Tony Slattery & Steve Frost
(Steve's a father sending his son out to get more washing powder)
Tony: We've
run out of Buxton mineral water. (thumbs up to the camera)
Steve: Son, I've got a job for you.
Tony: Ooh, whas'sat, dad?
Steve: Aside from sending you to vocalizing lessons
'til you talk properly-
Tony: Oooooooh, pot callin' the kettle BLACK.
Steve: (holding his shirt out) Look at that, do you call that a blue-white?
Tony: Nooooo, does not get those difficult stains out, does it?
Steve: No, they're further down, and that's what I want to talk to you about. (cue religious type hymns)...because we need some powder.
Tony: (falling to his knees) We need powder with power that cannot be found on this earth.
Steve: That's right, so that our whites will be whiter than white.
Tony: Whiter that...Jesus with the angels up above.
Steve: And the kings all around him presenting gifts, so that he may wear clean underwear -
(Tony gets up) and go unto Nazareth.
Tony: Where?
Steve: Nazareth.
Tony: Is that near Stockport?
Steve: Yes. It's a new town.
Tony: Oooooh...
Steve: Nazareth New-Town.
Tony: Nazareth New-Town! And what shall I find when I get there, father? Will it be white? Will it be fluffy? Will there be people playing on clouds?
Steve: Follow the supermarket neon lights - and there under aisle five in the back row, thus the detergent will speak to you.
Tony: But will it wash my sins away as well as my underpants?
Steve: (starts screaming) I know not! For surely I am a humble man that washes clothes for my son!
Tony: Father! You've turned into Richard Burton!
Steve: Yes!
Tony: WHY?!
Steve: Go!
Tony: Alright, don't shout!
Steve: Before it is too late, and my clothes become smitten with
smut!
Tony: I'll come back, and if not....then you won't see me.