A few weeks ago Vick called to
invite me to see his new home-- "And be sure to bring Paul!" He
has been my lover for nearly quarter of a century and through
three different wives. He and my husband have had a relationship,
too, during the seven years we've been together. Vick's present
wife, Helga, had been uncomfortable with our visiting him in their
home, so I haven't seen the place he had been living in for nearly
two years. It is a very strange feeling not to be able to visualize
his space in my mind. It's out of state, so I wouldn't have been
there frequently anyway, but I have always spent some time in
the home Vick lived in. He has visited on our end several times
while living in that house. Finally, Helga decided it was ok for
Paul and me to be there as long as the three of us did not sleep/make
love in their big bed. We could sleep in the guest room while
she visited her family in Europe.
Paul and I arrive by plane early
enough in the day to visit a local wild animal park featuring
BIG cats--white tigers, lions, leopards and cougars. There are
also wolves about the place and even a few bears. All of these
creatures live in guarded harmony with each other and their loving
human companions who do not train them, but play with them instead.
The shows are actually play times. The announcer is careful to
inform us, however, that these are wild animals. Such things as
territory and Alpha, Beta, Theta ranking mean something here.
The huge white tiger which a staff member is playing with in the
lake may decide he is not allowed to be here anymore and that
staff member will hightail it out of there--fast.
Do humans have a territorial instinct?
Yes. For each of us it is different. To some men--"You touch my
woman, you die." Others like my precious Paul, never learned jealousy
at all. Helga will share her man, but not her bed and preferably
not while she's anywhere close to it. If Vick and I kiss in her
presence we don't do it for too long or too passionately. I'll
share my man, but I'd rather be right there. Our bed is a good
place for this. Does this mean I am not territorial? It might
mean I feel safer in my own space. Guess who is the alpha female
there?
When we reach Vick's house I look
around at familiar furniture and paintings which have been in
his life longer than I have. His mother's art work which I've
always loved. The bedroom I will not be sleeping in looks like
it was transplanted from his place in California to this new home.
The bed is the one we've shared so many times over so many years.
I keep wandering in and out of there dealing with feelings of
upset...betrayal...frustrated territoriality, probably. It might
have been easier if this had all been different, more affected
by her than by Vick. This is too much like being shut out of my
own bedroom.
Vick and I cuddle by the fire near
the same piano which has always been in his living room. Paul
is installing something in Vick's computer. He comes out and the
three of us soak a while in the jacuzzi. We talk of Vick's shamanic
work, the nature of power, and what it means to be wholly responsible
for the state of one's life.
Quite late, we enter the bedroom
to sleep, perchance to love. It is a double bed for three people
while a king size one lies empty in the next room. Ridiculous?
I am tempted to say so and get Vick to BE REASONABLE. I don't
ask and I doubt that he'd go for it if I did. It is our agreements
which make it safe enough for some of us to be willing to leave
behind the tried and true ways of monogamous marriage for a path
filled with strange objects which could bear thorns. It is the
agreements I have with Paul which make me feel safe enough to
share him even though such sharing has been my way throughout
my adult life. For Helga it is a much newer thing. She is taking
it at the pace she can handle and only she knows what that is.
Ok boys--you inhale, I'll exhale...
Live the Dream
