Day 235

"Bobby are you awake?"

After the fourth none too subtle shove the answer becomes a mumbled "yes."

"Bobby I need your help."

With eyes still closed he reaches out, strokes her arm and sleepily asks "You ok?"

"No I'm not ok!" she answers harshly and he immediately sits up concerned. "I need French fries" she pouts.

Laying back down he groans "Lindseeeeeee it's late."

"Please!" she begs.

"Just try and sleep Lindsay."

"Try and sleep! I've been lying here for hours trying to sleep. It's not going to happen. I need French fries!"

Through experience Bobby knows that neither will be getting sleep until she has what she wants. So with a minimum of protest, he's also learnt to conserve the energy because no notice is ever taken of it when he argues, he climbs out of bed. For a second he's grateful he wore sweats to bed as it saves him changing then wonders if that gave her the idea he'd be receptive to a late night shopping run. He's slipping his feet into sneakers when he hears "And not Mc Donalds either I need Wendy's"

"Lindsay that's another five blocks away" he whines.

"But you're already out so it's not really a big deal is it?" she so logically replies.

He trudges off thinking "Obviously not to some."

He can't wait for what he calls the terrible twos stage of pregnancy to be over. When everything is I need, I need and tantrums are thrown when these needs aren't speedily met. The most frustrating thing is, he's unable to say no to her. When she looks at him with those big mournful eyes and her hand softly caressing her precious but cumbersome cargo he's reminded of the daily sacrifices she's making in order to nurture this life inside her. How can he say no to anything she asks? Cravings are natural, infuriating but natural. Besides this is a partnership and they each have their roles. She's the carrier he's the fetcher.

So he drags himself out at 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. or whenever she wants, to buy her whatever her heart (stomach) desires. On the plus side he knows she'll look at him when he arrives home with such open adoration, at least he hopes that look is directed at him and not the bag in his hand. He doubts it but a guy can dream can't he? Then he'll get to watch her eat them with ravenous delight. He likes the look of pleasure on her face. Like all that is right with the world is captured in a soggy cold slice of deep fried potato. It amazes him every day the changes this pregnancy has caused in both of them.

They find themselves doing all sorts of things now that they'd never dreamed they'd do purely because it brings pleasure to the other. She even sat through a Celtics game with him last week and remembered to cheer for the right team. All except for once but he suspects that was merely to gage his reaction. His 'I'll deal with you later' look certainly made her smile. Of course good too was the fact they were watching at home on the couch and later ended up being seven minutes later when half time came around. So really he should say she sat through half a Celtics game with him last week. Bobby suspects he makes quite a spectacle driving down practically deserted streets at 2 on a Monday morning with an enormous smile on his face. He doesn't care he'll take moments of happiness wherever he finds them these days and it's thinking over them that keeps him awake on these late night drives.

They've been living some kind of perverse form of normal lately. Taking time for little moments, doing all they can to please each other. Finding comfort and joy in sharing mind and soul. Whether it be reminiscing about who they were and where they've been or admissions of who they want to be and what they hope to still achieve. He wonders if it's the turmoil their live is in now making them open up or if it's a natural progression on their journey of love. Neither seems to admit it but he feels they are cramming as much as possible in now in case they soon run out of time. Lately they've admitted things to one another that have been clouded in secrecy for too long.

Two nights ago Lindsay showed him some drawings from her time at art class and he was surprised by the darkness they portrayed. These weren't the emotionless still lifes she'd shown him at the time. These were pictures of a tortured soul. Stark captured moments, heavy lines, sharp angles and so much fear.

"I needed to find out who I am" she admitted with tears in her eyes and he didn't know what to say.

He looked at them not sure he could understand. As his eyes rose to her again she said "This isn't me but it was." He nodded accepting her admission if not understanding its meaning.

Looking at the drawings he remembered he wasn't there for her at the time. He'd had no idea how lost and afraid she was and was surprised when she finally opened up about her pain. The astonishment he felt as she broke down and clung to him after Vogelman's return, the terror of her cries of "I can smell him" still cuts straight to his heart. Looking at those images he thought he could again hear those cries. He was quiet that night and she sensed he needed time to process what she'd uncovered. She let him be knowing he'd come to her when he was ready.

Bobby had woken at dawn and watched her peacefully sleep. He stole out of bed and to the coffee table where the sketchbook still lay. His eyes again scanned the images his mind hadn't been able to forget. She said that's not who she is anymore and he wondered if he was a part of the reason why. He'd hoped so but he'd also hoped not. It would be gratifying to know he is inside her as deeply as she is in him. He always saw the relationship as symbiotic but in truth what has he given her but pain and now if he's taken away? Has he become too important to her? Their future is precarious and if he's learnt anything these last months it is that nothing can be taken for granted. Could this sorrow happen to her again? Would he be the cause of its return?

He found her beginning to stir when he returned to the bedroom. Her hand absently stroked where his body so recently had lain. He climbed back into the bed, taking her hand in his and awakened her with kisses under her chin. As pleasant a way to wake as it was she found his warm hands and soft lips weren't enough to keep her in the bed.

"Bobby one more kiss and I'll burst. Can you hold that thought till I have time to waddle to the bathroom and back again."

He took the risk and gave her one more kiss. Deep and full, directly on that luscious mouth, then promised her "I'll be right here." He finds himself promising that a lot lately.

As if she'd sensed his needs she took a detour on her way back from the bathroom and returned with a sketchbook in hand. At the time he'd thought she was going to talk some more about the pictures he'd see the night before but she smiled when she handed the book to him and said "This one ... this one is me."

Eagerly he opened it and was just as amazed by what he saw as he was the night before. Only this time it was a pleasant surprise. This picture was obviously them. Long entwined limbs and although their faces weren't defined he could recognize their love. He turned the page and saw a hand tenderly cupping baby toes, turned another and found a furious wind swept sea, page after page of life and hope and joy. "They're beautiful" he'd said and she smiled up at him.

Relaxing into his arms she whispered "I can see beauty again now."

Remembering the feel of her in his arms and the reassuring conversation that followed Bobby's foot steps harder on the accelerator. He's eager to get those fries and get himself back home. It isn't returning home to bed and sleep that he wants now it's to see and hold his wife again.

Day 243

Pleased to be home and out of the rain Bobby opens the door to the apartment. His immediate impression is they've been burgled and the apartment ransacked. Then he notes that the chaos is bizarrely orderly. What on first glimpse looked to be a scattered mess is actually structured piles. He's known some pretty crazy criminals in his time but none warped enough to do this. No this looks more like the workings of his wife. The same person who was feeling tired and needed to rest so begged off accompanying him to visit his father. The person who had crawled into bed so he could give her a sleep well kiss before he left. He'd been worried about leaving her but she assured him all she needed was rest. He left her to give her some peace and quiet and now he arrives home to this.

A loud crash and an angry "dammit" startles him out of his musings and alerts him to the fact Lindsay is in the kitchen. He finds her with every cupboard open and empty and intent on cleaning them inside and out.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asks astonished.

"This place is a mess Bobby" she replies barely glancing his way.

'Yeah now' he thinks 'but it was neat when I left this morning'

"It's filthy, it's disorganized, it's cramped and it's no place for a baby" she says punctuating each word with a furious swipe of a soapy cloth.

"I thought you were tired."

"I am tired. I'm tired of this mess so if you don't mind I don't have time for this chit chat"

Bobby stares at her wondering who this weird woman is. He shakes his head and leaves to go to the bedroom and change out of his rain soaked clothes.

Opening the bureau drawer his hand balks when it comes in contact with underwear and not his either. He shuts the drawer and stares at the bureau in confusion. He counts the drawers verifying it was his he'd opened. Shaking his head he steps forward and opens it again finding the same contents. Where the hell are his T-shirts?

Changing takes an additional ten minutes as he has to search for each article of clothing. Arriving back in the kitchen he says "You changed all the drawers."

"It's more practical this way."

"I hadn't noticed it was impractical before."

"You wouldn't."

He's about to hit back with a response when the phone rings.

"Get that would you" she says

He walks to and sits at his desk, gratified to note she hasn't touched that and answers the phone.

"Lindsay Helen's on the phone." He says walking back into the kitchen.

"Tell her I'll call tomorrow I'm too busy to talk now."

"Lindsay?"

"What?"

"What should I tell her you're doing?"

Lindsay looks up at him as if he's insane and says "Gee I don't know Bobby maybe that I'm painting my toenails."

He groans and walks back to the phone "Helen she's on some bizarre cleaning kick and won't come to the phone. She says she'll call you tomorrow."

"Ah nesting instinct" Helen says.

Bobby replies with a confused "What?" as he wonders if it's something in the water making all women act strange.

"Nesting instinct Bobby. She's preparing the nest for the new arrival it talks about this in chapter..."

"This is a pregnancy thing?" he says surprised.

Helen laughs "Ellenor really should have bought you a book too so you'd have a clue what's going on. It's hormones Bobby, perfectly normal. Ellenor will probably be doing the same thing soon. You know the things Lindsay's going through she going through too. It's all hormones."

Bobby's mind starts to wander over the myriad effects hormones have had on Lindsay over the months, foremost in his mind the second trimester ones, he wonders how they applied to Ellenor and the moment he does he realizes it's a question he doesn't want answered. Thinking of friends like that is almost as bad as thinking of your parents having sex. He cringes and shudders at the thought until Helens voice penetrates "Bobby are you ok?"

"Uh yeah sorry ... so um what does the book say to do about Lindsay?"

"You do know there isn't a chapter about her in it don't you?" Helen teases.

"Funny" he replies.

"Have you considered helping her?" Helen asks and is met with silence. "Obviously not .. bye Bobby" she laughs.

