, which
was apparently his first true love as soon as they broke up he got with Betty
and when they were already having problems Lexi started
to like him and they got together. Then
him and Lexi broke up after being together for about
a year, and for once when I was single he actually was. Yet I never tried to pursue anything just
‘cause we never really talked other than hey and bye in the hallways at
school. Him and Lexi
have been broken up for like somewhere between 2-4months I think. But I really am just waiting to see what
happens tomorrow just depending on how he acts when we see each other at
school, and if he calls me or whatever, so I know better than to already start
having high hopes. I have had too many
let-downs especially in the men department to know you can’t rely on anything
until it actually does happen. So I
guess I will just have to wait and see, and don’t worry; I will definitely keep
you posted on upcoming events involving James, if any!
Entry 637
12-25-00
Hello to all
fellow readers! I sure hope you all are
doing well! I sent Sam’s gift a few days
ago. James called, only to tell me he
wasn’t able to come over a night when my parents were out of town this past
week. You can guess what I had in mind
for that night! Anyways we planned to do
something that night (Saturday night).
After I got off work I came home, changed, then went to meet him at Piggly Wiggly in Hogansville where he works. He came out and smoked a cigarette and told
me they hadn’t even started cleaning, which would take about an hour. He apologized and promised he wasn’t trying
to be a jackass, and that he would definitely make up for it. He said he would call me and we would
reschedule. He hugged me for a long time
then we made out for a long time before his manager started banging on a window
telling him to come in. So ya know; it’s
the same as before, if he calls fine; if not fine, we will just have to wait
and see what happens. My parents are
supposed to be going out of town for New Years’ Eve. I have to work that night too; but hopefully
I will get off before 10 p.m.
If I do then I am so going to party and get drunk off my ass. Stephanie and I are hopefully going to do
something. Christmas went well. I got a cell phone and $400 as my big
present, but the money is all for my trip to Europe this summer, which I still can’t believe
I am going on. I honestly won’t believe
it until I am on the plane! Amy and I
exchanged gifts Friday I think it was; we went to see “The Grinch” with
Jim Carrey in it. I liked it, it was the
first movie I had seen in the theater since summer. I just don’t have that much spare time left
anymore. I guess that may be part of the
reason I am so thankful to be out of school right now, I can sleep late and not
have half as much stress. I can’t
believe a whole year has passed already; much less the fact that I survived
it! I only ask the same for 2001. I did miss Kathy and Mel this Christmas
especially! Hopefully next year they
will be able to make it, including Keith.
They all mean so much to me. I
rarely get in serious fights with any of them.
Mel finally has a serious girlfriend, the one he has had since Kim, his
high school sweet heart. Now him and
Beth have been together for a long while, but not yet a year and they are even
going to Germany together for nearly two months. I think I shall go lay my head down to sleep
now.
Entry
638
1-1-01
Well since the New Year started I
had many internal conflicts arise. Some
involving religion, others my parents, and of course friends. But there is only one friends in particular;
Amy! It’s a really long story
though. But the quick and simple version
is she acts “stuck-up” toward me when she is around her other friends. It happened yesterday when we saw each other
at Goody’s in the mall. I was with Stephanie and she was with her
good friend Katie. I spent the first
twelve minutes of the century alone, though.
Stephanie didn’t get to my house until around 12:20 am. I am sick of
being alone, Stephanie and I got drunk.
We had screwdrivers; where you mix vodka and orange juice. I threw up once because of the taste, but it
was really only liquid I puked up. My
parents were out of town; in fact they are on their way home now. It was snowing this morning, but now it has
melted away. My parents told me not to
go anywhere in case the roads contain sleet; but I have to go to work in a few,
besides since it has already melted there probably isn’t any sleet. I really don’t want to go to work! I am hoping I won’t have to stay very long
because I really just wanted to lay on my ass with
Tizzy all day. I have already made plans
of the person I want to be and how I want people to see me. I am beginning to form values of how I want
to permanently live my life. When school
starts back next semester I am definitely going to choose to keep many of my
opinions and what not to myself. I
really do wish high school was over, and I was going to college already. At least that way I would be in a different
environment with new people.
Entry 639
1-6-01
I’m so
sleepy! I had my Mom call in sick for me at Dominoe’s. I really just didn’t want to go in today
because I had to close and I am too tired to stay there until one in the
morning. Mark the manager was of course
mad because that just met he had to get off his ass and do some work for
once! I really like Mark, but most of
the time he just acts like a baby! I
have to go back to school in a couple of days and I haven’t even started on my
English project; which is due the second day back. The other night when I was backing out of a
parking space I accidentally hit another car, but there was no damage, and they
didn’t press any charges, much less did I get a ticket. No police report was written either. Then the next day the lady’s insurance agent
called saying there was damage to the tire, which is bullshit because there
were two cops that looked at it and they didn’t see anything wrong. So when my Mom called her insurance agent and
told her what happened the agent told her that since there was no police report
and since both the cops said there was no damage, then
she really doubted anything could come of it.
It was just somebody trying to get some money, which is pathetic! Some people are so selfish and greedy that it
can be sickening. My Dad’s a bit
selfish. It gets really annoying
too! It’s rare when you can borrow
something from him without getting the third degree. I can’t believe in about a month I will be
seventeen; one year away from being an adult.
