THE 60TH WORLD SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION
McEnery Convention Center, San José, California
August 29 through Monday, September 2, 2002

The World Science Fiction Convention happens Labor Day Weekend in San Jose this year. Science Fiction fans from all over the US will gather for panels, parties and a way out masquerade. Many of these folks have read books about the life styles we live, thought about them, even written alternative oriented love songs. Others are ready to learn and (perhaps) to experiment

Both these conferences offer an excellent opportunity to meet open minded kindred spirits from all over the country.

BUILDING AN INTIMATE FRIENDSHIP NETWORK
Saturday, August 17 11am to ?

This event is led by Brian Gitt and Terry Brussel-Gibbons, co-founders of Live the Dream. Many people today (especially those living in big cities) feel very much alone at times, unable to find anyone close enough to share fun and special moments with. Part of being Poly is a response to this feeling of isolation, an attempt to bring back the closeness found in extended families and villages of the past. So is the community of Science Fiction fandom. Brian and Terry will share how they have each developed special circles of friends and lovers as part of their lives. These people are Family-By-Choice. They share fun weekends, movies, parties, SF cons etc. as well as special holidays, weddings, baby showers and more somber occasions generally shared by blood families.
Some members of these groups have been close since high school -- over 25 years. How does one put together and (at least as important) maintain such a soul satisfying network of relationships? We'll also discuss how the relationship ground rules presented in Stranger in A Strange Land have affected these friendship circles. How are Water Brothers different from good friends? How can the ideas in Science Fiction serve us and how must they be altered to work in real life? Join us for some answers and lively discussion!

Pot luck lunch--bring delicious and healthy picnic items to share--no cooking or refrigeration available.
Afternoon activity: POOL PARTY and picnic. Bring suits, sandals, towels and healthy foods (not requiring refrigeration or cooking) to share. Evening: We'll do dinner at a local restaurant and maybe a night hike afterwards. Let's have a fun evening together!

Cost: $5 for non-members.

Directions: Take your favorite freeway north to the 14 north to Sierra Highway (4th off ramp exit - north, stay in right lane). Go straight past Soledad Canyon (major intersection). Turn right on American Beauty Dr. (1st light after Soledad Canyon) Go to the end of American Beauty, turn right on Tyler. Go to grassy area by the cul-de-sac at end of block -- look for Live the Dream Banner. Park anywhere you can find parking.

BIRTH OF A TRIAD

In May of 2000 Paul and I had a Synergy gathering at our home, the first one we've had there in years. Marcus Jenkins attended that meeting. He sat in the hot tub telling us stories about his life which sounded vaguely familiar. The children he raised were those we had been hearing about for years from one of our Water Brothers (Richard) who had been his co-husband when the girls were young. Richard had stayed in the lives of Marus' daughters over the years. One of his daughters now lives with her boy friend in the group home of two friends of ours who have given LTD many meetings on group living over the years. How did we avoid meeting Marcus sooner? We should have tripped over him!

Over the next six months, we had Marcus over for dinner, shared outings to romantic restaurants, filk (science fiction folk singing) conventions and story telling events. Marcus mostly did things with both of us in the evenings and on weekends, though he and I did do lunches together by ourselves during the week several times. He was there for me a couple of times when I was down for one reason or another and helped cheer me with his very off beat sense of humor and his caring. He and Paul talked about computers and photography. We spent time together in bed and out. We watched Star Trek and Babylon 5. He got to know my daughter and started teaching art to my grand daughter. We discussed our dreams, our political opinions, what we wanted from our relationships. and who should do what chores in a group house.
Marcus and our housemate/Water Brother of five years, Carl, made connection, learned about each other, and worked out how they could live in the same house together. Though Carl is not romantically involved with us, he is part of our family.

We all shared Water. Based on Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land, this is a commitment to be family-by-choice on a permanent basis, whatever evolutions your relationship may go through.
My Dad had been living with Paul and I when Marcus came into our lives. There was not really room for another person to have his own room. My Dad decided to go back to his estranged wife at the beginning of 2001. When my Dad moved out, Marcus moved in. Shortly afterwards, we decided to be handfasted and chose rings together. When a third person joins an already existing couple (a legally married one in this case), how the first commitment compares with the new one must be considered and discussed. Will these relationships be equal? Even if you intend for them to be, a lot of history between two people can be daunting to a third. If at least the intent for equality is not there, you'd better be diligently looking for a fourth or the relationship won't last long. Who wants to be second banana indefinitely? We do have an intent to move in the direction of equality, though another compatible lady would certainly be welcome in our relationship. It is to all of our advantages that we've all experienced being in triads before. We've learned what works and a lot about what doesn't. There will be plenty more chances for such learning's in the future of this relationship.

Shortly after Marcus moved in, he attended an annually held weekend birthday party with Paul and I for one of our Water Brothers in the science fiction community. For the first time, we were presenting ourselves as a committed triad before our friends and family-by-choice.
The first time we stayed in a hotel room together and actually registered as a triad was another mile stone. The hotel, which usually did not allow three in a room, saw matching gold rings on three hands and accepted us!

Before our formal handfasting, we started to work out the finances of who pays for what on trips, in restaurants and when the washing machine needs repair. There are lots of details which may not come up while dating (or not seem important enough to deal with if the relationship may be only part time or short lived) which suddenly matter when you are putting your lives together for the long haul. In many ways it is the same as when two people decide to be married. Differences lie in the greater complexity of relationships to be worked out including who leads in what circumstances, which kinds of outing and activities do two or three of you go to together, and who sleeps in the middle. It can be fascinating and frustrating, especially during the shake down.

June 2nd of 2001 we had a formal Braiding ceremony at the Renaissance Pleasure Faire with friends and family in attendance. Our 9 yr old grand daughter was flower girl with our two year old grandson as ring bearer. My daughter was matron of honor. Passages were read from Stranger in a Strange Land. We had a Water Sharing for all members of our Nest who were present. An unusual part (aside from there being three of us) was Marcus' decision to formally join the Brussel "clan" as a son to my father. Both of them have taken that ceremony seriously since then. Marcus helps my Dad with his advertising business, drives him to family events, etc. My father introduces him as his son on business and personal occasions.
June 2nd of 2002 we celebrated our one year anniversary--just the three of us this time--back at Faire. It has been a rough year including legal battles challenging our lifestyles choices. When you talk to news papers and media people, you take the risk of being noticed. It is also the best way to educate the general public and those who may need to learn about this lifestyle for themselves. We have had plenty of opportunities to test the "in good times and bad" part of our commitment to each other. We've weathered it and are closer now than ever. The delight is worth the hassle. For all of us, this relationship is part of who we are and what we want from life.

SEND US YOUR EXAMPLES FOR PRINT IN FUTURE NEWS LETTERS!
What experiences and advice can you share relating to the poly life style? We'd like to run it here and/or on our website, livethedream.org.

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6454 Van Nuys Blvd #211
Van Nuys, CA. 91401.

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