Monday April 5th
LTD’s anual Passover Seder LTD Annual Passover Celebration
7:00-10 pm (You can arrive at 6 to socialize and help with preparations.)

CALL TERRY TO RSVP BEFORE 4-1-04 PLEASE AT LTD HOTLINE # 818-886-0069 (EXT. 3) TO ARRANGE WHAT TO BRING OR TO ATTEND WITHOUT A FOOD CONTRIBUTION.

We need time to plan things and shop for supplies.
This is a Celebration of Freedom! This holiday commemorates the first time one People (the Jews) freed itself from bondage to another People (the Egyptians). Brian Gitt and Paul Brussel Gibbons will lead the Seder this year, with songs lead by Cantor Walter Flexo. There will be plenty of group participation. You don't have to read Hebrew to attend this or even be Jewish. Whether you want to learn more about your own heritage, just share this special holiday with those you care about, or discover a cultural experience new to you, you are welcome! This is a coordinated pot luck since it requires special foods. This event is FREE to one clean up coordinator, one serving coordinator, and the single or couple who volunteers to bring 5 pounds of lamb or 10 pounds of chicken.
cost: $7.00 with arranged food contribution and one bottle of Kosher wine for each adult in your party, o ne bottle of Kosher grape juice for each child or non drinker. $18 each without food/beverage contribution. Children under thirteen free with food, $7 without. Location: 8515 Penfield in Winetka
For more information, including recorded information about our upcoming events, call LTD hotline # at (818) 886-0069. RSVP this number.
Location:8515 Penfield Ave. in Winetka near Chase and Winetka–get here by taking the Roscoe off ramp of the 405 and going west to Penfield rt. or the Winetka off ramp of the 101 and going north to Chase rt, 1 block Penfield left.

Saturday May 15 Triads:

What Works and What Doesn't lead by Terry and Paul Brussel-Gibbons with their handfasted partner Marcus Brussel Jenkins
Our triad has been living together since January of 2001 and were formally handfasted at Rennaissance Faire 6-2-01. We sure don't have all the answers, but we've made enough mistakes to find some of them... We'll be discussing such things as How is a triad different from a couple? What's it like to be a single person joining a long married couple? How are the finances different in this situation than they are for sharing a house? What kinds of triads are there–who’s in the middle (not just in the bedroom) or does it shift? If you are in a triad, please join the panel discussion. If not, come find out what it's about!
Pot luck lunch at 1 pm. Bring something healthy and delicious to share.
It’s Marcus’ Birthday! Cake, ice cream, etc. If you have a May birthday, let us know and we’ll do something for you too!
Hot tubbing and socializing til 4 pm.

FLAVORS OF JEALOUSY AND TRIADS

By Terry Brussel-Gibbons

Coming from a background of thirty years in multiply committed relationships (since sharing with my first water brothers in high school), I've seen and experienced jealousy in many forms.

Time jealousy is commonest even among stalwart supporters of polyamory. In monogamous relationships, this may take the form of jealousy over a spouse's job or the amount of time she spends with her mother. That kind continues to exist in our lifestyle, but we add to it jealousy over which lover/mate is getting more alone time, which one is getting more showers together, who gets Saturday night? Such issues seemed very important in the triad Paul and I attempted in 1995. One answer is to do as much as possible with both at once, if this is a triad. I used to recommend this unreservedly, until getting into a situation where I actually wanted more alone time with my primary partner (we were newly weds) than with my live in lover, then handfasted to us. It was a funny situation. We were a triad at the time, but looking for a lady he could marry and have children with who would have been part of our marriage, too, had it all worked out (it didn't, but he is now happily married to another of our water siblings). Maybe part of my focus of attention was a way of protecting myself from his leaving with the lady he found (as he did, though both are still close friends of ours). Perhaps we would have stayed together as a group marriage had I given him more loving attention. I'll never be sure, but I think I'll do it differently at our next opportunity--live and learn.

I am doing it differently seven years later (2001-2002) in the triad Paul and I are now weaving together with Marcus. I have offered Marcus alone time in the calendar--my way to schedule my life and honor a relationship. We are working out those things he would like company for that he once did alone. Photography outings are among these. I find that there are some things my husband did with me mainly so I would not have to do them alone which Marcus actually enjoys doing--like going to filks (science fiction folk singing). This is a natural way to get alone time while Paul does something he really wants to do on his own or with someone who shares his interests. Also, Mar cus has been in a triad where he was the first husband and then found himself odd man out--permanently. He is very careful to be sure that Paul gets joy from this new situation. Paul's complete lack of a jealousy response helps, too. Finally, Marcus has raised two daughters (and has had a vasectomy since our joining). He is very unlikely to ride off into the sunset with anyone to set up a separate household. I feel more secure in his love for me than to believe he would do that. Part of that security comes from the fact that he has actually bought me a ring of white gold and sapphires and is wearing a matching one on his own hand. We have set a date for a formal handfasting of the three of us June 2, 2001at Renaissance Faire in the wedding garden. This is far more formal than anything I've done with triads in the past. The formality matters--it is a way to acknowledge the importance of the relationship and avoid permanent secondary status for the new partner. In a secure relationship, there is a lot less jealousy.

Jealousy is based on insecurity-- about the relationship, or about oneself as lover or as a person. This kind of jealousy occurs when you worry your primary partner will leave with someone who is better looking than you are, smarter, better in bed, has child bearing capability while you don't, etc. In an open relationship, a triad or a larger group marriage, this can lead to the constant testing of who is more important, you or that other someone your primary is seeing. Reassurance can be provided, by plenty of physical affection (including sex) and frequent verbal reassurances of love--with a little extra before spending time with another lover. In a triad, the love and reassurance must come from both partners. This need not be sexual-love from same sex partners if they are not bi. Love comes in many forms including hugs and male bonding activities such as going bowling together or working on a home improvement project.

