| Hello all you slammy dickwad's. I just found out a secret today (12-13-03). I know a way to get free money and it is totally legal. I am sure you are all begging me to give away my secret, but why should I? I could just spend all of my free money at popular clothing stores like "American Eagle", "Express Men", "Bon Marche", "Diamond Western World" and last but not least, "Wilson Leather". I refuse to tell my secret you fammy dave. Ok, you talked me into it, I will tell you how to get free money. Follow my easy steps to getting free Nintendo's, Trenchcoats, Spy Gear, Compass, Binoculars and heavy firearms. |
| Step 1. Check your mailbox. Step 2. Find a Credit Card application. Step 3. Fill it out with correct info. Step 4. Mail it. Step 5. Wait. Step 6. Receive credit card. Step 7. Buy everything, max out credit card and fucking go crazy with it. You want to give the homeless some money? Hand them one of your many credit cards. Step 8. Buy expensive cars. Step 9. Go into hiding. (optional) |
| You like free money! You are also probably wondering about step 9. I know that a guy sends me a card, almost like a gift certificate, except these gift certificates have thousands of dollars on them. When I did this a few months ago a well dressed man came and told me I owed him money, he said if I didn't pay he would break my legs. So now I took all of my free merchandise and moved to a secret location that I cannot reveal. I never once took money from a man. You actually don't have to perform step 9, I would in case the same man tries to pull that trick on you because he is jealous that you have free money. |
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| The man that showed up at my house also had this dog, the dog was trying to sniff out my stash in the closet. I sprayed air freshener into the dogs eyes/nose/mouth. |
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| If you want to be this sexy and mature, follow my 8 or 9 steps to easy money. That guy is a happy customer of my free money plan. That asian man was down on his luck, going into saucy sewers just to survive. Now look at him, he has designer glasses and a ferocious sex appeal. |