Tizzy my dog, is so adorable and I love her to death. Sorry I had to throw that in because she is laying right next to me right now. This whole break has just seemed like a short
summer or something. My room really
needs cleaning; I really need to study, but I am too lazy to do either. I am just ready to find a routine that
satisfies my life. I have been smoking
for awhile now. I’m not addicted and I
only do it when I can get my hands on one easily, I mean I probably won’t buy
them when I am eighteen or anything. My
parents don’t know and neither does Amy, if she knew she more than likely
wouldn’t hang out with me as much.
Actually not many people know other than Stephanie. I don’t really care either way though; it
doesn’t really bother me.
Entry 640
3-18-01
As I sit here
under a tree at a cemetery, I wonder what it is these people did with their
lives that cause others to mourn them so that they have fresh flowers on their
graves. Last guy I mentioned in here was
James, well after him there was Carmen, whom I did things with that I should
never have done, and feel ashamed about.
We made out, and messed around.
He kept trying to ask me out, but I told him no because there is no way
I would want to be with a guy like him.
For one thing I am taller than him, he does a lot of drugs and is a high
school drop-out, and is on probation for something. He has a curfew of like 6 or 7 pm.
Then somewhat before, but more after Carmen there was Elliot. Let me just say he is a very horny
individual, but also too shy for my taste.
All we did was kiss and I really did like him and he does look really
good. Yet he was just not outgoing or
talkative enough. I need a guy who makes
me laugh and with Elliot even when he is joking it is difficult to tell if he
is serious or not. No one knows about
what happened between Carmen and I because not many of my friends like him, nor
do I. Stephanie and her
boyfriend/fiancé, T.J. were trying to hook Elliot and I up, but they soon
realized as I did that it was just not working out. Then came Luke, I met him before I met Elliot,
and was physically attracted to him, but I never thought of actually hooking up
with him. Then last weekend me, Luke, Stephanie,
and T.J. went out on a double date on Saturday.
My parents were out of town and I was supposed to work, but then I
decided to call and say I was going to be very late because I was lost and
having major car trouble somewhere in Atlanta.
I figured it was a chance I could take to see how things with Luke and I
might work out. Well, as the night wore
on I decided I wasn’t going to go in at all because I was having a nice
time. By the end of the night Luke and I
had kissed numerous times, and were on a regular basis of holding hands. Before we all went home we “parked”.
Stephanie and T.J. were in my car and Luke and I were in his car. Just so you know I have not been that
“excited” in a very long time. Luke and
I made out and totally messed around, and right as we were both getting really
into it, T.J. runs by and knocks on the door meaning it was time to haul
ass. I was spending the night with Stephanie
and her and T.J. both have to be home by 11:30 pm, while Luke and I don’t technically have
a curfew. So if I had not been sleeping
over at Stephanie’s, Luke and I would have been able to finish. Then the next day Sunday, Luke and I went to
church that night with Stephanie and T.J. and we all went to eat and hung out
until 9 pm
basically because we all pretty have to be home at 9 on school nights. Luke and I did a little more than kissing
that night, but not much. I got fired
from Dominoe’s, which I really don’t care because I
have enough money saved up now to go to Europe anyways.
Then last night (Sat.) Luke and me went out again with Stephanie and T.J. We went to Newnan and ate at Steak ‘n’ Shake,
which the guys paid for, then we went bowling, which Stephanie and I paid
for. Only one thing to say about
bowling, I got one strike out of two games and I suck miserable at the
game. I lost terribly! Then on the way home (we rode in T.J.’s car) Luke and I did some making out and messing
around. So when we got back we got in Luke’s
car and rode around for awhile, then Stephanie got in a bad mood because her
stomach hurt. So we took them back, Stephanie
and T.J. went to her house, while Luke and I “parked” and needless to say I
went down on him and finished the job. I
know I have done that with Sam, but it was after we had had sex so he never
went, but Luke did and I tasted it. It
didn’t really bother me all that much, the taste I mean, not so much that I
would not care if that were to happen again I guess, not that I want it
to. I just prefer not to have him “go”
in my mouth, but if it does happen again I really would not care. While I was doing that he got too distracted
to try and do stuff to me. I just hope
he knows I expect some major payback in return for last night. I really do like Luke, but I am still not
sure if it is still based only on physical attraction or not. He is really funny, which is one feature I
look for in a guy, and I am slowly learning other things about him. I really do hope we continue to date for
awhile. I am somewhat confused because I
am not sure if I want him as a boyfriend.
He just does not seem like the type of guy that is fond of commitment,
or a one-woman man. I could tell last
night when he did not necessarily like holding my hand in public, then again it
may just be that he is not as affectionate as I am. Yet he does really have a sweet side, only it
is not necessarily displayed that obviously, just little things like kissing me
on the forehead, and the way he likes to hold me after we get done doing
something, things to that extent. I am
hoping he comes to church with Stephanie, T.J., and I again tonight because
above all else he is the type of guy who I just have fun with and enjoy being
around. Hopefully as I find out more
about him I will figure out if I just want to date him, or want more.