EVOLUTION OF A GROUP HOUSE
Many times over the years we've done an exercise at a Live the
Dream meeting in which we have everyone write down what they could
afford to pay down for a home and what they could pay monthly.
Invariably, we discover that many people together can live cheaper
and a whole lot nicer than that same number could live separately.
Our own household came together through many connections in the
alternative lifestyles community. Paul and I first saw each other
at a Passover Seder in 1977 conducted by Family Synergy’s
founder Hy Levy. This event took place at a group home Paul lived
in known as the Allot house. Paul has always longed to recreate
that wonderful group home. The Seder on 4-16-03 celebrates for
both of us the realization of this dream.
Paul and I had a rather stormy start to our friendship with disagreements
about his involvement in Scientology, differences in musical preferences,
etc. He was the one man in Synergy I’d never date. When Live
the Dream spun off from Family Synergy in 1988 (as a more science
fiction oriented group), Paul was a frequent attendee of those
meetings. When we first got to know each other, we were both in
committed relationships with other people. I had gotten a divorce
by this time and Paul’s commitments had changed as well,
though that dear lady is still a close friend to both of us. Our
differences mostly resolved themselves. We developed a deep friendship
which turned into love. Paul converted to Judaism and I learned
to at least tolerate what he calls music–especially if I
get to watch him dance to it. We were hand-fasted 3-13-93 and
married a year later.
Carl, another Synergy member , moved in with us 1-15-95. I met
him 10-13-94 at a Whole Life Expo where he and my son politely
wrestled over who would carry my stuff to a hypnosis demonstration
I was giving. Carl won. We later discovered many connections and
mutual friendships from the past. He had been in a triad with
a long time girl friend of Terry’s 'X' husband and a man
who had been in her friendship circle for many years and still
was close. Carl had been after our friend Dan to introduce him
to me for quite while, but Dan had not gotten Around To It. Carl
decided he was home when he discovered we celebrated Shabbat dinner
with traditional blessings which ended in passing around the wine
glass with the salutation “Never Thirst”. Though raised
Catholic (as Paul was), Carl was very much involved in the study
of Judaism and had been associated with the Church of All Worlds
for many years. He was an avid science fiction reader as well.
Carl was originally interested in my hypnosis business and is
to this day invaluable to me in running that business. He also
does the shopping for our household and creates delicious meals
seasoned with love. While not romantically involved with me, he
is a valued and beloved member of our household.
Marcus Jenkins attended a Synergy gathering at our home in the
summer of 2000–our first in many years. He was invited by
a lady in his life who was disturbed that he delayed going to
a permissive party with her because he was involved in watching
Star Trek. She figured that someone who considered Star Trek more
important than sex belonged with us. She was right. We discovered
Marcus had more in common with us that SF. He had been in a triad
with another of our water brothers and we had been hearing about
him for years before we ever met him. His daughter was living
in another group house put together by dear friends of ours who
were also Live the Dream members. How had we not tripped on this
man? He became a frequent visitor to our home as we Grew Closer.
June 2, 2001 we were hand fasted at Renaissance Faire and officially
became a triad sharing our bed and our lives together. We have
since had many occasions to choose between sex and Trek when the
hour was late and we couldn’t do both–Trek doesn’t
always win.
Will Jarvis has attended Live the Dream meetings off and on sine
1997, and had met Terry at one of the Lifestyles conventions in
the early nineties. Under the professional name Talliesin the
Bard, he writes short stories and novels on Polyamory and alternative
lifestyles, and is the literary successor to Robert Rimmer, a
fellow Bostonian, carrying on for Bob since Bob's passing in 2001.
Will is active in lobbying for freedom of speech and other first
Amendment issues also dear to Paul's heart. He has become an intimate
friend, though not closely involved as Marcus. When he did that
exercise of writing down what you could put towards rent on a
place in June of 2002, I looked at what he wrote and asked if
he was seriously available for living in a group home. We delayed
a planned move to make it possible for him to prepare. He will
be moving in with us in March. Will is 45, cute and good looking.
Any ladies out there who want to join a group hose? We need some
more feminine energy around here!
As I read this, I realize that all the members of our household
came to know us gradually, though our longest standing member
joined us the most rapidly. Even Will, who was asked to join after
a Live the Dream exercise, was already intimately involved with
us. Perhaps putting together a relationship like this requires
as much care and courtship as a marriage if it is to stay together
over the long haul. As a matchmaker, this makes sense to me.
Around 1990, I got mad at LTD’s cofounder Brian Gitt for
bringing up the idea that all of us needed to get to know each
other better before buying the perfect house which those little
pieces of paper said we could afford. We looked at this place
which was just down the street from our house where the meeting
was. This house was big and beautiful– 2 fire places, huge
kitchen, room for a library, plenty of bedrooms and a master suite
fit for royalty. The others were ready to write checks when Brian
threw this wet blanket on the proceedings. As I write this, I
am perhaps ready to forgive him...
The original Allot house acquired its new members by having them
visit on weekends, share meals with the household and get to know
everyone in it. Sometimes they decided to stay and were welcomed
as residents. Other times they became dear friends who did not
live at the house for one reason or another. Sometimes the visits
showed that they were incompatible with some household member
(or more than one) to a degree that they were creating a problem
by being there at all. Or perhaps the visits showed them that
group living was just not their cup of tea. Whatever the reason,
it was certainly better for everyone to find it out this way than
after making a financial commitment which would be difficult to
get out of such as selling a home they already owned or having
the group buy a place which relied on that person’s financial
contribution to pay the mortgage.
We are looking for others to join us in our new home (preferably
female!), but we’ll give you a chance to know us well and
vice versa before asking you to make any serious commitments.
If you want to join our group home, please call (818) 361-6737,
ex. 31