"Bye" He hangs up and walks into the kitchen "Can I uh ... help?"

Five hours later he crawls into bed. His ears still ringing from the barrage of instructions and his muscles screaming from overuse but it was worth it. It may take him six months to remember where everything is now kept because everything HAD to be changed but Lindsay is happy. Happier than he's seen her in a long time and she's sleeping beside him now with a look of sweet contentment on her face.

Day 251

Lucy sits at her desk picking at a carton of Chinese takeout long since gone cold. There really isn't much point in her still being in the office at this time of night but she needs to feel she's doing something productive, needs to feel part of the team. So she stays every night, ordering meals, providing drinks and at their beck and call should they call. They don't very often but she's there nonetheless. Tonight all bar Bobby and Lindsay are there. Involved in the case or not no one felt it right to walk away. After all Bobby has done for them over the years; his door always open, his shoulder strong enough to help carry any burden. How could they not try to give their support back in return?

Bobby, having taken Lindsay home an hour ago, is no longer there to see the flurry of activity and concern meted out on his behalf. Tomorrow would be a long day for Lindsay, for all of them and they insisted tonight she rest. Reduce stress the doctor has continued to warn her and although the reality is that is impossible right now, they've done everything possible to shield and protect her as much as she'll allow. In other words they've fought a losing battle of wills with her. A strategic word in Lindsay's ear by Eugene convinced her it would be best if Bobby went home early tonight and only concern for his welfare enabled them to have her gone at a reasonable hour.

The phone rings and Lucy immediately picks up. Rising to walk to the conference room she says worriedly "Eugene it's Lindsay." He looks up then rises. 'She's crying' Lucy mouths and he decides to take the call in his office. He listens to her, assures her there is no need for concern and then grabbing his jacket leaves the office ignoring the curious looks of the others. Lindsay's frantic words still ringing in his ears.

"Bobby's gone and I don't know where ... He hates this Eugene he hates feeling so useless while everyone's working so hard for him ... he hates the loss of control ... He needs to talk about it but he won't talk to me ... He's broken inside and I'm scared ... Eugene please find him ... please bring him home."

Eugene knows how desperate Lindsay must have felt to have turned to someone for help. Neither Bobby or Lindsay are known for opening up when the pain is deep. He knows what this reticence can do to a relationship and hopes they'll have the strength to succeed where he failed. For now there is not much he can do to help them with that but he can and will bring Bobby home to her. He's positive he knows just where to find him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bobby stands staring out at the darkened courtroom. It had been a comfort to him in the past. A place where he felt in command, respected, important, part of a noble system. He remembered the wide eyed youth, who bumbled through his first cases, a little overawed to find himself in the place he'd dreamed of for so long. So many years later and the image is tarnished, not only is it not a perfect system but he's a far from perfect advocate.

He used to come here at night to regroup. To remind himself what he was fighting for, the greater good. Phrases like 'Liberty and justice for all', 'defend the guilty to protect the innocent', 'the system fails unless defence lawyers do their job' would comfort him, boost his spirit and pride. He hoped to get that comfort again today but instead he feels empty.

Many of the promises this room made him in youth he's since received. That's little comfort to him now. He'd thought, in the long run, his achievements would mean more. Right now they amount to nothing. The law has failed him. The system he's so ardently defended wasn't there to protect his wife, wasn't there when he needed it and is now perversely turned on him to punish him further. What happened to that noble cause he once fought for? He closes his eyes and again relives the events of the day. Sitting at the defence table as the jury was whittled down to the final twelve.

Twelve strangers, six men and six women, morals and beliefs unknown, who have the power to destroy his life. One word from them and he'll lose the right to hold Lindsay in his arms, their child will grow up without him, his freedom lost due to an act of desperation. An act inspired by love and fear. Twelve people who tonight are going on with their lives while his is slipping away.

They'd opted for an immediate trial but now he rues that decision. Delay delay delay he feels himself wish. He's stood strong in his belief he'd take this to trial and win but now as the day draws nigh he has doubts. Is it arrogance that makes him see it as all so simple? Is he missing something here through blind refusal to accept the facts? Is he about to make the worst mistake of his life? Normally he'd turn to Lindsay to answer these questions for him but he can't do that now. She needs him to be strong. He's been certain all along but it's hard to stay that way now.

It's too soon, he's not ready for trial. Surely they could tie this up indefinitely buying him more time with her. He needs to be with her. He wants to see his son born. He wants to hold them both in his arms and delight in their child's every achievement with her. Parenthood, he's dreamed of that for so long. Sitting in a jail cell getting intermittent reports of a child who is a virtual stranger to him, that isn't his dream, that isn't parenthood.

He isn't surprised to see Eugene walk into the room. They've stood here shoulder to shoulder often enough yet he hears himself ask "How did you know I was here?"

"You always used to come here. Me too for that matter." Eugene listens as Bobby talks of long ago and the dreams of their idealistic youth. He sees what Lindsay warned him of, a man broken, searching for purpose. He decides to talk strategy about the case to remind Bobby he's part of the team. Bobby appears to be listening but when he responds its obvious it was his own thoughts that were occupying his mind.

"I'm not missing anything am I? It's my word against Neal's. He's a felon, what's his word? We've got to be able to make reasonable doubt all they have is a convicted felon with a huge incentive to lie!"

He reminds Bobby of the tape. Bobby's focus has always been on the incredulity of Neal, Eugene is more afraid of the tape.

"Can we win Eugene?" Bobby asks and Eugene sees the first hint of doubt.

Eugene wants to say 'Of course Bobby, we'll win Bobby, there's nothing to worry about Bobby' but he can't lie. Bobby isn't asking him for empty platitudes. He's asking for the truth and the truth is that Eugene is scared.

"An outright acquittal? I don't know ... felony murder count all they have to prove is that you sent him there to break in Bobby. That's what scares me ... their offer is still on the table."

"No!" Bobby's certainty returns with that word. He'd need a lot more than doubt to make a deal.

Eugene fears this decision is made through obstinacy and not foresight. He tries a different tactic "Have you spoken to Lindsay about this?"

"She knows my decision and she agrees."

"Are you sure?" Bobby doesn't answer but Eugene sees a flash of anger cross his face he knows his question has hit its mark. "Lindsay just called me."

"Why? Is she ok? Did something happened?" Bobby is looking around for his jacket ready to rush out of the room. "Calm down, she's fine. She was pretty upset though. She's scared, she's worried about you and asked me to find you and bring you home."

"I just needed some time to think."

"Did you tell her that before you walked out?"

Bobby answers with silence.

"From one who knows, if you start shutting her out sooner or later she'll stop trying to get back in."

Bobby nods "I know."

"Do you need a ride?"

"No" he starts to walk away then turns back "Thanks."

Eugene nods hoping Bobby really did hear him. Hoping come tomorrow he won't fail his best friend.

Bobby arrives home and finds Lindsay waiting on the couch. She looks up when he enters and he thinks he sees her mouth 'thank God.' He wonders what it was she was thinking. What was she afraid he'd do? He sits beside her and softly brushes her cheek "I just needed to think" he begins but her arms are around him before another word is said. The strength of her emotion has overwhelmed him. "I was just at the courthouse" he hears himself say apologetically. He doesn't really know what to say.

Her head is buried in his chest but he hears her tearfully say "You're here now."

He nods but realising she can't see this rests his chin against her head drawing her closer. "I'm here now" he whispers quietly, wishing he could promise to always be here.

Day 253

Lindsay feels the anger taking over her completely. She knows it is misplaced. She knows it's really fear making her lash out at their friends and stops herself. Taking a second to regain control she shots them one last disdainful look then walks to Bobby's office. He's on the couch with his head in his hands when she walks in. He straightens when she sits down and although she knows it's the last thing he needs to hear she finds herself saying "I thought they were terrible." Her hand caresses him, trying to offer comfort, while her words wound.

Bobby's voice when he replies is calm, controlled and frighteningly devoid of hope. "There was nothing they could do Lindsay. Twomey had an easy cross because he had the facts. The truth hurts me ... lets face it the line between my innocence and guilt here is a thin one and I probably crossed it."

Lindsay over the years has counselled many a client to stand strong and not allow their spirit to be broken on the witness stand but it's far harder to heed this when it's someone you love's life on the line. She hates that she sees her own fear in Bobby's eyes. Hates that she may never get to sit with him like this again. Tomorrow they'll get up, just like every other day. They'll dress and go to the office, just like every other day. From there they'll travel to the courthouse, a perfectly normal occurrence, listen to closing arguments then sit and wait for a verdict, all so normal. They could be the details of almost a quarter of the day's in her working life. Only this time the verdict could mean she leaves the courthouse alone, she travels home alone to live the greater part of the rest of her life without him. That is not normal.

She wants normal.

"Bobby take me home please?" Lindsay asks and he immediately rises.

Together they walk out. The others merely watch them go. It was silent in the office as they entered, all eyes were glued to them but no one knew what to say. The fact this could be Bobby's last night of freedom was not lost on any of them. The mood left behind was subdued and slightly defeated.

"It's not over yet!" Bec says firmly and they nod, going their separate ways, determined to make a difference.

After arriving home Bobby and Lindsay sat down to eat a meal. Another vain attempt at normality. The food was merely pushed around their plates as they sat their silent and withdrawn. So much to say, so little time to say it and too much fear to try.

The phone rings, as it has been doing all night and Bobby reluctantly rises to answer it. Seeing the futility of sitting to a meal neither are going to eat Lindsay tidies it all away and walks to the lounge and Bobby. She cannot bear to have him out of her sight. She sees him hang up the phone then drop his head into his hands. The only word that could adequately describe him now is despair. She knows people mean well and only wish to show their support but the constant reminder this could be his last night of freedom is too much. She's seen his composure crumble with each well meaning call. She walks to him and runs her fingers through his hair.

