JUST ONE QUESTION THIS TIME: WHICH CELEBRITIES HAVE YOU MET?
Lewis Black: I was at a comedy club he had just performed at. After a great set, he was just standing against a wall. So I went up to him and asked him to sign my book. He hadn't written a book, so I just had the one I was reading at the time, King Solomon's Mines. And he did, happily. "Sean, I've never read this book. Lewis Black."
George Brett: I was on my first business trip, in Chicago. Someone runs up to me. "Is George Brett signing around here?" "He's here?" He runs on and someone from the magazine grabs my arm. "George Brett is here! Come on!" I didn't bring up that I was sports-stupid enough to not know who this guy was. He had just arrived, so there was no line. They were giving pictures out to get signed, and I did. I posed for one, pure awkwardness on film: he in the warm smile he had for everyone, me proving just how many bad photos in a row I can be in.
Ray Bradbury: He was a speaker at my school, and signed autographs on the stage afterward. I didn't have a book, but I stuck by Lyndsay, who did. She got hers signed while I asked him a question I heard back in high school. "At the end of Dandelion Wine, with the entire book saying how important it is to not linger in your past, the past comes in the end and literally saves the kid's life. Why?" He said that some things just shouldn't be explained without ruining the magic of the book, which was one of the topics he spoke about. It wasn't a dodge, just a plea to not vivisect everything down to a one sentence theorum. Then he stuck his hand out, and I shook it. Very proud of this fact: HE, the huge legendary author, stuck HIS hand out.
William Gibson: The guru of cyberpunk has a book reading at a Barnes and Noble in the city. I went to the wrong one, and found a Gibson hardcover for $3. I bought it, then got it signed at the right place for half the price of a paperback. Peeled that discount sticker off real quickly.
Penn Gillette: I saw him and Teller perform in Princeton, after a hit to Princeton Record Exchange. As I was leaving, they were standing outside signing autographs. All I had were CDs, so I got them to sign Weezer's first album. It's a big blue cover, so plenty of room for giant scribbles.
Belva Plain: She's a Danielle Steele type writer with some tens of millions of books sold. Since I don't read books with flowers on the cover, I hadn't heard of her. But she came into the bookstore I worked at about once a month, to talk to Liz, the 87 year old owner. Her book jacket picture was bad enough to make me put allt he copies face up. I was surprised when I met her that she was a normal looking person, not the reptilian in make up that scared me.
David Silverman: Probably not a celebrity, but one of the art directors for the Simpsons and the new Road to El Dorado. He was speaking on campus, and I got to interview him beforehard. The talk was the exact same thing as my questions, so I had a chance to get my notes again. Nice goofy guy; he was doing little Homer impressions through the whole talk. I can see every other Simpsons crew member doing it.
Kevin Smith: After a talk, he signed stuff with Jay. I had the idea to get CDs signed from unrelated duos after Penn and Teller, so I brought three to pick from: Soul Asylum (they did Clerks and Chasing Amy music), Bruce Springsteen (Jersey guys), and Reel Big Fish (just plain goofy). He picked the Soul Asylum. My signed CD collection is still at two: duos haven't really been in since the vaudeville days.
Teller: He put an arrow next to one of the Weezer guys when he signed it. "That's me," he said, surprisingly talkative for an on-stage mute.
ALMOSTS: Kareem Abdul Jabbar: I was covering a black history talk he was giving on campus for the Signal. Afterwards he signed a bunch of his newest book, his 7' 1" legs splayed under the table like tent poles. I considered getting in line to talk to him, but I had plenty of notes, and the only way to be in line was to buy a hardcover copy of his book.
Betty Buckley: I came within poking distance of her twice in four days. I was at a Kosovo fundraiser put together quickly on a Monday, the biggest celebrities people could get on no notice read e-mails from Kosovo. Betty Buckley was one of them. It was informal enough for anyone to bust backstage if they wanted, to meet Tim Robbins or something. A few days later, she was singing on the Kendall Main Stage the same day as a show I was watching in the Kendall Black Box. I was standing in a hallway and she came out the back entrance of the main stage and waited for an elevator. I'm still wondering who she is. All I know for sure was that she did a lot of drugs with John Belushi, and that wasn't the best subject to break the ice with.
Bush: I was in Times Square on my way home from work and I wanted a Village Voice. I ducked into the Virgin Megastore, hoping a copy would be inside with the long row of free and non free newspapers. A huge crowd of teenaged girls were lined outside, going towards an escalator down. A giant television wall showed Bush sitting at red tables signing autographs. The balcony looking down was completely bare, so I looked down, and there they were, twenty feet below, well within a loogie's range. If only I had a grudge against Bush.
Jim Carroll: During a spring break he spoke at a college right by me. My brother Brendan's friend's mom organized it, so that's how I heard. When I came in, I couldn't help but notice that thirty years of heroin abuse turns anyone into looking like an old woman. When I met up with Brendan and his friend, I started joking that I thought I had walked into the wrong room since there was this haggard old woman on stage. They didn't laugh, so I played up the haggard a bit more. Still no laugh. Later I found out the speaker before Jim was Brendan's friend's mom, who they thought I was talking about. So I'm officially going to Hell now.
Dave Holmes: Same night as the Bush thing. He just walked by, going to the MTV studio. Wow, boring story.
Edward James Olmos: Mixed Signal practice was in a room by the Kendall Main Stage, where he was speaking. His head walked by the little glass window in the door, and stayed there for a solid five minutes while he talked to people outside. Couldn't think of anything to say.
Willis Reed: He was my neighbor two doors down for a year or so. I was sports-stupid to not know who he was. He waved at me when I was walking by to school, when he was outside. I waved back. Only about 6' 4".
Brian Unger: I had an interview in the city for what would turn out to be a Jewish newspaper. How many Jewish Sean Ryans are there? It would be very weird working there, like hiring a Rangers fan to be the Devil's mascot. On the way there I passed by a serious looking guy who may or may not have been Brian Unger.