If that doesn't do it, and the insecurity continues, marriage counseling is certainly in order and probably some individual self esteem therapy for the jealous partner. Be sure to pick a therapist experienced in such counseling or at least comfortable with your lifestyle. Any prejudice here could be anything from a waste of time and money to a way to break up your marriage. Ask questions first. Get a referral from someone you trust, if possible. If their is a regular other lover involved and certainly if that person lives with you, they should be included in some of the counseling. If the counselor says no, DON'T go to that counselor.]

Jealousy can happen even in the nicest polyamorous families. The difference between us and those frozen in monogamy is that we know it's a problem and not something for which there is righteous justification. As long as that's understood, cut your jealous partner or your jealous self some slack while the problem gets handled. This needn't mean a break up, particularly in the case of a committed secondary relationship. It does mean plenty of caring communication and some willingness to adjust for the comfort of all. ]

 

 

BRAIDING CEREMONY IN THE WEDDING GARDEN AT RENAISSANCE PLEASURE FAIRE

After knowing each other for over a year and living together for the last six months, Paul, Marcus and I tied the knot (well, Carl literally tied it with a red ribbon) on June 2, 2001 at Renaissance Faire which has been a special place to me since I first started going there in 1968. I made the pilgrimage every year as a tourist and even worked it a few years.

When we first talked of a Handfasting we considered doing it at the park down the street where Paul and I had done our own Handfasting in March of 1993. Marcus wanted to do something Memorable in an environment where people would recognize the specialness of this group marriage of the future rooted in the traditions of the past. Renaissance Faire was the perfect place for this with its 16th century re-enactment done by mostly by science fiction fans who spend much of their mental life in worlds of the future. Carl Dietz (our water brother and housemate) performed the ceremony with all the beauty of the many marriages and handfastings he has done over a period of twenty-five years. My daughter, Regina was the matron of hon or, there to support me in every way she could. Regina has been involved in Faire most of her life and has been a member of St. Ives Guild for 16 years. Costumer Mary Teague (member of Live the Dream since its start in 1988) helped me put on the lovely gown she had created--Queen Elizabeth I with a crown no less! Both Paul and Marcus were in Nobles attire.

Being in a committed relationship with more than one significant other has been a long time dream for Marcus, Paul and me. Making our vows before friends and family (of both the blood relation and the water brother variety) was a very beautiful experience. Marcus (to my Dad's delight) added a twist I have not seen in any other Joining--traditional or otherwise! Marcus was adopted into Clan Brussel, accepting my father as his own. He even helped him in his business and has been there for him in times of illness since then. My Dad introduces him as his son.

We’ve been together for another couple of years since this article was written. We’ve had our ups and downs, but mainly all three of us have grown closer as the months have passed. We’ve learned not only love but a deep respect for each other’s capabilities. Marcus artistic talents have made a real difference in my hypnosis business–from posters to book covers. Besides being our top sales person, he just became a Certified Hypnotherapist as well. Paul is Success Center’s audio visual engineer–his expert abilities at editing and production are helping us get the word out on reaching your Highest Potential all over the country. Sharing a business is one thing which traditionally helps group houses stay together, though Paul does have a day job as Communications Supervisor for City of LA.

We now have a group household of five. Carl, healer and editor of hypnosis scripts, age 65, has been with us 9 years. Will, a writer in his 40 s, has been with us since we moved in here. Our new place is a beautiful home in the west valley–moved into it in March of 2003. It’s a 3000 sq foot place with bed rooms for all–each with its own bath. We’ve got one room with a bath left for a Lady...

 

 

LIVE THE DREAM web site: livethedream.org. Tell your poly friends or those just thinking about it to look us up. The site contains both Articles on our lifestyle and upcoming events.

LTD DUES IS $25 A YEAR--OCT 31 TO OCT 31 EACH YEAR. PLEASE FILL OUT AND MAIL THE MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION TO JOIN US OR RENEW YOUR MEMBERSHIP. NEWSLETTER SUBSCRIPTION ONLY IS FREE BY E-MAIL--WE NEED YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS FOR THAT. REGULAR MEETINGS ARE NOW FREE WITH CURRENT PD. MEMBERSHIP CARD.

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WHAT EXPERIENCES/ ADVICE/ Book reviews CAN YOU SHARE RELATING TO THE POLY LIFE STYLE? We'd like to run it here and/or on our website, livethedream.org. SEND TO LTD ADDRESS OR E-MAIL IT TO [email protected]. Tell your poly friends or those just thinking about it to look us up on the web. The site contains both articles on our lifestyle and upcoming events. SEND TO LTD ADDRESS OR E-MAIL IT TO success @ pacbell.net

GIVE US YOUR STORIES. We need your stories for research purposes--your names will remain anonymous. If you have been hassled by the government for your lifestyle, particularly by any child services department, we want to hear from you by phone, in writing or by E-Mail.
Our phone number is 818-361-6737.
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6454 Van Nuys Blvd #211
Van Nuys, CA. 91401.
Our e-mail address is: [email protected]

     PLEASE FILL OUT AND MAIL THE MEMBERSHIP APPLICATION NOW or at least call to indicate an interest in continuing to receive this newsletter by USPS. NEWSLETTER SUBSCRIPTION ONLY IS FREE BY E-MAIL--WE NEED YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS FOR THAT. REGULAR MEETINGS ARE NOW FREE WITH CURRENT MEMBERSHIP CARD.