"You ok?"

His arms immediately rise and pull her near. His face buried against her. "I can't do this anymore Lindsay ... it's too much ... I just can't do this anymore."

"I know I know" she says leaning down to kiss his head.

She pulls away and turns on the answering machine, she turns the volume down so they wont hear the phone ring and taking his hand leads him to the bedroom.

He helps her get settled in her fortress of pillows and wonders how she'll do this alone tomorrow. She hears the thought just as clearly as if he'd voiced it. She watches his last ounce of strength crumble and draws him to her.

"I need you to promise me something Lindsay" he says as his hands brush through her hair.

"Anything."

He pulls away to look at her "If it happens..." her head shakes not wanting to hear more but his eyes plead with her to listen. "I need you to tell my father Lindsay. I need you to promise you'll be the one to tell him don't let him hear it from a stranger. I need you to call him right away."

She nods not willing to voice the words, not willing to accept the possibility but promising him she will..

"I'll need you to look after him Linds ... I'm all he's got and with me gone..."

"Bobby no! Please don't! Don't give up yet. Anything could happen. Eugene closes well, Neal wasn't that convincing and ..."

"Lindsay?"

She stops and looks at him. "If they offer a deal..." she looks away and he draws her face back "I won't take it" he says steadfastly.

"Bobby?"

"No I can't Lindsay I just can't. There is no way I'll choose to be apart from you. No way. If it involves time served ... no I won't ... I can't."

She draws him down and holds him close. His next words are spoken to her heart. "They'll have to drag me away Lindsay. I won't ever agree to time away from you. I just can't"

"Ok" she says over and over as her fingers soothe him "Ok"

In truth she's torn by the decision. Part of her wants to tell him to take the chance, to be strong and believe they'll win, but then she thinks of the consequence if they lose. One year or worse case two compared to life, the risk is too great. As strange as it seems in the circumstances she thinks Bobby's is still the cooler head. She'll live with his decision. His face raises to hers and she kisses him. Tenderly, reassuringly, they savor each other, reinforcing their newfound resolve.

"I want to see you" he says and his fingers reach for the buttons on her clothes "I need to see you."

No words need to be spoken as he begins to undress her. His fingers are gentle as they move from button to button. His eyes riveted to their motion. She watches him, takes in his every action. He may have been the one to put voice to his need but hers is just as strong. She wants to see him, all of him, if this is to be her last chance she wants it all now. His face is open to her tonight. Words are too painful, they hold such weight, such conviction, it's so much easier to believe something isn't so if you never put voice to it. So instead of empty platitudes and promises they give themselves.

See me and know how I feel. See how much I love you, eyes declare. Believe in me when I say forever. Know this is where I'll always belong.

Lindsay rises so Bobby can slide her shirt off her shoulders. She'd changed into comfort clothes the moment she arrived home but is just as happy now to have them removed. Before he can go any further though she reaches for his buttons. She knows he's watching her as she watched him. She lets all her love, desire, hunger and pain show. There will be no secrets tonight. No half truths. No holding back. She slides the shirt off his shoulder, guides it down his arms only to find it catch on his wrists. A sob leaves her and he gathers her to him laying them back down. Their foreheads touch as they lay face to face. Her legs tangle in his as much for balance as for her need to connect. His hands brush the hair from her face and he kisses her tears away.

She reaches up grasping each wrist and undoing its cuff in turn. His kisses continue as he divests himself of the shirt. He throws it off the bed with distaste. Easier to blame her tears on a piece of tailored cotton than a horror he no longer wants to acknowledge. Her hands have glided up his chest and are now hooked around his neck. Grasping, almost painfully, the hair that resides there. He slides the strap of her bra off her shoulder then reaches behind to undo it clasp. She shakes her head no and in different circumstances he would have laughed at the Eskimo kisses she just gave him. Instead his hand just moves forward and finds the clasp nestled between her breasts. A flick of his fingers and it is released. As he slides the strap down her arm, drawing it away from its perch on his neck, his chest briefly brushes her breasts.

A thousand memories of the two of them skin to skin rush through his mind.

Bobby's brought back to the present by the feel of Lindsay's fingers brushing against his cheeks. He realizes she's wiping his tears away. The act only reinforces how much he loves her. How much he wants to express this to her now. How much he wants to feel her strength, her warmth, her touch.

If this is to be their last night he doesn't want to waste any of it lost in oblivion.

Each second is too precious. Every moment a joy to be cherished. His hand rests on her hip. Finding a zipper there he draws it down. He watches the ever increasing v of skin as the material separates. He moves out of her embrace so he can remove the remainder of her clothing. Unable to let him go her hand rests on his thigh as he kneels before her. She watches him. Feels his hand stroking over her hip where she's cradled him so often. She holds precious so many memories of him there.

Soon she's unclothed and open before him. Her eyes ask him for the same. He moves up the bed and helps her rise. She sinks on knees spread wide to accommodate her girth and reaches for him. Her hands slide up his thighs rising to the button on his waistband. Her hands shake as she tries to undo it. He cups her cheek with his hand and leaning into it she looks up and into his eyes. She can be strong when he looks at her like that. Moments of doubt become certainty under the power of his gaze. She remembers what it felt like to pledge her life to him as his eyes bored into her. As much as the vows were sacred it was the spirit and promise in his eyes that spoke strongest to her of his undying love. She tries to convey that to him now. To remind him she's his for life. No matter what, she will be his, always.

Her fingers strengthened by her resolve easily slip the button from its catch and carefully slide the zipper down. Moving the material apart, she slides her hands across his stomach and to his hips, then pushes his pants down. His boxers are next to go and when both items are bunched at his knees Bobby sits back so she can remove them the rest of the way. Their eyes devour each other. From the tips of his toes to the hair her fingers messed earlier he's exquisite. Every inch precious to her. For him she is the embodiment of perfection. Beauty, virtue, intelligence, love, warmth and joy, she gives these all to him.

Lindsay rises on her knees and shuffles forward towards him. Her movements far from graceful but to Bobby they are elegance personified. His arms reach out to her and ease her down beside him. Once again they lay with foreheads touching. Naked and raw their hands share stories. His fingers lightly brush over her scars and his eyes tell her he's treasured every additional day they've been blessed with. 'I would have died without you' she thinks she hears them say and kisses him before he can put such a thought into words. She will not think of loss tonight. Not with him here, so close, so alive, so beautiful.

His hands make love to her. Traveling every valley and rise of her body. Hers hold him, cherish him. 'Remember when' each touch says. As minds and bodies tire kisses become essential. Though the room had been silent save for soft sighs and beating hearts, kisses reawaken tongues. Lips separate and travel over faces, necks, fingers, chests and shower them with soft words "I love you" "I love you" "I love you"

Whispered promises and devotions herald in the new day.

Bobby insists she sleep and for the sake of their child Lindsay complies. She clasps his hand tightly in hers unwilling to let him go. He watches over her, unprepared to lose a moment, listens to her breathe and sigh. To never be able to lay like this again is a nightmare he's afraid to never wake from. Lindsay's face is at peace even if her heart is not. Bobby's fingers play through her hair as it graces her pillow. So soft so silky. He counts the freckles that lightly adorn her face and promises to kiss each one, one last time. Her mouth moves and he suspects he heard his name. He's not sure whose dream is sweeter his or hers.

He plans to wake her at dawn and make love to her, gentle and slow. He won't let her cry. They'll face the day, heads held high, a team with spirits unbroken.

Day 254

They sit in silence, words being too trite for the situation. Too much emotion, too much fear and no one's willing to contemplate what may be about to occur. A knock on the door disturbs their musings and Twomey enters calling for Eugene. Eugene begins to rise but Bobby decides it's his life and he won't be treated like he has no role to play here.

"No, we're all lawyers here" Bobby says rising and challenging Twomey to look him in the eye as he continues this vendetta.

"The offers on the table, aiding and abetting a felonious assault, two and a half years."

"Give us a second" Eugene says wanting to step in before Bobby makes a decision through pride and not reason. He sees Ellenor reach out to comfort Lindsay as Twomey leaves and knows she's going to need it after he has his say. As much as he hates what he's about to say he has to say what he believes. Calmly, hoping to dispel a storm, he quietly states "I think we should take it."

Lindsay looks at Eugene not with the animosity he expected but with fear, believing in his judgement and questioning if he's sure. The idea he believes they should take the deal is obviously distressing to Lindsay but he can see she doesn't resent him for doing so. Her trust strengthens him and he turns to Bobby and asks "Can I go take it?" unable to hide the apologetic tone in his voice. Eugene feels he has let Bobby down, after all Bobby has done for him over the years he hasn't been able to repay him now.

"No" Bobby says decisively then turns to Lindsay. His voice softens and begs for understanding "I just can't Lindsay." Her eyes pierce into him and he needs to look away. He can't watch as he hurts her this way. Maybe he is wrong he thinks and decides it's time he listened to the opinions of those he trusts. "Ellenor?" he asks hoping she sees it as he does but deep down he fears her response will be the same as Eugene's. His consolation is that she too seems undecided.

"I don't know Bobby" Ellenor says, hating that she may be about to inflict even more pain, "I feel good on murder one and conspiracy ... but on felony murder I ... I just don't know."

Lindsay's eyes have watched Bobby this whole time. He may not have been able to meet them but he can feel them. He sees her wipe the tears he's placed there away and takes a deep breath. It's not just about him anymore, it's her life too. He wants to do the right thing by her but what is that? Twomey knocks and reenters before Bobby has come to a decision.

"Look we, we need another minute" Eugene says annoyed with the intrusion.

"Well we haven't got it. The jury's back. They have a verdict so either you take the deal now or we go in there."

