(a mission involving laundry)
Ryan: Got a tape in the mail.
Colin: *exasperated sigh* I thought we were out of the spy business.
Ryan: We're never out of the spy business, Colin. Not as long as tapes keep coming to the door. (plays tape)
Greg: How would YOU like to make money in real estate? - (stops tape, flips over) good morning, gentlemen.
Ryan & Colin: Good morning.
Greg: How are you today?
Colin: Fine.
Ryan: (at the same time) Eh, ya know. My back...
Greg: How's your cold, Ryan?
Ryan: It's alright, it's cleared up a bit.
Colin: Like, what am I, nothing?
Greg: I'd love to chat but I'm busy being (fast forward) Gentlemen, today's mission is of the gravest importance. The Emir of Groovefunkistan, a small middle eastern country, is coming to visit the president in
Washington DC. However, his flight has been delayed, and his burnoose is dirty. Your job is to go to his hotel, the George C. Clark hotel -you
don't know him, nevermind- and clean a burnoose for the Emir of Groovefunkistan. This tape will self-destruct as soon as you throw it out the w-
(Ryan takes it out and throws it out the window) Boom.
Ryan: Thank god we picked window.
Colin: Yeah. Well, we got a mission. Let's get to it. (cue MI music)
Ryan: I cant remember where the hotel is, you got your Thomas guide?
Colin: Yes. (maps it out of his stomach for some
reason)
Ryan: E5. It's gonna be tough. (walk out) Oh my god, my car's in the shop.
Colin: Well, luckily they've marked every street in town with big numbers and letters.
Ryan: Waitaminute, we're at E4 already!
Colin: But.....(points) E5!
Ryan: We're here! I didn't realize we lived so close to the hotel!
Colin: Well no kidding! We never looked out the window except to throw burning tapes!
Ryan: We can't go in the front door, they'll spot us.
Colin: Yes, we better climb up through that window up there that seems impossibly high.
Ryan: We got nothing to get up there with, I didn't bring any rope.
Colin: Wait, you're hair!
Ryan: What?
Colin: You know it's one long strand!
Ryan: You said you'd never mention that again. (pulls strand of hair and throws it to the window)
Colin: Reel us up. (latches on to Ryan and cranks the air next to his ear)
Ryan: By the way, I love you.
Colin: Stop it!
Ryan: Alright, we're up. The patio door's locked. There's people inside. We'll have to make a diversion so that they come out and we can go in and get the....garment.
Colin: FIRE!
Ryan: That was easy. (they go in) Now what was it?
Colin: Burnoose.
Ryan: Any idea what it looks like?
Colin: It looks like.....a burnoose. There it is!
Ryan: Here's one! (holds it up) We gotta wash it somehow. We can't go downstairs. The bathtub! (walks over) We'll fill up the tub with some water.
Colin: Wait! The faucet's rigged!
Ryan: What?!
Colin: The faucet's rigged!
Ryan: (laughing)....in what way!?
Colin: With an explosive!
Ryan: Oh!
Colin: How long have you been a spy!?
Ryan: I can see that! I guess they really don't want people taking baths in this room!
Colin: Why don't we just take the faucet off and flush it?
Ryan: (laughing still) How's that gonna work? (flushes it - WHOOSH) OH! Stand back! It's filled up the tub!
Colin: Perfect!
Ryan: We're gonna need some sort of...detergent!
Colin: Detergent, detergent...(points) THE CAT! No, that's no good! (pause)
Ryan: Bars of soap! There's nothing but bars of soap! But we hafta agitate it someway.
Colin: ......gimme the beans. (downs them and squats over the tub)
Ryan: It's working! (takes it out) It's clean! (they start blowing on it to dry it)
Colin: It's taking too long! The Neckafark of Emar will be here!
Ryan: We gotta dry it or...(laughs hysterically)
Colin: THE CAT! (Starts drying it with the cat)
Ryan: (in complete hysterics) The cat! Stop it with the cat!
Colin: It's clean, but it needs some fabric softener.
Ryan: Fabric softener!?
Colin: Well you cant have static cling, the burnoose will stick to his....thing! (pause) THE CAT! (Ryan turns away b/c he's laughing so hard) Anyone coming?!
Ryan: ...no..
Colin: It's perfect! It's perfect!
Ryan: (coming back) Good.
Colin: You better model it. (Ryan puts it on and struts over to the tub, drops it in)
Ryan: Oh! It fell in the water again! Waitaminute - THE CAT!
Colin: The cat's wet now! Wait - gimme a match! (lights it on fire) Oh.
Ryan: uh.
Colin: It's ok. I have an extra burnoose!