Bobby quickly looks at Lindsay and her eyes tell him 'I trust you, I'll support you, do what you need to.' He looks away with his decision made. "We go in there" Bobby says strong and firm. He hears Lindsay expel a long breath and when he looks at her again she seems to have sunk in on herself. The strong composure she's held so long diminishes as she looks despondently at him now.

Lindsay looks up at him, wanting to believe he knows he's right but the look he offers her in return is apologetic. The decision having been made she sees doubt creep in. When she most needs his strength he appears to be losing it. His words from last night echo through her mind 'There is no way I'll choose to be apart from you ... They'll have to drag me away ... I won't ever agree to time away from you ... I just can't.'

The sentiment she approves of but the reality tears her apart. Is he sacrificing his future because of her? Can he really risk life imprisonment for the sake of two and a half years? Doesn't he know she'll wait forever if needs be? Take the deal she suddenly wants to scream but then considers him spending time imprisoned and she cannot entertain the thought of agreeing to it. Prison would destroy him. Bobby already carries so much guilt; a lifetime of it. He needs to be surrounded with love, showered with love not imprisoned.

This past year he's doubted himself, he's struggled with his past, his insecurities and regrets have weighed heavy on his mind. Prison would only give him a chance to succumb to them. His mothers death and his hand in it, choices he made as a struggling new lawyer and again as one now disheartened by the system, deceptions and misdeeds have all recently come to the fore leaving him reevaluating who he is. He won't find the man she knows he can be confined to a jail cell. No she cannot let him take the deal, not just for her but for him. He needs to be with her and their son.

Movement surrounds her but she cannot will herself to join in. She doesn't want to leave this room ... ever. She doesn't want to face this next terrifying step and the chance they may be making the worst mistake of their lives. They can't expect her to sit there and watch Bobby's freedom be taken away. She can't be expected to be strong now ... no ... she won't do it.

Lindsay hears Bobby's voice, feels the weight of his hand on her shoulder, hears footsteps and a door closing. His hand runs along her arm as he squats down beside her chair. His knees crack and she turns to him and smiles. Ordinarily she'd tease him about his impending age but now doesn't feel the right time for it. She wants to be able to tease him. His eyes tell her he hears the joke all the same but it is not the same. Lindsay wants their old life back. Bobby's face becomes blurry as tears gather in her eyes. Furiously she swipes the tears away and looking up sees they are alone in the room. She has to accept it, there is no delaying it, it will happen whether she's ready or not.

Knowing they can't stay here forever Lindsay rises from the chair and helps Bobby to his feet. She stares at the chest now filling her eye line and of their own accord her hands raise and straighten his tie, smooth his lapels, feel once more his warmth, his strength, him.

Bobby's hands reach out and still Lindsay's, raising them to his lips he says "Lindsay if..."

Her head slowly shakes from side to side before garnering speed as she moans "No no no no no"

He pulls her to him gathering her fears into himself. His hands rub over her back and hers wrap around his neck, pulling his head down to rest on her shoulder. Their bodies mold into one another. Emotions swirling then settling as strength is regained.

A knock is heard on the door but no one enters. The message, however, is loud and clear. It's time to go. Bobby raises his head from her shoulder and looks at her.

Finding strength and certainty from who knows where Lindsay smiles assuredly at him "This isn't goodbye" she says and watches a relief wash over him.

Taking in a long breath Bobby looks away and then back at her and asks "Are you sure?"

"Bobby you've believed all along. If you're doubting now it's only fear talking."

"I'm terrified" he confesses.

"I am too" she whispers.

"But we're doing this?" the plea 'please tell me it's right' is heard in his voice.

Nodding, Lindsay's hands frame his face as she rises and softly brushes her lips against his. The kiss holds no urgency but plenty of promise. Until later it says.

Lindsay gathers her bag and their coats and Bobby guides her out of the room to the relief of the anxiously waiting Ellenor and Eugene. En mass they walk into the courtroom to hear the verdict. A confident composed facade belies the turmoil swirling within.

Bobby holds Lindsay's hand until the very last moment. He gives it one last squeeze as she sits and then she's left to watch him walk away flanked by Eugene and Ellenor.

'It is not going to happen, it is not going to happen, it is NOT going to happen' she chants over and over.

As he reaches his chair Bobby turns to look at her. She smiles at him knowing what he's trying to say. She loves him too. Her chants have become such a part of her that she's actually starting to believe it and her smile broadens. He looks at her with such pride it's heartbreaking to her but she refuses to cry. 'I'll save that for the celebration' she thinks.

The clerk calls out "All rise" and Bobby turns to face forwards. Lindsay pushes out of her chair, watches as Judge Knapp walks towards the bench and takes his seat, sits as those around her sit and listens to him call for the jury to be brought in. Today Lindsay finds the once comforting formalities of the courtroom perverse, designed merely to draw out their torment.

The jury begins to file into the courtroom and Lindsay's eyes scan them eagerly for a sign they see Bobby for the man he truly is. She finds herself taking heart in the craziest of details. The older woman is wearing a scarf similar to the one Lindsay bought her mother last Christmas, five of the jurors are in blue and the foreman's shirt would suit Bobby's Dad. These have to be omens it will all be ok. If asked for a logical explanation she couldn't give it but she needs to believe in it to stop her urge to stand up and cry out in Bobby's defense.

She wanted so much to testify but Bobby wouldn't hear of it saying he couldn't put her through the stress. He reminded her that her testimony would only go to his character and she has a rather obvious bias where that is concerned. She knows he is right and she isn't needed to strengthen his case but to sit back and let his future be decided without having the chance to make her plea is tortuous. She wants a chance to tell them what a wonderful man he is, how much she needs him, loves him, admires and adores him. Keeping silent is hard for Lindsay. She wants to fight for Bobby too.

This morning she woke secure in Bobby's arms. He made love to her, slow and sweet and as the pleasure coursed through her body she ran the gamut of emotions. The strength she'd fought so long to maintain for his sake finally crumbled. Clinging to him, fearing this moment could be their last, she cried as she spoke of having failed him, of having been his downfall but without the recourse to help him. She broke apart admitting she hated that their future would be decided on by twelve people who have no idea how she feels. Bobby surprised her with his heartfelt words.

He assured her that what kept him going through this ordeal was the love radiating off her as she sat there day after day, the knowledge that from the very first moment he knew she supported him and would be there for him totally and his pride that no person in that courtroom could ever doubt the way she feels about him. He held her as his words forged her resolve. Finally assured of her importance to him she walked into court, by his side, proud and determined her message would continue to be heard.

Lindsay can only hope he's right that the jury has received her silent message and that they can see the truth despite Twomey's lies. That Bobby could be perceived as a murderer is abhorrent to her. They must be able to see the true essence of her man.

"Mr Donnell will you please rise" Judge Knapp says and Lindsay takes in a deep breath knowing the time has come, finally, yet too soon.

'Not guilty not guilty not guilty' Lindsay begins to chant as she watches the foreman stand and prepare to read the verdict. Her heart increases in speed as each "Not guilty" is spoken by him and when the final one is announced a strange calmness passes over her. Her breath is expunged as she thinks 'Thank God!" She expected she'd be exhilarated, she'd scream for joy, jump up wanting to hug everyone through sheer excitement but all she wants is to take Bobby home.

Lindsay grabs their coats and walks towards him. Bobby's arm reaches out for her and he says "Get me out of here." She understands because she feels the same. She needs the security of something intimate, a place that feels normal and most of all him. The arms and voices reaching out to them are barely felt as they hurry towards the elevator. As the doors close behind them her forehead finds his chest. She feels numb, exhausted, delighted, but with a strange sense of apprehension. She's afraid to celebrate, afraid it's a dream and the moment she begins to believe in it she'll wake up.

It can't truly be over can it? She's believed that before only to have things turn from bad to worse. After hearing of Hinks' death she rejoiced. Hating herself as she did so but unable to stop nonetheless. She was appalled that she could offer prayers of thanks for the death of another person but at the same time was unable to lament his death. The next day when Bobby was arrested she felt suitably punished for her lack of compassion. Right now she feels a sense of de ja vu and wonders what catastrophe will occur if she allows joy to again creep in.

"That uh ... that went well" Ellenor stammers stunned.

Lindsay doesn't have the strength or desire to respond. The silence that follows suggests they are all in a state of introspection. The elevator doors open on the car park level and they slowly walk towards Ellenor's car. She asks if Bobby wants to pass on the news but he merely shakes his head and mumbles "you can."

Ellenor dials the office as they stand solemnly around the car. The excitement on the other end is in stark contrast to the sober mood of those who most should be celebrating. Lindsay declines the offer of the front seat instead preferring to squeeze in the back with Bobby. She's not yet ready to lose contact with him. The enormity of the situation seems to be slowly sinking in for all of them. When Lindsay is settled Bobby reaches out, turns her face to his and smiles.

'Is this really happening' his eyes seem to ask and her tears begin to fall as she nods that it is. His hand slides over her shoulder and draws her to him.

"You all set back there?" Ellenor asks and Bobby tells her they are right to go.

Lindsay notices none of their changing surroundings. She knows only that she is with Bobby, they are heading towards an undaunting future and she's never felt so relieved in her life. When she gets him home, when the incredulity wears off they will celebrate the return of their lives.

"What's going on?" Lindsay hears Ellenor ask fearfully and she turns from Bobby to look out the window.

The office building is surrounded by emergency vehicles, fire trucks, police cars and paramedics all with lights flashing. The sidewalk is filled with people watching on.

Unable to drive closer Ellenor stops allowing them to climb out while she finds somewhere to park. Bobby and Eugene rush ahead but are stopped by one of the police officers guarding the way. Lindsay hears Bobby argue animatedly and she calls to him as she hurries forward. His horrified face scares her. When she's again by his side he places his hands on her shoulders and somewhat shell shocked says "There's been an explosion ... it's our office and there's casualties but they don't know who or how bad ... they won't let us through."

Eugene is questioning the officers trying to get more precise details but is having no luck. Bobby again begins to argue to be let through and Lindsay makes use of the officers distraction slips past him. She hears his angry protest but ignores it hurrying on her way. She hears Bobby insist that's his wife and he won't be stopped from going after her and the next thing she knows they are all in the building. They're forced to take the stairs as the elevator is cordoned off for emergency use only. Half a flight away Lindsay tells Bobby she's fine and gives him permission to run on ahead. Bobby and Eugene rush past her and lack of breath and stamina soon causes Lindsay to lag behind.

She arrives in the corridor in time to see a bloodied and battered Lucy wheeled out with Bobby by her side. When Lucy's followed by an unconscious and obviously critical Rebecca the enormity of the situation hits. The stench of smoke and the severity of Rebecca's injuries are enough to knock the last ounce of breath out of Lindsay's lungs. She watches as Bobby and Eugene leave with the paramedics and after a quick look in at the destruction of the office she turns to again tackle the stairs. She meets up with Ellenor when she gets outside. Ellenor's expression shows she saw the dire consequences of the explosion.

"They're headed to St Anne's let's go" Ellenor says and they make their way back to the car fearful of the news they'll hear when they get to the hospital.

They arrive at the hospital to find a somewhat shell shocked Bobby and Eugene. Bobby looks up as they enter. He rises and walks towards them. Lindsay is in his arms immediately. His hold on her so tight she knows the news is bad.

"Tell me?" she pleads and he raises his head from her shoulder.

"I think Lucy's ok ... she was talking on the way over but ..." his eyes close not wanting to face the thought. Lindsay leans forward laying her forehead against his. Her hands rest in his hair, gently stroking, encouraging him to talk. "Eugene says Bec isn't, they won't tell us anything, we're just waiting to hear."

Lindsay turns and looks at Eugene who has obviously just given Ellenor the same news if her startled countenance is anything to go by.

"C'mon" Lindsay says and leads Bobby by the hand over to where the others are standing.

Hugs are exchanged all around as suddenly the need to acknowledge each other's importance has arisen. Unable to face their fear they talk of Bec's strength and courage, needing that glimmer of hope to hold onto.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not overly fond of hospitals and never one to sit and wait Bobby was too restless to stay long. Needing to act he left for the office where he could oversee the cleanup and investigation as well as make a start on his motion to override Elaine's refusal of consent. Jimmy and Ellenor took Lucy home while Helen, wanting vengeance, went to harass Mike into chasing down everyone who has any link to William Hinks. That left Eugene, Elaine and Lindsay to sit vigil awaiting news on Rebecca's condition. Lindsay was left with strict instructions to contact Bobby the moment she heard anything.

Back aching, head aching, heart aching Lindsay waits and waits. Conversation is kept to a minimum as each is focussed on their own thoughts and prayers. As the hours wear on with no news forthcoming apprehension sets in. Eugene becomes restless and leaves to collect refreshments. Lindsay and Elaine take his offered drinks gratefully. They sip at them but finding no comfort in the act put them aside. Eugene having walked off his unease slowly sits again.

Lindsay rises to call Bobby. Although she doesn't have news she needs to hear his voice. She hears his gratitude over the line and knows he's feeling just as lost in the office without her as she is feeling there. She asks if he has told his father, she asks details about the state of the office, she asks about his research on consent and when she's run out of things to ask she just listens to him work because she can't ask of him what she most wants to. Come to me Bobby, hold me, help make this nightmare go away.

She makes her way back to the chairs and clasps Elaine's hand as she sits. It's hard sitting here with her knowing come morning they will be seeking a court order to override her wishes but right now they are united in their desire for Bec to survive the surgery. Nothing else matters compared to the fact Rebecca must live.

Day 255

Bobby had called and informed them Judge Fox wanted the motion presented in court, so leaving Eugene to wait with Bec, Lindsay rushed to Bobby's side. Although only having a brief glance at the destruction the bomb caused yesterday she can see the considerable effort that's gone into making the office functional again so soon. She knows Bobby is greatly responsible and walks into what's left of his office to find him.

He looks up when she enters and Lindsay asks "Did you get any sleep at all?"

"Maybe ... a couple of hours ... I don't know ... This is what I have so far can you look over it for me?"

Lindsay takes the files he's compiled and sits on the couch. She looks up at Bobby and is surprised, considering the night he's been through, that he's able to make yesterday's suit so presentable. She hopes she looks better than she feels. Having read through his nights work she rises and begins to walk away.

"Is it ok?" he asks concerned.

"I just want to check on something."

As she begins to walk out the door he asks "Did you sleep?"

"I'm fine Bobby" she says and rushes out before she has to admit hospital chairs are not conducive to an eight months pregnant woman sleeping.

Eugene had tried to send her home, he'd even gone so far as offering to ride with her in the cab, claiming he needed a break anyway. Lindsay knew it was a lie and he didn't want to leave. She refused his offer not only because of that but also because she didn't want to go home. She didn't want to leave Bec, she wanted to be there to hear whatever news there was immediately. As the one who had introduced Hinks to the firm Lindsay felt she owed it to Bec to stay and she'd promised Bobby she'd be here.

These weren't the only reasons she said no though. If she was completely honest with herself she'd admit she didn't want to go home alone. To walk into the apartment without Bobby was too close to what she'd feared would be happening that night. It conjured up the nightmares she'd had of late of him being led away to spend his life in prison. She didn't want to face an empty apartment. So she couldn't leave the hospital and she wouldn't go home without Bobby.

Lindsay walks from Bobby's office towards the library to verify an aspect of his research. Taking what she needs she settles herself in the conference room to work without distraction. A short time later she hears Bobby talking with Lucy in the library and rises to join them, telling him of her findings. "There's only a presumption in favour of family members it's not codified anywhere."

She can see Bobby's relief as she hands the case numbers to Lucy to print out. "The best cases are from New Jersey" she tells him moving to the printer to collect the data. Her back spasms again as it has been doing since about four o'clock that morning. She gives it a desperate rub willing the pain to go away.

Bobby walks towards her and asks "Are you ok?"

Lindsay looks up at him and sees the concern on his face. "It's just my stupid back" she tells him making light of it while mentally adding 'and head and feet and ankles and whole damn body.'

Not wanting to worry Bobby, Lindsay keeps the extent of her discomfort from him. She blames it on a night spent in uncomfortable hospital chairs devoid of his magic fingers working out the kinks and stresses of the day. What she wouldn't give for a massage and a good nights sleep now. As well as not wanting to worry him she keeps it to herself as she doesn't want Bobby to have second thoughts about allowing her to accompany him into court today. She's excited to be working again, detests the circumstances but preparing to march into court by his side she feels like herself for the first time in a long time. A fairly standard 3rd trimester back ache is not going to stop her now.

"C'mon Lindsay we should go" Bobby says and Lindsay hurries off to get her coat before he sees anything in her that gives him cause for concern.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I believe with a short evidentiary hearing we could prove that she would want the transfusion, yes!" Bobby says hoping against hope he sounds convincing.

"Lets go then." Judge Fox replies and Bobby realises he now has to back up his claims with evidence he doesn't have.

"Well we need an hour to..." Bobby pauses thinking, I can't say make something up, then adds quickly "get our witnesses."

"You have an hour" Fox says and Bobby's mind starts churning for ideas of what to do.

Lindsay watches him throw everything into his briefcase and turn to walk out of the court. The concerned, protective Bobby of the past two months is gone. His mind focussed solely on saving Rebecca. Lindsay doubts right now he even remembers she's pregnant. He is certainly making no concession for her in his stride. She hurries after him knowing she will not be able to keep up with this pace for long.

As they walk out the door she asks "What are you going to do?" Hoping getting him to talk will make his pace a little closer to manageable for her.

"I'm open to suggestions" he replies then abruptly stops and turns.

Lindsay tries to hide her breath of relief. Although her hands crave again rubbing her aching back she won't while he's looking at her. She watches an idea arise on Bobby's face.

"Actually Rebecca told you once that she would want a transfusion right? ... No Fox would see through that, I think she told Lucy."

She sees his desperation and has to stop him before he becomes too invested in the plan "Bobby!"

He hears her censure in that one word and argues "I can't just let her die!"

"You're not going to suborn perjury" she insists.

"Everyone can sue me after she wakes up." Bobby couldn't care less about the legalities at the moment. He's prepared to do whatever it takes and to hell with the consequences.

"No Bobby!" Lindsay knows he needs her now to be the one who thinks clearly, to keep his emotion in check. "I won't let you."

"What are we supposed to do Lindsay? Sit back and..."

"You're not going to lie to the court!" Her eyes tell him that she's serious and will not be swayed. He knows she's right but he can't see any other way around this and he wont give up. Lindsay keeps her eyes glued to his until he sighs and she can see he's not going to press the issue anymore. "Think about Bec and what she'd want." she tells him and he looks at her as if she slapped him.

"Lindsay don't ask me to give up ..."

"I'm not saying that Bobby! I'm saying ... Do you know anyone who abhors dishonesty more than Bec?"

Bobby shakes his head no. He knows Rebecca wouldn't approve of lying to the court but he doesn't have any other ideas. "So what do you suggest we do?" he asks.

"We know Rebecca" Lindsay says "We know her better than anyone, better than Elaine I'm sure ... so we use that."

Bobby looks interested. "How?"

"Negate the evidence. Fox wants proof Rebecca isn't Jehovah's Witness well we'll go point by point and show her how she isn't. We know her Bobby, we know her life, her beliefs and we'll show them that."

Lindsay watches as the reality of the situation kicks in, as Bobby realises he doesn't have to lie because he already holds the truth. His eyes close as he takes a calming breath. He nods then opens his eyes to look at her again. He smiles and rests his arm across her shoulder "Let's go" he says and together they walk away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lindsay doesn't have to hear Judge Fox's ruling to know which way it will go. She sees the uncertainty in her eyes, can tell by her manner that she's unconvinced. Bobby's earlier impassioned plea, his open and honest declaration of love has been in vain. Lindsay knows he won't be able to accept this ruling. It's been difficult for her to keep him in check, to keep him from allowing emotion to override reason, and she knows she won't be able to contain him now when the ruling takes all his hope away.

She can feel the tension rising off of him. She knows he still believes the judge will see it his way. It's incomprehensible to Bobby that someone could choose not to do everything possible to save a life. Lindsay loves this about him, his compassion and ability to love so completely. He gives his heart so deeply, opens himself to so much pain because the one thing Bobby cannot accept in life is loss. It crushes him. He likes his world as it is, filled with those he holds dear and will fight tooth and nail to prevent any of them ever being taken away. Life is too precious to surrender, loss too painful to bear.

Lindsay's body is thrumming with fear and despair. Bobby's about to get hurt and she's incapable of preventing it happening. She feels heartsick, she feels ... strange. The ache in her back has increased in severity and right now she can barely stand to keep still. What she really wants to do is curl up and sleep for a week. Forget this nightmare they're in, forget the last two weeks and most of all forget this increasing pain. She tries to push it out of her mind and keep her concentration going long enough to hear the ruling but each second makes it even more difficult to cope.

The pain is distorting her perceptions. She feels strange, her body just doesn't feel right, nervous exhaustion she decides and with her last ounce of strength looks up as Judge Fox says "Petitioner's motion for a court order is denied."

Lindsay feels Bobby rise from his chair and hears him cry out desperately that Bec will die but she can't stop him, can't calm him, can't help him because suddenly she knows this back pain she's been fighting all day may not have been back pain after all. Her hand clutches the table for support as a flash of pain so intense buckles her. A thousand fears rush through her mind silencing Bobby and Judge Fox as they argue. As she tries to get comfortable, tries to ride out the force of what she fears now is a contraction she tries to tell herself this cannot possibly be happening. Her body tells her it is. Her water breaks and immediately after she's hit with another spasm even more intense than the last. No longer able to keep control she cries out as she drops to the floor. There is no denying it now, her son is on his way and he isn't planning on waiting for anyone.

Lindsay's cry cuts Bobby off mid argument. He looks to her chair but she's gone. When he hears her cry out again he sees she's on the floor doubled over in pain. 'Oh God she's losing the baby' he immediately thinks. It's his worst nightmare all over again. They were told she needed to rest yet he's dragged her through hell these past weeks and now she's losing the baby.

His mind flashes back to her deathly white face in that hospital room mere weeks ago. He sees the doctors hovering, words he heard then but refused to allow to permeate his mind suddenly return full force, haemorrhage, unviable, lungs underdeveloped, severe complications, need more time. Where are those doctors now when he needs them?

Bobby can't bear to see the fear on Lindsay's face. To hear her cries and know there is nothing he can do. He's never felt so useless in his life. He's failed her. Failed his son before they even met. It's unforgivable. He finds himself shutting down, time seems to slow and the room spins.

This can't be happening. It's too soon!

He cries out for the doctors, he begs her to hold on as he watches the flurry of activity and just hopes they can help her until the paramedics arrive. He can't help her. All he seems to ever do is hurt her.

She should never have been in court today. They've been on an emotional roller coaster for so long. They've been going non stop now for 48 hours and it was crazy of him to let this happen. He should have sent her home to bed not let her wait all night in hospital chairs. He should have insisted she rest today not dragged her into court with him. He should have seen this coming he was supposed to be her protector. What happened to his promise never to let anybody hurt her again?

He feels displaced as if the activity around him is happening somewhere else. Was he more cognitive he'd recognize symptoms of shock but he doesn't and all he can hear are Lindsay's plaintive cries. He winces from the pervasive sound. Prays for Lindsay, prays for the baby, searches for hope in his breaking heart. He finds himself drawing nearer with no recollection of moving. As if his body knows even when his mind doesn't that he belongs by her side.

"I see the head"

Elaine's words sink in and it hits him that no matter how hard he prays this is going to happen. They can't stop it this time. He finds himself drawn forward curiosity beginning to override panic. The white noise rushing through his ears begins to recede and voices become clearer. "Where?" he hears himself say as he moves closer still. He looks at the faces of the three women and for the first time sees life not fear. Resolve, purpose and urgency but no alarm.

Could it be that the baby is ok? Can he really afford to believe it? Is this really going to happen? Is everything really going to be ok?

He wants so much to believe it could be true. He wishes he knew. Surely it's happening too fast. Babies are supposed to take forever aren't they. Twenty one hours his mother once said he took. He has no idea how much time has passed but surely it hasn't even been twenty one minutes. If the paramedics still aren't here it can't have been a long time. Could everything be ok happening this fast? Isn't that a sign something must be wrong? Baby's are supposed to take forever aren't they?

Again he looks at the faces around him. Elaine's concentration shows no fear, even Judge Fox shows only excitement but then it's not like either of them have anything to loose. It's his life on the line, his world tearing apart here. He looks at Lindsay as another cry from her wrenches through him and it hits him, her eyes, above the pain are hopeful, exhilarated, she hasn't given up. As distressed and distracted as she appears there is also a serenity about her. Maybe not in her words or her manner but he sees it there in her heart. This is a beginning not an ending. Her whole demeanor purveys hope and joy.

If she believes he can believe.

He looks down at the miracle of his child entering the world. The head slowly comes into view, the color strange, features obscured and Bobby's mouth goes dry. 'Please God let him be alive' he chants unable to tear his eyes away. It's singularly the most amazing and terrifying vision he's ever seen. He sees their child and searches for signs of life.

He hears Elaine instructing Lindsay to bear down and push and Lindsay's ensuing intense cry again tears at his heart. "Here he comes" he hears as the shoulders emerge and the baby slides into Elaine's waiting arms. Her hands move like lightening, his face is cleaned, his mouth moves as a cry is emitted. It's the most glorious sound Bobby's ever heard and it cures all his fear.

The baby's alive! They have a son, he's perfect!

Bobby hears his name being called but can barely draw his eyes from the child. The need to share becomes too strong and his eyes tear themselves away to meet Lindsay's. Her expression mirrors exactly what he feels if only he had the words to describe it.

"We have a son!" he hears himself say. He feels it course through his veins, the joy and amazement so strong, so overpowering. He tries to tell her how proud he is but when he opens his mouth "We have a son" is again all that comes out. The look on her face tells him no other words are needed.

"Can I see him please" Lindsay longingly pleas and Bobby snaps out of his trance.

Bobby follows the baby as he is passed to Lindsay and his arms surround them both. He holds his family to him, no one else matters but these two people, his wife and his son. Tears cannot be held in and he doesn't even try to. Lindsay's hands touch the child, her eyes, awed, meet his as she shows him each miraculous feature. He's incapable of action all he can do is hold them, treasure them, keep them near. He'd never felt such fear now he's never felt such joy.

He doesn't know how long they hold each other for but he doesn't let go until he feels hands clutching at his shoulders. Elaine's voice gently informs him "The paramedics are here Bobby, let them do their work."

Hands reach out and take the baby from Lindsay. Her eyes follow him covetously and concerned. She looks desperately to Bobby and he rises to accompany the baby. He watches over him as he's checked then wrapped in a blanket. He returns to Lindsay's side and places the baby back in her arms. He kisses her cheek and to the query in her expectant eyes he states "He's perfect!" Her hand reaches for his as she's wheeled out of the courtroom. He holds on tight as he walks proudly beside her. Her face again content with her child in her arms.

The act of being paraded through the courthouse and loaded into the ambulance breaks their trance like amazement. Suddenly they are again thrust into the real world. The magical spell they found themselves in reverting back to a just as delightful reality. He beams with pride at all the curious delighted faces but only one tiny face is graced with the sweep of Lindsay's eyes. As the ambulance begins to move Bobby takes hold of his son's hand and with delight in his eyes says to her "We did it!"

Lindsay laughs at his use of 'we.' "Remind me again why I'd wanted you in the room" she teases.

"I'm sorry" he says, his face sinking in chagrin, "I was scared" he whispers.

"You think I wasn't?"

"I thought..." He looks away not finishing his thought.

Lindsay reaches out and strokes Bobby's cheek, bringing his attention back to her. "What did you think?" she asks gently.

"I thought you were losing him I thought it was like last time only this time I wasn't going to get you to the hospital in time." He says it in one breath, like he wants the thought out and gone before ever having to entertain it again.

"Oh Bobby, no." Lindsay looks at the child in her arms "He is early Bobby but he's strong."

"He's perfect" Bobby says staring with wonder at the baby. "I panicked ... I had no idea what to do and they seemed to know.... I just wanted what was best for you..."

"Bobby"

His eyes leave their son and raise to her "Yeah?"

"You are what's best for me."

"Still?"

"Always."

She draws his face down and tenderly kisses him. Hoping the truth of her words are evident in her actions. She's pleased to see the joy return to his face but can't help having another jab at him. "You realize if you hadn't kept putting off attending Lamaze class you may have had a clue." Her eyes show there is no censure in her words. Fighting for Bobby's acquittal had taken precedence over Lamaze. Preparations for the baby were put on hold. She should have known he'd have Bobby's stubborn streak and make his appearance while they were unprepared.

Bobby groans continuing the charade, enjoying the mischief in Lindsay's eyes. He knows her plan. This is a time of joy and she doesn't want him bogged down in guilt. He plays along not wanting to give her concern. With his puppy dog face he bows his head saying. "You're never going to forgive me for this are you?"

She grins "Oh you're forgiven Bobby but living it down is another story." Her hand runs over the baby's head "The story of his birth is one he'll get to hear and laugh over often."

Bobby chuckles resting his chin on her shoulder. He too has stories he plans to tell his son. As if recognizing Bobby's thought Lindsay rolls her eyes and laughs. They turn their attention back to their son's angelic face. Lindsay runs her finger over a nose she'd recognize anywhere and feels Bobby smile.

"Poor kid" he chuckles and she turns and kisses the adult version.

Pulling away she says "I can't believe what I already feel for him Bobby. I thought I already loved him I thought I knew what to expect but holding him in my arms..." her head shakes as the strength of her emotion makes words impossible to come by. Bobby doesn't need the words though the emotions are buried just as deeply in his soul. "Bobby we need to let it go now."

He looks at her not understanding what she means so she explains. "I know you don't want to give up the fight Bobby but we need to." He looks away the grimace telling her he doesn't want to hear this. "Elaine should be with Rebecca now not in court fighting against us. Families should be together at times like this. Bec needs her mother, Elaine needs to be with her daughter." She looks at her own child and says "She's her mother Bobby they should be together. It was wrong of us to keep them apart."

His hand plays with that of his son's and he knows, as a parent, by his child's side is where he belongs "I know" he says quietly.

Lindsay hears the words but knows as much as Bobby believes them he cannot let go. He can't give up on the fight with Bec's life still at stake. His emotional plea to the court aside Rebecca is more than just a person he loves. She's been an integral part of his life for so long. For fifteen years they've been together now and their dedication and loyalty to each other is unparalleled. He relied on her for his emotional, moral and even physical well being back when he had no one else to turn to and she's never let him down.

What they share is more than love. It's a mutual respect and devotion, a friendship so deep it's imperative. Rebecca has always been able to get through to him when no one else can. She's an anchor to him. His link to the idealistic youth he used to be. She knows his history, his dreams and achievements. She's watched him grow, she knows him inside out and back to front and still has never turned away. In this time of upheaval he's needed her validation. He's needed to know he hadn't become so lost that he'd become unrecognizable. Rebecca was there for him now he needs to be there for her.

Lindsay's never been jealous of this relationship her husband has with another woman because Rebecca fills a role in his life she never could and doesn't want to. Bec would probably be horrified at its implication seeing as how there is little difference in their ages but in many ways she has been a substitute mother for Bobby. Her commanding attitudes and gentle yet firm ways have steered his course for years. She's never sugar coated her opinions and as such her approval needs to be won and is treasured when received. She came into his life when he was lost and alone and has been with him nurturing and guiding him ever since. He will take advice from her that he won't listen to from anyone else. A relationship built over time, circumstance and trust have given her that right.

Lindsay can see why he can never turn his back on her. She can see the fear in his eyes and knows for his own peace of mind he needs to have done everything possible to save her. As a mother she feels for Elaine, wants desperately to allow her this time with her daughter but as a wife she'll do anything to spare her husband pain. She cannot allow Bobby to live with regret should the worst come to the worst. The turmoil he's never lost regarding the death of his mother makes it impossible for him to accept a fight for life is ever over. His guilt, mistaken as it may be, makes it impossible for him to do anything but fight on. To give up on Rebecca would to him be emotionally like flicking his mother's switch all over again.

So although Lindsay believes what Bobby is about to do is futile she will not hold him back. The courts will not grant them consent no matter how hard he tries but she knows he needs to try. She won't stop him, instead she'll pray for him with all of her being and wait for him to return to her. Her hand strokes his back as she offers him her continued support.

"Tell Bec we love her and she needs to wake up so she can see our son. Tell her how beautiful he is and tell her not to give up because we won't."

"I will"

"Then come back to us."

Bobby rests his head against hers and his hand grips her tighter. "I will"

She knows he doesn't want to be apart from her, not now, not in these first glorious moments of their child's life. But what he wants and what he needs to do are two vastly different things. She runs her hand through his hair "Do what you have to do Bobby, we'll be waiting."

"I ... I do want to be with you" he tells her.

"I know you do ... we'll be waiting"

"I don't deserve you."

"That's a shame because you're stuck with me now."

"I want to appeal."

"That you are stuck with me" she laughs

Smiling he sits up "No the ruling"

She nods and her attention is drawn again to their child. He takes her silence as permission and moving away a little his cell phone is brought out and immediately put into action.

As the ambulance pulls up into the hospital he hangs up. "The appeal had been lodged, they said they'd page me."

"Bobby you don't have to take this all on yourself, let the others do some of it too."

The doors are opened and her gurney is being wheeled out before he can give any response. He's by her side again by the time they walk through the door. They share a delighted smile. This is it, time to share their son with the world.

"Oh my" they hear and look up to see Jimmy and Lucy, their faces enraptured, hurrying to see the baby.

Lindsay assures Jimmy she's all right and then turns back to her son. The pleasantries being exchanged around her no competition for the wonder of her baby boy. Her eyes barely leave the face shining up at her but the conversation around her still sinks in. She hears Bobby's voice switch to pure professional mode and knows he's in the mind frame he goes to when he knows what he's about to do isn't right. It's the same voice he uses to discuss breaking a victim on the stand. Lifeless, lets get the job done as quickly and painlessly as possible, whatever you do don't let yourself feel it. She doesn't need to see Bobby to know he's emotionally just shut himself down.

These are exceptional circumstances, the life of a dear friend is at stake, she saw enough in his eyes to know if it weren't for that nothing could take him from her side now. She's surprised to hear him pass off his beeper and research to Jimmy realizing her request earlier to let the others handle the brunt of it was heard. Maybe he will return to her shortly. She feels her gurney being wheeled away and calls "Bobby" to warn him she's leaving.

"I'll be right there" he says and she's not surprised he doesn't meet her eye. She looks at the baby and knows she couldn't watch him be wheeled away without being compelled to follow either. She knows his words were more for his benefit then hers. He needs to believe he'll be joining them soon. She'll believe it for him.

Stroking her sons head she pleads 'Don't you die on us Bec. Don't you dare do this to him. Don't you let his suffering be in vain.' Her reasons may seem selfish but right now her greatest want is to have her family together strong and whole. She wants her husband at her side where he belongs, where she knows he too wants to be. She remembers the longing in his eyes as they traveled here. She remembers that last sweet smile they shared as they entered the hospital and then she remembers the underlying fear in his eyes. Her son deserves a father's eyes that can look at him purely with joy. Whatever Bobby needs to do to ensure he can do that she'll accept even if it means for now they must be apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After as a group praying over Rebecca's bedside Bobby caught Helen's eye and indicated he wanted to speak to her in the hall. She followed him out where he asked her to go sit with Lindsay as he had some errands to run and didn't want Lindsay to have to wait alone.

Helen has since been sitting with Lindsay. Assuring her Bobby won't be long, fussing over the baby, being as upbeat and distracting as she can be but has failed to capture much of Lindsay's attention. It is instead divided evenly between her sleeping son and the door through which her husband is due to come. Half way through a story Helen sees Lindsay's eyes again move towards the doorway. She's about to reach out and assure her Bobby won't be much longer when Lindsay's eyes sparkle in pure delight.

Walking towards her, behind an elaborate bouquet of flowers and teddies, are legs Lindsay would recognize anywhere.

"Bobby!" she utters amazed.

He peaks out behind the flowers and grins delighted with the surprise on her face. He slides the bag he was carrying off his shoulder and places the bag onto the bed beside her as he leans in and gives her a soft kiss.

"What's this?" she asks.

"Some things I thought you'd want from home."

"Thank you" She smiles knowing she'd planned to give him a list of things she wanted him to bring and wondering how many of them he got right.

"I'll just..." he indicates the flowers he's starting to feel awkward holding.

Helen stands saying "Let me" and takes them from him before leaving the room.

Bobby's eyes are bright with wonder, amazement and awe as he smiles down at the baby asleep in his crib. "Can you believe it?" he finally says looking up at her.

Lindsay's hands play over the bag and she smiles back at him shaking her head a little in disbelief. "Pick him up Bobby."

"Yeah?" he asks staring down at the tiny bundle.

"Yeah"

He reaches into the crib. His face a study of concentration as he gingerly raises the baby to his chest. "God he's like holding air." He walks forwards so he's perched on the bed beside her. "Open it" he says nodding towards the bag and she slowly draws the zipper open. She removes the first few items and smiles up at him with pleasure seeing the baby clothes she had set aside to bring.

Helen reenters the room as Lindsay is holding these up and immediately places the vased flowers on the bedside table and reaches for the tiny jumpsuits, fussing over their size and adorability. Lindsay removes a camera from the bag which Helen also commandeers. Bobby and Lindsay exchange amused smiles and Lindsay returns to perusing the other items in the bag making note of what Bobby has brought and what else she needs to get him to bring.

Flicking through the various items of clothing and toiletries her fingers come in contact with the unmistakable texture of flannel. A secret smile steals over her face as she seeks to uncover it and when she sees it's what she suspected she looks up at him "Oh Bobby."

He leans in and whispers "In case you get cold."

"What is it?" ever curious Helen asks edging closer to the bed.

"Nothing!" Lindsay says firmly then cupping Bobby's cheek whispers "thank you" and kisses him. The flash of the camera startles them out of it and in unison they cry "Helen!"

"It was an accident! Totally! My finger slipped" she says smugly and sits in the chair grinning at them.

A nurse comes to the door and cocks an eyebrow at Lindsay who nods at her. After she leaves Bobby asks "What was that all about?"

"We've been waiting for you to arrive to give him his first bath."

Bobby beams "Really?"

The smiles that have barely left their faces again emerge in full glory.

"Yeah" Lindsay says stroking the baby's downy head.

"I'll just go sit with Bec for a while." Helen says and kisses all three of them before leaving the room.

"Was it something I said?" Bobby asks "If so let me know what so I can use it next time."

Lindsay laughs but her response drops away unspoken when the nurse returns wheeling the trolley with all they need for the baby's bath. Grabbing some clothing from the bag Bobby brought Lindsay gingerly climbs from the bed and walks to the bathroom. Bobby left holding the baby, who has began to make a noise, looks from the nurse to the bathroom door and wonders if it's obvious to her he's panicking. He rocks a little hoping that's what's required because if not he has no idea. His son soon settles again and the nurse smiles at him "You're a natural."

Lindsay reenters in time to see Bobby's proud grin. It's a beautiful sight to her. Her husband and their child, her family finally complete. Bobby's eyes roam over her and she tilts her head questioningly.

"You still look..."

Shaking her head she says "Bobby if you're thinking of saying pregnant I'd think again."

"Beautiful! I was going to say beautiful" he assures her as he moves towards the trolley set up with his son's bath.

He hands the baby to Lindsay when she arrives by his side then rests his hand on her back watching and listening to the nurse's instructions. His eyes mesmerised by this tiny precious life laid bare before him. Looking at this child everything else pales into insignificance. His son, his future, he's a father now and the world will never be the same.

Day 256

Lindsay wakes at 2 a.m. to the sound of an unhappy baby. Disorientated at first she finally focusses on the face of the nurse standing by the bed telling her someone is ready for a feed. She sees the baby in the nurses arms and, after raising herself into a sitting position, reaches out for him. As she moves the blanket slips away revealing the pajama top she'd been curled up with while sleeping.

Smiling the nurse asks "Dads?" and Lindsay nods dropping her eyes to her son's face. "I bet it still smells like him" she says and Lindsay blushes furiously. Chuckling she says "Believe me love I've seen it all before."

Lindsay would have responded except her attention is suddenly otherwise occupied. This is only her third, and so far most successful, attempt at feeding the baby. He latched on this time without any prior coaxing and she looks at him with such pride and delight. All symptoms of fatigue have disappeared as she feels the soft pull of his lips.

"So does he look like Dad?"

Lindsay appraises her son, "He has his eyes" she says and the nurse smiles at how pleased Lindsay sounds.

"Dad wouldn't be tall, dark, incredibly handsome, fills out a dark grey suit wonderfully but has a tendency to snore would he?"

Lindsay tears her eyes away from her son and looks at her perplexed.

"There's a guy in the waiting area who was pouring over paper work of some sort until he fell asleep about an hour ago."

Tears of concern spring to Lindsay's eyes "He hasn't slept in three days I thought he went home. Could you wake him and send him in please?"

"You have a friend in ICU too don't you?"

Lindsay nods and brushes a tear away.

"I could accidentally rustle up a blanket for that chair too if you'd like."

"Please?" Lindsay says overcome by her kindness. She looks at the chair and memories of Bobby sleeping by her hospital bed once before spring to mind.

Handing Lindsay a tissue the nurse says as she departs "Of course legally we aren't covered for someone who isn't actually admitted sleeping here but as long as none of those pesky lawyers find out it should be ok"

Lindsay chuckles as she watches her walk away and wipes the tears from her eyes. She finds her composure again watching over her son. Five minutes later Bobby sheepishly shuffles in ravishingly dishevelled. "Come here" Lindsay says and gives him a quick kiss when he complies. She then points to the chair saying "Sit. Sleep. We'll talk in the morning."

Watching him trudge over without argument she thinks he may actually be asleep before he hits the cushioning. She tests the theory as he sits by saying "Bobby?" One eye opens in response and smiling she teases "The nurse says you snore."

He chuckles as he mumbles "She's lying" and then he's asleep and proving the nurse spoke only the truth.

Lindsay smiles indulgently at him, glad to have both her men safe and close at hand. Rebecca too has survived another day giving them all renewed hope she'll continue to fight for more. Lindsay looks down at her increasingly sleepy son. Soon to embark on his first full day, meeting all those who've eagerly awaited his arrival. Ingraining himself into their hearts with his steely glance and dimpled smile.

Day 259

They slowly make their way towards the apartment. Lindsay carrying the baby, Bobby laden down with bags, flowers, balloons, gifts and enough assorted junk to last them a lifetime. It's slow going as he tries desperately to keep hold of it all.

"Leave some in the car and come back for it later" Lindsay had suggested as he started dragging it all out.

She received his patented 'you're a crazy woman' stare in response. She huffed and he replied "I don't want to spend another moment without you." He was forgiven, instantly and completely.

They reach their door and he drops the most cumbersome items.

"Gently!" she warns and he has the grace to look apologetic. He opens the door but before walking through stops and looks at her "Shouldn't I carry you over the threshold or something?"

"Bobby that's when you're married" she laughs.

"Did I do it then?"

"No"

"So how about now then?"

"Not on your life!"

His eyes twinkle at her and she smiles. She can't believe how incredibly blessed she feels. She has her family close at hand, complete and unthreatened. Together to be enjoyed and adored. Her friends are safe and well, or if not quite well recovering. The future looks good and she's eager to live it.

They walk into the apartment and Bobby carries, kicks and slides all the items through the door. Lindsay's sure most will stay exactly where he's left them until she deems it necessary to act but right now she doesn't care. They look at one another as he closes the door and Bobby laughs.

"What?" Lindsay asks.

Chuckling he says "I feel like my whole life has been leading to this moment."

"And?"

"And I haven't a clue what to do."

"I know" she smiles at him "I keep waiting for someone to tell me what now."

Bobby looks at his wife and child. He steps towards her. "Can I hold him?"

Her smile erupts in reaction to the expression on his face as he holds the baby.

"He's so ..." his head shakes at a loss for words.

"Perfect?" she offers and he has to agree.

He suddenly looks away from the baby and up at her "I uh ... I set up some things in the bedroom for him."

"You did?"

"Yeah I had to prove I wasn't completely inept."

She walks forward and lays her head against his arm "Bobby you don't have anything to prove to me."

He smiles at her then says "Come see"

She follows him down the hallway eager and afraid. Bobby is as good a decorator as she is a linebacker. With his eclectic tastes and I'll leave it here for now manner she hasn't high hopes for what she'll find. Whatever he's done she'll praise wholeheartedly then if possible over time slowly, subtly fix. She steps through the door and gives a startled "Oh Bobby!"

"It's not much" he says nervously "Just what I figured we'd need for the day. The rest I left until I had supervision." He gives her a look which has her wondering if she spoke her little anti-decorator Bobby tirade out loud.

She walks into the room and looks around her and allows the new essence of the room to sink in. Surprised that with so few changes it can feel so different. She runs her hand along the change table and he says "I thought close to the bathroom was best." She nods her approval and moves to sit in the rocking chair. Her eyes raise to his and he grins "I saw your mouth water whenever you looked through the catalogue. I've been storing it at my dad's " She smiles and leans back allowing the chair's sway to flow through her. Her eyes close and the smile and contentment spreads over her features.

Bobby looking on feels pride surge at the thought of having pleased her this much. He's nervous though, there's another item that he's not sure will be so warmly received. He doesn't want to interrupt her reverie or call attention to the remaining item but he's curious to know her reaction. As if she senses his unease her eyes open again and she looks at his face. "Thankyou" she says with a smile and rises walking towards the bassinet. He follows close behind and she feels a tension emanate from his body.

Knowing this final item is of importance to him she takes the time to truly see it before showing him a reaction. It's a tiny white wood and wicker bassinet. Exquisite but obviously not new. One of the things they'd had trouble deciding on was an appropriate cot. They'd had no idea there was such an enormous range and finding one that suited both their current cramped apartment and the growing needs of a child was not as easy as they'd assumed. Lindsay had been surprised when she brought the topic up in the hospital to hear him say it was all under control. His subsequent responses had been evasive so she'd guessed he wanted to surprise her. This he had done.

"Bobby where did you get this?"

He steps up next to her "Would you believe I once fit into that?"

After a sharp intake of breath she says "This was yours!?"

"Yeah ... almost every Donnell baby has slept in this at one time or other."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asks in amazement.

"I wanted to surprise you" he looks at her and the smile on his face drops "You don't like it ... It's ok we don't have to use it I just thought..."

"Bobby, Bobby no I do like it. I love it! Of course we'll use it. You just surprised me that's all." As she's speaking she takes the baby from Bobby and places him in the cot "From father to son ... Bobby it's perfect."

He smiles "You've been saying that a lot lately."

"Only because it's true" she counters and he walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her. They look down at the sleeping baby, this precious bundle they still find hard to believe is theirs and relish in the pure joy of being home, safe and together.

After what could have been anywhere between five minutes or five hours considering their current concept of time they slowly move away from the baby. Bobby watches as Lindsay again scans the room, making note of all the additions he's made. "So I did ok?" he asks.

"You did better than ok Bobby" she squeezes the hand still clasped in hers and says "This is ..."

"Perfect?" he asks teasing.

"Well" she replies drawing out the word for effect "maybe a Bobby kind of perfect."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asks grinning.

She lets go of his hand and allows her hands to snake up his chest before coming to rest at the back of his neck. Leaning against him, her mouth raised to his she says "It means I love it" before kissing him.

Bobby's not sure what kind of perfect this is but he wouldn't trade it for any other kind in the world.